Becca Kufrin Apologized For Her BLM Remarks & Gave A Cryptic Update About Her Relationship

If you’ve been educating yourself on racism and having difficult conversations at home, you’re not the only one—Becca Kufrin revealed on a recent episode of the Bachelor Happy Hour podcast that she’s been having conversations with her fiancé, Garrett Yrigoyen. A couple weeks ago, Garrett made a post in support of police on Instagram and received backlash, including from Bachelor alum Bekah Martinez. After the controversy, Becca Kufrin discussed the post on last week’s episode of her Bachelor Happy Hour podcast, and seemed torn. Her cohost, Rachel Lindsay, expressed how disappointing and hurtful the post was, and the resulting conversation was tense and uncomfortable.

On this Tuesday’s new episode of Bachelor Happy Hour, Becca began with a lengthy apology to Rachel and the audience, acknowledging that she “fell short” in the previous week’s episode, and that she can “do much better.” She apologized for not being fully engaged in the previous week’s conversation, saying that these topics deserved “more care and thoughtfulness.” She said that she was “gutted” to listen back to herself, and pledged that going forward, she will join Rachel as both a colleague and a friend in fighting for these important issues. She also brought up the concept of intent vs. impact, realizing that though her intention “was never to cause a divide, that is exactly what happened.” She reiterated that her words in the last episode were “very lacking,” and said that she will work harder to be aware of her privilege, and be more proactive about being informed on topics like systemic racism. Rachel accepted her apology, and thanked her for her commitment to do better.

On top of apologizing for her own words, Becca also acknowledged that when trying to do better, she can no longer speak for others, Garrett included. She offered a vague update on the status of their relationship, saying, “For those who are curious about my relationship with Garrett at this point, I all I can say right now is that I don’t know.” She added, “It’s something that we are trying to work through, and discuss, and do work on at home at this time, and that’s where the work will remain.” It’s been common knowledge that Becca and Garrett disagree on certain political issues, but it seems like this could be indicative of a larger divide between them. As for Rachel, she flat-out said on the podcast “I don’t f*ck with Garrett, and I don’t need to,” so I think we know where she stands on that.

Whatever work is going on at home, both Becca and Garrett are keeping it off of social media. In the past week, Becca’s only feed post is a TikTok of her dog set to “U Can’t Touch This.” Garrett, on the other hand, has spent the last few days getting philosophical. Since his pro-police post, he’s posted three photos of himself, each with a lengthy caption quoting Robin Homer’s writings on Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor and philosopher from the second century. His most recent post focuses on the principle that “Your Opinion of Yourself Matters More Than the Opinion of a Stranger,” which seems pointed at the criticisms he received the other week.

 

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Meditations of Marcus Aurelius SUMMARIZED (22 Stoic Principles to Live by) – Robin Homer’s Vox Stoica Principle 6. Your Opinion of Yourself Matters More Than the Opinion of a Stranger ______________________________________________________ “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” This isn’t an exhortation to arrogance. It’s reminding you to do what you know is best regardless of people’s reactions. You know what you’re about and you know the reason why you’re doing what you’re doing. You don’t need to explain yourself to everyone…As a crutch to avoid being too concerned with praise, Marcus Aurelius suggests contemplating what difference it really makes and considering the insignificance of it in the grand scheme of things…”fame in a world like this is worthless.” His conclusion from all this is that we should be honest and straightforward. We shouldn’t prance about, keep airs or try to portray ourselves as something we’re not…

A post shared by Garrett Yrigoyen (@gy_yrigoyen) on

While Becca and Garrett are dealing with their relationship privately, Bekah Martinez (from Arie’s season) and Garrett have gotten into it pretty publicly in recent weeks. After Garrett’s thin blue line post, she called him out in the comments, calling his words “scary as f*ck” and calling the post “a great reminder that not much has changed” about Garrett’s views. In addition, Bekah made a $1,000 donation to the National Police Accountability Project in Garrett’s name, because a generous troll is the best kind.

In response, Garrett screenshotted Bekah’s comment and posted it on his story, declaring that “needless to say you never got to know me, still don’t know me, and you’re no longer invited over.” Becca and Bekah (yeah, I’m confused too) were on The Bachelor together, and have been good friends since, so the uninviting seemed like a big slap in the face, but it turns out Bekah didn’t really care too much.

