In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year where a girl can put literally no effort into a costume, but it still looks half decent if she can rope at least two of her friends to do a group Halloween costume.
It’s called the Cheerleader Effect, actually, and you may already be familiar with it. Well, technically, according to Wikipedia, it’s called the Group Attractiveness Effect, but whatever. It’s basically the cognitive bias that causes people to perceive a group to be hotter than individuals are. While this whole thing kind of sounds like bullsh*t to me, I will agree that it’s totally legit on Halloween. A costume that sucks for an individual might look like an actual costume if it’s a group costume. (“Say costume again.” “Costume.”) For example, wearing mouse ears and sunglasses and calling yourself a “blind mouse” is f*cking stupid. However, conning two of your non-creative friends to wear the same thing and calling yourselves “Three Blind Mice” is a legitimate Halloween move.
Now that I’ve explained the science behind terrible group Halloween costumes, here’s a guide to what your group Halloween costume says about your friend group. (Other than the obvious fact that at least one of you has access to Pinterest.)
Literally Any Kind Of Alcohol
I mean, this one’s obvious. If you attended college, or even just followed girls who have attended college on Instagram, you’ve seen a million variations of DIY alcohol-inspired costumes. Whether it’s girls trying to create a skirt out of a Bud Light case or the slightly (like, very slightly) more resourceful Franiza box or bag, these costumes all say the same thing: you want everyone to know how much you booze. Girl groups who dress as alcohol for Halloween may not be the heaviest drinkers out there, but they’re definitely the ones who talk about drinking the most. They still drunk tweet in 2018. They have a finstagram past the age of 25. Although they’re always joking about how they’re eternally single, they always seem to be at a bachelorette party. “Party girls don’t get hurt” is their go-to Instagram caption or bio. You get the idea.
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Sexy Disney Princesses
If you and your friends dress up as sexy Disney Princesses, you are the worst kind of people. I’m kidding. I’m not. I’m kidding. (I feel like I have to say that I am kidding, but I will let you, dear reader, decide for yourself.)
Anyway, Halloween costumes that consist of a glittery corset and a tutu are one kind of terrible, but making it Disney branded really brings it to another level. This group Halloween costume definitely had a moment in like, 2012, when we all discovered Pinterest and girls who were popular on Facebook and had really long, straight blond platinum hair and a closet full of VS Pink. Sexy Disney characters basically say “Here is a thing I really loved as a child, and coincidentally, here are my boobs.” It’s just… weird?
Mean Girls, Spice Girls, Or Any Other Go-To Girl Group
I’m never one to shoot down a Mean Girls reference. I mean, unless someone calls something fetch. Like, have you even seen the movie? I digress. But the problem with Mean Girls as a group Halloween costume is that it can look stale fast. If you realized that you and your two best friends have the perfect hair colors (Two blondes and a brunette? Congrats) to dress up as the Plastics and then wear some pink clothing, *Randy Jackson voice* it’s a no from me, dawg. If you go all the f*ck out as Janis Ian or Caroline Kraft, then yes, that’s amazing. Personally, I once accidentally dyed my hair black once, so I went as Cady’s “axe wife” costume. But like, I committed. I worse those nasty fake teeth ALL NIGHT. I guess the point of this rant is: a tank top with two tit holes does not a Regina George make!
The same goes for the Spice Girls, although this costume is significantly more difficult to pull off because it requires you to have a redheaded friend, which are just harder to find statistically. Clueless is another one that’s making the ranks in cliche group costumes, given the fact that every fast fashion store is selling plaid pleated skirts right now.
Sports bra. Spandex shorts. Braids. Silk robe that makes everyone question whether you’re actually trying to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel. These are the markings of someone who has completed the Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide at least once. Of course, there’s no shade behind that statement; I can’t wait until I can finally make it past week one so that I, too, can someday be a boxer or some other ambiguous athlete costume for Halloween.
A Costume Where You Just Write Stuff On Shirts
These costumes tend to vary by year, but the most quintessential of them all is definitely “Netflix and Chill.” Obviously, there are different levels of offenders here. Some just straight-up write “Netflix” on a T-shirt in Sharpie, some print out the logo and tape it on the front. Either way, it’s a stupid costume, and you can and should do better. Like, have some decency and throw on some cat ears or something.
