Now that the world is slowly starting to turn again, it might be safe to resume thinking about the next phases of our lives. Like, if the pandemic put your wedding on pause for a while, you may be starting to look into microweddings or other alternatives. Similarly, if coronavirus f*cked up your plans to move in with your S.O., now that spring has come and gone, it may be time to start thinking about that again (just be warned that working from home with them for months on end might result in a literal crime scene). It’s exciting to be able to take those big steps with your S.O., but before you take the plunge, there are a few things to think about, especially when it comes to cohabitation. We spoke with Leslie Montanile, an N.Y.C-based divorce attorney, to discuss how to successfully move in with your S.O. and the many benefits of living together before saying “I do.”
When you move in with your S.O. before you tie the knot, you get to know all of their daily habits and quirks, which is a huge bonus when preparing for newlywed life, according to Montanile. While you might think that your partner is crushing #adulting prior to moving in together, you may quickly find out that Brad isn’t actually the neat freak you thought he was, but was just shoving his dirty laundry in the closet before you came over. However, says Montanile, “the good news is that you can find a middle ground by blending your differences so that both of you are comfortable in your new arrangement, making adjustments before taking that trip down the aisle.” Just like you learned in kindergarten, sometimes you have to compromise.
Although moving in together can bring couples closer, don’t expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows from the moment you move in. Most couples will likely argue during the adjustment phase, especially when it comes to personal space and living habits. Since friction is totally natural when you and your partner have differences about, like, the A.C. temperature, Montanile suggests finding “a solution to your differences that are creating friction in the first place.” This can actually be super healthy for your relationship, Montanile says, since “You can be secure knowing that arguments during the adjustment period do not mean you are not compatible—in fact, it means you care enough about your partner to express your frustration or discontent at the moment and are not afraid to show how you are feeling.” Eventually, your lifestyles will meld together, and you can get back to your mushy couple stuff (gag).
Come As You Are
Initially, giving up your personal space and private time can make you especially pissy towards your partner—being hypercritical, starting fights about what you should order for dinner, sh*t like that—or it can even make you question the entire decision to move in together. Before you commit to living together, Montanile advises sitting down “to discuss what is important to you to keep as part of your new life together. Whether it is a weekly date with your friends, yoga, cooking class, golfing on the weekend, etc., these are the activities that made you and your partner happy before moving in together and should not suddenly cease.” After all, no one wants to be that girl whose only personality trait is being Josh’s girlfriend. Since you fell in love with your partner as a unique individual, “maintaining some of that individuality keeps your romance alive,” Montanile explains.
Making Money Moves
Talking about money can be awkward, but it’s necessary to discuss when moving in with your S.O. When you began dating, you might have followed a set spending pattern, like taking turns paying for dates or having the partner with the higher salary treating the other, but there are even more financial factors to consider when combining households. Montanile advises couples to “discuss their budgets and spending habits before moving in with each other so that there are no surprises.” While it’s not the sexiest conversation, “Deciding how you will handle the newly joint expenses upfront will take the stress off the relationship right from the start to concentrate on the fun new adventure of living with the one you love.” For example, you could both agree on a bill-splitting app to use or create a shared spreadsheet to track expenses, then you can move on to the fun stuff, like attempting to put your IKEA bookshelf together.
Happily Ever After
While you may want to jump straight into wedding planning the minute you’ve posted your “He put a ring on it!” Instagram, there are literally so many perks to living together first. After all, remarks Montanile, “it is a big deal to move in with someone no matter how much you love them and want to be with them.” Basically, it’s like getting to know each other all over again, except in an up-close way and in your shared space, instead of over Tinder. So, it’s not uncommon for your S.O. to act a little differently after move-in day, Montanile says. “Perhaps you find that your partner is quieter than usual—realize that when you are with someone all the time, you will learn that they are not always ‘on’ as if you were dating. Everyone has downtime or up time that you do not see when you are not living together.” You shouldn’t worry too much, though, because your partner is prob just adjusting to not having their own space anymore, which can cause them to behave a little differently until they become comfortable in your new, combined abode. At the end of the day, all of the ~struggles~ of moving in together are so worth it, since they’re all part of creating a grown-up, happy, and lifelong relationship.