Last week, she went on Ben Higgins and Ashley Iaconetti’s podcast, where she cleared things up: “I don’t particularly like Garrett and I’m not interested in having dinner with him.” She said that she loves and has “a lot of respect for Becca,” but “Garrett is Garrett.” She also added that she hasn’t been “super close” with Becca Kufrin for a while, so yeah, she’s probably not going over to their house any time soon regardless.

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Images: Roy Rochlin/Getty Images; gy_yrigoyen / Instagram

Spot The Difference Between Garrett Yrigoyen’s Black Lives Matter & Pro-Police Posts

The Bachelor franchise has always had problems with race, and recently, those problems have been more clearly visible than ever. Just a few weeks ago, we watched as Hannah Brown said the N-word on Instagram Live, and while some of her peers in Bachelor Nation held her accountable, others made excuses for her, and many more stayed silent altogether.

Over the past week, as conversations about systemic racism and police brutality against Black people have become the norm, the response from the Bachelor community as a whole has been disappointing. The official Bachelor and Bachelorette Instagram pages have stayed 100% silent. ABC posted a statement that included “Black Lives Matter,” but has made no public donations or pledges for action moving forward. And Chris Harrison, the face of the entire franchise, has been silent except for a black square on Tuesday.

Speaking of the black squares, a ton of Bachelor alums posted for Blackout Tuesday, which is great. While the black square posts drew a fair amount of criticism for taking up space and being a “social media trend”, showing solidarity is still a form of protest, and the black squares had the potential to be an important starting point for a lot of great ally work.

But for all the people who have backed up their black squares with some really meaningful work this week, there are, of course, those who just posted the square because they felt like they were supposed to. For example, Garrett Yrigoyen, the winner of Becca’s season (they’re still engaged, which I totally forgot about). Here’s Garrett’s post from Tuesday:

 

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🖤✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼✊🏻

A post shared by Garrett Yrigoyen (@gy_yrigoyen) on

Cool, it’s a black square, he did the assignment. Notice the length of the caption.

After not saying anything else related to the subject on Tuesday or Wednesday, he reappeared on Thursday, with a post that seems like a complete 180 from whole point of Blackout Tuesday. Ladies and gentlemen, here is Garrett’s love letter to the police:

 

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I’ve been pretty tore up the past week about everything going on. I’ve listened, learned, helped, supported, and grown. With so many friends and family in law enforcement I couldn’t sit back and not support them and the hundreds of thousands of men and women of all races that represent this Thin Blue Line as well. It’s important for me to recognize the ones who stand in the gap and put their lives on the line each and every single day for humans of different race and ethnicity, including those who hate them. The Thin Blue Line represents each officer protecting protestors, properties, and businesses while being threatened, attacked, shot, shot at, hit with vehicles, and other forms of brutality. There have been over 300 injured, shot, or killed in just one week. They are suffering the consequences over an act they didn’t commit. They continue to put in overtime away from their families, stay silent while being threatened, hated, and assaulted. We can’t judge an entire group of people by the actions of a few. We can’t judge the peaceful protesters by the actions of the few violent protesters, and we sure can’t judge all cops by the actions of a few bad ones. Remember when they put on the badge they’re still humans, with raw emotion, the more brutality they face the more on edge they become, they make mistakes, they have compassion, and no matter how terrible they are treated or whatever negative is said to them, they still show up for us when we need them! Remember these men and women who hold this Thin Blue Line; strangers, friends, family, neighbors, or your enemies. They will always be out there protecting us, no matter what! #thinblueline #antiracism #antibrutality

A post shared by Garrett Yrigoyen (@gy_yrigoyen) on

This caption clocks in at 289 words, which is long for a caption about anything, honestly. But about this? Now?? Garrett ends his ode to cops by saying, “They will always be out there protecting us, no matter what!” But in that one sentence, he shows his privilege, and makes it clear that he doesn’t understand the issues at the root of the protests. As Bekah Martinez succinctly pointed out in a comment, police will be protecting white people “no matter what”—which is the reason people are protesting, signing petitions, calling their representatives.

