We’ve officially reached a point where dating apps are a standard way to meet people. Much like CD’s replaced the cassette and the record before that, technology is changing and making things more convenient, which your grandma will argue makes them less worthwhile. Can I live, Nana? In the case of dating apps vs meeting people IRL, you’re still talking about yourself to people and judging their ability to make you happy for life. We’ve just gone from watching their dance moves at the sock hop or whatever to swiping through vacation photos and judging their ability to write a short witty bio and wondering why so many guys pose with dead fish.

But no matter how witty someone is on Tinder, they still don’t matter until you’ve met them in person. I mean, remember Smarterchild? You can talk with a bot on AIM for hours, but that bot will never care how your day went. So obvs the goal of dating apps is to actually meet someone in person to decide if you’re into them or not. How long should you actually talk before meeting up? Here is our definitive guide to when you should and shouldn’t meet up with someone.

You’ve been talking for about week constantly but you haven’t exchanged numbers yet: So if you and a guy are hitting it off, you should make a plan to hang out within the week you matched. That means you probably have had time to figure out the basics like job, location, whether he can reply to texts on time or not, and how likely he is to murder you and wear your skin. Plus by then Facebook will have decided he’s your soulmate and start putting him in Suggested Friends. You know he’s seeing the same thing on his profile. If you don’t make plans to meet and he’s already worked his way into your algorithm, you’ve waited too long.

It’s best to make a plan for that weekend or the next week, because anything later means you’ll probably just cancel on each other. Once you make plans, instead of simmering on the dating app, you should give him your number so you can text each other in the day leading up to meeting IRL. Switching from dating app messaging to texting a few days before the date will make it feel like you’re building to something. You’ll be able to have longer conversations that won’t feel like you’re talking to ten other people at the same time.

You’ve been talking on and off for almost a month, and neither of you have made plans to meet up: I mean, he sees that you’re witty and hot and still hasn’t asked you out? Then he’s probably in a relationship and def just using Tinder to power play his way out of feeling trapped. If he hasn’t asked you out yet but you’re also not that into it, you’re probably both keeping each other as backburners for when you’re both bored. You should unmatch him because your time is precious and why waste perfect conversation on a mediocre match?

He asks you to get drinks as soon as you match: If he asks you to meet up on the first conversation you have, he’s just trying to fuck. Like, this guy doesn’t even know that you have a job or that your hobbies don’t include arson, and he’s already trying to meet up? Only reason he’d risk that is for the pussy. He’s not trying to get to know you. So unless you’re one day post-breakup territory, him pushing to get drinks right away is usually a red flag. If that’s not what you’re into, just unmatch him. Don’t even bother giving an excuse.

He asked you for your number after talking to you for a few days: He probably does want to meet up with you but is intimidated. I mean, why wouldn’t he be? If he’s already asked for your number, he is interested. Ask him if he wants to get drinks—if he made the move to get your number he’ll appreciate you taking the lead on setting a plan.

He says things like “We should get drinks sometime” but doesn’t actually make a plan and sometimes takes weeks to respond: Fuck this guy. He wants to keep you on his radar for a hookup in the very distant—and I mean distant—future. I mean, if you’re into that and need to add a new guy to your rotation, then by all means entertain this fuckery. But you’re not a priority to this dude and in reality you’re more likely to meet John Stamos on a plane and have him tell you you’re pretty than actually get drinks with the Tinder dude. It’s like he’s already gone out on dates and came back around and found you and thought, “oh yeah… her.” You don’t want to be a sweater he found while cleaning out his closet that he decides to try on for fun. Block that bro.

He makes a plan for two weeks from now: He is either going to cancel on you, or you’re going to cancel on him. Neither of you really care that much about each other or you’d try harder to hang out. In the back of your mind you think he could be the love of your life if you just met him, but deep down you know that’s def not true. Like, you probably enjoyed 3 out of 5 of his photos, and he may have said something politically insensitive that makes you think you are not going to enjoy talking to him. Unmatch him and move on, you don’t need new friends.

If you saw avocados were trending today and wondered why, you can thank Tim Gurner, the 35-year-old Australian real estate mogul who went on Australian 60 Minutes and implied that the reason millennials don’t have houses is because we’re spending too much money on avocado toast. I mean, just by reading that sentence and letting it roll around in your brain for a few seconds I think anyone can poke holes in Gurner’s theory, but just as with any stupid shit someone says on television, were here at Betches feel compelled to respond.

Tim Gurner, welcome to your tape.

First off, I reject literally everything you have to say in this interview. I reject the premise. I reject the idea that all that stands between me and my very own above ground pool is a creamy serving of healthy fats. I reject your knock-off Wolf Of Wall Street look. I reject all of it. Go home. Take an L. You’re drunk.

Construction mogul Tim Gurner is upfront about Australia’s housing problem -he says his generation needs to stop whinging & start saving. pic.twitter.com/bysx3Jler5

— 60 Minutes Australia (@60Mins) May 14, 2017

Gurner starts out his interview by saying, “When I was buying my first home, I wasn’t buying smashed avocado for $19 and four coffees at $4 each,” which like, okay, that’s cool, but guess what… maybe the people who are spending their money on avocado toast aren’t like, looking to buy a house? Have you considered that perhaps this new generation of people also comes with a new set of priorities? Like, you know how your generation’s priorities were doing coke and using the stock market to wreck the economy and destroy the prospects of the middle class for generations to come? Well ours are doing molly and dealing with the fact that our undergrad degree cost three times what we make annually. That’s just how it goes.

