Nude pools, the ability to bang anyone anywhere, and squirting classes are three of the endless amenities you can indulge in at Hedonism II, an all-inclusive, lifestyle-friendly, clothing-optional resort in Negril, Jamaica that’s deemed “the world’s most iconic adult playground.” I was invited there on a press trip to witness all of the above in the name of journalism, so you bet your (bare) ass I did. How was it, you ask? Amazing! You know what they say… when in Rome,
you eat too much buffet food and go to bed at the same time you’d normally go to bed back home do as the Romans do. Well, it turns out that after five days I couldn’t build up the courage to get the full “Hedo experience.” I, a sex writer, am actually prude as f*ck.
As someone who’s never even been to a nude beach before, this place was completely out of my comfort zone. The vibe was super casual but unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, with 80% (unofficial statistic) of guests of all ages confidently strutting around in their birthday suits, couples having sex in hammocks, people giving lap dances in the dining hall, fun costume theme nights every night, and the occasional beach peddler offering “mushrooms, ecstasy, and Viagra” to anyone who might have a few USD to spare. There’s a “Prude” side of the resort where people like me could stay clothed, and a “Nude” side of the resort with a pool, swim-up bar, and beach where nudity is literally required. There’s even a Playroom for exhibitionists and voyeurists complete with beds and a dungeon-ish area where guests can have orgies, watch other guests hook up (in a non-creepy way?), and live out all other types of fantasies. This place is a dream for people who want to leave their insecurities at home and explore their deepest desires with a partner or a stranger (or five strangers) they met 46 seconds ago.
Whereas most guests went hard AF, hooked up with other guests, and hung out in the nude pool with friendly naked strangers, I was the grandma who didn’t kiss a soul, drank a total of three piña coladas, and went to sleep around 11pm every night. The wildest things I did were dance in my underwear in the ocean under the full moon and eat four plates of cherry cookies and watermelon in one hour. People thought I was like, really chill and tame, and I consider those compliments because being a chill girl is my personal brand, but the truth is, my version of fun was different than theirs. That’s not to say the resort isn’t fun, though, especially for prudes, because I seriously had a blast—just in my own unique way.
The best parts of the trip for me? Relaxing on the gorgeous beaches. Swimming around a coral reef. Enjoying the talent shows every night. Chatting with the regulars. Hanging with the awesome ladies in my group. Not wearing a bra for days. Snorkeling, holding a sea cucumber, and feeding fish with my hands. Posting “B- thirst traps,” according to some random dude on Instagram who can go f*ck himself.
Hedo has a rotating calendar of events on their website that cater to literally every type of interest. There are weeks dedicated to young swingers, the LGBT+ community, and creatives. We stayed during culinary and wellness week so our itinerary consisted of food and drink related activities like local cuisine samplings, Jamaican alcohol tastings, and a jerk cooking competition THAT I WON (with the help of a professional chef). The focus was perfectttt because ya girl loves food, and obviously the food there was delicious.
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I AM OFFICIALLY AN AWARD-WINNING COOK 👩🏻🍳🏆 took first place (tied with @gabriellekassel!!) today at @hedonismjamaica’s 2019 Jerkfest Cook-Off. Here’s what I made with the help of the amazing Chef Byron: Cajun fried pork, jerk chicken, steamed citrus shrimp, mango pineapple salsa, fried plantains, tropical coleslaw, and a honey jerk sauce. #hedojerkfest2019
I definitely want to go back with a partner or close friend sometime for comparison. If I went with someone I’m more comfortable with then I’d probably be down to check out the ~naughtier~ parts of the resort. But even as an anxious, sexually private betch, this experience was still incredibly eye-opening and taught me so much about myself. Here are four key takeaways from my trip to Hedonism II:
A Newfound Self-Confidence
I’m really insecure and have a poor body image, so the nudity part of this trip was initially very intimidating. But I can’t tell you how many different bodies I saw, all of which were so confident in their birthday suit. We as individuals care about our body shape and cellulite more than anybody else does. After realizing that nobody gives a single sh*t about what I look like, I stripped down and tanned and walked around in nothing but a thong bathing suit bottom like I owned the place (twice!!). I never felt more free. Big win.
Surround Yourself With Kind People
Everyone was so nice and welcoming and accepting and made me feel great about myself. Yes, I thrive when people validate me, shut up. One random dude asked if I was a model and women kept complimenting my new purple hair. The other sex writers on the trip were the most uplifting, supportive women I’ve ever met, and they constantly dished out compliments like “you have great thighs” and “YOU’RE SO HOT” to each other. After this trip, surrounding myself with people who hurt my feelings is no longer an option. We’re all about nice friends who radiate good vibes and a constant flow of praise now. I give you permission to dead your fake, mean “friends.”
Sexuality Isn’t Weird
Apparently I kept asking, “is that weird?” every time I told the girls in my group something about my sex life, to the point where one of them said, “Morgan, nothing you just said or have been saying is weird. Sexuality isn’t weird.” And she’s right. Whether you’re non-monogamous, kinky, or publically prude, own it! Rock your sexuality… unless you’re into some illegal sh*t. Then that’s an issue.
Keep Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone
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Top 3 wildest things I did this week at a clothing-optional, ~lifestyle-friendly~ resort: 1) not wear a bra, 2) dance topless in the ocean under the full moon, and 3) eat four plates of cherry cookies and watermelon in one hour. Biggest takeaway? I, a sex writer, am prude as fuck. Thanks for having me @hedonismjamaica! 🌿
As I ate my second plate of dessert at 9:30am before heading back to New York, someone asked how I liked my first stay at Hedonism II. I said it was fantastic. When I told her I never checked out the nude side, she told me that I didn’t get the full Hedo experience, and maybe that’s true. Maybe that makes me a bad journalist too, but I didn’t feel comfortable going that far outside of my comfort zone, and that’s totally okay for me—and for anyone else who goes there!
I may be publically prude AF, but I’m super proud that I took this trip and grateful for the opportunity. Also, it’s really weird being back home where people aren’t naked everywhere and there isn’t an endless buffet of delicious food to eat at my luxury anymore.
If you read this post and thought “this girl is a shy loser” or “this place sounds cool,” go check it out for yourself! Everyone should do something like this at least once in their life. People don’t call Hedo their second home for no reason, and I’ll eventually be back too. In the meantime, I’ll continue to keep my body covered up and my sex life private…except when I write about it on the internet for millions of strangers to read.
Images: Hedonism II, Instagram @morganmandriota (3)