If you’re really going to be lazy, at least be cute. There’s a whole collection of just shirts that say stuff on them that you can wear on Halloween on Shop Betches. You’re welcome.
Images: totalsororitymove / Instagram; Giphy (3)
Tomorrow officially marks the first day of
basic bitch szn fall, so you know what that means. It’s essentially Halloween, bitches. Get ready for nauseating candy corn Pinterest concoctions and ultra thotty Instagrams because say it with me: Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slu—actually, I don’t feel like it typing it out for the millionth time. You already know the line, it’ll be your caption on October 31st. Slutty costumes require a lot of planning and effort. Like, I’ve been stressing over mine since fucking July because I don’t want to be the same thing as 10 other sluts on my Insta feed. While being the center of attention is fun, so is sharing the spotlight with your main betches. Nothing parts the red Solo cup sea quite like a bangin’ group costume. 2017 has brought us the bad and the ugly, but boy, did it bring some good costume inspo. From yours truly, here are the group costumes you and your #squad need to start coordinating now so no other basic bitches steal it first.
1. The Handmaids
If I’m being frank, this probably won’t be the most original idea since everyone and their mother has watched this show, but it’s gonna be a good one. To further carry your obsession with the scarily accurate plot, have you and your girls turn heads at every party with a mysterious red cloak and Little Bo Peep bonnet. Don’t buy this for $70 on Yandy or some shit, just go on Amazon. It already has a ~feminist~ flair so bonus points there, but if you want to reveal some more skin because you can wear whatever the fuck you want, swap the red cloak out for a v tight red bodycon dress. I mean, this might be the last year you can legally dress like a slut or go out in public except to run errands for your rich mistress, so live it up while you can.
2. The Kardashians
I’ve yet to see a group actually pull this off without looking like idiots, so I’m throwing this out there in hopes that I will finally be impressed this year. This is, by far, one of the easiest costumes ever, tbh. Either coordinate all together in the same color bodycon or have each person wear a staple piece of a particular Kardashian. Get yourself some butt pads and find cheap (not tacky) hair extensions and part your hair down the middle. Put on your best falsies, fave Kylie lipkit, and contour the fuck out of your face. Pair with thigh-high boots and would you look at that—Kardashian for life, baby.
3. The Liquor That Makes You Sicker
If I had a dime for every time I saw sorority girls coordinate as different kinds of boxed Franzia wine, I’d be a fucking millionaire by now. Cliché but still (half) true. Instead of doing something overdone and annoying, dress up as your
worst enemy go-to liquor. Swap out the Franzia for the one liquor we love to hate: Fireball. Whatever you do, don’t go that extra mile and be that girl who says, “And I’ll beee drinking this allll night tooo” because you will be that girl who doesn’t even make it past the pregame. No one likes that girl.
4. Swipe Right
A cupid, bumble bee, and lone flame walk into a bar… and they meet their next
husband fuckboy. Sounds like an ordinary weekend. You can’t deny your addiction to swiping left and right and using it as an excuse to cop a booty call, so there’s no reason why you and your girls can’t wear it loud and proud this year.
5. A Certain Iconic Celebrity with Multiple Personalities
“Maybe 2018 will be my year,” Taylor Swift probs says to herself every night before she goes to sleep. By the looks of it? Um, no, sweetie, uh-uh. However, you have given us even more ideas than I thought possible for a grool Halloween costume *and* being hella extra when I find out someone keeps my receipts. TYSM. The old Taylor might be dead (debatable), but all the old Taylors are conveniently located in one video for reference for your group costume. Just make sure that when you dress up like a frigid bitch you don’t look constipated.
6. The Greatest People You’ll Ever Meet
#ShamelessPlug This year for Halloween, we’re bringing back our best-selling I’m A Mouse Duh T-Shirt dress so you can be comfortable, lazy, and slutty all at the same time. We literally sold thousands of these last year so you know they’re good. But this year, we’re adding ANOTHER Mean Girls-inspired costume: Boo You Whore. It’s a super comfy white T-shirt dress so you can be a slutty ghost, no cutting holes in sheets necessary. Pick one up for every member of your group to let everyone know they can’t sit with you. They’re on sale now at Shop Betches, but hurry tf up because they WILL sell out.
You: Omg Betches, you guys are like, the smartest people ever!
Us: I know, right?