How Not To Be A D*ck When Coming Out Of Quarantine

After 95694845 days of quarantine (I lost count), our collective #QuarantineClub efforts have not been in vain. And now I’m actually seeing other humans IRL (yay!) out and about. We’re getting our lives back in this so-called “new normal” and cautiously doing all right in Phase 3 with non-essential businesses opening up. Parts of New York are allegedly even entering Phase 4, but that seems too good to be true.

The light at the end of the tunnel seems to be within our reach, but remember—it’s a marathon, not a sprint. All things considered, we can keep up our momentum so long as a few bad apples don’t f*ck over the entire cart. Unfortunately, parts of the U.S. are experiencing just that—sheer amounts of stupidity (i.e. COVID-19 parties… seriously, WTF Alabama??).

Extreme cases aside, I understand that at this point, you’re saying to yourself “omg, I’m so over COVID-19. O-VeR. IT.” And I get it. 2020 is canceled. The pandemic was not exactly what we wanted for summer. But think about how the frontline workers must feel? My close friend Mira MacLeod, a Registered Nurse who works in the COVID-19 ward of a major Toronto hospital (which was also the same converted facility used to treat the first SARS patients) said, “hell (lol) I’M OVeR IT. If anyone has COVID fatigue, it’s me, girl.” 

So for her sake and for every one of these caregiving heroes, when it comes to our collective health, reckless behavior is inexcusable. In fact, it’s NOT okay when you decide to be a d*ck by not wearing a mask in a shared public space and jeopardize the lives of others. Additionally, I honestly feel like the warm weather must be frying off some of the common sense in some people’s brains. I guess when you throw sunny skies and balmy weather into the mix, it’s like everyone suddenly forgot that there’s still a deadly pandemic in our presence which, may I remind you, still has the power to come back to bite us again (like it did to South Korea and their second wave) and force us back into our homes.

In light of people filling up their social calendars once again and taking to the city streets, the Department of Health released some guidelines on how we can all be safe when gathering together and dining out. However, what these documents neglect to state or inform us about is how the heck these rules will be consistently enforced. Mayor Bill de Blasio is essentially telling us all of this is based on “trust” and calling people out when you see them breaking the rules. Basically like “if you see something, say something.” While that’s definitely one way of approaching it, despite reporting the situation, the damage will have already been done.

Dr. Sidney Chiu, an emergency doctor at North York General Hospital, reminds us that we must each do our part and continue to take initiatives in safeguarding our community. Furthermore, we made it this far in flattening the curve—let’s not f*ck it up folks! Here are useful guidelines to keep in mind:

When In Doubt, Wear A Mask

MacLeod says that if you want to be safe, you should wear a mask indoors—even if the business doesn’t state that it’s mandatory. “You should be wearing one in confined spaces like at the grocery store, on the transit system, or at a retail store—places where you’re touching a lot of things.” You should be wearing disposable rubber and/or plastic gloves for this as well (think clothing items, transit railing, etc).

Wear A Mask When Walking On The Sidewalk

MacLeod says her major pet peeve is when people don’t walk around each other on the sidewalk: “It irks me that some just don’t care and/or take liberties. They walk by you in close proximity, and this is particularly troublesome when there are small children nearby.” As a mom of two kids, this is especially triggering for her. So she advises that when you see someone approaching, go around them, if you can. Remember, social distancing means you should be six feet apart, which is further than you think.

There Is Still NO Vaccine

“Just based on how I’m seeing some people behave, I think many believe that the pandemic has mostly passed—and that’s certainly not the situation. The reality is that although we’ve passed the first wave, we are constantly at risk of new cases,” MacLeod says. She adds that precautionary measures should be as routine as checking for your wallet, phone and keys before leaving the house. “A mask, disposable gloves, hand sanitizer (making sure that it contains 60-95 percent alcohol), and disinfecting wipes should all be a part of your ‘toolkit,’” which means that these items should be considered part of your “new normal” for the foreseeable future. If you’re forgetful, a good strategy is to set up a daily pop-up alert on your phone to remind yourself of these essential items. Or consider keeping it all in a stylish bag near your door. 

