ICYMI, growing a human being is a pretty big deal. Not only does a whole bunch of weird stuff happen to your body when pregnant, but people also say generally absurd things to you. Like, if you thought getting unsolicited wedding advice was bad, wait until you get unsolicited pregnancy advice. *shudders* On the plus side, being pregnant also comes with some fun perks like never having to carry anything heavy and—if you timed things right—wearing some of the most epic Halloween pregnancy costumes ever.
Now, obviously, you shouldn’t try to get pregnant just so you can finally dress up like Juno. But! If you happen to be sporting a bowling ball bump come October, you’re in luck. First of all, the weather is considerably less miserable so you won’t be sweating quite as much as if you were hella pregnant in like, June. Secondly, you get the chance to lean into costumes that either aren’t feasible or simply aren’t as iconic without a baby constantly pressing on your bladder.
So instead of trying to hide your bump or worse, staying home this Halloween, think of this as a unique opportunity to really blow your fans (yes fans) away. From upgraded costume classics to the best pregnant pop culture characters, these pregnancy Halloween costume ideas will make you want to be knocked up every year.*
A Handmaid From The Handmaid’s Tale
View this post on Instagram
Truly one of the best things about being pregnant in the fall is that you get to dress up like a character from the most f*cked up dystopian society ever. With the newest season of The Handmaid’s Tale streaming now, there’s never been a better time to don your blood-red robe and let everyone know that, while you’re excited about the bump under your gown, you still think everyone deserves the right to choose. Also, you get to stay “praise be,” “under his eye,” and “blessed be the fruit” a lot, which can really cut down on small talk if you’re not feeling the covno.
June From Juno
View this post on Instagram
Not sure if you remember, but there was truly nothing scarier than seeing Juno in theaters while making out with your boyfriend circa 2007. Now that you’ve beaten teen pregnancy, though, dressing up as the titular character is a nostalgic nod to your childhood (not to mention a little bless up to the birth control that had your back for so long). Show off the result of that one crazy night (or months of trying to conceive) with a striped shirt, skirt over leggings, and a giant slushy to ease the heartburn.
View this post on Instagram
Looking for an excuse to whip out all your makeup and talk about global conservation? Same. Since you’re about to become a mother anyway, dress up like the most notable one in the world. The best part is that this costume is super easy to DIY, so you don’t have to run around getting a million different pieces in between appointments with your OB-GYN and Target runs for bigger pants. Simply throw on a white skirt and crop top (or get creative with a sheet), grab that flower crown you have left over from one of a zillion bachelorette parties, and paint your belly like a globe. And if anyone tries to touch your belly-globe, just tell them you’re trying not to pollute your growth environment.
Wilson From Cast Away
View this post on Instagram
Tom Hanks and his trusty sidekick Wilson are the definition of ride or die (except, spoiler, Wilson dies at sea while ol’ Tommy rides on, distraught), which makes them the perfect couple’s Halloween costume. When you’re pregnant, though, the costume gets even better thanks to the literal ball-sized lump in the middle of your body. Paint that belly like a volleyball, throw on a headdress made of hay, and ask your partner not to shower for a few days to really capture the essence of what this look is all about.
A Fortune Teller
View this post on Instagram
The future called and it says you can expect a lot of weird comments from relatives about your pregnancy! Are you going to breastfeed? You’re having a natural birth, right? Will you be sleep training? Lean into the fact that your destiny includes shutting down unwanted baby and body questions/comments by dressing up as a fortune teller with ~gypsy~ makeup and an unnecessary amount of necklaces. Don’t forget to paint your bump like a crystal ball so the next time someone asks you a dumb question, you simply can rub your belly and say something like: “My orb doesn’t answer to queries undeserving of a reply.” Not today, Susan!
Phoebe Buffay From Friends
View this post on Instagram
If you’re dealing with the whole “I’m pregnant while all my friends are blissfully free from swollen ankles and itchy nipples” thing, bring back that famous wedding dress moment from Friends. You know the one. Go to a thrift store for gowns (trust me, you’ll find some real gems), and be sure to take the iconic couch pic for the ‘gram. Pals not into the idea (and they said friends will always be there for you—smh)? You can still rock Phoebe’s pregnant bridal look solo, just make sure to caress your stomach a lot and hum “Smelly Cat” on a loop.
