14 Sex Toys To Gift Yourself This Holiday Season

Navigating relationships and sex drives in 2020 has been a total trip. Virtual and IRL dating has been wild AF, the thirst has been realer than ever, and living in general has basically felt like riding a roller coaster without a seatbelt. Especially with COVID-19 cases on the rise again, it’s time to do what’s safest by continuing to f*ck ourselves. Literally.

With the holidays right around the corner, you owe it to yourself to gift yourself one (or all) of these 14 awesome sex toys. Because let’s face it, we all deserve (read: need) them and the stress reliever that comes along with masturbation right now.

1. Sweet Vibes Charmed

As one of my personal favorites, I’m naturally putting it at the top of the list. Charmed is a powerful wand vibe that has a fun little fin on the head for pinpointed pleasure. Slip the tip in between your lips (please appreciate this rhyme) to stimulate the clit directly. If you’re on the more ~sensitive~ side, use the smooth back of the ball to please yourself. With four super powerful vibration settings to choose from, I promise you’re gonna have a good time.

2. Honey Birdette Bullet

This bullet vibe hits the spot every time. It’s small enough to hide in your nightstand and powerful enough to please TF out of you with five intensities and patterns. Oh, and it’s waterproof, making it a perfect toy to slip into your bathrobe and sneak into the shower with you.

3. We-Vibe & Womanizer Golden Moments Kit

If you’re a toy fan, you might already know about the Womanizer. If you’re into toys and in a relationship (nearby or LDR), you probably already know about the app controlled We-Vibe. If you don’t know about either, now’s your chance to buy both at a discount! This limited edition kit combines clit suction Womanizer Premium and dual stimulating We-Vibe Chorus to offer you $100+ off the OG prices of buying both toys separately. It’s basically the perfect gift for yourself… and your partner, if you decide to share.

4. Vibease Bluetooth Erotica Responsive Panty Vibrator

Do you like audiobooks? What about vibrators? Now what if I told you we could combine those two things to give you the most satisfying reading experience known to humankind? Introducing: the Vibease Bluetooth responsive panty vibe. Slip into a good book and masturbation sesh at the same time with this vibe that fits in your panties and vibrates according to what you’re listening to (via Bluetooth). Yes, really. This gives erotica a whole new meaning. 

5. Desire Remote Control Butt Plug

Prostate owners, get you one of these remote controlled butt plugs. Actually, if you don’t have a prostate, you should get one, too. This silky smooth silicone plug has a flared base (which is IMPORTANT so it doesn’t get lost in your body) and is designed with a dented tip in an effort to maximize P-spot stimulation. It also boasts 8 modes and 12 intensities so your booty can experience all the sensations.

6. Zumio X, S, or E

Zumio is another masterpiece of a toy that I’ve been obsessed with for a while. Its SpiroTip™ technology doesn’t vibrate, but rotates in teeny tiny circles that please your sensitive parts with ease. There are three Zumio models to pick from: X, S, or E. You can read more on their website about each of their intensities, but TL;DR: X has a long stem and medium tip, S has a shorter stem and large tip, and E has a curved, rigid stem and precision tip. Plus, they’re offering a free special gift (25-page self-pleasure guide) with purchases this holiday season. 

7. CalExotics Shameless Seducer

CalExotics’ Shameless Seducer is one of the more expensive products on the list, but that’s because it offers a LOT of stimulation. It’s penetrative, self-thrusting, and *very* unapologetic to whichever hole you’re using it on. It’s basically in the shape of a classic rabbit vibe, but it offers seven vibe patterns, four thrusting modes, and an additional flickering teaser that mimics a tongue. It’s wild. You’ve been warned. 

8. CalExotics My Pod

If you’re a tech fan, you’re going to love My Pod. This toy is self-cleaning. Did you hear that? SELF-CLEANING. That means when you’re lazy AF after you’re done playing with this vibrator, you can literally throw it back in its pod and it’ll cleanse itself. No more forcing yourself to get up from bed and wash it in the bathroom. A miracle.

9. Unbound Puff

Where are all my clit suction toy lovers out there? I can’t see or hear you, but wherever you are, trust that the Puff is for you. As one reviewer in the comments writes, “Puff the magic dragon” is “LIFE CHANGING.” It’s a compact suction vibe with five different settings that’s waterproof and quiet (which is perfect for anyone living in close quarters during quarantine). 

10. Emojibator Fruit Basket

Buy yourself a fruit basket this holiday season! But not just any fruit basket… one that vibrates. LOL. Emojibator bundled a bunch of their super cute and fun veggie- and fruit-shaped toys to give us the gift of ~sexual vitamins~ this year. With 10 vibration settings and the funniest sh*t to potentially put on your kitchen table, you can’t go wrong buying this. It comes with an eggplant, banana, chili pepper, and a pickle. Absolutely amazing, and if nothing else, funny AF home decor.

11. Organic Loven Rianne S Heart Vibe

The Rianne S Heart Vibe brings “love yourself” to another level. This 10-speed vibe is rechargeable, made of medical-grade silicone, and packed discreetly but designed beautifully so you’ll probably want to showcase it on your bookshelf or nightstand. Want the gift that keeps on giving? You can also subscribe to one of Organic Loven’s adult subscription boxes full of goodies like toys, condoms, books, and more.