Garrett Yrigoyen

For Garrett to post the black square with literally no deeper thoughts attached to it aside from a few emojis and then immediately pivot to a half-page’s worth of praise for police is insanely disappointing, but it’s really not that surprising. This is, after all, the same guy who was outed for liking transphobic and racist memes when his season of The Bachelorette first aired. To refresh your memory, this is the kind of sh*t Garrett finds funny:

For what it’s worth, Garrett’s fiancée Becca seems to be a little more on-board with what’s happening in the world right now. While she hasn’t been the most outspoken this week, she shared a beautiful story about her late grandfather’s friendship with a Black gay man, and encouraged her followers to “do better.” Becca did announce that she and Rachel Lindsay will be dedicating an episode of their Bachelor Happy Hour podcast to the current situation, so hopefully she’ll take a stronger stance in the coming days.

One worry with the blackout on Tuesday was that people would just post a square to signal solidarity, and not put any action or deep thought behind it, and that seems to be what happened with Garrett. Every ally is still in the process of learning about systemic racism and how to dismantle it, and that learning process is never finished. Nobody is saying we all need to wake up tomorrow and be perfect allies, because such a thing does not exist. But it’s not enough to just make a post and drop a couple of emojis and call it a day—for all his talk in the caption about how he’s “listened, learned, helped, supported, and grown”, it would be nice to see some of that.

Images: Craig Sjodin / ABC; gy_yrigoyen, imwatchingyuuo / Instagram

The Best ‘Bachelorette’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Final Rose

Well ladies, we’re here, we’ve made it. The Bachelorette season finale. We’re down to the last two men: Blake, a man whose idea of the perfect evening involves his mother and rewatching Mama Mia! for the tenth time, and Garrett, who has probably started sentences with “I’m not trying to be racist, but…”. Damn, how did this girl get so lucky??

Moving on to the Bachelorette finale recap: Chris Harrison, please STOP trying to say that we’ve all been dying to find out how this season ends. It’s like he doesn’t realize we know how every minute of the entire season will play out two weeks before it even premieres? Silly, Chris.

Garrett’s up first to meet Becca’s family. He keeps talking about how nervous he is, but as long as he doesn’t comment on the size of Becca’s sister’s hair then he should be okay.

Okay, WHO is this Uncle Chuck person and why is he rocking a massive cross as a choker? I bet the only time Uncle Chuck has ever taken that thing off was when Becca needed to bring it to her tattoo “artist” as a template for her HAND TATTOO. It’s all making sense now. I suddenly understand where Becca inherited her good taste in style.

Garrett has to be drunk during this, right? Because the only time I cry this much is in a club bathroom after nine vodka sodas while explaining to the girl one stall over that no one really “gets me.”

Meanwhile, the sister’s hair is growing by the minute. Each time Garrett sheds a tear, her hair grows another inch.

Monica Geller

^^Actual footage of her sister rn in this tropical climate

HAHA. Garrett just said Uncle Chuck “came in hot” with the questions and I’m dying. I’m pretty sure the deepest question he asked was “have you ever cried with Becca.” If he thinks that question is tough then I’m nervous absolutely giddy at the thought of Chris Harrison grilling him in the hot seat later.

Blake’s up next to meet the family, and he brings wine. A strong start, but first he’ll have to swim under the moat production had to build over Garrett’s tears yesterday. 

BLAKE: I gravitate towards strong women. Independent women. Women I sometimes call “mommy.”

Is anyone else getting a weird mommy dearest vibe from Blake rn? Like, we get it. Your mother still cuts the crusts off your sandwiches and is the first to like your inspirational selfies on Instagram. Enough, I beg of you.

Elsewhere, Becca sobbs into a couch cushion over how, like, hard her life is rn while her sister tries not to beat her with the mass of her hair. She’s like “I know this must be so hard for you to have two very attractive men vying for your attention.”

ALSO EMILY: Here, we’ll flip a coin. Heads I get Garrett and tails I get Garrett, k?

HAHAHAH. Becca’s mom just told Blake “it’s okay if she doesn’t pick you though.” Like, does this lady not realize those words are going to make him  dive off the nearest Maldivian cliff now??