Ursula From The Little Mermaid
View this post on Instagram
You can likely thank all your alluring *body language* for that positive pregnancy test, so show off your curvy new figure by dressing as one of the most sexual Disney villains ever. I mean, come on. Ursula was all about the form-fitting gowns and bright red lips, plus she turned herself into a total hottie just to screw Ariel over. We love an evil beauty. Wiggle into a black maxi, get a short white wig, and dust off those contouring skills to remind everyone who the poor unfortunate souls really are… basically anyone who says something along the lines of: “You’re about to pop.”
Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
View this post on Instagram
Got this strange feeling that you’re blowing up like a blueberry? Use this as your excuse to eat allllll the Wonka Bars this Halloween. Violet Beauregarde, while a little rough around the edges, was a hard worker who just wanted what she deserved, and after all you’ve been through to grow that baby, you deserve mad respect (re: Instagram likes) as well. Paint yourself purple (I mean, violet), smack your gum loudly, and shut anyone down who says that maybe you don’t need another piece of candy. Sorry, Charlie, winners don’t listen to losers not creating life inside of them.
View this post on Instagram
Love puns and costumes you can easily DIY? A mummy-to-be is cute, simple, and can still be sexy. Plus, the look makes it very clear that while you’re a sacred vessel, you can also turn into a monster at any minor inconvenience. It’s nice to set clear expectations for everyone. Outfit-wise, you can make this as elaborate or lowkey as you’d like, but at a base level, put on a white mini dress or bodysuit, wrap some gauze all around you, and groan a lot whenever someone tries to give you yet another parenting tip.
A Disco Ball
View this post on Instagram
Between bell bottoms and the revival of the center part, retro styles are clearly back. And if you want a costume that hides your bump in plain sight, taking it back to the ‘70s will make you feel a little more glam and a little less “I’m so bloated.” Essentially, you’ll dress up as a disco ball (gray dress, gray wig, silver sequin fabric on the bump) while your partner throws on their best vintage look (think: afro, corduroy, and ample amounts of chest hair). Together, you’ve got a costume contest-winning combo, all while giving the illusion that your bulging bump is merely a fun dance party accessory and not an actual baby that keeps you up at night with its kicks.
If you’re on that all-carb pregnancy diet, whip out those stretchy pants and dress up as the queen bee herself. A red tank top, Regina’s signature “R” necklace, and hoop earrings (because yes, they’re her thing) are all you need in addition to your most forgiving track pants and an undeniable air of superiority. Sure, all those other costumes are cute. But you know that putting in even the smallest effort for Halloween is a major ask right now. Between leg cramps, constant gas, and people touching your belly without asking, now’s not the time to expect a lot from you. It’s okay—you can’t help that sweatpants are all that fit you.
*Kidding, obviously. Halloween is much better with alcohol.
Images: Instagram (10)
I don’t need to tell you that Halloween is, hands down, the best holiday of the entire year. It’s the celebration devoted to junk food and playing pranks on people, after all. Plus, it’s the first holiday in a long string of important holidays, so you know you have a full season of yummy treats and opportunities to “accidentally” run into your hometown ex when you’re visiting your parents. The literal only problem with Halloween is figuring out what to wear. If you’re not a die-hard lover of dressing up like yours truly, landing on a costume can, admittedly, be a struggle.
But before you just waltz into your nearest Spirit Halloween and buy an overpriced package costume that for some reason smells like fish sticks, it’s important we talk about the costumes you shouldn’t wear. I don’t mean the basic Halloween costumes that require zero effort or the offensive costumes that’ll get you fired (but maybe don’t wear those either?). I’m talking about the super popular Halloween costumes that every single person you know will also dress up as. I mean, is there anything worse than showing up to a party, only to see that eight other people are dressed up as the same thing you are, except their costumes look better? The answer is no. There’s nothing worse. It’s like social suicide.