For more insight on love and law, visit Leslie Montanile’s website.
Images: Cottonbro / Pexels; Giphy (2)
Some events in life are just inherently awkward, like when you say goodbye to someone and end up walking in the same direction, or when your ex is on the bike next to you in spin class. Some events, however, get a bad rap for being awkward when they really don’t need to be. For instance, having the “what are we?” talk shouldn’t be awkward at all. In fact, it should really just confirm what you both already know: that the situation you’re in is either working or it isn’t. Tbh, I didn’t come up with this brilliant theory; I stole it from my friend’s therapist when she was struggling with a potential boyfriend who ended up being a f*ckboy in disguise. My friend was seeing this guy for like six weeks and genuinely had no idea if their relationship would evolve or if it would stay in this weird limbo for another six weeks. So, to get her answer, my
stupid dear friend wanted to just straight-up ask him if he wanted to be her boyfriend.
While I applaud the bravery and directness, the problem with this approach is you’re setting yourself up to be really disappointed in someone you really liked while also giving him all the power. Not to mention, you’re putting him in a potentially uncomfortable situation. So the therapist said, “If you’re asking him if he wants to be your boyfriend because you are so unsure where his head is at, then you already have your answer.” Like, damn.
If you’re in a similar position and feeling unsure about where things stand and need answers, by all means, don’t force yourself to just wait until his desires and intentions become more clear. However, simply ambushing someone with a DTR talk is equally not the move. So, what the actual f*ck do you do? Luckily, I have been through enough versions of this to have exhausted every option, so here’s how to handle it.
Look, if you really want to date the guy who isn’t giving you any indication that he wants anything more than what you’ve been doing for the last few weeks, you may have to face the music and just end it. Now, I’m not saying to end things with a great guy who really likes you because he won’t introduce you to his parents within three weeks of meeting you. I am saying that if you’ve been seeing a guy for at least, like, a month, and find that you haven’t moved forward at all (only seeing each other about once a week, haven’t met any of his friends, he never comes to your place, etc.) then it seems like he may want to keep things where they are in terms of seriousness. Even without explicitly saying it, you should be able to pick up on some cues based on his actions.
We’ve all heard the phrase “trust your instincts,” so if you are feeling like you two aren’t on the same page about what you want from each other, you probably aren’t. It’s unlikely that a person who isn’t giving you much will totally surprise you and end up wanting something more serious—especially when he’s consistently given you nothing but “let’s keep this casual” vibes. Ending a hookup should not be awkward; in fact, it should be kind of a relief—at least for you, since you don’t feel like hanging out with this clown anymore. Because you definitely don’t owe him sh*t, don’t feel compelled to make the talk a long, drawn-out conversation. Just remember your key points and get on with it.
Chances are, after only a few weeks, you don’t really have a good sense of who this person is, so there is a possibility that he will come around and end up on the same page as you. If you are a patient person, this could be a good route for you. Like I said, there’s no specific amount of time that has to go by before doing something, but if your thoughts on the matter are between unsure and “this isn’t happening,” that’s probably when you should make some sort of move. Like the underdog of The Hunger Games Plutarch Heavensbee once said, “It’s all about moves and countermoves.” Even though he was referring to the government subtly and slowly staging a murder of Jennifer Lawrence, the same can be said of dating.
I wouldn’t suggest waiting around and hoping he changes his mind one day because that could obviously end really badly, but if you feel hopeful that at some point in the near future, things will change, by all means, don’t ruin a good thing. When enough time has gone by that you do feel confident that you both think of each other with the same title, the conversation will happen naturally and will be whatever the opposite of awkward is. For instance, after dating my college boyfriend for two months, he texted me one night and said “I just called you my girlfriend to one of my friends. We’re dating, right?” *slow clap*
Ask What’s Going On
Tbh, I prefer a more assertive approach to getting sh*t done, but if you don’t want to scare this person off, starting the discussion with a question is a good call. When I say “scare this person off,” I don’t mean of you, the hot queen who’s taking matters into her own hands, I mean of commitment. In my opinion, if the person is worth dating, he is probably worth waiting for if all he really needs is a little bit of time. On the other hand, if he says something like, “I really like hanging out with you and I’d like to keep doing that, but I know I don’t want to be in a committed relationship any time soon,” feel free to drop his ass. Both types of responses warrant the “What do you want out of this” question, because neither type of guy (the one who needs more time and the one who wants to keep hooking up) will initiate the conversation. Let’s face it, no guy who doesn’t currently, at this moment want to be in a relationship with you will DTR first, because there’s no point. If you force his hand, so to say, then you’ll at least get some clarity and the next move is yours. If you get the response that suits you, you can keep doing what you’re doing and let some time go by, and if you get the f*ck boy response, you can walk away.
