Well, I just looked up from doomscrolling Twitter, and apparently it’s fall now? WTF. March was yesterday, and also 10,000 years ago. I won’t lie—there’s a lot going on that’s interfering with my typical unparalleled enjoyment of *spooky season*. But, despite the odds, the seasons do continue to change, even as the world (and literally the entire West Coast) burns, and I’m going to enjoy it by injecting an extremely unnecessary amount of pumpkin into everything I put into my mouth for the next month. We’re all just finding joy where we can right now, okay?
Honestly, I have always loved this time of year. There’s really never been a better time to attach yourself to a couch and watch something that’s both terrifying and comfortingly fictional. Whether you’re obsessed with the gross and gory or you prefer a horrifying mind-trip, there’s plenty of content out there to satisfy or scare the hell out of you, depending on what you’re into. As an air sign, it is admittedly hard to focus my attention completely on one thing, so I tend to be drawn toward psychological and romantic thrillers as well as mysteries with enough twists and turns to keep my interest piqued. I also tend to have 78 projects going at once and a tendency to talk sh*t, but that’s neither here nor there. More to the point, I have a ton of obsessive TV-watching expertise, so whether your zodiac element is fire, earth, water, or air, I’ve got a recommendation for the best spooky season content for you.
Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Y’all are a logical, grounded bunch. You’re used to friends coming to you for advice, and you’re hands down the best at keeping a secret because you’re loyal as hell. You crave stability and structure, and a gaping plot hole makes you angry for days.
I suggest you watch Away on Netflix, a new sci-fi drama featuring Hilary Swank as an astronaut sent on the first ever expedition to Mars with her flight crew. It’ll give you a new sense of gratitude that your significant other is on the same planet as you. Another suggestion for you is post-apocalyptic thriller Bird Box on Netflix. If you didn’t see it already, it’s a great combo of gritty, physical drama with a twist that makes it more unique than your typical scary movie. Same with A Quiet Place on Hulu; it’s scary and silent, like the virus terrorizing us right now. Maybe too real?
Oldies like the classic psychological thriller Silence of the Lambs, streaming on Netflix, are also a solid choice because they’re scary but you probably know what happens—so you can revisit a fav without being so terrified that you curl up in a ball and are too afraid to get up to pee in the middle of the night. If you’re both brave and just dying for something new, try the horror crime drama series The Outsider on HBO Max. It’s based on a Stephen King novel that I found heart-stoppingly frightening because, well, duh, it’s Stephen King, but also compelling AF.
Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Air signs are all about communication. Above all, you need something entertaining, super intellectually stimulating, and that can satisfy your need to delve into the abstract while also being emotional and dramatic enough to keep your attention away from your phone. Not an easy feat.
Just released on Netflix, supernatural horror series The Haunting of Bly Manor is a must-watch for air signs. The limited series is based on the most terrifying book I’ve ever read in my life, The Turn of the Screw by Henry James, and it’s truly haunting because there’s never a clear conclusion to the horror. and there are multiple interpretations of which perspective is the truth. It’s sure to engage the part of an air sign brain that loves conceptual thinking and also enjoys bone-chilling terror on multiple psychological levels! You won’t fall asleep until it’s starting to get light outside, but you live for that kind of mental stimulation anyway.
Another good choice for supernatural horror is The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina on Netflix. Creepy but fascinating, and focused on female power, the whole “deciding between dark and light” dichotomy will appeal to air signs especially, who tend to see the world in shades of gray and believe there are three sides to every story. For the same reason, I also recommend the first season of crime-horror drama Evil, also streaming on Netflix. It’s a show with plotlines that leave plenty of room for opinionated debate, which is your favorite workout. I also recommend something truly frightening or with some twists, but that isn’t totally disgusting, since blood and gore can be a bit too in your face for an air sign. Horror-thriller movie The Invisible Man is new on HBO, starring the incomparable Elisabeth Moss.
Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Passionate, fiery, and driven: you guessed it; it’s the fire signs. Voted most likely to hog the microphone at the bar on karaoke night, this element’s signs are also prone to tantrums when they don’t get their way. No judgment. This group is full of charisma and charm, and this lineup will give you all the drama you’ve been craving since March.
