Why Isn’t Congress Passing New Gun Legislation Right TF Now?

Human embodiment of a wet sneeze AKA Mitch McConnell is receiving some major sh*t from people online after he offered nothing more than his prayers and support to the victims of this past weekend’s horrific mass shootings in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio.

Seeing as there are currently gun legislation bills that have been passed by the House but blocked by McConnell, the Senate Majority leader who can call a vote on them but has failed to, people didn’t find these tweets to be all that helpful.

As much as I love a public dragging of Mitch McConnell and his flaccid face, I do wish in this instance that we wouldn’t have to berate him for not doing his job. Au contraire, I wish he would…do his job.

So, what’s the deal with the gun legislation that McConnell is refusing to put on the Senate floor for a vote? Wow, great Q. These proposed laws are meant to confront the loopholes that exist when it comes to background checks for buying guns. Gun laws are rife with loopholes. Look, I love a good loophole in a happy hour deal (it says buy one get one half off, but doesn’t say anything about buying six at once!!!), but I prefer to keep loopholes out of it when it comes to laws about who is allowed to purchase a machine that can kill people.

Here are the proposed gun laws passed by the House that are waiting for a vote from the Senate:

H.R. 8: Bipartisan Background Checks Act of 2019

This pup would address a loophole that exists when selling firearms person-to-person, which often happens at things like gun shows. As it stands now, the loophole allows firearms to be sold between individuals without a background check. The bill would prohibit most person-to-person firearms transfers unless a background check has been done. That means your cousin’s weird boyfriend can’t just buy a gun from a dude online without a background check. Gruel.

H.R. 1112 Bipartisan Background Checks Act

Current gun laws allow the sale of firearms to proceed if the background check system doesn’t respond after three days. Again, I can see this kind of lax approach to a situation such as my roommate not responding about eating their leftover fries in the fridge (more than three hours of no response means they’re mine now), but not when it comes to purchasing a lethal weapon. This bill would extend that three days to ten days.

Both of these bills passed the House in a 240-190 vote in February, and they have yet to reach the Senate floor for a vote. Why? Because Mitch McConnell is the one with the power to put it to a vote in the Senate, and he hasn’t done that. Instead, he’s tweeting out prayers and support.

Another frustrating element to all of this is that background checks are not even a bipartisan issue — the partisan disagreement seems to only exist between lawmakers in D.C. In fact, 93% of Americans support background checks for gun sales, including 89% of Republicans.  It’s almost like the politicians in D.C. are beholden to a certain gun organization due to their large donations, and are putting that over the lives of Americans?!

Background checks are a crucial step in regulating gun laws in order to prevent the mass shootings that are currently devastating our nation on a regular basis. Like any legal market, the sale of guns should have restrictions and rules so that they don’t end up in the wrong hands. Background checks are a huge part of making sure people meet all requirements for legally owning a gun. We have seen time and time again how mass shootings are the result of an extremely troubled person having easy access to a gun, despite the fact that there were signs that this person would turn to violence.

Which leads me to another proposed gun law…

“Red Flag” Laws

These laws would allow police or family members to petition a state court to order the temporary removal of firearms from a person who may present a danger to others or themselves. This is supported by some Republicans and seems to be their alternative choice to universal background checks. Seems like tedious and unnecessary work that could be avoided by simply having universal background checks, but go off. Like, why should this responsibility lie in the hands of family members and police? Seems like a lot could go overlooked…

Anyway, let’s hop flaccid-face Mitch McConnell finds the time in his busy schedule of sending thoughts & prayers to actually do his job and put these proposed gun laws to a vote on the Senate floor.

4 People (and One Dog) That Prove We’re Too Dumb To Own Guns

Pretty much every person I’ve ever met is an idiot, and call me old fashioned, but I just don’t think idiots should be able to own guns. Much like family gatherings and sobriety, idiots and guns just don’t mix well. But this is America, where any idiot can own a gun, and gun accidents are a legitimate problem. G bless. Idiots owning guns often leads to bad things happening, if you can believe. Accidental shootings are v. much a thing, and they only further prove my point that men everyone should not be trusted with a gun. In 2017, there were 2,031 “unintentional shootings” in the U.S., and so far in 2018 there have been 790 instances of someone shooting a gun by accident. Here’s a list of dum-dums that accidentally shot themselves or someone else. Fun!

The FBI Agent Who Literally Busted A Move On The D-Floor

You probs heard about this one in the new recently, as it made quite a splash online. Agent Chad Bishop was at a bar and Denver and casually decided to do a backflip on the dance floor, causing his gun to fall out of his pants. He then went to pick up the gun and accidentally shot an innocent bystander in the leg. These are the people who are in charge of our safety. Cool cool cool. Anyway, don’t drink and backflip while carrying a gun? I’m no expert, but seems like basic common sense.