At the end of the day, there’s no perfect way to have The Talk, so trust how you’re feeling about it and do whatever you feel makes the most sense. The takeaway lesson is that this doesn’t have to be an earth-shattering conversation that is really awkward and/or upsetting. Of course, if the outcome of said conversation makes you feel some sort of way that isn’t queen-like, that’s completely okay because we all know that men are disappointing in their nature, but the conversation itself should be easy as long as you know what you want from it.
Images: Giphy (3); Unsplash
Well, another nice guy bites the dust. Jed Wyatt has seemed like a clear front-runner for Hannah’s affections on this season of The Bachelorette—but now, a new report claims that Jed had a girlfriend back home when he left for the show. The news comes from none other than the girlfriend herself (well, ex-girlfriend now): Haley Stevens, who exclusively told People all the details of her relationship with Jed and why he went on The Bachelorette. We learned on Night 1 how Hannah feels about guys with secret girlfriends back home, so I’m very eager to hear how Hannah will respond to all this—and what her comments might reveal about Jed’s fate this season.
According to Stevens, she and Jed were dating for four months before he left for The Bachelorette. The two Nashville-based musicians met last October; Jed was confirmed for The Bachelorette in February, and filming began in mid-March. “We spent the night together the night before he headed to L.A.,” Stevens tells People. “He told me was just an obstacle and we’d be stronger on the other side because of it.”
First, I think I speak for all of us when I say: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO.
So clearly, Stevens had known he’d applied for the show; Jed had told her it was “probably not going to happen,” but he couldn’t pass up the “huge opportunity” to advance his music career. As we all know from Jed’s one-on-one, he did initially think of his Bachelorette run as a “platform”. So did he have a genuine change of heart after getting to know Hannah? Or is he just another manipulative f*ck who knows that elements of the truth make a lie sound better? Given what I know about The Bachelorette and men in general, I know where I’m leaning…
Can someone please get Demi on this?
Stevens says Jed’s motives in joining the show were purely financial: apparently, Jed’s musical talents weren’t quite covering the bills. “I don’t want my dad to have to help me pay rent anymore,” Jed allegedly told Stevens. Jed’s plan was to make it to the top five, just long enough to be a “major player.” In the weeks before he left, Jed told Stevens he loved her for the first time, and reassured her constantly about the show: “It’s not real. It’s acting.”
If that’s the quote that convinces me of her story, though, here’s the one that makes me skeptical: “I was terrified that he would fall in love with Hannah,” Stevens tells People. “In the beginning I felt bad because I thought he loved me and was faking dating her. But then I thought, my boyfriend could be engaged to someone else. Seeing him kissing her for the first time was the worst day.” Hmm. The show first aired on May 13; Jed’s one-on-one aired June 3. Filming likely ended in late April—and no matter how long Jed stuck around, he should certainly have been back home and in possession of a cell phone before May.
So: why is Stevens watching The Bachelorette in late May and feeling “bad” thinking that Jed is “faking dating” Hannah? At that point, she knows she’s been ghosted by Jed: even if he did go on there only for his career, he also made no attempt to contact her after returning. That’s a pretty clear sign that he wasn’t thinking about Haley on these dates.
Maybe I’m being harsh or missing something, but it does seem like selective processing on Stevens’ part. She says she was “baffled” to discover that Jed had returned to Nashville without contacting her, and says they ran into each other at a concert this June. “He said, ‘Hey how have you been?’ and I said, ‘How do you think I’ve been?'” she says. “I asked him, ‘You didn’t think I deserved a phone call?’ And he said, ‘I didn’t know what to say.'” To be fair to Stevens, this sounds like a very realistic conversation with a guy who has ghosted you—they never do know what to say. According to her, that was the hardest part: “he ghosted me. He loved me, but he didn’t have enough respect for me to have that tough conversation.”
