Like the roommate who started polluting your apartment with Hobby Lobby Christmas decorations before your Halloween hangover even subsided, ABC is also gearing up early for the holidays. But instead of gifting you with a fake Christmas tree that does nothing but partially block your view of the TV and give your dog diarrhea whenever she chews on it, ABC has gifted us with the gift that keeps on giving: the first official trailer for Peter’s season of The Bachelor.
The first promo for the season dropped a little over a week ago and gave us more windmill green screen imagery than the PowerPoint deck for the Green New Deal. Like, we GET IT, he f*cked in a windmill. I figured the trailer would be much of the same. And for the most part it was: we got Chris Harrison delivering his first contractually obligated “most dramatic season ever” of the season, at least 10 frames of Peter standing shirtless next to a plane, and footage of girls who are way too hot for Peter pretending to be into Peter. Basically, the storyboard for the teaser trailer could have been crafted by someone who doesn’t have working eyes or ears and only knows that Peter is a pilot (Chris Harrison’s least favorite nephew-turned-ABC-intern, I am looking at YOU). But then, just as I’m tempted to exit out of the trailer entirely, who should pop up on my screen? None other than HANNAH MF BROWN.
Before we go any further, here’s the full trailer so you can watch it in its entirety:
Not only does Hannah make an appearance during the season, but Peter actually asks her to stay AND THEN THEY ALMOST KISS. I mean, their body language alone has enough fire in it to burn ABC studios to the ground, and a still of their lips almost touching is certainly going to be my phone’s new background photo. I want to believe in a world where Hannah B gets a second chance at love on The Bachelor, I really do. But that would also require me to believe that the Easter bunny exists and that I plan my spring vacations around a groundhog. All I’m saying is the trailer looks a little too good to be true. Like, so untrue it might be world-class production editing untrue.
For one, Hannah B. just won the Dancing With the Stars. It seems unlikely that she could be on two reality TV shows at the same time, especially considering they aren’t filmed in the same city. Dancing With the Stars is filmed in Hollywood, CA, while The Bachelor takes up residence in Agoura Hills. According to Google Maps, that’s like an hour plus commute each way, but you might as well add ten years to that when you factor in California traffic.
Even if Hannah could do both shows, I don’t think she would. Don’t get me wrong, during her season’s After The Final Rose, I saw sparks between her and Peter. She practically had her hand down his pants at one point, so I could see them happening. What I don’t see happening is Hannah trying to compete for his attention with 20+ other women. She had her own season of The Bachelorette for god’s sake, she’s not going to go back to being on the other side of “can I steal you for a sec?”
And it’s not like Hannah isn’t single either. She recently confirmed that she’s not dating her Dancing With the Stars dance partner, Alan Bersten, nor is she dating ex Tyler Cameron. But she also said that she has “trauma from dating” (same girl). Something tells me that she’s not jumping back out into the dating world via bikini-clad group dates and drunken confessionals. Just a guess.
Then there’s the matter of video editing. This isn’t the first time ABC has promised us a fire season only to deliver a throne of lies built off one juicy season trailer. Take Colton’s infamous fence jump, for example. Production teased that happening from day one. They made it seem as if Colton’s meltdown would happen early on and in front of multiple women, when in all actuality the fence jump heard ‘round the world occurred during one of the last episodes of the season and in front of no one but Chris Harrison and a few shocked camera men. I wouldn’t be surprised if Hannah whole “I’d do anything for love” line from the trailer wasn’t taken completely out of context for the sole purpose of leading us. Nice try, ABC, but you aren’t the first f*ckboy I’ve encountered, mmkay?
So, do I think Hannah is going to be on Pilot Pete’s season of The Bachelor? The short answer is yes, but for less time than a commercial break. I’m not saying that Pilot Pete and Hannah are over for good (I will hold onto this torch until the end of time), but if anything happens between the two of them it won’t be on our TV screens, but rather, over Instagram DMs like God intended. Only time will tell, I suppose. Either way see you betches in January for the new season!
Images: ABC (1); Youtube (1)
So uh, I guess these are spoilers for Peter’s season of The Bachelor, but not really. Read at your own risk!
If you weren’t that impressed with the crop of contestants for Peter’s season of The Bachelor, apparently you’re not the only one. They’re currently filming, and the latest update on what’s going down behind the scenes almost made me fall out of my chair. Buckle up, because Hannah Brown is back in town.
Here’s what happened. A few days ago, there was a group date planned for Peter’s season. At the date, Hannah was set to make an appearance, and she was going to trade sex stories with some of the women. Not sure I love the concept, but it makes sense for an appropriately cringey Bachelor group date. I’m sure Hannah was going to talk about the windmill, and we all would have loved it. But at the last minute, the date was canceled, with the official reason that Peter was sick. This has happened before, so it wasn’t really a cause for concern, BUT THEN.
Again, this is a spoiler ahead so don’t continue reading if you don’t want to see spoilers.
Apparently, Hannah and Peter were talking before the date, and that’s when Peter decided to cancel. Then, instead of going home, he and Hannah continued to hang out. Homeboy wasn’t sick at all! All of this info comes from @bachelornationspoilers on Instagram, and while these things can be hard to confirm, people saw Hannah at the date location. Whatever did or didn’t go down with Peter, she was definitely there.
Honestly, I’m not thrilled about this development. I like Hannah a lot, but I feel like the Bachelor producers need to chill tf out and just let the new season be its own thing. After sitting through an entire season of Bachelor in Paradise that felt like an inside joke we weren’t in on (they need to film at Stagecoach next year), I was looking forward to The Bachelor getting back to normal. Okay, maybe not like normal normal, but just your average season of The Bachelor where the guy just has the choices presented to him. Is that too much to ask??
But instead, we’re getting another round of The Bachelor with literally no fourth wall, where the events on the show are too intertwined with the real world for anything to actually be believable. Maybe Peter will end up engaged to the girl with the puka shell necklace (yikes), but maybe he’ll just keep DMing Hannah instead. They really should start filming this show on a remote island, with no one allowed in or out until it’s all over. It’s the only way.
Obviously, Peter’s season is far from over, so I’m not saying he’s going to ditch all the women for Hannah, but this behind the scenes info isn’t especially promising. On the other hand, there are also rumors that Hannah is hooking up with her Dancing With The Stars partner Alan Bersten, which I personally would support. Last night, they did a Q&A together on his Instagram story, and they seem to get along super well. Whether this is a DWTS fling, the beginning of something serious, or just two randos who are being forced to spend a lot of time together, I’m into it.
It’s been an exhausting few months in Bachelor Nation. We’ve had Tyler and Gigi, Mike and Demi, Blake and everyone, Amanda and the Chanel bag, Nick and Rachel Bilson (maybe), and it seems like we haven’t seen the end of the drama for this year. Guys, I need a f*cking nap. But Bachelor Nation never sleeps, and apparently neither do I. I’ll be waiting eagerly to see whether Peter finds the love of his life, or if he jumps the fence like Colton did (LOL that the fence jump happened like seven months ago, I feel old). It’s going to be a fun journey.
Images: ABC; bachelornationspoilers, alanbersten / Instagram
