5 Childhood Crushes Who Turned Out To Be Complete Trash

Cancel culture is by far the best thing to come out of the last decade. Sure, in some cases it can be hurtful and uncalled for, but so is polishing off an entire box of wine over the course of 72 hours. What’s your point? I, for one, am living for cancel culture, and not just because it speaks to the blackest, pettiest parts of my heart (though that is certainly a plus). There’s something to be said for holding people accountable for their actions, for holding a mirror up to all of their wrongs and saying “you know why, YOU KNOW WHY.” And in the past decade, no one has been called out more for their bullsh*t than powerful men, especially in Hollywood. Canceling sexy, powerful men (aside from being a sexual fetish of mine) feels like a long time coming and a necessary part of moving forward as a society. My vote has always been to isolate the men in an underground bunker and only let them out for breeding purposes or until they’ve learned to behave themselves, but my therapist calls this plan “troubling” and “something to discuss in our next session.” For now, I suppose, I’ll just have to settle for tarnishing their reputations and banishing their names and negative energy from the mainstream media. Sighs.

So, as we approach a new year and a new decade, let’s take a look at all of the men we need to cancel forever and finally leave behind (to hopefully eat sh*t and die):

James Franco

James Franco

Talk about a 10 year challenge. No one has aged less well than James Franco. I’m not gonna lie, but back in the day I was a huge fan of Franco’s, and that had everything to do with his role as tortured (but sexy) knight in the romantic drama Tristian & Isolde. But little did I know that while I was swooning over hot beach sex and painful British accents, our boy James was out here allegedly manipulating and sexually exploiting the struggling, young actresses of LA. This is why we can’t have nice things, James!! 

Back in 2018, and in the wake of #MeToo, several women from James’ acting school, Studio 4, came forward and alleged that this highly esteemed “school” was actually just an elaborate ploy to take advantage of young women. Furthermore, the $300 highly sought after “classes” taught at his “school” allegedly involved women disrobing in front of James and his pals. Hmm. This feels less like honing one’s craft and more like a page out of Harvey Weinstein’s playbook, but okay. Recently, two of the five women who came forward filed a lawsuit against James and I’m really hoping they take him for everything he’s worth. I always say, there’s no better way to start a new year than by watching a man be financially ruined. Cheers!

Nate Parker

Nate Parker

I was today years old when I found out that Nate Parker, actor and former man of my dreams, is actually a flaming piece of sh*t. For those of you who don’t know, Nate Parker rose to fame after his role in The Great Debaters and, more recently, The Birth of a Nation. But I know him from Beyond the Lights, an OSCAR WORTHY movie, about hip-hop artist Noni who doesn’t want to be anyone’s music video hoe, she just wants to get back to making real music, and the sexy but sensitive cop who helps her find herself. So, as I’m sitting here WEEPING at the scene where Nate Parker whispers “I see you” to Noni, I find out that in real life Nate Parker has a very dark and troubling past that involves allegedly sexually assaulting a woman in college. 

While attending Penn State in the late 1990s, Parker and his wrestling buddy were accused, and actually tried in a court of law, of raping a female student. Parker was found not guilty while his pal was found guilty, only to have his conviction overturned. With all the hype surrounding Parker’s new movie, The Birth of a Nation, the case has come back into the spotlight with renewed interest, and the information surrounding the case is… troubling to say the least. The victim alleged that she was too drunk to consent to sex, and that after she accused Parker and his friend of rape, she was harassed on campus by Parker and his friends so much so that she “feared for her life.” I’m not going to get into the full story here, but if you’d like to read more about the case (and you absolutely should) then this Vulture article is a great read. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to go quietly weep for Noni and her monster of a prince charming.

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt

First of all, I’d just like to say that I was never a fan of Brad’s. Not only do I think his acting is subpar (I said what I said!), but it goes against every bone of my deeply feminist body to support a philanderer like him. I have to save that kind of compassion and forgiveness for my own romantic relationships with cheating assholes, obviously. That said, he is good-looking, and in the last 10 years he has done nothing but further sully his own reputation so, congratulations Brad, you made my hit list. Bravo. 