So in order to save you time, money, and grave embarrassment, here are the 10 most popular Halloween costumes of 2022 that you shouldn’t, under any circumstances, wear. And because we’re super nice, we’ve included some alternative options in place of all the basic ass ideas that’ll be flooding social media this year. Bookmark this and thank us later.
The Sanderson Sisters
Hocus Pocus characters have been Halloween staples since 1993, and while dressing up as the most infamous sister witches isn’t exactly creative, when done right, it usually had a nice wow factor. As long as you had two willing friends, a decent budget for legit costumes, and time to sort out who would begrudgingly be Mary, you’d impress. That was, of course, before the sequel came out a mere month ahead of Halloween 2022. Now more than ever, trios of witches yielding Swiffers and DustBusters will be running amok all over. Avoid being just another Sanderson and skip your spellbinding performance of Jay Hawkins’ haunting tune this year. Trust me, if you thought being Mary was bad, being the least impressive Mary at the party is even worse.
A Better Costume Option: Literally any other Disney witch works from Ursula to Maleficent.
Pam and Tommy
Just when you thought Carter Baizen couldn’t get any hotter, the actor who played him (Sebastian Stan) took on the form of Mötley Crüe’s Thomas Lee. Sure, it’s a different look, but last I checked abs are still abs. Even though this is a fun couple’s costume that gives you an excuse to dress up like Pamela Anderson, it’s 100% a no-go this year. If you’d done this look last year? Fine. But now, after the Pam & Tommy series? It’s a hard no. Give it at least a year before you draw a bunch of tattoos all over your significant other’s poor, unsuspecting bod.
A Better Costume Option: John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Someone will undoubtedly make a show about this musical pair someday, so get ahead of the trend by throwing on some wire-rimmed glasses and peace-signing the hell out of every photo.
Rhaenyra from House of the Dragon
It still, truthfully, feels too early to dress up as a Game of Thrones character, let alone one from House of the Dragon. Don’t you remember in 2018 when every single person in the world went as John Snow and Daenerys? Nothing like a lil incest cosplay to get America in the Halloween spirit! Seriously, though, let’s not repeat history with Rhaenyra. While it might seem easy since you can dust off your old Daeny wig, consider the fact that parties everywhere will be saturated with the new (or technically, old) hot girl Targaryen. Unless you’re the absolute *best* one out there, there’s no point in joining the dragons this year.
A Better Costume Option: You wanna feel a little mythical and sexy? Medusa gives you the chance to throw on a sexy outfit and bond with reptiles just like Rhaenyra, but you won’t bump into seven others on your way to the bathroom.
The Stranger Things Kids
Technically no longer kids, the Stranger Things ~young adults~ continue to be costume staples for people who don’t understand that Halloween is meant to be the time when you stand out. Since season 4 just came out in May, you can bet your Demogorgons there will be ample Elevens wreaking havoc on your Instagram algorithm this year. No hate on the show, but if you’re aiming for a costume that every other group doesn’t also gravitate toward, move far away from this not-so-upside-down choice.
A Better Costume Option: From Clue characters to the Scooby-Doo crew to the Archie “kids,” there are plenty of other group costume options out there that’ll get you more than a few pity likes and a conversation about D&D.
Elvis won’t be leaving the building this year, because people dressed like him will be found at every damn social outing you attend. Granted, Austin Butler as The King is one of those things that I like to think about when I’m home alone in bed. But! That doesn’t mean dressing like the “Jailhouse Rock” singer is the move. At least, not this year. Save the pink suit and greased hair for another time ya hound dog, because there are going to be far too many other impersonators this Halloween.
A Better Costume Option: If you didn’t hop on the Freddie Mercury trend a few years back, enough time has passed that it’s a fair option now. See also: Michael Jackson, Elton John, or even Harry Styles.
Aww! Dressing like an infamous (and very real) serial killer who murdered at least 17 people! Cute! Except not really, because TBH, dressing like the literal monsters who walk among us feels a) kinda f*cked up and b) like a gross nod of approval to potential killers who want to go down in the history books. Strange flex, ya know? Regardless of the creepy factor, there’s also that fact that, yup, a million other people will dress as Jeff this year thanks to Netflix. Maybe just skip this one forever? Besides, he’s not nearly as cute as Bundy was.