Jed, thinking about dodging that tough conversation:
Surprisingly, Stevens is still out here semi-defending Jed (while also majorly blowing up his spot). “I don’t believe he’s a terrible person,” (k) “but it’s a terrible situation,” she says. “And part of me thinks I was the backup plan and he wanted me to be here in case it didn’t work out. I feel 100% betrayed.” Yeahhh, sadly, she’s probably 100% correct—and I stand by saying that her biggest mistake here was not realizing she’d been dumped by the time The Bachelorette started airing. Either way, if even 75% of her story is correct, Jed is a serious douche, a compulsive liar, and not a particularly great musician. Well, that last part is true either way.
Images: Giphy (3)
Good morning everybody,
let’s get this bread your fav sex experimenter (sexperimenter?) is here once again. This time, I will help you spice up your love life in the bedroom. Just call me a user-friendly Kama Sutra with new (and non-intimidating) sex positions to try ASAP. Have you ever wanted to try a new position you saw in a movie (Hollywood film or porn, no judgment) but were wayyy too intimidated? Or do you feel like you do the same three positions again and again? Or are you alone and looking for a slightly erotic read? I got you, ladies. Here is a guide to trying new positions that will not be intimidating, because they’re just a twist on the tried-and-true positions you already enjoy.
1. If You’re A Cowgirl, Flip It And Reverse It
If you find your go-to position is cowgirl, try reverse cowgirl. It’s the same thing, but you’re facing the other direction, if you couldn’t gather by the name. With the slight variation of the position, it’s a whole new experience for both you and your partner. It won’t throw you completely out of your comfort zone, but it will still be new and exciting.
2. Modify Missionary
If you love missionary (or are too lazy to experiment with another position), try a modification by spreading your legs out to the side (think spread eagle style) if you’re feeling bendy or placing a pillow under your butt to elevate your hips for deeper penetration.
Doggy Pancake Style
If you’re down for a more animalistic banging session, then you probably love doing it doggy. If you’re looking for a little oomph to add to this position, lie completely flat on your stomach with your partner lying on top of you. It might be a little awkward trying to get into the position, but trust, it’ll be worth it. Make sure his arms are in a push-up position on the bed so he isn’t putting his entire body weight on you.
4. “Flying” Standing Missionary
If you are a gal who loves when you lay down at the edge of the bed and your SO stands in front of you, then the butterfly position is perfect for you. All you do differently is lift your ass. It gives him more control (while touching your butt) and he can thrust deeper. Win-win, right?
5. Spooning In The Afternoon
If you like feeling close to your boyfriend while you bang, then a spin on spooning is perfect for you. Lay perpendicular to your partner (aka one of you is vertical and one of you is horizontal, shouts out to sixth grade math) so your, uh, parts match up. This position allows you to open up your legs (that are draped over your SO’s hips) to allow for deeper thrusts and easier access. You’ll get to look at each other and have easier access to your clitoris. You’re welcome.
Images: Giphy (5)
Unless you met your significant other in high school, dating is really hard and anxiety-inducing for, like, every moment until you are officially in a relationship (and then that’s where the real work starts). Even God’s gift to humanity, Serena van der Woodsen, struggled on the dating scene, which is truly troubling for normal people. Yes, I am aware that SVDW is a fictional character, but even Blake Lively had to swim through a sea of Kelly Blatz’s and Penn Badgley’s before finding Ryan Reynolds. I guess the only upside to having no idea what is happening in my love life is that I have at least one thing in common with Blake Lively—kind of. Don’t ruin this for me.
So, I met someone a little over a month ago who checks all of my boxes, and even though my therapist and Hannah Montana both say nobody’s perfect, this guy is pretty damn close. Except for one thing: We don’t hang out more than like, once a week, which I didn’t realize was an issue until one of my happily married friends
forced her unsolicited opinion on me shared her concerns with me. Since then, I have not been able to stop thinking about where this relationship (can I even call it that?) is heading, if anywhere. Have I been so burned by former boyfriends that my bar is set unreasonably low, or am I so smitten that I can’t see an obvious red flag? So like any neurotic New Yorker, I took to the experts and consulted Dr. Jenny Taitz, a clinical psychologist and author of How To Be Single and Happy, to make me feel better and debunk a few common misconceptions about dating.