MY GOD Blake is so effing dramatic. He keeps saying how things are off with him and Becca. He’s sitting there nitpicking every word that comes out of her mouth and over-analyzing her body language and—wait. Sh*t. I’m just realizing. I might be a Blake. Blake might be me. 

CHRIS HARRISON: Wow. Blake is in a tailspin right now.

Ah, Chris. Always there to kick someone when they’re emotionally ready to jump of a cliff. God bless you. You keep me young.

Becca asks her family who they liked best and it feels like they’re Team Blake, no?

BECCA’S FAMILY: I’m not saying who you should choose, but Blake is your equal in every way.
UNCLE CHUCK: But Garrett’s got a really beautiful soul. He’s just such a poet.
ME: 

Why do I feel like Uncle Chuck also likes questionable memes on Instagram in his spare time?

Why does Becca keep saying she and Garrett started off slow? Didn’t he get the first impression rose? On The Bachelorette that’s a good as a marriage proposal.

Okay, I will say that I’m swooning a little over Becca and Garrett’s boat date. When I go on Hinge dates with #NotAllMen types, it’s less dolphins and sunsets and more “you’re a feminist so you can grab the bill, right?”

Cut to the evening portion of the date and Garrett starts painting a picture of what his and Becca’s life will look like. It includes dirty diapers and date nights in the grocery aisle! What a beautiful life you’ve planned for her, G, that doesn’t sound even a little bit sexist!

GARRETT: I’ll stand by you and choose you every single day.

THOSE ARE LITERALLY THE EXACT SAME WORDS ARIE SAID TO HER. GARRETT, COME ON. You’ve got to have better material than that.

Okay, he’s def wine drunk during this entire night. He keeps talking about how he sees forever with her, but I just don’t believe that a guy who was divorced before the photographer could even develop the wedding photos really understands the concept of forever.

Moving on to Blake’s one-on-one date. It’s not looking good for Blakie. Why do I feel like he’s going to have a mental breakdown the likes of which have not been seen since the time Blake discovered his mom was banging his coach?

Does anyone else feel like Becca is slowly trying to distance herself from Blake? Blake is trying to ask what her family thought of him and she can’t even give an answer without mentioning Garrett’s name somewhere in it.

BECCA: Well, my sister liked both you and GARRETT. Both you and GARRETT are such good guys.
BLAKE: *internally screams*
ALSO BLAKE: 

She hasn’t said your name once, Blake, better call your mom while there’s still time to have her fly out and be waiting in the wings with tissues and Ben & Jerry’s after the proposal.

WAIT. Did Blake also make Becca a sad handwritten book?? Did he just copy Jason’s “how to be the next Bachelor” worksheet? Where are these dudes even getting these ideas from? Early 2000s rom coms?

Oh wait. It’s a time capsule. Doesn’t a time capsule imply that time has had to pass before you can open it? Like, those photos are from today, dumbass.

ABC brings out Neil Lane from the hole where they stash him in between seasons so he can cobble together diamonds for them. His eyes practically light up when Garrett says he’s been married before. Like he knows he’s going to get free publicity AND the ring back in 3-6 months when Garrett realizes Becca walks in women’s marches and wants equal pay.

Meanwhile, Becca’s getting ready for her big proposal and I’m already alarmed by what she’s willingly putting on her body without being held at gunpoint or anything. First, there’s the earrings, then there’s the CROCHET HALTER on that sequined monstrosity she’s trying to pass off as formal wear. She might as well have set that 18 grand ABC gave her for wardrobe on fire.

GARRETT: It’s terrifying to think that I might be engaged again, but at least I didn’t rush into it this time.

YOU’VE KNOWN THE GIRL SIX GODDAMN WEEKS. What do you mean you’re not rushing into this? How long did you date your last bride? 10 days?

Alright, deep breaths, people. The moment ABC has been holding us hostage for all effing season is finally here, and Chris Harrison is really hyping it up. He’s like “prepare yourselves because what you’re about to see contains graphic footage of a grown man going to literal pieces on national television. Let’s tune in!”