You’re missing the high of being the center of attention in a crowd. Feeling the urge to go mingle with your neighbors? American Murder: The Family Next Door is a true crime documentary film streaming on Netflix that will fix that. Seriously, be careful when watching this if you’re afraid of losing whatever faith you still have left in humanity. Ratched, a new psychological thriller out on Netflix now, is disturbing enough to be entertaining without making you hide in a closet if you watch it alone. Plus, there are some steamy scenes between Sarah Paulson and Miranda aka Cynthia Nixon, and you can watch those with your vibrator because who TF is going to stop you? One of the main themes besides basic terror is also revenge, which speaks to you on a deep level as one of the more aggressive elements.
American Horror Story: Coven, season three of the American Horror Story series, is on Amazon Prime Video and Netflix. So, on your own time, go watch (or re-watch) arguably the show’s best season, which you’re sure to enjoy because it’s all about badass women who like to be in charge and men who ain’t sh*t. Lastly, an especially scary recommendation for one of the bravest elements is the reality series Haunted on Netflix. Real people telling their real-life stories about the horrifying and supernatural things they’ve experienced, reenacted for your entertainment. Watch at your own risk.
Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Sensitive, emotional, and naturally empathetic and nurturing, no one gives a better shoulder to cry on than a water sign. For your lineup in these stressful times, you need comfort first and foremost—and preferably some steamy romance you can watch from deep within your duvet. Water signs are also ideal scary movie-watching partners, because your borderline psychic tendencies mean you correctly pick out the twist about halfway through the movie without fail. What water signs need right now though are classics, the favorites, and honestly? I’m most jealous of this lineup.
To start, I recommend Hocus Pocus (Disney+), one of the best Halloween movies of all time—sure to transport you to a time when things were simpler and the biggest problem we faced was the debate on candy corn. Next up on the list are movies The Nightmare Before Christmas (Disney+), or Hotel Transylvania (playing at various times on Freeform or on Hulu with live access), both great animated indulgences if you literally just need to watch a spooky cartoon for a sec, or if you have kids and need them to leave you alone.
All five of the Twilight movies can be streamed on Hulu or Amazon Prime, for those of you who love a guilty pleasure cult-favorite. And, because we know how much you love sex and vampires, True Blood is also streaming on HBO Max, and there are plenty of scenes there to make you swoon into your glass of red wine as you bask in your “kidnapped by a fanged, shirtless angel of the undead” fantasy. If you need something new in your life, horror drama series Lovecraft Country is streaming on HBO Max and is shaping up to be a must-watch.
If you’ve got any other recommendations, please leave them in the comments. Otherwise, grab your sherpa blanket and bottle(s) of wine so you can binge to your heart’s content as you fill out your mail-in ballot! Spooky season has officially arrived.
Images: GIPHY (4), Ehud Neuhaus / Unsplash
One of the best parts of the Halloween season is watching spooky movies. I used to love leaving on Freeform’s 13 Nights of Halloween all day (and now it’s 31 Nights!). However, no one has cable in this day and age, because it’s super expensive and a waste of money when we get better content from streaming services anyway. Also, let’s be real, Freeform’s “Nights” is really just Hocus Pocus four thousand times and maybe one night of The Nightmare Before Christmas if you’re lucky. To get you in the mood for Halloween, here are the best movies and TV shows available to stream on Netflix right now, and they’re honestly way better than seeing the same sh*t every day. (But if you miss Hocus Pocus, you can still find it right now on Amazon Prime. You’re welcome.)
‘The Sixth Sense’
The Sixth Sense is the ultimate ghost story. It’s super scary but also deeply unsettling in a psychological way. If you’ve never seen it, now is the time, and if you have, this is the perfect time to rewatch. Turn down the lights, grab a bottle of wine, and don’t forget to check under your bed for dead Mischa Barton.
A horror classic, Carrie is a must-see Stephen King film that lays the groundwork for so many horror movies after it. You simply can’t get through October without watching at least a few Stephen King movies. Sadly, even though they are not on Netflix, you should also watch The Shining and Misery. I always wanted the power of telekinesis, so Carrie is extra fascinating to me. Remember to be nice to the weird kids because they may exact their horror-filled revenge on you. Get the pig’s blood ready!