No Hugging Or Shaking Hands

“This is tough, understandably, because we are by nature, social creatures,” explains Dr. Chiu.  He adds that “in lieu of physical touching, air hugs/air high fives, or toe tapping is better than exposing any part of your body to someone else. You just don’t want to run the risk.” As a friendly reminder, he says that COVID-19 is spread through droplets and/or physical contact. “Just think that when you’re embracing someone and that close face-to-face, any number of things could happen: coughing, sneezing—even talking and breathing could aid in transmission.” He adds that what could then theoretically occur is that even though it appears that “nothing happened” during the hug, since you effectively touched that person, you could then absentmindedly touch your mouth, nose and eyes, thereby spreading the virus.

Just Because They “Look Healthy” Doesn’t Mean They Are

“We always assume there are obvious visual cues to someone being ill. However this is certainly not the case when someone is asymptomatic and can transmit the virus to you,” says Dr. Chiu, who adds that these individuals may not even be aware they have COVID-19. “So for your sake, it’s better to err on the side of caution and to wear a mask whatever the social situation may be.” Another scary and not-so-fun fact from him: “the chance of a test detecting COVID-19 is very low if you are asymptomatic, and it is unlikely to be helpful in determining if you have COVID-19 if you have zero symptoms.”

Invest In Anti-Technology For Your Sunnies

Dr. Chiu says that “I’ve heard some people complain about their sun/glasses getting fogged up due to the mask wearing.” To remedy this, he says to do the following: “mold your mask to the bridge of your nose, tighten the mask, or simply invest in some anti-fog spray or wipes which will do the trick nicely (and you should be prepping all of this before you leave your home).” This is an overlooked issue but an important one, and he explains that “you want to minimize the amount of time touching your face. If your glasses are fogged/smudged, etc and you’re constantly readjusting them, you’re increasing your chances of exposure.”

Invest In An Automatic Soap Dispenser

When returning home, immediately wash your hands with hot soapy water before doing anything else (the CDC advises you do this within 20 seconds of entering your home.). To avoid contamination, MacLeod advises people to get one of those automated hand soap dispensers.” Additionally, she says that bar soaps are a big no-no because bacteria and germs CAN survive on them (ewwww).

And in terms of venturing out in the world à la Oh, The Places You’ll Go Post-Pandemic (!), here are a few tips and best practices to be mindful of in the following social scenarios:

Restaurants/Patios

If available to you, always opt to use the restaurant’s QR code, which allows you to see the menu on your smartphone rather than touching paper. An exception to this is if you have a visual impairment and require a hard copy.

Wearing a mask while dining in a patio/restaurant space isn’t required (cuz um, how else can you eat that food if your mouth is covered?!); however, you should absolutely wear one when walking to your table and using well-ventilated washroom facilities (which are 99% of the time located inside of a confined restaurant space). 

Another food-related issue is regarding pick-up and take-out: you just grab the order and go. Don’t linger and/or congregate on the sidewalks.

Hosting Gatherings/Cookouts

The CDC recommends that if you’re welcoming people into your home for, say, a BBQ cookout (specifically an outdoor space like the backyard) to consider keeping a guestbook of attendees for contact tracing needs. Disposable but recycle-friendly cutlery, plates, and cups should be used in lieu of the silverware you have at home.

Parks/Beaches/Outdoor Venues

Both Dr. Chiu and MacLeod say that if you can, visit these spaces on a weekday when it’s less crowded. “Because it’s an outdoor setting, it’s technically safer than, say, a shopping mall because these types of places are conducive to offering more room and fresh air.” For any communal seating (such as park benches and beach chairs), use hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes prior to use. 

