If you’ve been anywhere near the internet over the last couple weeks, you’ve probably heard about some drama going on with the British Royal Family. Harry and Meghan are doing their thing, and then Queen Elizabeth did another thing, but there’s a lot to process when it comes to the reality of what’s happening. Especially if the only time you usually pay attention to the royals is when there’s a wedding, you might be confused about what’s actually happening right now. While I don’t expect most of you to learn all the royal rules or actually care about this sh*t, I thought it might be helpful to explain things in more… American terms. And by that, I mean the Kardashians, who are basically America’s royal family.
First, let’s go through some of the major characters. In this scenario, Queen Elizabeth is Kris Jenner (obvi). She runs this bitch. Prince William is Kim Kardashian, the favorite daughter. The chosen one. And Prince Harry is Kourtney Kardashian, a daughter who is still loved, but like, a little less. It’s not personal, it’s just the way things are. In this situation, there’s no direct Khloé parallel, but she’s used to being left out so I don’t feel that bad.
There are a lot of things that come along with being a Kardashian, but one of the biggest obligations is being on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Every family member has their own side projects, but at the end of the day, the show is the engine that drives the whole Kardashian empire. In the royal family, the equivalent of this is doing royal engagements. According to the Royal Family website, members of the family attend over 2,000 official engagements each year, which includes a lot of charity events, government ceremonies, and just general royal stuff. Most of them are boring, but they all have to get done. This is what it means to be a “working member” of the Royal Family.
And this weekend, it was announced that Harry and Megs will no longer be working members of the family. In 2019, Harry and Meghan attended nearly 300 engagements, and now someone else has to do all of those. Harry will always be a part of the family, but he’s walking away from the job aspect, which is quite similar to Kourtney taking a step back from KUWTK. In clips from the show, Khloé and Kim have complained that Kourtney’s absence puts the burden on them to film more and show more, and the same goes for the other royals now having to cover Harry and Meghan’s share of the work.
In the Queen’s statement this weekend, she cleared up some of the biggest questions about Harry and Meghan’s status, namely which titles they’ll use going forward. It’s important to note that no titles were actually taken away—they’re just agreeing not to use their HRH styles. When Diana divorced Charles, she was stripped of her HRH style, but this is different. That was a final decision, like Blac Chyna’s dreams of being Angela Renee Kardashian being flushed down the toilet, where this feels more like Scott Disick being permanently in the picture, just off to the side.
But what will Harry and Meghan do with their time, now that they don’t have to be at Kim’s house to film three days a week? Wait, f*ck, I’m getting myself confused. Honestly, I feel like Kim Kardashian and Meghan Markle would probably get along, so maybe a Sussex cameo on KUWTK isn’t that far-fetched? That probably won’t happen, but my point is that Harry and Meghan are now basically free to do whatever they want. They won’t be getting taxpayer money anymore, and they will repay the public funds that were used to renovate their home in the UK, which allows them to get jobs and work on that financial independence.
While Kourtney Kardashian has her lifestyle brand to focus on (lol), I have a feeling the Sussexes will be leaning into their charity work, in addition to maybe doing producing work. But who knows, maybe Meghan will relaunch her blog from before she married Harry? That would definitely be the Kardashian thing to do, but I doubt it’ll happen. Either way, Harry and Meghan are going to make tons of money, spend their time wherever they feel like it, and hopefully live happily ever after.
Images: sussexroyal / Instagram
On Wednesday afternoon, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle made the shocking announcement that they will step back “as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent.” In their statement on Instagram (sadly not a Notes App screenshot, I was really holding out hope), they say they’ll be splitting their time between the UK and North America, while continuing to honor the Royal Family, and also focusing on the launch of their “new charitable entity.” While I’m sure some of you know way too much about this sh*t already, for the average American, this might as well be gibberish. Allow me to explain.