I think by now we all remember the infamous plane incident of 2016 that resulted in Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie getting a divorce after nearly 12 years together and Brad being investigated by the FBI for child abuse. But just in case you need a refresher, in 2016 Brad allegedly got into a drunken fight with Angelina (he was drunk; she was not) on the family’s private plane on the way home from France. An anonymous person then reported Brad to Los Angeles DCFS and claimed that Brad “attacked” their 15-year-old son Maddox during said fight. Apparently, Maddox jumped into the fight to verbally defend his mom when Brad “lunged at the boy.” Brad has vehemently denied hitting his son, though he does admit to being drunk and yelling at people. Since the incident, Brad has undergone a stint in rehab while Angelina has pushed for full custody of their kids in the divorce. Yikes. And to think I thought his low as a human being was when he copied his girlfriend Gwyneth’s haircut that one time, but it’s good to know I can still be proven wrong. 

Ed Westwick

Ed westwick

Chuck Bass is the reason I, a grown-ass woman in her late 20s, still consistently match with 23-year-olds in polo shirts on Hinge. So, it shocked me to find out that the man who plays a borderline sociopathic asshole who likes to intimidate and force himself upon unsuspecting women was allegedly, in real life, a borderline sociopathic asshole who likes to intimidate and force himself upon unsuspecting women. What is that saying about art imitating life? In 2018, actress Katrina Cohen came forward on Facebook and alleged that Westwick had raped her in 2015. In the Facebook post she says that the reason she didn’t come forward until after #MeToo was because she was persuaded into believing she was somehow complicit in her attack and that making accusations against the actor would kill her own career. No charges were ever filed due to “insufficient evidence” but the accusation itself is upsetting and troubling and reason enough for all of us to stop incorporating a whispered “I’m Chuck Bass” into foreplay (or is that just me?). Hey, Ed? You can go Chuck yourself now, mmkay?

Chris Soules

Chris Soules

Remember when the Bachelor was actually America’s most eligible man and not just a flaming piece of garbage masquerading as a very attractive human man? No? Me either. Chris Soules was the Bachelor back in 2014 but his most recent claim to fame is that he accidentally ran someone over—and killed him!—as a result of drinking and driving. Wow, do we think Becca Tilley is feeling blessed that she never received that final rose, or what? Chris, always the gentleman, took responsibility for his actions by evading charges at all costs. At one point his lawyers even claimed that the law he violated (leaving the scene of a hit and run) was actually unconstitutional because it, like, got him in trouble. Look, this is a thing I say when my barista f*cks up my order and puts three pumps instead of two pumps into my peppermint mocha, and in that instance, is totally valid. When it’s not valid? Manslaughter. Here’s hoping that in the new year he’s properly banished back to the Iowa cornfield from whence he crawled out of. 

Sadly, I’m sure there are many more Hollywood hotties who could have made this list, but truthfully I’m afraid if I include any more I’ll slip into another rage blackout and accidentally burn this entire world to the ground. Anyway, can’t wait to see what the new decade brings! Hopefully it’s a continuance of believing women and holding men accountable for their disgusting, damaging, and just, like, really illegal behavior. Cheers to the new year!!

Images: Shutterstock.com (5)

Who Is Sharon Tate & Why Is Everyone Talking About Her?

I first heard about the tragic fate of Sharon Tate at an age probably too young to be discussing mass murder, when my grandpa sat me down and told me the story of the time he punched Charles Manson in the face. My grandpa did a lot of drugs in the 1960’s, so I’m not entirely sure how true that story is, but nevertheless it primed me for a day like today, when I’d be asked to write this article.

If your grandpa didn’t delve into true crime with you as a child, you might be hearing about Sharon Tate for the first time this week due to the release of Quentin Tarantino’s latest film, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. The movie centers around a TV star (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his longtime stunt double (Brad Pitt) as they venture around Hollywood at the end of its golden era. The movie stars an ensemble cast, many of which are far too young to be left around Leonardo Dicaprio.

Before we dive into where Sharon Tate comes into play here, let’s rewind and start with the basics.

