Remember that episode in Euphoria when Rue watched so many consecutive hours of reality TV that she gave herself a f*cking kidney infection? Rue, I want you to know that you are not alone. Reality TV to Americans is what gasoline is to cars. We need it, okay? Just to confirm what I already know, I perused a thorough HowToWatch.com analysis on how much this great
cesspool nation lives on reality TV and, more specifically, which shows give us the most life.
Now, even though we all love reality shows, can we just agree that they are all garbage? Like, I’m never up late with my roommate discussing the many deeply complex issues from the most recent episode of American Ninja Warrior, ya know? Here’s the thing, though, even though all reality shows are pretty bad, some are just objectively worse than others, but those sh*tty ones still have insanely high ratings. For instance, has anyone ever heard of the show Alone? Anyone? Me neither, but guess the f*ck what? It’s apparently the most popular reality show in the entire country! Literally, can anyone tell me what this show is?
Okay, I looked it up, and Alone is a show on the History channel that’s basically a survival show. According to Wikipedia, source of all our college essays, the contestants “are on their own — separated from one another with no camera crews in sight. They have just limited gear, cameras to document the experience and, perhaps most importantly, their wilderness experience to make it in the harsh, unforgiving terrain.” Sounds… bleak. Is the world not bleak enough already? Is this what we are really watching in our fun escape time? Americans, we can do better.
Before we dive into the details of the chart, let’s just take a look at it.
I am truly shocked that not the country isn’t split between KUWTK and The Bachelor/ette in Paradise. And the fact that Naked & Afraid is on here at all, let alone twice, is amazing. I watched Naked & Afraid once and it was…an experience. Was it interesting? Eh. Was it f*cking bizarre? You bet!
If, like Miss Teen USA, maps aren’t really your jam, see below for a breakdown on which shows are most popular in which states. You’re welcome.
- Alone (Idaho, Missouri, Illinois, North Carolina, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Virginia)
- Master Chef (Washington, Arizona, Florida)
- Fixer Upper (Texas, Kansas, Nebraska, Arkansas)
- Naked & Afraid (Hawaii, West Virginia)
- Bachelor/ette/in Paradise (Utah, Minnesota, Alabama, New Hampshire)
I know I already said this, but I have to say it again: Alone is the most popular show in American right now. Why is it so popular? Someone in any of these seven states please let me know.
After really spending some quality time with this chart, I am realizing that America is f*cking huge and filled with many different types of people all of whom have vastly different opinions on what is good TV. I mean, can we talk about the fact that Mexican Dynasties is the most-watched reality TV show in California? This is how Bravo explains CA’s favorite show: “Connected to each other through a string of personal and professional relationships going back decades, the Allendes, the Bessudos and the Madrazos have Mexico City and all of its offerings in the palms of their hands. With both humor and heart, they challenge stereotypes, raise a few eyebrows and proudly showcase their over-the-top lifestyles.” K, what does any of that even mean? Because it honestly sounds like a soap opera with an all-Mexican cast. Am I wrong?
Also, as I look over this map/chart/graph, I have to admit, I haven’t heard of most of these shows and yet, they are some state’s most-watched. How does this even happen? For instance, Nailed It! is a bake-off competition. Sounds cool and delicious, but don’t we already have that exact same show and called it Cupcake Wars? How many goddamn baking shows do we really need, people?
Now that we’ve gone over the geography here, I’d like to take a quick minute to go over the most random shows on here, like American Idol in Louisiana. WTF? Is this show still on? Remember when Ryan Seacrest tried to high-five a blind man? Good times. Another surprise? That Chrisley Knows Best is anyone’s favorite show anywhere. To be fair, it’s only popular in South Carolina and that’s probably because Todd Chrisley was raised in SC, so he’s basically a local celebrity. Using the term “celebrity” loosely since I call myself a local celeb when I’m back in Bethesda, MD.
So basically, the main takeaway here is that The Bachelor is not quite as popular as it seems, and neither are the Kardashians. But apparently, we do have trash taste when it comes to trash TV.
Are you absolutely shooketh over these results? Let us know in the comments!
