Parks and Rec is one of the greatest shows of all time, and if you don’t agree, you can fight me—in the comments section or literally, whichever you prefer. Case in point: We are literally living in one giant episode of Parks and Rec with a president who makes Jeremy Jamm look like fucking Elizabeth Warren. But I’m not here to talk about how our political arena has basically descended into one giant parody that’s actually real. Not today, anyway. One of the biggest mysteries throughout Parks and Rec is how Jerry Gergich, the lovable klutz who’s not exactly a looker, ended up with Gayle, who is hotter at age 60 than I am right now at age 26. Seriously, it baffles everybody.
Here is Ben trying, in vain, to explain how Gayle and Jerry got together:
No one in the entire series can wrap their head around it, but I know why and how Gayle chose Jerry Gergich aka Garry Gergich, and it’s actually very simple. Before I divulge my theory, I’d just like to say that I’ve been sitting on this for years but have only just typed it all out now, so I hope nobody’s beaten me to the punch. Anyway.
Let’s look at the facts. First of all, despite being a bumbling idiot at work, Jerry is a very confident and self-assured guy when he’s comfortable. Just think about the scene where he’s in his element, and home having breakfast with his family. (I tried in vain to find a Youtube clip, so I’ll just have to do this the old-fashioned way and describe it with my words.) Jerry and his family cheerily sing the “Eggs, Bacon and Toast” breakfast song. At one point, Jerry even tosses a mug up into the air, watches it flip around a bunch of times, and then catches it seamlessly. Leslie is shocked. But she shouldn’t be. When Jerry is comfortable, he’s a fun-loving and, dare I say, smooth guy. That’s number one.
Number two is that Jerry is probably the nicest guy on the planet. Think about if you’re Gayle, you’ve been hot your whole life and probably dealt with a bunch of assholes. Then confident Jerry comes along and, wait, he’s actually the sweetest guy ever who’d never harm a fly? Jerry is constantly made fun of, and not only does he never care, he’s a really good sport in the face of constant mockery. Just look to the scene where Jerry gets demoted when he’s only a few years from retirement. Does he get upset? No, he’s Jerry—he finds the silver lining even in getting a pay cut. Again, I WOULD have embedded a video, but NBC really has a lock on Parks and Rec videos. Damn it. Anyway, so here’s the gist: Jerry interviews for the Animal Control job. Over the course of the interview, it comes out that the college Jerry went to is now a four-year college, but was only a two-year college during his attendance. Hence, he never graduated from a four-year college, which technically makes him unqualified for his current job. Follow me? Cool. April says, “You’re fired!” Then Chris says, “You’re not fired, but we’re definitely going to have to lower your salary.” Jerry says, “Oh, well fair is fair,” and chuckles. See? Jerry could be a more positive person than even Chris. He’s low-key a gem.
Third, there’s one point in some episode my friend just reminded me where Jerry says that he used to look like Chris before he had kids. So maybe when Gayle met Jerry, he was hot and he just let himself go as he got older. People do that, you know.
But the real kicker comes in a one-off in the episode where all the men in Pawnee are sending Ann photos of their junk because she correctly diagnosed one guy as having mumps by looking at his dick pic. Are you ready for it? Because this explains everything.
Game, set, match. Suddenly it all makes sense. You are all very welcome.