Who Is Sharon Tate?

Sharon Tate was an actress and model who rose to fame in the 1960’s for her roles in films such as Barabbas, Eye of the Devil, and most notably Valley of the Dolls, the last of which she received a Golden Globe nomination for. In 1969 Tate married Roman Polanski (probably the second greatest tragedy of her life), who was her director and co-star in The Fearless Vampire Killers.

Widely regarded as a rising star, Sharon’s notoriety was cemented not by her talent, but by a horrifying act of violence. On August 9, 1969, Sharon Tate was brutally killed at the Hollywood Hills home she and Polanski had rented together, becoming one of many victims in the now widely known Manson Family Murders. She was nearly nine months pregnant at the time of her death.

What Are The Manson Family Murders?

Hello those of you who never misguidedly read Helter Skelter while living on a ground floor apartment with no air conditioning and then proceeded to sleep with the windows boarded up for weeks on end during the height of summer, let me educate you on one of the most senseless and also fascinating killing sprees America has ever seen.

On the fateful night of August 8th, 1969, Sharon Tate was went out to dinner with three friends: Jay Sebring, Wojciech Frykowski, and Abigail Folger. Polanski had been held up in London on business, and had asked Frykowski to stay with Tate in his absence as her due date was rapidly approaching. The four returned to Tate and Polanski’s home after dinner, where shortly after midnight they were murdered by members of the Manson Family, the cult followers of Charles Manson.

We’re going to skip out on the gory details here 1. Because it’s unnecessary and 2. The internet exists. Go wild, if you so please. The bodies of Tate, Sebring, Frykowski and Folger were discovered by Tate’s housekeeper the following morning, along with the body of Steven Parent, which was found in his car in the driveway. Parent was not a member of Sharon’s party, but rather a visitor of the property’s caretaker, who had been leaving around midnight and encountered the family on his way out.

The Manson Family Murders sent shockwaves through Hollywood, a community of people who had once thought themselves to be invincible. This paranoia ran rampant, with many packing up and leaving town altogether, until September 1969 when members of the Manson family were arrested on unrelated auto theft charges. Once in custody, the police were able to piece together clues from this case as well as two others committed around the same time: the LaBianca and Hinman murders, and convict the family in 1971.

Who Are The Manson Family?

The Manson Family was a cult lead by Charles Manson in the 1960’s, made up mostly of impressionable young women that he had sex with. The Family originated in 1967 in Berkeley, CA, where Manson convinced the woman he was shacking up with to casually let over 18 women move in with them. Ladies, this is what a red flag looks like.

The Haight-Ashbury “Summer of Love” taking place in 1967 was a fertile environment for Manson to build his status and collect followers. After the summer ended he packed up a van with about 10 followers and road tripped up and down the West Coast, eventually settling in Topanga Canyon in Southern California with an alternative headquarters in Death Valley.

Manson, obsessed with fame as most cult leaders are, became obsessed with The Beatles’ White Album, convinced it was foretelling an apocalypse that would befall the world once black people rose up in cities across America in opposition to white people. He called this apocalypse Helter Skelter—yes, like the song—and believed that The Beatles wrote the album to guide him and his followers to save those they deemed worthy from the chaos that was about to reign across the country. You know, normal hidden lyric stuff.

In a slightly oversimplified synopsis, this belief is what lead to the spree of killings in Southern California committed by the Family. That, and the fact that Charles Manson was an insane, raving narcissist. For real though, read Helter Skelter.

So Why Are We Talking About Sharon Tate Now?

Quentin Tarantino, of course. In Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Tate, whose murder was said to bookend the golden era mentioned above, is played by Margot Robbie. As is to be expected of any Tarantino film, the last 20 minutes are rumored to be a revisionist history blood bath, of which Tate is a central figure. As I refuse to read any further spoilers, that’s all I can tell you for now—I’d recommend seeing the film to understand the true source of the hysteria. While you’re there, let me know if my grandpa gets a cameo.