12. Le Wand Arch

Arch is from Le Wand’s Stainless Steel Collection, and it’s absolutely beautiful. Not only is it a gorgeous product, but it’s also perfect for those who crave G-spot stimulation with its special curvature and girth. Bonus: throw this in the fridge to chill it up a bit before sliding it in. You’re welcome. 

13. Satisfyer Love Triangle

Satisfyer is a staple brand in my toy box(es) for good reason. Their products are always made with body-friendly silicone and pack super strong stimulation abilities. The Love Triangle is a clit suction toy that syncs with an app and combines Satisfyer’s award-winning air-pulse tech with deep vibes to please us in allll the ways. It also comes with a hygienic cap so you can keep the toy safe from allergens and dust and crap when you’re not using it. 

14. b-Vibe Anal Training & Education Set

If you’re a butt play beginner, get yourself b-Vibe’s anal training set. This kit comes with products and training guides that everyone needs to kick off their anal journey as safely, knowledgeably, and pleasurably as possible. If nothing else, you’d be giving yourself the gift of booty education this holiday season. You’ve already baked all the different breads. Why not learn something else? 

Happy holidays, friends! Well, maybe not happy, because, you know… 2020. But may your holiday season be as pleasurable as possible. These toys can definitely help.

Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.

IMAGES: Pexels, GIPHY, Sweet Vibes, Honey Birdette, Lovers, Lovehoney (2), Zumio, CalExotics (2), Unbound, Emojibator, Organic Loven, Le Wand, Satisfyer, b-Vibe

WTF To Get Them For The Holidays Based On How Long You’ve Been Together

Whether you’re quarantine-casual or in it for the long haul, gift giving in a relationship is never an easy feat. But what should you do when your casual hookup happens to coincide with the holiday season? Do you get them a present? More importantly, are they getting you a present? The timeframe in which you have been hooking up can help decipher whether you need to bother buying them a gift or if sending nudes will suffice. I say whether you’ve been getting intimate for one month or for one year, if you’re breaking social distancing for this person and a major holiday is approaching, gifts are kind of expected. 

Also, it should go without saying, but absolutely no one should take an agreed upon “no presents” rule seriously. Just buy a damn present. You don’t have to empty out your savings account, but you should put a bow on something. If you’re strapped for ideas, don’t freak out, I got you. Consider this curated cheat sheet my gift to you. 

Dating: 1-2 Months

Red Gift Bow

Breckenridge Seasonal Christmas Ale

Together for only a month or two? It’s new and you’re both having fun, so there’s no need to overthink it. This early on you can probably get away with a few strategically placed bows on yourself and call it a night. If you want to go in a more tangible direction, then I recommend playing it safe with something edible, like cookies or a seasonal six-pack. You made an effort, it’s on theme, and it doesn’t send any overly serious signals. It’s holiday cheers all around. 

Dating: 3-5 Months

Ripple Junction Grateful Dead Tour 74 Vintage Light Weight Crew T-Shirt

Fujifilm Instax Mini 11 Camera

You don’t need to feel pressured to define the relationship, but you should probably be exchanging presents. In the early stages of dating, casually or exclusively, it’s the thought that counts. If you’re just hitting the three-month mark, take note of their Spotify roundup and go for a graphic tee of their favorite band. It’s casual and shows that you’re paying attention to their likes. Nearing closer to five months of being together? Then it’s time to start documenting! What better way to capture proof of your relationship than with a Polaroid camera?

Dating: 6-9 Months

Crosley Voyager Bluetooth Record Player


Brookstone Frienship Lamp – Set Of Two

Hi. Sorry to break it to you, but this is not just a hookup anymore, you should probably reference an inside joke and hit a store. Another way to ease into the gift exchange is to choose an interactive gift, one that the two of you can enjoy together. Take your hookup playlist to the next level with a Bluetooth compatible record player. If you’re feeling extra splurgy, you can even throw in their first record from their favorite band. If you’re working with a long-distance situation, then go for what I’m dubbing the love lamps. A set of lamps—you keep one, your partner keeps the other—and when you tap your lamp, the matching one lights up. Easiest way to tell someone that they light up your lif—k sorry, I’ll stop.

Dating: 1-2 Years

Herschel Supply Co. Duffle Bag

MVMT Jet Noir

Alright, this has surpassed the hookup stage. This is full-on monogamy, so congratulations! And with commitment comes a higher level of gift giving. It’s time to give a gift with some longevity. Gift them a duffle to tell them that you fully accept their baggage. For a hidden bonus, you can even slip in a future travel itinerary (pandemic permitting). Or what’s a subtle way of telling your person that you’re sick of them being late to everything? Get them a watch! It’s sleek, thoughtful, and they’ll never be able to tell you that they lost track of time again. 

Dating: 3-4+ Years

Personalized Letter Blanket

PlayStation 5 Console

Safe to say that if it’s gone on this long that this is a fairly serious commitment, which means that it’s time to get thoughtful, and dish out some more dough. Welcome to the big leagues, kids. Handwrite a love letter, or transcribe your favorite DM, and print it on a blanket. It’s a gift to show the grandkids one day. Or, on a not-so-sentimental track, if you can get your hands on a coveted PlayStation 5 Console, then you are guaranteed to be crowned partner of the year. It may not be super original, but I actually think it’s illegal to not include a PS5 in a 2020 gift guide. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. I recommend investing in two controllers, so you can at least both play. 

Remember, it’s the thought that counts—and it counts even more when it comes with a gift receipt.

Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.

Images: MichelleUnsplash