Does ABC Actually Want ‘The Bachelor’ To Be Spoiled?

For the last 18 years, ABC has slowly sucked the will to live out of us with a torture device known as The Bachelor. I hate this show. But my god, I LOVE this show. You know what I mean? In the beginning, it was gripping because reality TV was relatively new, and we got to see people genuinely fall in love. In the end times (that’s us now, am I right COVID/murder hornets/Isaias?) it’s gripping because of the unconventional endings and the overwhelming desire to know which blonde women from the South will end up with the best FabFitFun sponsorship when it’s over. But, through the years, one thing that’s remained constant in Bachelor Nation is its disdain for spoilers. That’s right! Bring on the racists and the sex offenders, but don’t you DARE spoil this contrived mockery of modern courtship for the masses. Or at least, that’s what they say. But I’ve got another theory. I think ABC actually LOVES having the season spoiled. And, dare I say it…they may even spoil it themselves. Allow me to explain. 

First, let me lay out the evidence that ABC claims to hate spoilers. Just last season, Chris Harrison went on Almost Famous, Ben Higgins’ and Ashley I’s podcast, and told them that spoilers “ruin people’s lives,” are “disrespecting the hard work done by writers and producers,” and that people who spoil the season “have no self-worth.”

Oh, Chris. That’s cute. But people with no self-worth are busy ruining their lives by texting their cheating ex 73 times at 1am (hypothetically!), they don’t spoil The Bachelor. Producers also make the contestants sign an NDA when they go on the show, which of course includes a clause forbidding them from revealing the ending. 

But even with that clause and Chris Harrison publicly cursing Reality Steve’s name, somehow spoilers get out. Every season since Jason Mesnick’s, actually, and I know like 75% of you reading this were still wearing a diaper when he was publicly changing his mind (ugh, men). So, spoilers have been a part of the Bachelor franchise for a long time—longer than March 2020. And of course there are some reasons for this that don’t involve an underpaid production assistant getting wine drunk and chatty in a public place near a recording device. Obviously The Bachelor is a big production, and they have dates out in public, so naturally people are going to see them, take pictures, and tweet about it. And some seasons the lead even spoils it themselves. Kaitlyn Bristowe actually posted a Snapchat in bed with her winner Shawn Booth before the season finished airing. 

So, like, did Kaitlyn get in trouble for this? If she broke this clause in the NDA and didn’t get sued, can contestants on the show finally talk about “controversial topics” like feminism? Please hit me back, Bachelor lawyers. And, if she didn’t get sued, doesn’t that just further the idea that, at the very least, ABC doesn’t really care if their show is spoiled? The only consequence for her actions that I could find was when Jimmy Kimmel told her that ABC was “very, very mad.” Well! I didn’t know they were very, very mad! Two very’s! That should certainly serve as a strong deterrent to other contestants.

So, of course, plenty of people, spies and dummies alike, are spoiling The Bachelor. They have never been able to contain it. My bet is that ABC decided that if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Because we have finally made it to my star witness, the season that has me all riled up, Season 16 of The Bachelorette, aka The Clare Catastrophe™ . The Clare Catastrophe™ began all the way back in March, when Clare Crawley, woman who talks to crabs, was announced as the Bachelorette. And then her season was immediately put on hold due to COVID-19. That makes sense, they’re swapping a lot of bodily fluids over there. But now that we have the virus under control (lol I am a mole person and everyone is still dying) they began filming in July in one isolated location. One isolated location I might add, that immediately got leaked. That means no going out in public on dates, no leaving the property at all, and STILL spoilers got out. I’m no genius, but I’m pretttyyyyy sure that means that someone on location had to be the one to spill the metaphorical beans, no?

You can find our full explanation of The Clare Catastrophe ™ here, but I’ll give it to you quick to prove my point. First, Reality Steve found out that Dale Moss got the first impression rose. HOW WOULD ANYONE WHO WAS NOT THERE KNOW THAT? The call was coming from inside the house! And then we had the Reddit post that outlined pretty much EXACTLY what happened with Clare, and how Tayshia was coming in to replace her. AND THEN we have this Instagram account that revealed EVEN MORE about why Becca and Hannah Ann have shown up

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EMERGENCY BACHELORETTE UPDATE: A THREAD!!!!!!!!!🚨 #bachelornation #thebachelorette (via /thatsuitcaseguy twitter) *disclaimer this is a rumor wdk if it’s verified but sharing bc i love harmless piping hot bach nation tea

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Sorry for all the caps, guys, I realize this looks like an email from my grandpa, but I am THAT jazzed up about it. Because at this point they just want people to speculate. They could have easily made sure that no one knew Hannah Ann was coming and locked down the location, but they didn’t. 

So, we have the fact that the information about Clare’s season leaked even though they were quarantined for filming. And sure, some of the information could have been from contestants that were called back, but that doesn’t account for the location being leaked, the first impression rose info, and the story that was posted on Reddit. And then we have the fact that the show is getting a TON of publicity from this. Did I care two weeks ago about a sad, lonely old lady looking for love? Sure, but that old lady was me. Now I’m pumped to see how this season all goes down, there have been non-stop stories on major media outlets about the season every single day, and people give a sh*t again. HUH what do you know? So why wouldn’t the people who benefit from this the most be the ones to put it into action? 