Images: Getty Images; Giphy (2)

Harvey Weinstein Was Indicted And Here Are The Charges

On Wednesday, a Manhattan Grand Jury voted to indict Harvey Weinstein, Hollywood’s richest bridge troll, on charges of Rape in the First and Third Degrees and Criminal Sexual Acts in the Third Degree. To break it down: Rape in the First Degree, according to New York law, is the most severe and requires forcible compulsion while the Third Degree means intercourse without another’s consent (withheld for a reason other than incapacity). Both sound like Harvey to me but hey, I’m not a lawyer.

According to the Manhattan District Attorney, Harvey forced a woman to perform oral sex on him in his office and raped another woman in a hotel. This is the moment I wish we could hire all the girls from The Handmaids Tale to gather in a circle and throw stones at him, but apparently we live in a “civil society.”

If convicted, Harvey Weinstein could spend anywhere from five to twenty five years in prison asking the guards if they know “why this hotel doesn’t have bathrobes?” Five to twenty five years seems like a pretty wide range, but a victory is a victory I guess.

On Friday, Weinstein was forced to turn in his passport and was released on a one million dollar bail which is money he could probably find in change in his couch cushions. He was also strapped with a movement monitor that restricts him from leaving Connecticut and New York.

While the rape victim has not been publicly identified, she was reportedly attacked inside a Doubletree Hotel in 2013. The criminal sexual acts charge comes from an encounter with Lucia Evans, an actress who met Weinstein at a nightclub when she was 21 years old. Can you imagine having a fun night dancing with your friends and a wrinkly sea sponge with too much money and power offers you a deal too good to be true? Harvey is a way less fun Ursula the sea witch, stealing women’s voices for power and then getting all crazy when we try to stab him. Evans says that Weinstein forced her to perform oral sex during what she thought was a casting meeting at the Miramax office in TriBeCa in 2004.

Weinstein’s Lawyer, Benjamin Brafman, says that both acts were completely consensual and that Evans didn’t report the incident for nearly fourteen years. Well, duh. He stole her voice! Why would a 21-year-old think she could bring down Hollywood’s most powerful pufferfish? Society only started taking assault victims seriously this year – a casual two thousand and eighteen years too late. According to Brafman, the second woman had a ten-year romantic affair with Weinstein that went on long after the attack. Imagining Harvey Weinstein being “romantic” is turning my brain into a Tide Pods.

Weinstein plans to plead not guilty and he is prepared to “vigorously defend against these unsupported allegations that he strongly denies.” If the case goes to trial, Brafman believes Weinstein will be acquitted. Ok, Brafman. Game on.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Morgan Freeman Just Got #MeToo’ed

Pour one out for Morgan Freeman, who is now on the verge of being cancelled. Too bad. So sad. Multiple (aka “eight”) women have accused Morgan Freemen of harassment and inappropriate behavior, according to a report by CNN on Thursday. The accusations range from the #1 fuckboy move known to all women known as “touching the small of a woman’s back” to calling a pregnant woman “ripe” and telling her that he “wished he was there”, which either referred to the birth or the conception of her child. Either way, very gross. I, for one, will never be able to watch March of the Penguins the same again.

In the CNN report, a woman who worked as a production assistant on the movie Going In Style (a movie you’ve probs never seen because it is about 5 old men robbing a bank or some shit) says Freeman subjected her to “unwanted touching and comments” about her body and clothing on a “nearly daily basis.” Umm…sorry but that’s only okay when my mom does it. The same woman alleges that he attempted to lift up her skirt and asked if she was wearing underwear, which was never okay, even (and especially) if your mom does it.

Another woman, a senior production staff member on Now You See Me, said she and other female assistants were harassed on “numerous occasions” and that “we knew if he was coming not to wear any top that would show our breasts, not to ear anything that would show our bottoms, meaning not wearing clothes that fitted.” So basically anything from NastyGal was off limits. Criminal.