Individual Appointments (Including, But Not Limited To, Dental And Medical Offices, Nail Salons, And Hair Salons)

Ensure that it’s not a walk-in situation, and whenever possible, book your appointment in advance. If you’re feeling uncertain, ask what sorts of protocols the business or service has implemented, such as adequate HEPA filters/ventilation, PPEs, and plexiglass barriers to minimize the risk of exposure. When you do arrive for your appointment, wait outside and arrange for the staff to text or give you a call when they’re ready for you. Lastly, if you know you have to fill out any documentation, bring your own pen—don’t use the communal ones supplied at the office/salon. 

Final Thoughts

With all the news and Karen-shaming, I’d like to think that the majority of us are better than that. However, we’re all human and can still be prone to slipping up once in a while. So I recommend screenshotting this handy color-coded infographic to act as your “pocket guide” if you are ever uncertain about venturing into a specific social situation. It’s nice that we can FINALLY see our loved ones IRL again, so let’s not take any of it for granted and remember to be considerate of each other by adhering to these practical and safe protocols.

Images: Gustavo Fring / Pexels; Giphy (2); Twitter / @saltymamas

I’m A Trainer And I Don’t Run—Here’s Why

I hate endurance running, and I know I’m not alone. If my clients come to me and tell me they hate running, I will never make them run. I am a strong believer in making fitness NOT torture, so I will never force clients to do something they absolutely have an aversion to. My own personal reasons for making running my absolute last choice (and I mean LAST, like this is if I was stuck on some desert island and all I had to work with was a track to work with. Actually, not even then, I would just do some sprint/walk intervals instead of running for straight 45 minutes) of cardiovascular activity go much further than just my own personal distaste for the sport. Here are some reasons why the only time you’ll see me run is chasing after a 6’4 emotionally unavailable man.

1. Endurance Runners Have A Higher Chance Of Injury

I think running itself is so high impact in nature, that the prolonged impact on joints is bound to cause some kind of injury sooner or later. This particular systematic review shows runners can have up to 79% greater incidence of a lower extremity injury, with evidence suggesting that long distance running is a risk factor.

I mean, I’m not surprised. All it took for me was a single incidence of shin splint to reaffirm my faith in my non-running ways and say adios to pavement pounding forever. Currently, my cardio routine consists of the elliptical, walking on an incline (hill walks or hikes gives you the same benefit if you want to take this outside) or walking the stairs with nary an injury in sight!

2. Endurance Running Raises Cortisol Levels And Belly Fat Storage

Cortisol is the product of your body’s response to prolonged stress. It is a hormone released by your adrenal glands, and because endurance running (and any other activity that is taxing on the body for a long period of time) is a stressor to the body, the body reacts to this by releasing cortisol.

Now, cortisol is not always a bad thing, but chronic elevated levels of cortisol can actually lead to storage of belly fat, which will end up being counterproductive if you’re running to try to get in better shape.

Huge disclaimer here: this is not exclusive to running, as ANY type of exercise for too long will also cause this stress response. However, because running is an activity perceived by many (including yours truly) to be a very stressful form of exercise, and this stress response is most studied in runners.

3. Endurance Running Can Make You Lose Muscle Gains When Done Wrong

Okay. Let’s get a little technical here, I’m going to bust out some kinesiology basics for you guys. Your body has different types of muscle fibers. They have different qualities, and they all actually end up looking different, because one is more prone to hypertrophy than the other. Different types of training will work and develop different types of fibers. Endurance activity such as long distance running will develop these leaner fibers that are fatigue resistant but have less power. Explosive activities, such as squatting, sprinting, or box jumping will developing these thicker fibers that are fatigue prone but are more powerful.

Now let’s say you want to build a butt. When you run too much or too long, you’re developing the leaner muscle fibers that aren’t attributing to any muscle fiber size growth, which is key for muscle mass gaining. You’re also depleting the energy stores in those muscles to be able to lift heavy enough to build muscle, because to gain mass in muscle, you need to reach that point of fatigue during lifts. So if you’re already pre-fatiguing the muscle by training the leaner type of muscle fibers, there’s nothing left in the gas tank for you to even train the fibers that contribute to size gains. Better options are instead of endurance running on flat ground, add some incline to the routine so that there’s a natural resistance focused on your glutes, hamstrings and quads. If you want to add even more incline, then you don’t necessarily have to even run. Try walking, and try focusing that tension on your glutes.

