The ‘Girls’ Characters Ranked By Betchiness

It’s no secret that we at Betches loveee HBO’s Girls. I, mean, what’s not to love about 4 fuck ups college graduates in their 20s living in Brooklyn and dating bros who have less of a career than them? Omg such inspirations.

And since the series finale is coming up in a few weeks and the Girls are finally getting out of Brooklyn (I assume) let’s rank them in terms of betchiness, k?

7. Elijah

Being v talented and knowing you’re talented AF is the definition of a try-hard and sooo not betchy. Like, can you please be a little less self-absorbed and stop putting down your best friends with fire one-liners?

6. Marnie

Like Elijah, Marnie is also a try-hard. At one point she even owns a gym membership to Equinox and takes back an ex-boyfriend solely because he gets rich AF. So shady, Marn.

P.S. ^^Sure, Jan.

5. Jessa

It’s so not cool that she stole Hannah’s boyfriend from her. Like, you may have a cool AF accent and travel everywhere and have rich parents and a trendy drug problem but that does NOT mean you can play with other people’s hearts, Jessa.

4. Shoshana

There’s something about this girl (perhaps the neurosis?) that just says: “I totally want her to rush my sorority.”

3. Adam

Watch out, Chuck Bass! We’ve got another fuckboy to rival your top spot on our TV fuckboy list. Just because you have money, Bass, doesn’t mean you can buy Adam’s charisma.

What a poet. Ladies, am I right?


Read: The Top 10 TV Fuckboys Who Ruined You Forever

2. Ray

He’s so wise and down to earth and he’d definitely never let someone he’s dating treat him like shit like the rest of the losers on this show.

Like, ever.

1. Hannah

Aka the biggest betch of them all. Hannah is, like, so talented and such an inspiration for modern women. I mean her work ethic is v impressive.

She even wrote a book that is definitely not sad or handwritten.

She’s nailed the art of #215 the Humble Brag.

And she’s definitely the sexiest character on the show too.

She’s always up on the latest fashion trends.

Seriously, where did you buy that shirt, girl?? Fingers crossed they have it at Urban Outfitters.

And of course they way she lifts up her friends during hard times is what really seals her betch fate.

You can sit with us, girl.

Penn Badgley Is Married, RIP Lonely Boy

Hey Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl may have ended over four years ago (okay we’re fucking old), but Penn Badgley will always be Lonely Boy in our eyes. Dan may have married Serena in the finale, but this weekend he got married in real life. That’s right, Lonely Boy has finally found love. After Blake Lively dumped him and ended up marrying Ryan Reynolds, we feared there was no hope for him, but it seems like everything worked out okay.

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Penn’s wife is the sister of Jessa from Girls, and her name is Domino Kirke. Yes, Domino. Like, Domino, as in the weird stupid game or the shitty pizza place. We’re still very puzzled about how this is a real name, but we swear to god we’re not making it up. She basically looks exactly like her sister Jemima who plays Jessa, which means she obviously wore a casual short wedding dress because she’s too hip to give a fuck, to an annoying extent.


✨Married ✨

A post shared by Domino Kirke (@dominokirke) on


Apparently they got married in a courthouse in Brooklyn, which is like honestly painfully fitting because Dan could never truly hang in the Upper East Side. He would’ve hated a big wedding, so this is the best gift he could possibly receive. No word on whether Serena, Blair, Chuck, or Nate were in attendance, but we have a feeling they didn’t make the minimal invite list. Little Jenny wasn’t there either, probably because she was too busy putting on liquid eyeliner or disappointing her father.

So, Upper East Siders, will Lonely Boy and Little Domino be a match made in heaven? Perhaps. Only time will tell, but we’ll be there the second anything starts to go wrong. That’s all for now. xoxo, Gossip Girl.

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