Images: Victoria Heath / Unsplash; Giphy (2); HowToWatch.com
When it comes to Halloween costumes, celebrities should really have it easy. All they have to do is choose something fun and non-problematic, pay someone else to make it for them, and go to whatever lame party the Getty Images photographers are at. Unfortunately, there are always some celebs who mess up what should be easy. Some of these costumes are way too over-the-top, while others are just sad, wasted opportunities. While we already dealt with all of the Kardashian costumes this year, here are some other celebrities who could’ve done better this Halloween. Behold, our ranking of the worst celebrity Halloween costumes of 2018.
Heidi Klum hosts one of the biggest Halloween parties in Hollywood, and she always goes all out with her costume. In recent years, she’s gotten into prosthetics, and it’s officially gone too far. Sure, her Princess Fiona costume is impressive, but I’m getting physically upset looking at it. With her boyfriend as a matching Shrek, it’s really more than I can handle. Someone please tell Heidi to relax next year, it’s just Halloween.
Luann de Lesseps
According to Luann’s Instagram caption, she asked her stylist for an “outfit that says nurse, pop-star, and countess.” I’m not sure why that was her desired look, but I’m just getting a slutty race car driver vibe here? Luann looks fantastic and healthy (thank god), but this outfit is just so confusing. Money can’t buy you class, but it can definitely buy you a coherent Halloween look.
While I am a huge fan of Ariana Grande, her brother Frankie is more than I can handle. His troll costume is the exact brand of extra we’ve come to expect from him, and I need a f*cking nap. I really hope that paint takes two weeks to come off just as punishment for this costume.
Oh, Nina Dobrev. I’m not sure exactly what she’s been up to since The Vampire Diaries ended, but this costume has me concerned. Her take on A Star Is Born is at least a little more creative than a half-assed Lady Gaga attempt, but the execution could definitely be better. The weird cage around her waist is really taking me out of it, and I just can’t look at an adult with a pacifier in their mouth. Sorry, no.
I never thought I’d say the name “Joey Fatone” in 2018, but here we are. The third most famous member of NSYNC is really trying to give me nightmares with his The Shining-inspired costume, and this will probably keep me up tonight. Also, the horrific wig aside, why does Joey look like he hasn’t slept in six years? If anyone has any miracle dark circle remedies they’d like to recommend, feel free to slide into Joey’s DMs.
Ronnie Ortiz-Magro & Jen Harley
Okay I thought these two had, like, restraining orders against each other? I won’t pretend to know what’s going on in the world of Ronnie and his baby mama drama, but this is definitely a weak-ass Joker costume. The Harley Quinn (lol because her last name is Harley) is a bit better, but no one is winning any costume contests here. I’d love to know what they dressed their baby as for Halloween, because I bet it’s something sad and outdated.
@heidiklum / Instagram; @countessluann / Instagram; @frankiejgrande / Instagram; @nina / Instagram; @realjoeyfatone / Instagram; @tt_kittymeow / Instagram
After what feels like a full minute since the last one, NYFW has arrived! This is the week when the fashion industry’s top designers, models and photographers gather to celebrate the latest trends in clothing and accessories. It’s basically the best week of the year, which is amazing because there are officially now only two weeks of the year that aren’t fashion week. That made us curious, what exactly does the industry do when it’s not celebrating itself in a trendy world capital? We launched an investigation and talked to the top names in fashion to find out.
“There are thousands of photographs taken at every fashion week, which means the bulk of time in between fashion weeks is spent scrolling through pictures and clapping for each of the models as if they were still walking down the runway. This is an important ritual that can take up to 18 hours per day.” — Anna Wintour
“Coping with the fact that it’s not fashion week is something that no designer should have to do alone. That’s why we all gather in between the London, Paris, New York and Milan events to hold hands and watch Michael Kors weep uncontrollably.” — Kate Spade
“Just because the fashion industry acknowledges that sometimes it’s not fashion week, doesn’t mean we have to accept it. We hope to eventually live in a world where every day is fashion day. That’s actually my greatest wish, followed by world peace.” — Kendall Jenner
“After a full day, the fact that it’s not fashion week gets to be pretty exhausting. That’s why in the ’80s Calvin Klein began the tradition of hosting fake fashion weeks in his apartment so people didn’t go insane. He’s credited with saving the industry by many in the inner circle.” — Heidi Klum
“Not fashion week? I don’t understand the question.” — Marc Jacobs