4. Running Might Make You Look Older

All current evidence I’ve been able to find on this has been anecdotal so I’m not saying this is a fact, but as someone who recently spent $250 on skincare at Sephora, I felt I should give it a mention anyway. There’s something called “runner’s face” where apparently the repeated running motion can actually cause your skin to sag and wrinkle prematurely. You mean I wasted all that money on La Mer’s “miracle broth” bullsh*t just to run it off, literally, into the ground?! IT’S A COLD WORLD OUT HERE.

Like I said, though, I’ve dug around on the internet for any type of scientific evidence of this phenomenon, and I haven’t found it. So while I mentioned it, take it with a grain of salt. Honestly, I think skin care should be a huge deal if running outside is a part of your routine because that’s a lot of sun exposure. The hyper-pigmentation, Lord! Enough to stress me out! Please put on some sunscreen if you run outside.

I may sound like a huge hater, but please note: cardio is still an amazing component to an exercise routine. Just because I agreed to not make my clients (and you readers) run for miles, that doesn’t mean I’m giving you a hall pass to skip the gym. I’m just saying there are better options to work with. I understand the appeal of running: you can kinda just zone out, it’s free and you don’t need any equipment, you can do it almost anywhere. But you could get in just as good a cardio session if you just walked the stairs. You could get in just as good a cardio session going on a hike. If you’re limited to the gym you could get just as good a cardio session using any other machine that’s less taxing on your joints. This article was meant to inform running haters that running isn’t your only option for exercise and it shouldn’t feel like it has to be. If you LOVE running and that’s your steez, don’t burn me at the stake. Do you and prosper! You have my full support, just make sure you are in a safe environment, especially if you’re running outdoors, and make sure you taking proper precautions to avoid injuries.

Images: Seth Macey / Unsplash; Giphy (4)

The Top Exercise Myths You’re Buying Into & Why They’re B.S.

If there’s one thing a betch is great at, it’s excuses. Creating the perfect escape plan for any situation on the fly is second nature. That is especially true when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle. Like, who among us hasn’t said “yeah, I took six tequila shots and did a line of coke last night, but I ate egg whites and avocado for breakfast, so it’s fine”? This week on our Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast, we sat down with trainer, Power Lifter, and owner of Syatt Fitness, Jordan Syatt, to get real about reasons we’re not living a healthy life. Here are the classic six excuses we use, and why they’re ultimately crap:

1. “I Do High-Intensity Workouts Less Often”

If you’ve had a near-death experience at Orange Theory, you’re likely aware the HIIT, or high-intensity interval workouts, are all the rage right now. Most of their marketing is that you can work out for like, 20 minutes and then continue to burn calories 48 hours after. While Syatt says this is true, it’s not necessarily better: “being consistent for a long time is always going to be better than being intense for a short period of time.” So yeah, you may have gone to Barry’s Bootcamp once, but if you don’t go consistently, you might be better off just walking on the treadmill five times a week.

2. “I’m Too Insecure To Go To The Gym”

Aren’t we all? Like seriously. As the title of this episode goes, “the gym is a room full of insecure people.” No one is there judging you, cause likely they’re in the same boat. This is the number one concern that Syatt gets posed with, which literally means everyone’s thinking the same thing. Syatt explains: “for me, would I look back at my life when I’m 90 years old and I’m like sitting at home with a diaper on and sh*t in my pants, am I going to look back and be like ‘wow I’m really glad I didn’t go to the gym because Joe Fuckstick might’ve judged me’, right?” Right. So get over yourself and go be with a bunch of other insecure people dropping their weights and falling off the treadmill.