This movie is probably my favorite “newer” horror movie. It just has everything: it’s terrifying, has a great story, and it really leaves you fully creeped out at the ending. I’m also very weirdly obsessed with the concept of astral projection. I’m not saying it could happen, but I’m also not not saying it. I think there are like four of these movies now, so once you watch this one you can binge the whole series. But like, you may need to sleep with the lights on after.
Scream is definitely a Halloween classic. It’s one of the core slasher films of our time, and it’s inspired many Halloween costumes. Scream is kind of a fun horror movie—it may make you jump, but you won’t like, have nightmares afterwards. Also, Courteney Cox as a thirsty reporter is truly iconic.
Does this count as a Halloween movie? I don’t care, because I LOVE IT. I also loved the series reboot that was canceled before it even aired but you can still watch online (although you’ll have to hunt to find the finale). It’s like a campy horror portrayal of how vapid and dumb our society is, especially in regards to mental health. The whole movie is a caricature of itself, but there is also murder. It’s the definition of a dark comedy, so if you don’t have like, a really twisted sense of humor, you might hate it. It’s also one of the most quotable movies ever, bringing us great lines such as “f*ck me gently with a chainsaw,” and “I love my dead, gay son!”
‘The Haunting Of Hill House’
If Heathers is fun horror, The Haunting Of Hill House is the exact opposite. This show is the most terrifying kind of horror you can get. I love scary everything, and this show still literally gave me nightmares. Everything about it is absolute perfection, from the story, to the acting, to the characters, the cinematography, all of it. But it’s no joke. It’s not for people that can’t handle scary. I was hoping the next season, Bly Manor, would be out this year, but I guess I’ll just have to rewatch this until 2020.
Stranger Things is actually my favorite show on Netflix (and that’s saying A LOT, because there are some really good ones, see above). It’s scary, but in a much more manageable way than Hill House. If you like horror and sci-fi classics, you’ll love everything about Stranger Things. They mix up the scary with coming-of-age stuff and comedy to take the edge off. I would protect all the characters with my life, I love them so much. It’s super binge-able and you probably won’t have nightmares.
Coraline is for those of you that are sad you don’t get to see The Nightmare Before Christmas on Netflix. It’s a beautiful animated masterpiece, but honestly, the story is probably one of the scariest ever—and not just for children. It’s from one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, and let me tell you, the man knows how to write creepy sh*t. There are some elements that will stay with you and haunt you forever after watching it. So, while it won’t terrify you the same way something like Hill House will, you may have some f*cked up dreams.
‘Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina’
I loved Sabrina The Teenage Witch growing up, and I also loved the Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina reboot. It’s way darker and creepier than the old show, and the story is so interesting. It has everything you could want in a Halloween series: witches, murder, monsters, and evil teenage girls. It’s a great series for those that like light scary instead of bone-chillingly horrifying.
After you’ve watched the rest of the list and are thoroughly traumatized, watch Coco for a cute Day of the Dead story that will warm your cold, dead heart. It’s so well-written, and the imagery is beautiful, while still being spooky and on-brand for the Halloween season.
What other movies or TV shows are on your must-watch list for Halloween? Whether you’re into the truly scary sh*t, or prefer more wholesome fall classics, it’s the perfect time of year to stay in and get your Netflix on.
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (10)
It’s Halloween betches, and it’s time to get spooky AF. Netflix is adding to the festivities with the scariest TV shows and movies—’tis the season for sleeping with the lights on and double locking all your doors. There’s no better way to get in the spirit of Halloween than living in darkness with only your laptop screen as a light source. This is also the perfect excuse to ditch any and all Halloween related celebrations. More time for you to spend doing what you do best—sitting. Which BTW, can get pretty f*cking frightening. Just look into my dead, lifeless eyes wasting my life away because yes, it’s hour 30 and I am still here, Netflix.