If You Aren’t Hanging Out Multiple Times A Week Within The First Month, You’re Doomed
So this is obviously what initiated my
downward spiral line of questioning, and I was very eager to hear a professional’s opinion on the matter. Here’s what Dr. Taitz had to say: “It’s not about quantity; it’s about quality. If you’re seeing each other once a week and spending four or five hours on a Saturday actually talking about real things, rather than meeting up at like, midnight, it’s not a bad sign.” And, as much as I hate to admit that anyone aside from myself is right, she has a point. For instance, I used hang out with my FWB like three nights a week, which was both great and horrible. It was nice because we got to see a lot of each other, which is more than I can say about the current guy I’m seeing, but all FWB and I did together was the old school definition of Netflix and Chill and then the ~relationship~ just kind of shriveled up and died. Welp.
So this horrendous experience is shedding some light on my current situation: I have to (slightly) rely on positive and negative indicators for answers about his feelings for me or where he sees us going. As cliche as it is to admit, trusting your gut is usually the right thing to do, and I def knew that FWB wasn’t going to pan out. If he’s showing you zero signs of wanting to be your boyfriend at some point in the future, chances are, he won’t be.
If You Can’t Sleep At His Apartment, You’re Not Comfortable With Him
If there is something more intimate than sleeping next to someone, LMK. Honestly, I have been told I’m low-maintenance to sleep next to because I don’t really move or make sound other than quiet breathing, which is prob better than absolute silence (creepy). Anyway, even though I’m a pretty easy bedmate, I still get so insecure sleeping next to someone until I feel absolutely comfortable with him. For instance, Mr. Almost Perfect loves to snuggle, which is adorable and sweet, but after a few hours, half my body is numb and I need to switch positions, but I can’t because I don’t want to wake him up so I just lay there in agony waiting for him to roll over on his own. Look, I’ve had plenty of sleepovers with my girlfriends and if they unconsciously make their way onto my side, I have zero issue waking their asses up and delivering them back to their side. So why can’t I do that with a guy I’m seeing? Am I becoming a nice person who’s concerned about the wellbeing and restfulness of others? Doubtful, but Dr. Taitz says, “There are a lot of reasons why people can’t sleep. Sometimes people can’t sleep because they’re excited. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with physical or mental comfort.” As someone who can fall asleep literally anywhere, I was getting a little worried about what my restless nights in Bushwick (I know) might signal for my not-yet-relationship, but I feel a bit better now!
If You’re Affectionate Towards Each Other, The Relationship Is Just Physical
To clarify, I hate PDA more than I hate most things in this world. However, little things like holding my excessively clammy hand, putting your arm around me, or letting me have the first bite of whatever dessert we’re “sharing” make me happy. And in any given relationship, I am the affectionate one, which is totally fine with me, but Mr. Almost Perfect is also super warm and mushy, which is confusing to me! Is he being so touchy and sweet in response to me acting that way or is he just like that? Dr. Taitz says, “Touching is a good example of showing closeness, and being affectionate through touch is never a bad thing.” Generally, trust your gut. If it feels sweet and genuine, it probably is. Plus, there’s generally no sh*tty and disappointing meaning to an innocent hand hold.
However, if his hand always manages to find its way to your butt, well, hopefully you know what that means. Lastly, Dr. Taitz admits, “It’s really fascinating how our mind tries to undermine our joy and replace closeness with worry.” That’s literally what I am doing right now. Lastly, “You should ask yourself what you have in common besides the physical touch, because I’m sure if you want to touch someone, there’s something that’s attracting you well beyond the physical.” There is, there def is.