3. “I’m Not Doing It Right”

Not having a trainer to whip you into shape guide you is not an excuse. You have like, Google. You can search for any moves online and there is likely a tutorial for them. Syatt suggests setting up your phone and filming yourself do a certain move, then comparing your form to someone online. Then if you look really hot, post it on your Instagram—just kidding, don’t be that girl.

4. “I Haven’t Eaten Healthy or Worked Out In So Long, What’s The Point Now?”

Syatt’s response, “A lot of the times, people use guilt as a means to validate not doing something.” Okay true, why don’t you just @ me next time. But seriously, drowning yourself in pity and pizza doesn’t get you anywhere. Syatt says the very first thing his clients hear from him is that “you can’t f*ck up.” By saying this, it takes away the chance for you to feel guilty for not going to the gym or eating an entire cake by yourself. You’re an adult (ish) and have the ability to make your own choices. Don’t focus on what you didn’t do. “If you want to be lazy, be the laziest f*ck you could possibly be and enjoy that time,” Syatt explains. “But when it’s time to work out, go crush your workout.”

5. “I Just Have A Slow Metabolism”

Okay, for starters, do you even know what a metabolism is? Probably not. There are very few people who have a metabolic disorder, and in the words of Syatt, “You don’t have a metabolism problem; you have an eating a f*ck ton of food problem.” I’m being targeted. But basically what Syatt is getting at is that metabolism depends on how much you move in a day and how much muscle you have. If you lie in bed watching Netflix all day, yeah, you’re probably not losing any weight. You don’t have a sh*tty metabolism, though—you’re sh*tty at moving. Even just walking can help your metabolism function as it properly should.

6. “I Only Lose Weight Doing Detoxes”

There is nothing worse than preachy teatox campaigns that make you sh*t your brains out. And what f*cking toxins? Syatt explains that your body is literally built to remove toxins. What do you think your entire digestive system is for anyway? You don’t need someone’s unregulated mystery bag of tea flushing out your insides. You can do that all on your own with your liver and kidneys. Detoxes can also be super restrictive, which can have dangerous consequences and promote bad eating habits (like starving yourself all day then eating three bags of Chex Mix under your covers crying—totally random example). And do you really want to live your life not eating? You’re missing out on like, all the fun.

So, it’s unfortunate, but your excuses have run out. It’s time to haul your ass out of bed and stop throwing a pity party for yourself about all the reasons you can’t. You can do this, and even if you don’t believe in yourself, Syatt has enough confidence for us all to share.

Listen to the rest of our interview with Jordan Syatt on our Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast.

Images: Giphy (6); Unsplash/Juan Pablo Rodriguez

5 Supplements To Take For Clear Skin That Looks Like It’s Been FaceTuned

IDK about you, but sometimes it feels like I could be my most obnoxious, vegan, fitstagram-loving self and still feel dead inside have shitty skin. Like, this week I drank a whole vomit green smoothie and ran to the train once. Doesn’t that count for anything? I wash my face (almost) every night, attempt to eliminate 3am pizza on the weekends, and will even drink the occasional glass of water. Most people telI me to just be patient with my skin, but I hardly understand what “being patient” means. Thankfully, I’ve finally found the solution to all of my problems: skin-perfecting supplements. No, this is not an #ad and I’m not #sponsored. This is the real deal. Please note that I am not a doctor and you should probs discuss any vitamin/supplement regimen with your doctor aka don’t sue me. Here are the best life-changing skin supplements that will get you model-looking skin faster than you can say “link in bio”.

1. HUM Nutrition Daily Cleanse Clear Skin And Acne Supplement

This is not only a supplement that rids toxins from your skin, but it also gets rid of toxins inside your body that are contributing to breakouts. Full of detoxifying and botanical nutrients, it helps detox the skin and other internal organs for clearer and much healthier skin. Take up to two a day without food and you’ll start seeing visible results after just a few weeks.