On first glance, it’s shocking news—and I don’t just mean it’s shocking because Meghan achieved every teenage girl’s dream of marrying a prince and is now throwing it away. The Royal Family has basically stayed the same for centuries, and this announcement marks a major departure for two of its most prominent members. In particular, the Royal Family is famous for working overtime to keep private issues out of the spotlight, and a decision like this will obviously trigger tons of speculation about what behind the scenes events caused it. But considering all the struggles Harry and Meghan have dealt with recently, I’m gonna go ahead and say the reasons don’t require a whole lot of speculation and this feels like a logical step for them.
Ever since Harry and Meghan’s engagement in 2017, rumors have persisted about a rift between Harry and his brother William, and if the sources are to be believed, their relationship hasn’t gotten any better. Last year, reports surfaced that William had been caught cheating on Kate, and Harry was purportedly livid with him about it (although the royal family has denied the affair). Over the summer, Harry took important steps to establish his own public identity separate from his brother, as he and Meghan hired their own staff and launched their own social media accounts, because nothing says “f*ck you” like a 35-year-old man deciding to stop sharing an Instagram account with his brother. Around the same time, Harry also split from the charitable foundation the brothers founded together in 2009. Again, sick burn.
But aside from the passive-aggressive stuff between the brothers, things have actually been pretty sh*tty for Meghan Markle. In recent months, Meghan has faced intense scrutiny from the brutal British tabloids, which IMO are even more brutal than American tabloids even though you think British people are supposed to be classy and reserved. This lead to both her and Harry to speak publicly about the toll the media attention has taken. Meghan told one journalist that her pregnancy and the months that followed had been “really challenging” due to media scrutiny, and that it would be fair to say she’s “not really okay.” I know I don’t exactly make my living from saying nice things about people online, but seriously, leave the poor woman alone.
Knowing all of this, it makes sense that Harry and Meghan are ready to get some distance from the intense pressure of the Royal Family, especially because Harry isn’t in the direct line of succession to the throne. He’ll never be the Queen’s favorite grandson, and it’s not just because he married an American. Of course, he’ll always be royal, but he should face far less scrutiny for his actions in America. I mean, he’s the one who both wore a Nazi costume AND had nudes leak, and we barely even remember that stuff. Will could never get away with that sh*t! If Harry wants to go live in Canada or LA or Vegas or something for three months out of the year, nothing bad will happen.
I’d also imagine that the constant royal schedule of going to events and shaking hands and cutting ribbons and giving speeches and pretending to like gross rando children isn’t actually that fun when it’s all you’re supposed to do for your entire life. Harry is still only 35 years old, so he has plenty of time to start his own foundation, or play golf, or do whatever the f*ck he wants to do. Speaking of that, the thing that’s most interesting to me about this announcement is the “financially independent” bit. As someone who uh, is not rich, the thought of giving up whatever generous Royal Family allowance he gets is truly harrowing. Like, I’m about 10 minutes away from selling my feet pics over here, but sure Harry—strive for financial independence! It’s sooooo fun.
The thing is, obviously Harry and Meghan can do whatever they want to do, but we all know they’re not going to like, get actual jobs. Launching a charitable foundation is great, and that takes a lot of work (or so the rich WASP-y moms from my hometown tell me), but I don’t think they’re going to be in the office every day hustling for their salaries and negotiating their benefits packages the way normal people do. No shade, but like, that’s not happening. You won’t be in line for your Sweetgreen salad behind Prince Harry, no matter how many days in a row you go. They’re going to get a nice paycheck from their foundation or whatever, and I’m sure they will not go hungry. But worst case (or best case for us), maybe they’ll get desperate and have to do a reality TV show. Hey, I can dream.
I’m sure Harry and Meghan will be back soon with some more updates on what their new life will look like, but until then, I’d just like to formally say that I’m more than happy to accept whatever allowance they’re not going to take anymore. I’m neither British nor a member of the Royal Family, but my accent is pretty good, and I’m more than happy to pretend.
Images: sussexroyal / Instagram