A Better Costume Option: How about we go with a fictional murderer instead? Will that work? Joe Goldberg from You can scratch that desire to dress like a mass murderer, but since he’s fake, it’s far less disturbing for all involved.
A Top Gun Character
I get it. The thought of throwing on a leather jacket and some aviators and calling it a costume is tempting. But first—and I do mean this seriously—that’s not what Halloween is about. Halloween is about pleasure. It’s about attention. It’s about being more than just some washed-up Tom Cruise character. While some people will, obviously, get your costume, they won’t be amazed by it. No one has ever been amazed by a Top Gun costume. This is a lame choice any year, but going this route five months after the (apparently) long-awaited sequel came out? You’re better than that. Be better than that.
A Better Costume Option: If you can’t shake the leather jacket thing, go the Grease route and dress as the T-Birds or Pink Ladies. At least this way you’ll look a little more original, plus you’ll honor the great Olivia Newton-John while you’re at it.
Ah yes, the strangest couple/potential PR stunt of 2021/2022. Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson still don’t feel like a real thing that happened in pop culture history. If there were ever two people less matched, it would be the chill comedian and the, well, Kardashian. Even though this pairing has a lot going for it (see: your bf can get high and wear sunglasses while you max out your credit card on an heirloom evening gown), there’s a very real chance this will be the most popular couple’s costume of 2022. As tempted as you are, leave this pair in the past which is where Pete probably wishes his “Kim” branding was right about now.
A Better Costume Option: If this whole coupling was a stunt, dress like the OG duo who thrived on notoriety: Bonnie and Clyde. Wanna go even further back? Adam and Eve are cute too, especially with some artfully placed leaves…
Emily from Emily in Paris
Even though Emily in Paris is one of the most popular shows on Netflix, don’t you just feel a little…not smart for watching it? Granted, it makes a great hate-watch, but as far as quality TV goes, this ain’t it. Beyond just being a mediocre series, though, dressing up as Emily (you know, the one in Paris) is a perpetually uninspiring costume. Like what? You’ll wear whatever you normally wear but add a beret? If this is your idea of a good Halloween costume, please, stay home. Don’t go out. You don’t deserve spooky season with such a poor choice of judgment.
A Better Costume Option: Just cut to the chase and go as Carrie Bradshaw. It’s who Emily wants to be anyway, and at least this way you can get your SJP fill without succumbing to a Sarah Sanderson look.
Let’s be real: The only way an Anna Delvey “costume” can work is if you perfect her strange-meets-annoying accent. And even then, you have to be talking 100% of the time for anyone to understand who TF you’re supposed to be. I’m sure many people will try (and fail) to pull an Anna off, but consider this your warning that when you enter the party and every single person asks why you didn’t dress up, you’ll wish you took my advice. No matter how many times you insist you’re wearing an actual costume, no one will believe you. To quote the legend herself: “I would rather go to jail forever than come off like some wannabe. Some amateur.”
A Better Costume Option: If you’re thinking of doing an Anna Delvey costume, you likely don’t want to dress up at all. Halloween is on a Monday anyway, so go on. Cancel your plans, order a pizza, and start thinking of a better costume idea for next year. You know, one that doesn’t make you look poor.
Featured image courtesy of Getty Images/In-line images courtesy Of Netflix, Giphy (9)
In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year where a girl can put literally no effort into a costume, but it still looks half decent if she can rope at least two of her friends to do a group Halloween costume.
It’s called the Cheerleader Effect, actually, and you may already be familiar with it. Well, technically, according to Wikipedia, it’s called the Group Attractiveness Effect, but whatever. It’s basically the cognitive bias that causes people to perceive a group to be hotter than individuals are. While this whole thing kind of sounds like bullsh*t to me, I will agree that it’s totally legit on Halloween. A costume that sucks for an individual might look like an actual costume if it’s a group costume. (“Say costume again.” “Costume.”) For example, wearing mouse ears and sunglasses and calling yourself a “blind mouse” is f*cking stupid. However, conning two of your non-creative friends to wear the same thing and calling yourselves “Three Blind Mice” is a legitimate Halloween move.