This FBI agent lost his gun during a dance-floor backflip and accidentally shot a bar patron https://t.co/ICK3IAFrgs pic.twitter.com/cTfVCE5v9m

— CNN (@CNN) June 3, 2018

This Dude Who Shot Himself In The Dick

This feels like karma for buying a gun to feel better about your tiny lil’ peen. I know what you’re wondering: did this happen in Florida? And the answer is obviously yes. Cedrick Jelks sat on a loaded gun in his car and shot himself sqaure in the D. He had the gun illegally, and was charged for that. After shooting himself. In. The. Dick. Rough day. But then again, sucks to suck.

Some Moron Shot Himself In A Movie Theater

A man in Kansas who had just purchased his conceal and carry shot himself in the thigh during a movie. Obv everyone in the theater freaked the fuck out, because in the nightmare we live in and theater shootings are a thing we have to be legitimately afraid of. Luckily it was not a mass shooter, just an idiot with a gun.

This Islamophobic Idiot Shot  Himself At A Gun Range

Hm, looks like I have to say it again: sucks to suck, bitch!!! This fucking idiot was at a “Muslim-free gun range” which feels like something that should for sure be illegal. How is an institution full of racist people with guns allowed to be a thing? Anyway, he dropped his gun and shot himself in the wrist. Oopsies!

This Dog Accidentally Shot His Owner

Hahahahahahahaahahahaha. Oh man. I needed this. A Wyoming man’s dog stepped on his loaded rifle in the back of his truck and fired it. Seems dumb to have a loaded gun 1) in the back of your truck, 2) around your dog, and 3) just in general. I fucking love dogs.

Luckily in all of these instances the person (and dog) involved recovered, but not everyone is so lucky. On average 96 Americans are killed with guns per day, and there are nearly 13,000 gun homicides annually. For every one person killed with guns in the U.S., two more are injured, and seven children or teens are killed with guns on average in the U.S. every day. On average, 50 women per year are shot to death by intimate partners, and the presence of domestic violence increases a woman’s risk of being killed wit ha gun by five times. Black men are 13 times more likely than white men to be shot and killed with guns, and the U.S. has by far the most gun homicides per 1000,000 residents of any western nation.

Click here to donate to Everytown For Gun Safety so we can all live in a world where dogs don’t accidentally shoot their owners.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

All The Ways You Can Support The March For Our Lives Tomorrow

Let me paint you a picture: just over a month after the horrific deadly shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School that killed 17 and wounded many more, lawmakers have made great strides in passing new gun violence prevention laws and making the protection of our citizens and children a top priority. There is peace and unity across party lines. Instead of guns, we use our words to get our message across. Everyone is safe and sound, and no March For Our Lives is needed. Obviously, that’s a load of fairytale bullshit. I mean, have you seen the news?

If you’re fed up with the lack of common-sense gun safety laws and want to do something about it, the students of Parkland have got ya covered. This Saturday, March 24th, is the March For Our Lives, organized by the survivors of the Florida shooting to speak out against gun violence. While the main march is in Washington D.C., there are plenty of other ways to get involved wherever you live all across the country. So delay that Saturday morning hangover for one more day – there’s important activist shit to do.

Find A March Near You

Unless you have a ton of frequent flier miles or unlimited money for bus fare, you probably won’t be able to hop over to D.C. last minute to join the official march (and if you do have those things, hit me up. This bitch needs a vacation). Luckily, there are dozens of sister (yes – the march is a woman) marches organized in different cities, so there’s bound to be at least one that’s accessible to anyone who feels like joining in.

Click here to find a march near you, and start prepping your witty protest sign now so you can get a bunch of likes on Insta from all the people impressed with how woke you are. (Make sure to tag @MarchForOurLives and @Everytown, and use the #MarchForOurLives hashtag!) I’ll offer my sign suggestion, since I’m feeling extra generous: “The only guns that should be allowed in this country are Michelle Obama’s!” You can have that idea for free, folks.

Pick Up A Copy Of Time Magazine

Yes, they still make print magazines that you can actually physically flip through instead of scrolling past some tweeted quotes from an article. How retro. Time‘s new cover features five of the Parkland shooting survivors looking hella badass and like a squad of teens from a Marvel movie who are about to reveal their superpowers and save the world. These students are not far from actual superheroes, and their intelligence and maturity is definitely worth reading about.

