I am suffering from some serious drunken regrets right now! I was casually seeing (regularly having sex, going on dates ~3x/week, talking every day, etc.) this guy for about 3-4 months. Naturally/unfortunately, I started to catch feelings and when I brought up how I felt and wanting to be a bit more serious, and he wasn’t on the same page, we decided to end things and left off on good terms about a month ago.
I usually pride myself in my ability to not drunk text, but I was especially wasted this weekend and texted him around midnight. I was out and he was at home sober, but I told him to come over and he did. Totally blacked out when he got there and woke up confused with him in my bed. Usually we’d get breakfast or something, but he told me I was so wasted the night before and being so weird, saying the stupidest things, etc., but he wouldn’t tell me what! He left shortly after and ever since I’ve been so embarrassed and can’t stop obsessing over what I must’ve been acting like. I know I shouldn’t care, we don’t have many mutual friends and he’s not someone I run into when I’m out, but still, I did have feelings for him and I don’t like that his opinion of me probably isn’t that great anymore.
Any tips on how I can get over the regret and embarrassment I’m feeling?
I love when people write into me like “How do I stop feeling sad over my ex?” or in this case “How do I stop feeling embarrassed?” The short answer is: you just fucking do it. I wish I could control other people’s feelings, but I can’t do that. If I could, I would use my superpowers for the greater good, i.e., getting Future to fall in love with me and not helping you overcome one slightly embarrassing moment. Just let it go/laugh it off. Everyone says dumb shit when they’re drunk at some point or another. Until I complete the final testing on my time machine, you can’t go back and un-say what you said to this guy. But for the record, when my time traveling device is complete I’m not sharing it with you bitches.
I dated my best friend and it ended terribly. He started seeing his ex again (primary reason for the break up) and I am absolutely psychotic and agreed to try and be friends (stupid) after a few tears were shed between the two of us. He informed me that his girlfriend doesn’t like me (not shit, I wouldn’t like me, either). I don’t want to be her friend and I don’t care whether or not she likes me but I am afraid that if I were to agree to be his friend: 1. she would turn him against me (she has already tried) and 2. that he just says he wants to be friends because he feels bad about what happened or wants me to tell him that what he did to me was okay and that as soon as I agree to be his friend again he will stop trying because he won’t feel bad about it anymore.
There is no way on his own that he would stop talking to me—I am his best friend and we used to be inseparable. But the friendship was already damaged by our breakup and he has known her for much longer than he has known me. He also obviously chose her over me and was he a true friend if he could use me when he was lonely and move on that easily? They jumped back into their relationship the same day he broke up with me.
I am currently not speaking to him and told him that it is not likely that we can ever be friends. Although I agreed that our relationship got boring (his fault, no doubt in my mind) I think it was because I was trying so hard to make him happy since I knew I was the only person who could. We were a lot better when we were just friends but I don’t know that he needs me now since he’s the type of person that drops his friends and only sees his girlfriend when he’s in a relationship.
I am considering two routes: not talking to him until they break up and he realizes how stupid he was for getting back together with her for the 38924th time or being a friend and talking to him. The main problem is that he really fucked up in a super serious way and I am the best person capable of understanding the situation. While it was frustrating to have to deal with everything with his problem, I know the best way for him to move on from it is by talking to me.
I don’t want to lose him as a friend but he really didn’t treat me like one by treating me so badly and getting back with his ex after he was well aware that I would not be able to accept that. She treated him so badly and it’s one of those things where you hate your best friends ex and every time they get back together and they have the same stupid drama you just want to scream GET OVER IT you’re not going to marry each other!!!!!! I told him that if he wanted to get back together with her he would lose me as a friend and that is exactly what he chose. He keeps asking if there is anything he can do to make it up to me but he must not have cared that much about me if he used me as a rebound and got back with his ex right?
The last time they got back together I honestly did continue talking to him in the hopes that we would start hooking up again but after being together for a while the sex got boring so I don’t even know that this is worth it. The only things I could get out of this now are the “you were right, I shouldn’t have done that” and maybe making him feel a little better (but I don’t know that he deserves to).
Is he being genuine or does he just want to feel better about what he did? Or is he holding on to me to make sure he has a backup plan?
Sorry for rambling :/
You’re all over the place. First, you’re blaming him for being a boring boyfriend. Then, you’re saying nobody could make him happy like you could. Are you a ’90s pop singer? Cut that shit out. I’m getting whiplash rn from all the different positions you take in this letter (I will withold the Trump jokes—for now). Anyway, yeah, you should stop being friends with this dude. Do I really have to rehash the “You never had a guy friend, you had someone who was willing to play the long game and wait it out until he could fuck you” thing? Because I’ll do it. Oh wait, I guess I just did. Anyway, yeah, stop talking to him. If you dated, he’s no longer your “friend”—he’s your ex. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend talking to an ex he just broke up with, either.
Also, “I know the best way for him to move on from it is by talking to me” ??? Bitch, what? You really think the best way for this guy to get over his relationship with you is by talking to you about it? Are you on drugs? I don’t have time for this. Distance yourself from this “friend.” Bye.