‘Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’ – October 26
From the f*cked minds that brought you Riverdale comes another childhood ruining series. Sh*t gets dark and twisty when our girl Sabrina hits her 16th birthday. Unlike the stars of My Super Sweet Sixteen, Sab doesn’t get a party with a horse-drawn carriage entrance. Instead, she gets to choose between becoming a demon with her whole witch family or like, being a normal human. Sounds like one hell of a birthday to me!
‘The Haunting of Hill House’ – October 12
Haunted houses are nothing new for Halloween, but this one certainly takes the cake. Based on a 1959 novel by Shirley Jackson, this show takes us through the lives of the Crain family. Hugh and Liv Crain are parents to five kids living in Hill House, a home haunted by ghost-like creatures. The storyline bounces between the current lives of the family, struggling with the trauma from their past, and the stories of the creatures that haunted them. Good luck with this one, I got nightmares from the trailer alone.
‘Creeped Out’ – October 4
Netflix has this horror series rated as kid-friendly. IDK about you, but the ghost episode of Zoey 101 (The Curse of PCA, in case you’re wondering) was scary for me as a child (or maybe still now), so WTF is coming out of this that’s less terrifying? The series is an anthology, all narrated by a mysterious masked figure called “The Curious”. While every episode is different, there are some subtle links that bring the entire series together—and apparently, they’re creepy AF.
‘The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell’ – October 12
Netflix’s latest addition to their plethora of food series is like if Martha Stewart went goth (which I would low-key love to see). Christine McConnell is taking her Insta fame out of the ‘Gram and onto the laptop screen with her own baking show. Known for her creepy cakes and f*cking terrifying photos, the author of Deceptive Desserts shows us all what she does best: making treats that look too scary to eat. That’s one way to trick yourself into a diet.
‘Haunted’ – October 19
Have you ever seen a ghost? And before you try me, no, bugging out when you’re high and seeing your dead dog doesn’t count. This series is about everyday humans experiencing paranormal or supernatural events that still haunt them. Brought to you by the executive producers of The Purge franchise and Lore, this series is sure to make you overanalyze every movement of the wind and flicker of the lights.
‘The Shining’ – October 1
Creepy twins, sketchy hotels, and metaphors—oh my! ‘The Shining’ is a classic sh*t-your-pants horror film, but IDK what’s scarier about this movie: the ax murderer or the film students who analyze every breath Jack Nicholson takes. You decide. If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s based on Stephen King’s 1977 novel of the same title and is probably one of the creepiest films in existence. Would recommend watching this with friends, and then, probably having them guard your bathroom door while you shower.
‘Malevolent’ – October 5
A brother-sister duo decides an excellent business plan is to scam people who are grieving by pretending they know how to talk to the dead. This movie is like what would happen if the Long Island Medium turned out to be a fake. Sh*t gets weird when they go for a reading at an orphanage (red flag one) where a murder took place (red flag two). Basically, the ghosts were like “you want to talk with us B*TCH? Well, now you get to. For eternity.” But I’m sure it’s a lot scarier than that.
‘Apostle’ – October 12
An ex-priest returns to his long-lost daddy’s house to find out that his sister has been kidnapped by a religious cult *gasp*. Turns out, this cult likes to sacrifice people and drill into heads—so some really fun party games here—so obvs ex-priest has to go try and save his sister. The cult is on a remote island, so this movie is for sure full of that type of horror where you scream and no one can hear you. Apparently, this movie is really gory featuring some sh*t swimming, arm cutting, and human meat grinding. Perhaps watch this one on an empty stomach.
‘Truth or Dare’ – October 3
This isn’t your average slumber party. A legit psychopath kidnaps four teens while they’re chilling in Mexico to make them play a dark-ass version of truth or dare. Every time a truth or dare presents itself, everyone’s faces get super warped and they start to look like a freaky Snapchat filter. There’s also a big risk in not doing said tasks—you could die. So the stakes are high, people. The tasks range from breaking someone’s hand to coming out to the grand finale: killing people. This whole thing seems like a lose-lose situation.
Do you love scary sh*t like crime, cults, conspiracy theories? We’re launching Not Another True Crime podcast on October 1! Follow us on Instagram at @natcpod for details.
Images: Giphy (3); Unsplash/Victoria Heath