TIME's new cover: The school shooting generation has had enough https://t.co/4YI173gqTx pic.twitter.com/7yFEXuVjyb

— TIME (@TIME) March 22, 2018

Join The National Walkout

Following the widely successful walkout a few weeks ago where thousands of students of all ages left their classes and stood in solidarity emphasizing the need for common-sense gun safety laws, another walkout will be held on April 20th. This is the anniversary of the Columbine shooting, which is one of the first mass shootings we millennials can remember. It goes without saying that this date is often significant for another reason, so let’s just hope that everyone can muster up the energy to slowly walk out, maybe with an added sense of calm and Bob Marley’s “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” playing in the background.

In conjunction with the walkout, The Sup will also be engaging in a Facebook blackout on April 20th, standing in solidarity with the students, and also protesting Facebook’s social abuses and the spread of fake news. You can join us by turning your profile picture and cover photo black and not posting anything for 24 hours. Honestly, social media is a cesspool and only leads to getting mad about politicians’ tweets or FB stalking an ex so, like, you’re only doing yourself a favor by logging off.

Donate To The Stoneman Douglas Victims’ Fund

GoFundMe is the charity of the future. On crowdsourcing alone, the Stoneman Douglas Victims’ Fund has already raised over $4.5 million to provide relief and financial support to the victims and their families. No donation is too small, but just make sure you only donate to verified pages, otherwise you might be paying for some scammer’s new yacht, and that is definitely the opposite of charitable goodness.

Call Your Representatives

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: nothing is going to change unless we get legislators to listen to what the people are saying. You can reach your local representative by calling (201)-224-3121 and asking for the lawmaker in your state. Or, you can just go down this list of legislators who voted no to expanding background checks and making it harder for people to purchase guns. Turn it into a drinking game: take a shot for every senator you get to bitch out, and chug your drink if it sounds like they might actually change their stance.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now! 

5 Savage Moments From The CNN Town Hall On Gun Control

We now legally have to take back any mean or snarky thing we’ve ever said to or about teenagers and hand them the keys because they are literally driving our country to higher ground. Last night there was a CNN town hall called Students Stand Up where survivors from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting spoke with elected officials and  rifle shills NRA representatives about gun control. The teens harnessed their powers of unapologetic and acerbic wit to drag these grown adults who think gym teachers who can’t keep the teachers lounge microwave clean should have assault rifles. Here were the highlights.

Marco Rubio Getting Booed

Marco Rubio has the gall to tell a father whose daughter was gunned down last week that guns aren’t the problem. The crowd reacts appropriately.

Marco Rubio gets booed for refusing to ban assault weapons. Absolutely amazing. pic.twitter.com/AD7nnEq5GH

— igorvolsky (@igorvolsky) February 22, 2018

Dana Loesch Getting Booed

In a shocking turn of events, NRA spokeswoman Dana Loesch turns on law enforcement saying it is their responsibility to keep schools safe. Never thought I’d see the day that the NRA is going after cops. The crowd, once again, boos.

Loesch is booed off the stage after she closes the CNN forum by arguing that mass shootings are a law enforcement problem, not a guns problem pic.twitter.com/5xMonHhBy2

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 22, 2018

A Cop Call The NRA On Their Bullshit

The cop obviously has to retaliate after being thrown under the bus by the NRA and tells Dana Loesch she’s tripping. The crowd changes tune and instead of booing, cheers!

Broward County Sheriff Scott Israel gets a huge ovation after he tells Dana Loesch that “you’re not standing up for until you say, I want less weapons.” pic.twitter.com/bq9xFfA4An

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 22, 2018

This Dad Gets “Brutally Honest”

The same dad called Rubio and Trump “pathetically weak” and his brutal honesty is making my knees seriously weak. I could watch Rubio’s face, wishing he could evaporate, till the end of time.

Marco Rubio gets eaten alive here. Absolutely amazing. pic.twitter.com/Yu3Ebvl9tV

— igorvolsky (@igorvolsky) February 22, 2018

This Musical Message

Okay so this isn’t really a “savage” moment. Unless you considering being good at singing savage, which I low-key do. Anyway, like true fucking stars, these teens were like, “We have an audience not only will we drag politicians but we will sing.” That is the mark of a true icon. Get these teens a record deal. And uh, take note, Fergie.

???? “You may have brought the dark, but together we will shine the light” ????

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School students gave a moving performance of the song “Shine” at the end of the CNN #StudentsStandUp town hall https://t.co/5lgjV5UNCH https://t.co/VB4jNrkOYk

— CNN (@CNN) February 22, 2018

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!