Sixteen people in total spoke with CNN about Freeman’s (allegedly) gross ass for CNN. Casual reminder that this man is 80 years old, and a lot of the harassment was committed well into his seventies. Secondary casual reminder that Morgan Freeman was literally born old and should fucking know better. This man played God.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

The Oscar Nominated Movies You Need To See & Where To Watch Them

The 90th Academy Awards are coming up, and unless you want to spend the entire night refreshing Instagram and wondering WTF Jimmy Kimmel is talking about, you’re gonna need to watch some movies. This year’s Oscars is gonna be good, and not just because of the endless shade-throwing at Harvey Weinstein. It’s been a weird year for Hollywood, but the films have been great, so if you don’t see some of the nominated movies beforehand, you’re missing out on good movies and a ton of cultural references.  I’ve basically spent the past two months generously donating my paycheck to AMC Theaters, so I’ve seen like, every Oscar nominated movie. Here are seven Oscar movies you should watch ASAP, and some tips about where you can still find them.

 

1. Lady Bird

Lady Bird has been out for a while, so if you haven’t seen it yet, I’m just really impressed that you’ve literally had social plans since Thanksgiving and haven’t caved for a good movie night. I personally saw Lady Bird as soon as it came out, and I knew it would be nominated. It’s like I have ESPN or something. It’s nominated for best picture and four other categories too, so it’s v relevant. Plus, Saoirse Ronan kills it as the lead and Greta Gerwig is the film’s badass female director, so yeah, the future is fucking female. Unfortunately, the movie isn’t in many theaters anymore, but it’s being released on iTunes and Amazon on February 13th, so you have no excuse.

2. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Also nominated for best picture, also amazing. If you’re not familiar with Frances McDormand, she’s the one who was cursing at the Golden Globes and accidentally wore navy when everyone else wore black. She DGAF and I’m kind of obsessed with her. This is one of those movies that you’re literally passionate about after it’s over. Go see it. It’s still playing in a few theaters, but in case you can’t find it, it’ll be available on Redbox on February 27th.

3. The Post

Some people told me they thought The Post seemed slow, but honestly I loved it, and it’s not just because I have an actual crush on Meryl Streep. Tom Hanks kills it too. Have I mentioned Meryl Streep? The whole movie is about the Pentagon Papers being published in the Washington Post, and even if you don’t care about journalism or politics, you’ll love the story because Katharine Graham is literally an American icon. Oh yeah, and it’s a true story. The Post is still playing in most theaters, so cancel your plans this weekend and go see it. Sorry, you’re gonna have to leave the house. That’s all.

4. I, Tonya

Another American classic. I, Tonya is incredible because you basically follow a true story without really knowing what happened or who’s telling the truth, even after the movie’s over. The skating is sick, the costumes are great, and Margot Robbie might actually beat Nicole Kidman for my favorite Australian. Critics are saying the film is being snubbed this year because it only has three nominations, but, like, that’s enough to see it. This one’s also still in theaters. Go.

5. Dunkirk

Dunkirk is one of those movies that you hear about it and immediately dismiss it to go see Kate McKinnon in Rough Night, but then you hear everyone talking about it and reconsider your decision. Dunkirk is basically nominated for every category—best picture, director, cinematography, film editing, sound editing, production design—you name it. Again, even if you don’t care about politics or war movies, it’s worth seeing, because it’s literally mind-blowing. It’s also just a really important part of history, so like, it doesn’t hurt to educate yourself a bit. The best part is that it came out in the summer, so it’s already available for streaming on Amazon, YouTube, Google Play, and Blu-Ray. Blessings.

6. The Shape of Water

Okay, HEAR ME OUT on this one. When I first saw The Shape of Water, I was kind of weirded out by the whole girl/merman romance plot, and couldn’t really get past that. But honestly, this movie has 13 nominations and it is sweeping every category. It’s breaking records in film history, and for that reason alone it’s worth seeing. Plus, the special effects and cinematography are actually really cool, if you’re into that stuff. It’s also v dramatic, so you’re kind of on the edge of your seat the whole time. You know, once you get past the whole underwater sci-fi storyline. You’ll be able to watch this on Amazon starting on February 27th, which gives you just enough time to squeeze it in before the Oscars.