If You Don’t Like His Friends, You Eventually Won’t Like Him
Dr. Taitz says, “It’s safe to say he’s probably not a clone of his friends. We need to be okay with the element of uncertainty and not knowing everything we would want to know right away.” Hopefully, I’ll find out soon what the deal with his friends is, but people’s friends are not always a mirror reflection of who they are. I have a friend who knows more about what’s happening in Washington than Trump does, which honestly isn’t saying much, but he likes to bring politics into every conversation he has and it’s as annoying as it seems, if not more so. I have another friend who is like, an actual drama magnet, and seeing her is more exhausting than a SoulCycle class on a Sunday morning. But I love them and, needless to say, they aren’t shedding any negative light on my personality or self because they are the way they are, but more importantly, I am not them. Yes, sometimes “you are the company you keep” can ring true, but other times it just doesn’t—you can’t tell without getting to know the person.
If You Aren’t Texting All Day Every Day, The Communication Needs Work
Nothing bugs me more than when someone texts me “Hey, what’s up?” Like, are we supposed to have a full-fledged convo via text right now? The only reasons I text someone are when something very specific to that person just happened or if we making plans. Mr. Almost Perfect is the same way, so when we aren’t together, we aren’t really texting, like, ever. Every now and then we will say something stupid to check in and make sure the other is still alive, but we are definitely not those people who are constantly, like, tagging each other in vague memes and saying goodnight with kissy face emojis on the daily. No judgment if that’s your vibe, but gross. I kind of like it this way because I will never read into a text or lack thereof. Do you know how stressed out I used to get trying to decipher the convoluted and hidden messages buried in texts of past boyfriends? For instance, I texted a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks, “Let’s do something tonight” and he responded with “Do you want to?” Like, yes?? What kind of answer is that?! So the lack of constant texting actually takes a massive headache off the table. The only reason I am even discussing this is because after a dinner with a friend, she was shook that my boo thang didn’t call or text during the entire 75 minutes of dinner. I was not shook at all because I’ve had English Lit classes longer than that, but she thought it was so weird that she warned me to “watch out for this one.” Okay, mom, I shall. But Dr. Taitz says, “I highly recommend against texting all day because it can definitely create false feelings and a false sense of intimacy. If you are confident that when you see each other you will talk and catch up, you don’t need to have that insecure attachment to texting.” Brilliant.
The bottom line is that only you and the other person in the relationship are the ones who can take the temperature of the situation. So even if your friends have been in really similar situations, your friends and their SOs aren’t you and yours, so you can’t really listen to them. Of course, some things can seem like a red flag and others a green light, which makes the situation slightly easier to navigate, but until the “what are we?” conversation is had, the only thing we can do is know what we know, which is usually not enough to make any accurate predictions about where it’s going and what it all means.
Images: Unsplash; Giphy (3)
With all these dating apps gaining a sh*t ton of popularity, I can’t help but wonder when is the best season to start dating? On the one hand, cuffing season is here, so you may be thinking of whether to turn that summer fling into the real thing. But on the other hand, do you really want to deal with a SO around the holiday season (assuming you last that long)? I polled my friends and asked when they think is the best season to start dating and why. To say the least, I got some pretty helpful responses.
To cuff or not to cuff,
that when is the question. I took the liberty of investigating, so adjust your Hinge preferences accordingly.
I Surveyed My Friends
Family Feud style, I asked around to see when they think the best season is to date. I posted to my Instagram story, so 600 of my closest friends and a few random people from high school could tell me. TBH I probably haven’t spoken to most of these people in a v long time, but I got some really helpful and hilarious answers. One of my friends said to set him up for a date in each season and he’d let me know which season is the best to date after. So if anyone is interested in dating a nice Jewish boy, DM me.
And The Winner Is…
The majority of people claimed fall is the best season to start dating, with winter coming in a close second. The experts (aka Urban Dictionary) define these months as cuffing season. They explain, “people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be ‘Cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.” My friends tend to agree. A few people responded to my IG story saying that fall was the best because it’s cozy and cuddly, with one of my friends responding, “Fall because my nips are just the right amount of hard.” Touché.
Other Than Being Cozy, Why Does Fall Take The Cake?
First and foremost, the best part of having a boyfriend in the fall is that you have matching Halloween costumes. Another major plus is that annoying aunt who always asks you if you have a boyfriend during Thanksgiving dinner can finally STFU. Also, new shows come out during this time of the year, so there are so many for you two to choose from to binge watch (and secretly watch ahead on your own). The cherry on top of fall being the best season to start dating? Pumpkins are thought to be an aphrodisiac.
