If The ‘Big Little Lies’ Characters Had Dating App Profiles

This Sunday marks the return of Big Little Lies, and I haven’t been more excited for a TV show since…maybe ever? Sorry Game of Thrones fans, but I never got on that bandwagon. It’s been two years since we last got a glimpse into the lives of the ladies of Monterey, and I’m sure there will be plenty more drama on season two.

Until then, let’s have a little fun and imagine what the ladies of Big Little Lies might put in their Ship bios. If nothing else, we know they’d all have a ~killer~ crew to find matches for them.

Renata

Boss lady who doesn’t take no for an answer. I wear the pants in the relationship, but lately I’m in the mood to let my hair down a little bit. My daughter Amabella will always be my #1, but maybe you can be #2. If you’re not looking for something serious, step aside, because I take everything seriously.

Celeste

Widow who’s ready to find the right guy for her and her twin boys. I’ve been hurt in the past, but now I’m taking my happiness into my own hands. Looking for someone for quiet moments on the deck, great dinner parties with friends, and most of all, genuine warmth and kindness. Just be prepared to deal with my mother-in-law.

Madeline

One part showtunes, one part classic rock. Always up for coffee and gossip, so be careful with your secrets around me. That could be a strength or a weakness, up to you to figure it out. Oh, and if your last name doesn’t start with M, don’t bother. I’ve gotten too far in life to mess up my monogram now. I always know what I want, and I almost always get it.

Jane

Life is always unexpected, but there’s nothing good music and a long run on the beach can’t make better. I’ve lived here for a while now, but sometimes I still feel like the new girl in town. My little man and I are a package deal, so if that doesn’t work for you, don’t waste my time.

Bonnie

Life is too short to be stressed. Always in search of balance, purpose, and the best kombucha. I spend much of my time outside, because Mother Nature has blessed us with too many gifts to let them go to waste. If you don’t compost, we probably aren’t a good fit. If we match, message me with your favorite yoga pose, and maybe I’ll tell you mine.

Sadly, we have to wait a few more days to find out what happens on the new season of Big Little Lies, but you can download Ship right now and start putting your crew together. You probably haven’t committed murder together, but you still know all their secrets. If the ladies of Monterey can find happiness, what are you waiting for? Brb, going to go rewatch all of season 1 to make sure I didn’t forget anything important.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (5)

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