The boat pulls up and it’s Blake. BLAKE IS GOING HOME. Tbh just once I would like to see them have the winner go first and then the second guy gets rejected passively the second he pulls up and takes one look at Becca’s already occupied finger. Is that so much to ask?

Oh god he’s sweating so bad. He’s, like, sitting in a pool of it. Blake goes “when all this is done it’s just gonna be you and me, babe.” YOU AND ME BABE. I’m f*cking dying. This is so painful to watch.

ALSO ME:

Sidenote: Do you think they send them to these extremely hot locales only to make the breakups that much more emotional? Because I am EXTREMELY dramatic when I’m hot. I think I threatened to commit suicide today when I went out to pick up my lunch.

The two of them having this breakup fight whilst dripping sweat must be what the 9th circle of hell looks like. Her makeup is literally ROLLING OFF her face and he’s using his suit jacket as a towel. It’s so hard to watch.

Yo he’s soooo salty about this whole thing. He just shrugged off her goodbye! I wonder if she can hear him howling from the limo as her glam squad tries to fix her face before Garrett comes in.

OMG Blake sobbing into this towel rn is TV gold. I want to save this and watch this on repeat for the rest of my life.

BLAKE: I can’t believe after all this I have to do this crazy thing called life alone.

Blake, I’m right there with you, buddy. You think it’s easy spending six weeks watching your fool ass on national television and only have a relationship with my Seamless guy to show for it? WELL, IT WASN’T.

Wait. Is ABC really going to cut to the live after show rn? *throws laptop at wall* Goddamnit, ABC, I will burn your studio to the ground if you make me wait one more minute for this proposal.

Becca comes out and Blake is like “ugh I was hoping you looked ugly.” Honestly, Blake, you’ve seen her in all the sequins Forever21 has to offer and still thought she was beautiful so obviously we can’t trust your judgement here.

Okay, Blake is handling this breakup confrontation way too well. He’s definitely campaigning for the new Bachelor spot. Jason, you’ve got some competition!

CHRIS HARRISON: Did you cry in your mother’s arms after Becca dumped you at the altar? How many times?
BLAKE: 

CHRIS HARRISON: Blake, what will help you move on?
BLAKE, INTERNALLY: If you would make me the next f*cking Bachelor.

FINALLY. We get to see the proposal. Garrett is like “you look amazing today” and that’s how you know they’re going to make it. If he can propose to her while she’s looking like the discarded scraps of  a Project Runway challenge then you know it’s real.

Okay, this speech is so half-assed. Did he just Google “good proposals” and then go with the first thing that popped up? Also, why is she interrupting him halfway through that mediocre speech? OMG he thinks she’s dumping him! Becca you’re so cruel, I love it.

Ugh why is she proposing to him now? BECCA, HE HAS ONE JOB. LET HIM DO IT.

BECCA: 

Jesus. The bar is so low, isn’t it ladies?

Becca and Garrett make their debut on “After The Final Rose” and they’re both plastered. It’s the only explanation for why she keeps screaming so much.

I will say Becca looks amazing tonight. It’s amazing what love, stability, and fresh extensions will do for a girl who thinks sequins are appropriate for any occasion.

Chris calls out Emily and I feel so bad for this girl. Like, don’t call attention to her hair anymore than the producers already have! You know the second he shouted at her, her hair stood at attention and was like “oh sh*t! They’re talking to me.”

GARRETT HAS A MULLET WIG. Becca’s trying to play it off like it’s just a fun disguise for when they sneak around and not like it’s something they bust out in the bedroom. Sure, Jan. Sure.

Ah, so they ARE going to address the memes. In the last seven minutes of this goddamn episode. Way to give this sensitive topic the time and attention it deserves, ABC! You’re just lucky I’m so f*cking exhausted from watching THREE HOURS of this horse sh*t that I’m not going to riot in the streets over this.

Oh my god Becca just tried to say that this meme thing was Garrett trying to challenge her. YEAH CHALLENGING YOU TO SMACK HIM.

CHRIS HARRISON: There’s ups and downs and trying to explain to your fiancé why it’s not okay to say that child survivors of a school shooting are crisis actors. That’s a relationship!

The season ends with ABC gifting the happy couple with a mini van! They drive off into the sunset and I guess it’s nice that Garrett still lets Becca drive. You know, at least until they have kids!