7. Molly’s Game

People might hate me for this one because Molly’s Game only got one nomination, and films like Get Out and Call Me By Your Name might be way more important. Those movies are good too, HOWEVER, I’m recommending Molly’s Game because it totally deserved more than it got. I mean, aside from the fact that Jessica Chastain was literally at her all-time prime, the actual story is fascinating, and personally I’d like to meet the real Molly Bloom and ask her like, a million questions. It’s a true story and it’s fast-paced and super interesting. Even if you know nothing about poker you’ll still love it. You just might need to Google a couple things afterwards. You’ll also have to get your ass to a movie theater to catch this, but did I mention Idris Elba is in it? Yeah. 

 

 

Images: Courtesy of NEON and 30WEST; Giphy (7)

Are The Oscars Less Sexist This Year? A Breakdown Of The 2018 Nominations

2018 Oscar Nominations came out this morning, which means you’ve already seen them if you give any kind of a shit (if you don’t but now you’re embarrassed, the list is included here). That being said, most women have not been kept up at night wondering whether Blade Runner 2049 will be nominated for sound editing—we’ve been wondering whether the combined forces of #MeToo and #TimesUp (or “The Weinstein Effect,” as Deadline refers to it) were enough to get Hollywood to start paying attention to the women they’ve overlooked. And while a small, solid gold statue isn’t exactly turning back the clock on inequality, it’s a lovely gesture that every one of us would accept, and a lot better than anything the US Government has offered up as its own sexual assault dirty laundry has been aired. In light of the revelation that Hollywood is a criminal hell pit of highly confident rapists recent events, let’s take a closer look at how the Academy’s nominations played out (specifically, men v. women nominated, duh). 

Overall Nominations: The Numbers

After analyzing every single person specifically (aka excluding Best Picture/Best Foreign Film) given an Oscar nomination this year, I reached the following conclusions: 1) Hollywood names are gender neutral AF (or maybe just men’s names, since every name I Googled to make sure wound up being a man) and 2) there’s been some progress, but this list is still laughably male-oriented. The breakdown: 66 of the nominations handed out were for men/all-male groups, while only 42 nominations were given a group/individual involving even a single woman. On the individual level, it’s even worse—44 women were nominated, compared to 136 men. This means most of the teams nominated had a gender ratio that shouldn’t be seen outside of Bachelorette group dates (aka 12 men to 1 woman), and also means that Hollywood still seems to have a hard time trusting women to make movies all on their own. Sigh.

The Worst Categories

While I’ll never demand that women go into a profession that forces them to sit in a dark room all day for the sake of equality (*cough* Sound Mixing *cough*), I’ll also never err on the side of assuming fewer women are in a certain profession for a lack of interest. Traditionally, institutional misogyny plays more of a role in blocking women from certain roles, so I’ll go ahead and drag the following categories with a clear conscience. For Sound Editing, we have 9 male nominees and 0 women. For Sound Mixing, we have 15 male nominees, and 1 woman (somehow even worse?). For Original Score, we have 5 men and 0 women. For Visual Effects, TWENTY men, and 0 women. And of course, for both Directing and Cinematography, 4 men vs. 1 woman (though at least Greta Gerwig’s Golden Globe snub was reversed, and Rachel Morrison is actually the first female cinematographer to EVER be nominated. Wow).

The Best Categories

And the reverse categories! In Costume Design, we have 3 women nominated and 2 men. In Production Design, we have 5 women nominated and…oh wait, still 5 men. I thought Original Screenplay was one of the better categories too, but turns out that’s 3 women and 4 men. And Animated Feature, where 4/5 nominees included a woman on the team? 4 women, 8 men. Okay, I’ve sensed the pattern and give up. Costume Design is the only category for 2018 where more women are nominated than men. Jesus.

The takeaway here? While it’s very nice of the Academy to take a year off from showering Woody Allen in gold, and take a cue from James Franco’s sexual assault allegations that it was okay not to like The Disaster Artist, there’s still a long way to go in terms of creating a genuinely equal workforce in Hollywood (spoiler: the race breakdown on this list looks even worse). So let’s hope all the badass women who did make this list go on to win, be promoted, and start some female-dominated studios—if for no other reason than the fact that I’d love to see the female version of an Entourage movie in 2020.