Now that I’ve explained the science behind terrible group Halloween costumes, here’s a guide to what your group Halloween costume says about your friend group. (Other than the obvious fact that at least one of you has access to Pinterest.)
Literally Any Kind Of Alcohol
I mean, this one’s obvious. If you attended college, or even just followed girls who have attended college on Instagram, you’ve seen a million variations of DIY alcohol-inspired costumes. Whether it’s girls trying to create a skirt out of a Bud Light case or the slightly (like, very slightly) more resourceful Franiza box or bag, these costumes all say the same thing: you want everyone to know how much you booze. Girl groups who dress as alcohol for Halloween may not be the heaviest drinkers out there, but they’re definitely the ones who talk about drinking the most. They still drunk tweet in 2018. They have a finstagram past the age of 25. Although they’re always joking about how they’re eternally single, they always seem to be at a bachelorette party. “Party girls don’t get hurt” is their go-to Instagram caption or bio. You get the idea.
View this post on Instagram
Sexy Disney Princesses
If you and your friends dress up as sexy Disney Princesses, you are the worst kind of people. I’m kidding. I’m not. I’m kidding. (I feel like I have to say that I am kidding, but I will let you, dear reader, decide for yourself.)
Anyway, Halloween costumes that consist of a glittery corset and a tutu are one kind of terrible, but making it Disney branded really brings it to another level. This group Halloween costume definitely had a moment in like, 2012, when we all discovered Pinterest and girls who were popular on Facebook and had really long, straight blond platinum hair and a closet full of VS Pink. Sexy Disney characters basically say “Here is a thing I really loved as a child, and coincidentally, here are my boobs.” It’s just… weird?
Mean Girls, Spice Girls, Or Any Other Go-To Girl Group
I’m never one to shoot down a Mean Girls reference. I mean, unless someone calls something fetch. Like, have you even seen the movie? I digress. But the problem with Mean Girls as a group Halloween costume is that it can look stale fast. If you realized that you and your two best friends have the perfect hair colors (Two blondes and a brunette? Congrats) to dress up as the Plastics and then wear some pink clothing, *Randy Jackson voice* it’s a no from me, dawg. If you go all the f*ck out as Janis Ian or Caroline Kraft, then yes, that’s amazing. Personally, I once accidentally dyed my hair black once, so I went as Cady’s “axe wife” costume. But like, I committed. I worse those nasty fake teeth ALL NIGHT. I guess the point of this rant is: a tank top with two tit holes does not a Regina George make!
The same goes for the Spice Girls, although this costume is significantly more difficult to pull off because it requires you to have a redheaded friend, which are just harder to find statistically. Clueless is another one that’s making the ranks in cliche group costumes, given the fact that every fast fashion store is selling plaid pleated skirts right now.
Sports bra. Spandex shorts. Braids. Silk robe that makes everyone question whether you’re actually trying to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel. These are the markings of someone who has completed the Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide at least once. Of course, there’s no shade behind that statement; I can’t wait until I can finally make it past week one so that I, too, can someday be a boxer or some other ambiguous athlete costume for Halloween.
A Costume Where You Just Write Stuff On Shirts
These costumes tend to vary by year, but the most quintessential of them all is definitely “Netflix and Chill.” Obviously, there are different levels of offenders here. Some just straight-up write “Netflix” on a T-shirt in Sharpie, some print out the logo and tape it on the front. Either way, it’s a stupid costume, and you can and should do better. Like, have some decency and throw on some cat ears or something.
If you’re really going to be lazy, at least be cute. There’s a whole collection of just shirts that say stuff on them that you can wear on Halloween on Shop Betches. You’re welcome.