And on that note, good season everybody! I mean, good for everyone but Becca who is going to have to wear that tacky-ass ring for the rest of her contractually obligated life. See you all tomorrow in Paradise, because ABC doesn’t want me to have a goddamn life.

Images: Giphy (10)

The Best ‘Bachelorette’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 9

Hello! And welcome back to another very exciting episode of The Bachelorette. I’m calling this episode “very exciting” because this is the episode where Becca will either bring shame upon her family take someone to the fantasy suite or be so repulsed by someone that she sends him home early. Riveting stuff!

The episode begins, and we’re immediately treated to footage of a slow moving car crash the journey so far. Becca starts talking about all the men she has left and I’m realizing that she traveled halfway around the world to bang three guys she could have easily swiped right on drunk at a happy hour in Minnesota. Like, none of these guys warrant a romantic trip to Thailand. There’s more personality in a stock photo shoot then what’s happening on my screen rn.

Seriously, which is which I CANNOT TELL!!

Blake’s One-On-One

Blake gets the first one-on-one date and I already know this will end with him crying after sex. He’s got the face for it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being.

Becca kicks things off by forcing Blake to hike with her through a sacred temple grounds. She’s like, “this will be really fun because we won’t be allowed to touch each other at all!” Tbh that’s sounds like my perfect date so I approve of this.

Oh OF COURSE they run into two wise monks who proceed to lecture them on the secret to a happy life. Somehow I’m thinking that secret doesn’t involve dating 30 men on national television and hoping for the best?

BLAKE: They’re so wise, you know?
ALSO BLAKE: 

Okay, so I know I’ve been going easy on Becca’s outfits these last few weeks and that’s because I’m genuinely worried Cary Fetman added an entry about me in his personal burn book, but I can’t hold back any longer. BECCA, WHAT IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU WEARING?! It looks like she bought that dress at the airport gift shop, and I’m horrified. This is fantasy suite night and you came dressed for the occasion in a Wet Seal beach cover-up? What is wrong with you???

They start talking about their past relationships, and Blake is trying wayyy too hard to downplay his mental breakdown after his last girlfriend.

BLAKE: It was very hard time for me and my mother definitely did not have to hold me through the night for the next 3-6 months.
ME: 

Godddd Blake is so needy. He’s like “I can’t ignore the fact that you’re dating other people” and it’s like, you have seen this show before, yes?

Blake and Becca head to the fantasy suite which looks weirdly like the best Marriott in Thailand. Seriously, ABC what’s happening with your budget these days? Thailand is crazy cheap and instead of living like kings for the night they’re living like two people on a mediocre business trip whose points landed them a free room.

Becca keeps looking at Blake like he is going to rock her world considers gently cradling her face as foreplay. Good luck with that, girl!

Cut to the morning after and the camera pans to Becca’s 99 cent dress on the floor. As if I needed a graphic reminder about what went down in that room last night: some very heavy breathing and Blake prematurely ejaculating after accidentally brushing Becca’s thigh. Please.

Lololol Blake is acting like every girl who got drunk off of too much rosé and is trying to define the relationship as the guy she’s seeing starts putting on his pants and calling an Uber.

BECCA: That was a amazing.
BLAKE: So, like, what are we tho?

Wait. Blake is me. I am Blake.

Jason’s One-On-One Date

Moving on to Jason’s one-on-one. Jason looks far too comfortable in Thailand. Like, he’s definitely made a pact before that what happens in Thailand stays in Thailand on a business trip. Ya feel me?

That smirk says it all.

Also, did Becca get her period on this date? Why is she wearing that towel around her waist? Because I know for goddamn sure it’s not for fashion purposes.

I can show you the world…#chiangmai #thailand ????

A post shared by Jason Tartick (@jason_tartick) on

Okay, WHY is everything about food with Jason? First with the wing eating contest and now these crickets? It’s like he wants Becca to have violent diarrhea after every date.

Becca makes a p vague comment about her and Jason’s future together and then immediately freaks out over said comment. I’ve never related to Becca more than in this moment. She’s like “I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I don’t see a future with this person I met four weeks ago!!” Yes, Becca, this is good. That’s the ABC brainwashing slowly starting to leave your system. That, or blind panic at the start of a bowel movement. Either/or.