2. OmegaGenics Evening Primrose Oil

Dermatologists love this shit, tbh. Evening primrose helps target really fucking painful acne (such as cystic acne) and helps speed up the healing process and reduce redness. Omega-6, which is seriously an essential for glowing skin, smoothes the skin’s texture and prevents unnecessary swelling. Take one three to six times a day for #spon celeb results.

3. Heliocare Dietary Supplement

Heliocare is full of a fuck ton of antioxidants (which is v important for like, being healthy) and consists of natural ingredients such as wild fern extract. The plant prevents wrinkles and awk facial lines that hide your inner 80-year-old self. For hotter months, it also prevents cell damage and dangerous sun exposure effects. If you can barely swallow an Advil, you only have to take this once a day for optimal results. Bless.

4. Caudalie Vinexpert Dietary Supplements

This supplement is full of anti-aging and moisturizing magic that helps keep your skin from sagging and looking dry af. It’s also full of natural antioxidants such as Resveratrol (also found in red wine) that helps get rid of dark spots and protects from cancer-causing UV rays. So, I mean, keep chugging red wine like it’s your job at dinner and/or just take two of these a day and you’ll see fab results in just a few weeks.

5. Dr. Barbara Sturm Skin Food

“Skin food” might sound kind of nasty, but it is actually a healthy alternative for the path to the “fountain of youth,” according to Dr. Barb here. It’s a formula reduces evidence of slowly becoming ancient aging, prevents swelling, and produces fresher, clearer skin immediately. It keeps your skin firm without looking like you went under the needle and evens out texture and skin tone. Pop two a day with water and you’ll wonder why you didn’t stumble across my really good advice them sooner.

Read: 7 Supplements That Will Undo The Damage You Did To Your Body Over The Weekend
5 Ways To Cook Kale

Ugh, kale. Like starting our 401k, getting yearly physicals, and reading CNN, we know deep down that it’s good for us, but actually getting to it sucks. It’s bland, it’s blah, and whoever eats it plain and steamed is seriously disturbed. Kale crept into our psyche several years ago, and since then it’s been assaulting us with its dark green leafy-ness and ability to be in everything from our smoothies to our salads. It probably has something to do with the insane amount of nutrients in this shit—one cup contains about 33 calories, 3 grams of protein, 2.5 grams of fiber, vitamins A, C, and K, folate, omega-3 fatty acids, and several nutrients that are proven to protect against macular degeneration and cataracts. Plus it has calcium, zinc, potassium, and phosphorus, so it’s a fucking nerd overachiever all around.

In the interest of being responsible (told you, mom) we rounded up five easy ways to cook kale this shit without driving yourself insane—so embrace the kale in all its rubbery goodness and be healthy for like, at least this afternoon.

1. Add It To Your Smoothie

If you aren’t already doing this, fucking duh. Blend together ½ banana, ½ cup chopped kale, ½ cup blueberries. ½ cup plain Greek yogurt, and ½ tsp cinnamon. You can like, add protein powder if you’re that kind of person, too.

2. Make An Egg And Kale Scramble

In a bowl, whisk 2 eggs, salt, pepper, and ½ tbsp. of water. In a medium skillet sprayed with nonstick, add half a chopped shallot and stir until golden, then throw in about 1 ¾ cup chopped kale leaves and cook until it’s wilty and shit. Add in the whisked egg mixture and ¼ cup cheddar cheese, then mix until the eggs have set. I assume you’ve made fucking scrambled eggs before.

3. Make It Into A Healthier Pesto

Grab your handy-dandy food processor and combine 1 ½ cups packed torn kale leaves, ¼ cup walnuts, ¼ cup shredded parmesan cheese, 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice, and 2 garlic cloves. Process until totally smooth, then season with salt and pepper. Use this shit on pasta, as a pizza base, on garlic bread, drizzled over a salad—the possibilities are fucking endless.

4. Use It Instead Of Rice For Your Stir Fry

Yes, you can. Just steam or sauté the kale in a skillet with salt, pepper, and possibly a bit of broth and seasoning, and spoon whatever stir fry you were planning to make over top. This also works with stews and curries. Look at you, bein’ all low carb. Plus, you don’t have to worry about the kale being bland, because the taste is literally going to be covered up by whatever delicious dish you’re making.