And I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ll hear of this season. The leaks will just keep coming, they’ve opened up a can of worms. These spoilers are basically me with an episode of Schitt’s Creek. Once you watch one, you may as well stay up for 52 hours and watch the entire series! And though ABC will NEVER admit that they may have played a part in this or at the very least benefited from it, and I’m sure Chris Harrison will have a field day sh*tting on these spoilers during filming, you and I know the truth!

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Images: ABC/John Fleenor; Giphy (1); graceannparks, realitysteve/Twitter; lexniko/Instagram 

What Is Hannah Ann Doing At The ‘Bachelorette’ Filming Resort?

With this week’s bombshell news that Tayshia Adams will be replacing Clare Crawley as the Bachelorette, it’s no surprise that this season is in a state of flux. After just 12 days of filming, Clare found true love, and she might even be engaged to Dale. Some sources say Tayshia called back some guys that Clare sent home, but it’s unclear if any of them actually made the trip back to Palm Springs. And this week, ABC released the most cryptic teasers ever, suggesting that this could really be (say it with me) the most dramatic season ever.

So what could possibly make this season just a little bit more dramatic? Well, in a turn of events that is very exciting to me personally, Hannah Ann Sluss has been spotted on the property. That’s right, according to a report from Us Weekly, Bachelor Nation’s resident supermodel has arrived at the resort where filming is taking place. I thought she would be upset about not even being the backup Bachelorette, but what if she’s the backup-backup Bachelorette?? Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself, but let’s go over what we know so far.

Hannah Ann rolled up to the La Quinta Resort on Tuesday, and Us Weekly’s photos show her arriving with a big-ass suitcase. I’m no model, but that doesn’t look like the kind of suitcase you bring if you’re only staying for a night or two. Then again, maybe she just overpacks. In another photo, Hannah Ann is wearing a mask and talking to another woman, who is reported to be Bachelor producer Julie LaPlaca. If you recall, Julie is the producer who people (myself included) thought Peter Weber was dating at the end of his season (yes, that happened this year; no, time isn’t real).

Hannah Ann has arrived on #TheBachelorette set with a large suitcase. So, she must not be there just to give Tayshia advice. 🤔#TheBachelor #BachelorNation pic.twitter.com/AqIIO6hCWj

— The Chris Harrison Show (@RosesTearsDrama) August 5, 2020

So, based on this evidence, Hannah Ann seems to be involved in filming in some way. But how?? In the past, it’s been pretty common for some past Bachelor Nation peeps to come back and give the lead some advice. That could be what’s happening here, but I’m not convinced. First of all, and I mean this as nicely as possible, but who the f*ck would take relationship advice from Hannah Ann? I don’t think Pete should have proposed to her in the first place, but come on, that relationship isn’t a shining beacon of success. And besides that, do Hannah Ann and Tayshia even know each other? They follow each other on Instagram, and there’s a chance they’ve met IRL, but Tayshia surely has closer BN friends who could come help her out, right?

Also, with quarantine rules theoretically in place, it seems like a lot of work to drive out to Palm Springs and quarantine just so you can attend a group date and give some mediocre advice after. Taking into account the large suitcase, what if Hannah Ann is planning on staying for a while? They’ve already essentially thrown out the rulebook for this season, so who knows what twists could lie ahead? Two Bachelorettes at once? It could happen—in fact, it’s happened before.

But Hannah Ann’s arrival at The Bachelorette’s desert palace isn’t the only thing we need to talk about, because there are also rumors that Becca Kufrin is there. There isn’t specific photo proof like there is with Hannah Ann, but IG account @bachdetective has matched up details from several of her recent photos with the resort where filming is taking place. There’s a door, a window, some flooring, and perhaps most telling, a green wristband that resort guests have to wear (the same account also spotted Hannah Ann wearing the green bracelet yesterday). Those details could easily mean nothing, but I’m not not intrigued. BECCA, WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

 

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Looks like Becca is at the resort where they’re filming the show, wonder why? (Doors, windows, flooring, and green resort bracelet match up) #thebachelorette #thebachelor #thebacheloretteabc #bachelornation #clarecrawley #bachelorspoilers #bachelorettespoilers #abc #bachelorinparadise

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Did Becca really dump Garrett? Is she back for another chance at finding love?? What if there’s like… a whole group of Bachelorettes??? At this point, I’m basically turning into a Bachelorette conspiracy theorist, but really, how else should I be spending my time right now? Based on recent social media posts, Hannah Ann and Becca both still had their phones yesterday, but if they go silent on Instagram, we’ll really know something is up. Until then, I guess I’ll just frantically refresh Reality Steve’s Twitter feed every 10 minutes in case I miss anything.

Images: ABC/Craig Sjodin; rosestearsdrama / Twitter; bachdetective / Instagram