TBH fall seems like a good-ass time to start dating someone. The weather isn’t so hot that the thought of touching each other to have sex makes you gag. But, it also isn’t so cold that taking off your clothes would result in your nipples being so hard they’d cut your boyfriend’s chest. Fall seems like the perfect time to fall for a new guy (Ew. I hate myself too for that). So maybe put on a pair of sweatpants and download your favorite dating app, because once winter rolls around, nobody is going to want to leave their apartments, much less go on dates.
Images: Pablo Heimplatz / Unsplash
“Netflix and Chill” has become such a popular concept for a reason. But to be honest with you all, my boyfriend and I don’t typically watch TV shows together. Of course, this is mostly because we always get distracted during them (if you know what I mean) and then have to make time to rewatch the episode later. But having shows to binge watch with your SO sounds like a nice thought. So for those of you out of the honeymoon phase (or who aren’t horn-dogs), here is a list of the best TV shows to binge watch with your SO. For those of you in long distance relationships, use Netflix Party, a chrome extension that allows you to watch these shows from wherever TF you two are.
1. ‘Haunting Of Hill House’
Okay, so I have no interest in watching this show, with bae or without, because I’m a wimp and can’t handle scary things. But for those of you who have the balls to watch this, good for you. I hear it’s bomb (but I still won’t watch it). A friend of mine said that he really likes the show but would only watch it when his boyfriend was over.
This show is my go-to. When I’m sad? Friends. When I’m happy? Friends. When I get home drunk from the bar? Friends. It’s also one of the best shows to have playing in the background when you’re banging. A bunch of my friends agree too, saying, “when I can put something on other than sports, Friends is my go-to.” The only problem is if you’re like me and can pretty much quote every episode, you start reciting lines. Much to my boyfriend’s annoyance, when Friends is on in the background, I whisper romantic things like “Could I BE any more turned on?” into his ear. Mood killer? Maybe. But a good laugh for
both of us me.
3. ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’
Similar to Friends, this show is a great choice. The episodes are short half-hour episodes that are light-hearted and funny. My boyfriend introduced me to this show and at the beginning, just showed me his favorite clips, which turned into him showing me his favorite episodes and now I’m hooked. Curb to him is like Friends to me. Now that I have been watching it, I can make references to the show and he gets more excited than when I say I’m horny.
4. ‘Gossip Girl’
One of my friends got her boyfriend into Gossip Girl because of her obsession with the TV show. It may not seem like the “classic man’s show” (don’t even get me started with heteronormative gender roles) but it will hook anyone who watches it. According to IMDB, 25% of the people who rated the show were men. Women rated the show at a 7.8 point out of 10, whereas men rated the show a 6.7. So if anyone in the comments wants to argue that this isn’t a show for men, fight me.
5. ‘This is Us’
Apparently, all guys watch it with their girlfriends but won’t admit it to their friends. Granted, this is based on one of my friend’s opinions, but I’ll take it as fact. If you need your SO to get in touch with his
ugly crying face emotional side, fire this show up.
If you started watching this show before you and your boyfriend started dating, then it’s an easy one to watch together (and then talk about our recaps the next day). TBH this could go for any TV show but Riverdale is one of the best TV shows to binge watch with your significant other. Why? Because you know the storyline and characters from your childhood but take a murder mystery approach to it. V interesting, trust me.
Images: Giphy (3)
I can already anticipate all the backlash to this article (I announce to my three readers). People of different genders can be friends without being attracted to each other, When Harry Met Sally set us all back decades, blah blah blah. Ideologically, I want to and kind of do believe all that. But I was also single for basically the entirety of college, better known as the four horniest years of everyone’s life. So, I can tell you with complete confidence that single women competing for male attention are among the most vicious, scheming creatures on this earth. If you are a heterosexual woman in your twenties, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you have at some point toed the line of acceptable behavior with a guy in a relationship. Similarly, you’ve likely felt threatened by a female friend who you suspected would rather see your relationship fall apart.