5. Make Chips

Sigh, I know. But it really is stupid easy and healthier for you. Preheat the oven to 350F. Wash a bunch of kale and pat it dry, then break the leaves into bite sized pieces. Toss with about 2 tbsps olive oil, salt, and parmesan cheese then spread on a baking sheet in a single layer. Bake for about 10 minutes or until kale is crispy and slightly brown.

Read: 6 “Healthy” Habits That Could Be Doing You More Harm Than Good
 
A Hangover-Proof Full Body Workout For When You’re Still A Little Bit Drunk

People who wake up with a hangover and head straight to 9AM bootcamp are less relatable than people who choose the middle seat on a plane. Or people who use the “cool” setting on a blowdryer. Or people who don’t follow Beyonce on Instagram. You get the point: exercising with a hangover is hell on earth, so we made a workout that’s totally hangover-proof, so you can sweat out last night’s tequila without the nausea and migraines that come with your regular gym routine. Do each of the following exercises for 45 seconds, and repeat the circuit 3-4 times total.

Alternating Lunge to Squat

Your leg muscles are the biggest muscles in your body, so you’re burning the most calories when you do lower body workouts. However, as much as you’d love to go on a run or make it to SoulCycle, it’s just not happening. The idea of bouncing around in a dark room while listening to Chainsmokers at full blast makes you want to vom, so lunges and squats are a hangover-proof alternative. Step forward with your right leg, creating a 90 degree angle and bringing your left knee an inch away from the ground. Then, step your feet together and squat down, keeping your knees behind your ankles. Alternate between the lunges and squats for the full 45 seconds.

Standing Oblique Crunches

Every good workout needs to have some ab component involved, but bicycle crunches and planks might sound nauseating AF right now. Luckily for you, you can work the sides of your abs while standing up, and it might actually be more effective than your 30-second side planks. Standing with your feet shoulder-width apart, put your hands behind your head and slowly crunch sideways toward one side of your body, feeling the stretch on the other side. Do 5 reps on one side, then 5 reps on the other, and alternate between the two. If you have a dumbbell to hold in your hand, it’ll make it even harder, but we can also just save that for a day where you can actually see straight.

Lying Hip Bridges

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “You don’t get the ass you want by sitting on it,” but it turns out, you can get it by lying on the floor. No joke. Hip bridges engage your glutes, which are the muscles that make your butt look amazing and perky in a bathing suit. Start by lying on the ground with your knees bent and your feet on the ground. Then, lift your hips off the ground, squeezing your butt to lift up, and keeping your upper back on the ground. Lift and lower your butt for a few reps, and then try holding for a few seconds at the top. If your butt is burning after like, 30 seconds, you’re doing it right.

Tricep Dips

It wouldn’t be a full-body workout if we didn’t make you work your arms, but most arm exercises require weights, and we all know you’re not making it to the gym today, so let’s not kid ourselves. Tricep dips are one of the few arm exercises that are super effective without weights required, so get ready to not be able to lift your arms tomorrow when you brush your hair. Find a bench or couch of some sort, and sit in front of it, with your hands on the bench surface behind you. With only your hands on the bench, make sure your butt is only a couple inches away. Then, dip your body up and down with your elbows bent, using only your arms to lift and lower your body. Try to do 10 straight, then rest for a few seconds and do another 10.

Downward Dog to Push-up

Downward facing dog is technically a yoga pose, so by combining it with a push-up, we’re basically yogis and also military material. It’s whatever. Start with your hands on the floor out in front of you and your feet on the ground behind you, feeling the stretch in your shoulders and calves. Then, bring your body forward so that your shoulders are over your wrists, and dip down for a push-up. Drop down to your knees if you need to, but try to get your chest as close to the ground as you can. Alternate between the two movements as many times as you can, and then you can get on with your v productive day. I mean, you know the day’s off to a good start when you literally need sunglasses to open the refrigerator. Happy Sunday.