And speaking of the wrecked economy, have you considered that (and we’ll say this loud for the people in the back) millennials inherited the worst financial crisis since The Great Depression? We’re bogged down by incredible student loan debt, and are unable to advance in our careers at the same rate Gen Y and Baby Boomers did because those aforementioned Gen Y and Baby Boomers are unable to retire and still in the jobs market. So yeah, we don’t exactly have the money to be buying a fucking house right now. We have to like, pay our phone bills and shit.

Were cell phones around when Tim Gurner was a young entrepreneur? Literally no. Beepers seem way more affordable. Kim Possible had one in high school.

While putting away thousands of dollars from each paycheck in hopes of acquiring a coveted mortgage seems pretty impossible for a millennial in an entry level job who makes $35k a year, it’s a lot more affordable for us to splurge on a damn avocado toast for $15 or a $4 iced coffee when the direct deposit hits. (Sidebar: You can totally get an avocado toast for less than $15. DM me for deets)

Gurner went on to say, “When I had my first business when I was 19, I was in the gym at 6am in the morning, and I finished at 10.30 at night, and I did it seven days a week, and I did it until I could afford my first home. There was no discussions around, could I go out for breakfast, could I go out for dinner. I just worked.”

Yes Tim. Please enlighten a generation of people who have had to settle for making ends meat by juggling unpaid internships, side hustles, the gig economy, freelance, and the occasional misguided sugar daddy meet-up on the value of hard work. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve considered going to foot fetish parties so that I could make rent, Timmy? Do you? The fact that you can look at a generation of people who have all spent at least one night of their lives obsessively googling how much their sperm and eggs are worth and tell us we don’t make enough sacrifices for financial gain is truly disturbed. Literally all this sentiment taught me was that when you were 19 you could afford a gym membership. Unheard of.

Gurner also said “We’re at a point now where the expectations of younger people are very, very high. They want to eat out every day, they want to travel to Europe every year. The people that own homes today worked very, very hard for it, saved every dollar, did everything they could to get up the property investment ladder.”

Yes Tim, the generation that literally invented the concept of Netflix and Chill’s expectations are “too high.” Wow. I didn’t realize how spoiled we millennials were for wanting to go on vacation and eat out. It’s not like spending your money on experiences (i.e., eating out and going on vacation) is scientifically proven to bring you more happiness than spending it on material items like a wrap-around porch. 

But more importantly—if millennials want to spend their money on food and trips rather than buying homes, who the fuck cares? Truly. Who? As time progresses, wealth is measured in different ways. Sure, buying a home was the ultimate in financial stability for Gurner and his giant forehead, but go back a hundred years or so and wealth was measured in the amount of chickens or pigs and shit you could get for marrying off your daughter. Does Tim Gurner have any chickens or pigs? Probably not. For our generation, having a kickass Instagram full of great looking food and amazing vacays is worth a lot more socially than a white picket fence in the suburbs. You might think that’s stupid, but guess what, it’s not really up to you. Also, maybe part of the reason we don’t want houses is because when we were in high school the housing bubble burst and literally millions of people lost their homes? Just a thought. 

This entire idea of millennials spending all their money eating out is, quite literally, fake news. Studies show that millennials spend 44% of their “food dollars” on eating out, meaning that 56% of the time, we’re bringing hard boiled eggs to work and microwaving a Top Ramen for dinner. Also, just because someone is “eating out” doesn’t mean they’re buying some insanely trendy Instagram food. They could literally be going to Subway, which is a huge sacrifice in and of itself.

And really, who is eating this much avocado toast? Seriously. I want names. Like, I’ll occasionally get one when I’m at boozy brunch and trying to feel fancy, but I think most millennials fully recognize that it is not a daily meal. Anyone who is buying avocado toast on the daily is probably doing so less because they are a millennial, and more because they’re fucking psycho. In the past six months, I imagine that (and this is a generous estimate), I have maybe spent $50 on avocado toast. Maybe. Do any of y’all know a house that I can get for $50 that doesn’t come with a live-in crackhead? Probably not.

Also, four $4 coffees?? Who is doing this?? A tall coffee at Starbucks literally costs $1.85, and I highly doubt anyone is getting four of them in one day (if you are, please see a doctor). Like, yeah, fraps and stuff are expensive, but if anyone is drinking 4 frappuccinos a day they should be way more concerned with the fact that they’re going to lose a foot to diabetes than their future home buying prospects.

Finally, and I truly cannot stress this enough, I think I speak for all millennials when I say we’re kind of over taking the advice of real estate moguls with questionable hair. It honestly has not been working out so well for us lately. 

Tim, I get that like, giving unsolicited financial advice to millennials is the only thing that gets Gen Y hard these days, but you fucking played yourself. Millennials aren’t buying houses because they don’t want houses, and avocados are fucking delicious treats that make us feel better about the fact that all the generations before us are going to the polls and destroying the world because they don’t like how things have been going since the internet was invented. Maybe instead of complaining about people who are younger/hotter than you, you should use your incredible business sense to help create a world where someone can have both avocado toast and a house. It would be a much more useful way for you to spend your time, and people would probably hate you a lot less. Just a thought.