Turns Out James Franco Is Both Annoying And Creepy

It’s a new day in Hollywood, which means there are new accusations against a powerful Hollywood man. And surprise surprise, betches, that man is James Franco, someone who’s made me make this face:

For 10 years now. Following the Golden Globes, five women came forward being like, “SNATCH THAT TIME’S UP PIN OFF THIS ASSHOLE’S LAPEL, because he does not deserve to be wearing it.”

Franco, who’s like built a reputation on being sooo busy, found time to run an acting school called Studio 4 that had a class, amongst others, called Sex Scene Master Class. You’re allowed to pause, give that a huge side eye, and now continue reading. He allegedly abused his power dynamic as teacher by telling girls to take off their tops and would get angry when they wouldn’t. One woman who starred opposite him in a film claimed he majorly crossed the line when he removed her protective plastic genital shield during an orgy scene where he was simulating oral sex on her. So it sounds like Franco is exactly what he looks like? A creep.

Of course he is denying everything because that’s par for course with these types of ghoulish men. Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers both were like, point blank, “are you a creep?” And he had the audacity to say he wasn’t, but if he was, he’d take responsibility for it. Biiiittcchhhh.

We all remember when he slid into a 17-year-old’s DMs on Instagram, asking her how old she was and where her hotel room was? When she was like, “honey I literally just got my drivers license, back off,” he did not back off and continued to digitally hover on her ‘gram. He obvs got caught doing that because he wasn’t slick enough to be doing any of this in the DMs and when he was called out, he claimed that “social media is tricky.” Honey, social media might be tricky, but being a pedophile isn’t,

So flush your Freaks & Geeks DVDs down the toilet, because we’re done with Franco. You can get your Busy Phillips fix from her Instagram stories. Or like, keep the DVDS, but have a frank converation with yourself about how worshipping the men in shows like this gives them the power to abuse for many years after the show is cancelled. Franco has lived up to his movie’s name and is truly a disaster artist. Bye.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Matt Damon’s Sexual Harassment Comments Prove He Should Just Stop Talking

Ugh, Matt Damon is back on his bullshit, and this time he’s saying a bunch of offensive word vomit about sexual misconduct. A Vulture article reported on some of Damon’s quotes from an interview with Peter Travers, and tbh the guy just does not know when to stfu.

When asked about the recent reckoning of powerful men in Hollywood, Damon said, “I do believe that there’s a spectrum of behavior. And we’re going to have to figure — you know, there’s a difference between, you know, patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation, right?” Thanks for that dose of knowledge, Matty D. Here we were, thinking rape and butt grabbing were the same thing. Tysm for clarifying. He then went on to say, “All of that behavior needs to be confronted, but there is a continuum. And on this end of the continuum where you have rape and child molestation or whatever, you know, that’s prison. Right?” Lol to “child molestation or whatever.” So eloquent. Does he have a PhD in this stuff? Also, I love that he keeps saying, “right?” at the end of each sentence. Like, he might be earnestly asking.

What’s offensive about Damon’s reaction is not that his words are technically false — pedophilia and harassment are different — it’s that this is where he chooses to direct the conversation. Sorry, Matt, but this cultural movement isn’t about you and your pussy posse of bros for once.

EVERYONE WHO ISN’T AN ASSHOLE: Women are finally feeling able to speak out against sexual harassment, assault, and misconduct and it’s really important.

MATT DAMON: Yeah, but let’s focus on the men and how they’re being punished.

Jason Bourne also did everyone the honor of going through certain recently condemned sexual predators and sharing what he thought their level of punishment should be. If you can believe, he thinks his BFFs, such as human garbage boy Casey Affleck, deserve to have their sides of the story heard. He also had an incredibly strange and telling rant about how *if* he was accused of sexual misconduct he’d just pay a big settlement to keep it on the dl. Hmm, almost sounds like this is something you’ve thought of every night before bed, in fear that you will soon be exposed?

Hey, Matt Damon, maybe next time you’re asked about a topic about women and sexual assault, you should just sit the fuck down and get back to starring in white washed blockbuster films? How do you like them apples?

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