READ: A Full Body Workout You Can Do During Commercials

10 Foods That Speed Up Your Metabolism So You Can Skip The Gym

Lucky for you, this article won’t actually lead you to a spam site that’ll likely infect your computer with computer Ebola. We’re rounding up foods that may allow you to skip the gym for a day since they boost your metabolism with their super psycho food powers. Just think, by adding all this new shit to your diet, you may lose enough flab to be bikini ready in time for summer.

1. Water

It’s literally number one on all of our lists all the time. Water is the answer to everything (and is the essence of wetness), including boosting your metabolism. Every time you’re dehydrated (liiiiike every Saturday and Sunday morning), your metabolism starts crawling. Grab some cold water and chug—it’ll force your body to use calories to make you feel warm and fuzzy.

Water Is The Essence Of Wetness

2. Jalapeños, Habaneros, Serranos, & Other Spicy Peppers

Spicy shit equals a skinny waistline. Capsaicin, found in spicy shit, can increase your metabolism by like 25% for three hours after you eat it. So, yeah, the Thai hot Pad Prik may be painful, but just think of all the calories you’re burning.

Spicy

3. Green Tea

Do yourself a favor and just stock up on green tea the way I imagine cool college kids stock up on Adderall. As you should already be aware, green tea has EGCG, a plant compound that helps you burn fat. Green tea was a highly esteemed super food about five years ago, which it should always be based on all the extra calories it burns. Ditch your sleepy time chamomile tea and chug green tea.

Tea

4. Rolled Oats

We all know about the benefits of whole grains, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that rolled oats make the list. Whether you put them in overnight oats with chocolate and bananas (um, delicious but def not really healthy) or prefer plain, unflavored oatmeal (you’re a psycho), rolled oats help you keep the hunger demons away. They also take a shitload of time to digest, so you’ll be fuller for longer. And less likely to inhale a burrito bowl come lunch time.

Oatmeal

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5. Ahi Tuna

Omg yay, our sushi habit is paying off! Although tuna is like, kind of endangered, if you DO end up eating it, you’re giving your metabolism a boost. The Omega-3’s in tuna stimulate your body’s production of “you’re full” signals, which, honestly, I wish I could bottle and inject into my body every goddamn day.

Sushi

6. Grapefruit

We ALL know about the grapefruit diet, and it turns out those Monterey mommies who invented it were on to something. Grapefruit has a shit load of vitamin C, which I assume you all learned from Sesame Street or something. That shit keeps your insulin spikes down, which prevents a little thing I like to call die-a-beet-us AND keeps your metabolism at a steady rate throughout the day. So yah, load up on that shit at breakfast and ditch the doughnut. But make sure you eat something other than grapefruit throughout the day or you’ll starve and turn into a monster.

Grapefruit

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7.  Coffee

I’m sure there will be another study in a few weeks that informs us that coffee causes cancer/zika/ebola in mice, but, it also boosts your calorie-fighting power. All that caffeine translates into your body burning an extra 80-120 calories per day. Just remember to drink that shit black to match your bag and soul.

Coffee

8. Lentils

What happens if you aren’t getting enough iron? You can’t burn enough calories, you get fat and sad, and forever alone becomes your personal tagline. Lucky for you, one cup of lentils gives you about 35% of your daily iron needs, which will keep your metabolism revving and ready to burn off that extra cupcake I saw you stuff in your mouth at lunch.

Lentils

9. Milk

We’re surprised too. Turns out, milk and calcium in general can help your body figure out wtf to do with fat more effectively. So yah, have that white Russian. It’s practically healthy.

Milk

10. Lean Meat

Yes, eating that piece of grilled chicken or bison (yes rly) is totally fine for your calorie-burning purposes. Lean meat has iron and, as we already fucking explained, iron equals higher metabolism. So yah, nom on that meat, you carnivorous betch.

Meat

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