Then again—purely statistically speaking, definitely not from experience—you’ve probably also ruined, or at least damaged a relationship by being a jealous psycho when nothing was going on. So, from my vast experience, here are the three signs to let you know that a female friend is actually something to worry about. Read on before sending your 50th passive-aggressive text about Karen from work.
1. She Pretends You Don’t Exist
This seems like an obvious one, but you’d be shocked how many well-meaning boyfriends pretend not to notice don’t notice it. Typically, I allow my close friends to go on five dates MAX before I start angling to meet whoever they’re dating. If your boyfriend has a close female friend who shows zero interest in getting to know you, that probably means she’s busy pretending you don’t exist—and encouraging him to do the same. By never asking to meet you, your boyfriend’s “friend” is, at best, undermining your importance in your boyfriend’s life and subtly implying that you won’t stick around long enough to be worth meeting. At worst, she’s implying that it would somehow be awkward or unthinkable for her to meet you—after all, you wouldn’t introduce one girlfriend to the other, right?
Since you can’t exactly tell what’s going on in her head, here are a few warning signs. If she exclusively invites your boyfriend to hang out one-on-one at bars, date-y restaurants, or activities she knows you’re not into, not great. If he has to ask if he can bring you whenever she invites him to a party, not great. And if, when you arrive at a party with him, she pretends you’re not there while treating your boyfriend like they’re the only two people in the room all night, really really not f*cking great. Finally, if you go out of your way to be friendly to her—DESPITE ALL THIS—and she barely acknowledges you? That’s when you walk out.
Basically, if she’s trying to will you out of existence so she can keep pretending she has your boyfriend all to herself, you have a problem. And if your boyfriend lets her get away with this, you have a sh*tty boyfriend.
2. She Touches Him—Like, A Lot
I am not a total psycho. (Well, I kind of am, but that’s not pertinent here.) I understand that friends make physical contact, and I am not suggesting you burn all your boyfriend’s possessions every time you see him give someone a hug. That being said, if you’re reading this article, I assume you have at some point flirted with a man. You know what friendly touching looks like, and you know what flirty touching looks like.
When it comes to this particular issue, I really encourage you to trust your gut. When I was 17, I spent months watching my best friend “playfully” hit my boyfriend’s chest whenever he made a joke. I was told by everyone I knew to “calm down,” and they were just friends. Even the friend in question just pulled the excuse that she “expressed herself physically.” Lo and behold, six months later I find out they’ve been having secret sleepovers. So no, you can’t exactly require that your boyfriend abstains from any physical contact with other human beings. But if you’re watching someone touch your boyfriend in a way that makes you feel sick, pay attention to that feeling.
3. She Sends Him Emotional Drunk Texts
Again, I understand that friends are there to offer each other emotional support. If she tells him intimate things or goes to him for support after a breakup, that’s not necessarily a red flag. But if she texts him highly affectionate or deeply personal things when her inhibitions are lowered (aka she’s drunk AF), it may be a clue into what she wishes their relationship was like. And obviously, if she texts him anything along the lines of “come over,” you need to have a serious conversation about boundaries.
I’m not going to lie—this was a tough article for me to write. Like, had-to-take-a-walk-around-the-block-and-ward-off-a-full-scale-panic-attack tough. I’ve been cheated on, and I’ve also been the other woman (I think—they didn’t mention their girlfriend for the weeks/months we spoke, but it later sure seemed like a girlfriend existed). So while I really do trust my boyfriend, I’ve seen firsthand how a seemingly happy relationship can be sabotaged from the outside. Is it usually a sign of an underlying problem? Sure. But even if it doesn’t go to the point of cheating—if there’s just another woman in his life who consistently forces your boyfriend to choose between her comfort and yours—it can make the strongest relationship feel shaky.
So, if your boyfriend has a female friend who exhibits the above behaviors, I encourage you to talk it out. No ultimatums, no screaming I WILL CUT THAT B*TCH (just me?). An honest conversation about what would make you feel better, and whether those are steps he’s willing to take. If he refuses to even entertain the conversation, or—*gasp*—calls you crazy, then it’s time to consider how much of the problematic dynamic is actually being caused by your boyfriend.
Images: Giphy (4); Parker Whitson/Unsplash