Shop Betches Don’t Ask Me What My Costume Is Oversized T-Shirt Dress
Images: totalsororitymove / Instagram; Giphy (3)
Tomorrow officially marks the first day of
basic bitch szn fall, so you know what that means. It’s essentially Halloween, bitches. Get ready for nauseating candy corn Pinterest concoctions and ultra thotty Instagrams because say it with me: Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slu—actually, I don’t feel like it typing it out for the millionth time. You already know the line, it’ll be your caption on October 31st. Slutty costumes require a lot of planning and effort. Like, I’ve been stressing over mine since fucking July because I don’t want to be the same thing as 10 other sluts on my Insta feed. While being the center of attention is fun, so is sharing the spotlight with your main betches. Nothing parts the red Solo cup sea quite like a bangin’ group costume. 2017 has brought us the bad and the ugly, but boy, did it bring some good costume inspo. From yours truly, here are the group costumes you and your #squad need to start coordinating now so no other basic bitches steal it first.
1. The Handmaids
If I’m being frank, this probably won’t be the most original idea since everyone and their mother has watched this show, but it’s gonna be a good one. To further carry your obsession with the scarily accurate plot, have you and your girls turn heads at every party with a mysterious red cloak and Little Bo Peep bonnet. Don’t buy this for $70 on Yandy or some shit, just go on Amazon. It already has a ~feminist~ flair so bonus points there, but if you want to reveal some more skin because you can wear whatever the fuck you want, swap the red cloak out for a v tight red bodycon dress. I mean, this might be the last year you can legally dress like a slut or go out in public except to run errands for your rich mistress, so live it up while you can.
2. The Kardashians
I’ve yet to see a group actually pull this off without looking like idiots, so I’m throwing this out there in hopes that I will finally be impressed this year. This is, by far, one of the easiest costumes ever, tbh. Either coordinate all together in the same color bodycon or have each person wear a staple piece of a particular Kardashian. Get yourself some butt pads and find cheap (not tacky) hair extensions and part your hair down the middle. Put on your best falsies, fave Kylie lipkit, and contour the fuck out of your face. Pair with thigh-high boots and would you look at that—Kardashian for life, baby.
3. The Liquor That Makes You Sicker
If I had a dime for every time I saw sorority girls coordinate as different kinds of boxed Franzia wine, I’d be a fucking millionaire by now. Cliché but still (half) true. Instead of doing something overdone and annoying, dress up as your
worst enemy go-to liquor. Swap out the Franzia for the one liquor we love to hate: Fireball. Whatever you do, don’t go that extra mile and be that girl who says, “And I’ll beee drinking this allll night tooo” because you will be that girl who doesn’t even make it past the pregame. No one likes that girl.
4. Swipe Right
A cupid, bumble bee, and lone flame walk into a bar… and they meet their next
husband fuckboy. Sounds like an ordinary weekend. You can’t deny your addiction to swiping left and right and using it as an excuse to cop a booty call, so there’s no reason why you and your girls can’t wear it loud and proud this year.
5. A Certain Iconic Celebrity with Multiple Personalities
“Maybe 2018 will be my year,” Taylor Swift probs says to herself every night before she goes to sleep. By the looks of it? Um, no, sweetie, uh-uh. However, you have given us even more ideas than I thought possible for a grool Halloween costume *and* being hella extra when I find out someone keeps my receipts. TYSM. The old Taylor might be dead (debatable), but all the old Taylors are conveniently located in one video for reference for your group costume. Just make sure that when you dress up like a frigid bitch you don’t look constipated.
6. The Greatest People You’ll Ever Meet
#ShamelessPlug This year for Halloween, we’re bringing back our best-selling I’m A Mouse Duh T-Shirt dress so you can be comfortable, lazy, and slutty all at the same time. We literally sold thousands of these last year so you know they’re good. But this year, we’re adding ANOTHER Mean Girls-inspired costume: Boo You Whore. It’s a super comfy white T-shirt dress so you can be a slutty ghost, no cutting holes in sheets necessary. Pick one up for every member of your group to let everyone know they can’t sit with you. They’re on sale now at Shop Betches, but hurry tf up because they WILL sell out.
You: Omg Betches, you guys are like, the smartest people ever!
Us: I know, right?