Well, the 64th Annual Grammy Awards happened last night. This year’s award show was notable, not only because it served as one last opportunity for celebrities to offer a career-ending, unsolicited hot take on the Will Smith and Chris Rock situation, but because it took place in Las Vegas. I know an award show’s location generally means nothing to anyone who isn’t attending, but bear with me for a moment: According to Page Six, stylists were having “meltdowns” over the location change because there are “no expert tailors” and everyone’s outfits had to be dragged through “smoky casinos that smell bad.” So as you scroll through Instagram, carefully reading the captions of outfit photos your faves have shared to make sure they aren’t sprinkled with misguided statements about current events before you double tap, remember that behind every great ensemble is someone asking, “Does it smell like Newports in here? It’s not me. I vape.”
Anyway! Let’s discuss the fashion of the night. Some of it was good. Some of it was bad. Lots of it was just straight-up confusing. (I have a theory that famous people are unaffected by weather. I can’t think of another reason why John Legend, Kelsea Ballerini, and Cynthia Erivo were all wearing velvet on an 80-something degree day in April in the literal desert.) I will not be dividing these looks into “best” and “worst” categories because I am simply not qualified to do so. However, after a lifetime of talking people’s ears off about things that have nothing to do with me, I am confident in my ability to just talk my shit in an unorganized way. Here you go!
Olivia’s Vivienne Westwood dress strikes the perfect note for her segue from Disney star to pop punk princess, because it’s simultaneously a tribute to the “…and you’re watching Disney Channel!” magic wand commercials of the early aughts, but like, cute. Although, I will say that it also feels like she came back from spring break with one of those T-shirts with the outline of a woman wearing a bikini, gave it to her stylist, and was like, “I want this.”
Lil Nas X
Remember the stunning Balmain dress Kim Kardashian wore to her bachelorette party in Paris in 2014? This is her now. Feel old? No, but seriously, Lil Nas X’s pearl-encrusted suit with matching chunky platform boots is probably one of the most indisputably flawless serves of all time. I look forward to attempting this subtle blue eyeshadow look, but when I do it, I will definitely just look like a Smurf with eye boogers.
I love to see Billie paying homage to one of the most reliable figures in my life: the chair in the corner of my room where I toss the clothes that I’ve worn, but am not quite ready to wash yet. The piecey half-updo, on the other hand, is giving popular girl at the school dance in a 90s rom-com, and I feel like she’s about to bully me for wearing last season’s dress.
Millennials, before you freak out, this is Billie Eilish’s brother. During a red carpet chat with Laverne Cox, Finneas said that he felt he and his girlfriend Claudia Sulewski “look like Easter.” *Throws away joke list* I guess I’ll go with Mad Hatter? Nvm, his is better.
Megan Thee Stallion
Meg, who graduated high school in 2013, took the GRAMMYs as an opportunity to finally let all of us late twenty-somethings see what our ultimate prom vision could have looked like if we were actually rich and hot. The zebra print lining… the bejeweled one-shoulder neckline… the flawlessly executed smokey eye… this is the look I have been dreaming of since junior year. Pick your joke: A) Caroline Baskin could never B) The Real Housewives of New Jersey are shaking.
You know what cures Bieber Fever? This red carpet look. It’s giving Stu Pickles. One glimpse at it and I immediately forget all of the feelings I had for Justin during the Purpose era, and remember that at the end of the day, he is really just the man who used “squish out a nugget” as a euphemism for childbirth. And I won’t be the one to complain about designer Crocs having a moment, but can we please not wear them to red carpets of major award shows? There’s a time and a place, people.
To be fair, I will always lose my mind when someone shows up to a red carpet in this particular shade of pink (I think it’s PANTONE’s “Expensive,” no?), but I genuinely believe that Saweetie’s Valentino GRAMMYs look is as close to perfect as it gets. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that we’ll be seeing brides rocking a short skirt version of this set in white to their bachelorette parties as soon as the evil masterminds at Revolve will allow it.
Halsey looks like a very rich Sim with a romance aspiration. V into this Janet Snakehole cosplay.
You know what? I’m going to return the SAD lamp I just ordered from Kohl’s and replace it with a screenshot of H.E.R.’s sunny Aretha Franklin inspired look. IDK what 1970s-esque cult she’s about to lead wearing this jumpsuit, but I do know I’m joining it. I can also respect how much H.E.R. probably sacrificed to look this good, because between the floor-length sleeves and the fact that jumpsuits are historically the worst article of clothing to go to the bathroom in, her pee breaks were probably a nightmare.
Dillon Francis, the DJ who soundtracked some of your most questionable college decisions, showed up wearing a wrinkled shirt with a Walgreens bag of snacks in tow. I don’t really know what else I expected, but it wasn’t for the Green River Killer to make an appearance on the Grammys red carpet.
Nothing will ever top Maya Rudolph’s Donatella Versace impersonation, but Dua Lipa made a very good attempt. Pretty sure I own this set from Victoria’s Secret and have never figured out how to get into or out of it.
Doja Cat walked the red carpet in the sartorial version of a thirst trap with a refreshingly witty caption. With a corset bodice and sheer skirt, this custom Versace look screams, “I’m obviously hot,” but it also says “I have a great sense of humor,” by accessorizing with a glass bag full of candy and a JBL speaker. Flawless execution here. Nothing but respect for my Statue of Liberty.
I would say “Cruella De Vil but make it high fashion” but I’m pretty sure Cruella’s whole thing was being a fashion bitch. Lady Gaga’s red carpet vibe these days is basically just looking like the most regal person you’ve ever seen, and I have no complaints.
Images: Frazer Harrison (4), Lester Cohen (2), Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for The Recording Academy; ANGELA WEISS/AFP via Getty Images; Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic (3); Amy Sussman/Getty Images (2)