Wait so we don’t even get to see the day date at all? Damnnn Jason must have really f*cked up if all we get to see is her walking off with her producer.

Cut to the evening portion of the date. WAIT. Is Becca going to dump him right this second? Figures that she’s going to cut the night short on the night where I’m not immediately horrified by her dress.

Becca dips out on Jason AGAIN and he’s gotta know he’s going home tonight, right? Also, is it wrong that now that I know he’s a loser I’m kinda into him?

So when someone gets up two times to go cry by themselves on a date, they’re probs not into you…. noted #theBachelorette

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) July 24, 2018


Okay, this conversation is so effing awkward. Like, what does she want him to do? List reasons for why she should keep him? Like, they are talking in circles around each other.

BECCA: I’m not confident about you.
JASON: That feels like a yes, though?

Okay, Jason is pushing HARD to stay the night. He must think his penis can convince her to keep him around for another week. Is that considered big dick energy?

Jason finally gets in the van and is just like “eh, better luck next time.” Seriously? After all of that begging and pleading that’s all you have to say for yourself? Meanwhile, Becca has a small mental breakdown in her suite at the Marriott. If only she could see his monotoned goodbye speech rn.

Garrett’s One-On-One Date

Last and certainly most racist, we have Garrett’s one-on-one! Cut to Becca who’s pregaming the date by crying alone in her hotel suite. Again, I can deeply relate to this sentiment. At least the cameras didn’t zoom in on her lonely dress on the floor. What a missed opportunity, ABC!

Becca meets up with Garrett and is like “we’re getting out of the city and doing something the locals do!” And by “doing something the locals do” she means rafting through these people’s backyards.

BECCA THREE MINUTES INTO THIS DATE: I didn’t think, like, the locals would actually be here though?

I love how much they’re struggling with this crowd rn. These people could give one single sh*t that Bachelor contestants are in their presence. Can I just move to this beautiful, pure community?

Moving on. Becca shows up to the dinner and drinks portion of the evening wearing her grandmother’s Elvis costume. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m feeling personally attacked by Cary Fetman. This lace abomination has to be some declaration of war. Has to be. IT HAS A SATIN GODDAMN COLLAR. WHY. Becca does realize the end goal here is to make Garrett want to bang her, right? ‘Cause I’m worried that won’t happen now.

I love that Garrett is like “I’m nervous about commitment” and Becca practically orgasms on that pillow. Meanwhile, Jason, a guy who has exclaimed he loves her for weeks now, gets sent packing. Makes sense.

Wait, is that a freaking tent they’re spending the night in? Everyone else got the best sub-par hotel suite ABC’s points could buy them and these two are relegated to sleeping in the hotel’s backyard? If I were Garrett rn I’d be like “I signed up for Fantasy Suites, not glamping.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my god Becca just blew a kiss to Garrett and his responding kiss was a mix between giving her the finger and rolling his eyes. This is the most personality I’ve seen from him all season, and I’m here for it.

The Rose Ceremony

GUYS. JASON. IS. BACK. Omgomgomgomgomg. Just when I was getting genuinely concerned that ABC was going to waste my time for the next 35 minutes the producers somehow coerce Jason into embarrassing himself further on national television. *turns up volume*

JASON: I just want to get some closure so I’m going to knock on her door and talk to her.
BECCA: 

Yeah, this isn’t a great start, dude.

Wait what is this story he just gave her? Please tell me it’s not a scrapbook of their time together. Like, did he whip this up in his hotel room last night when the producers told him he needed to have a more emotional exit if he wants to be the next Bachelor? ‘Cause that’s the only explanation behind this sad, handwritten book he just deposited at her doorstep.

Jason: I brought you something#TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/hVIgHR1e2f

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) July 24, 2018


Okay, but why is there even a rose ceremony at this point? The anxiety rolling off Blake rn is making me sweat out all the wine I just drank and it’s senseless.

Becca shows up to the rose ceremony in yet another lace dress that makes me question. Chris Harrison asks Becca if she feels good about cutting Jason before the rose ceremony and she’s like “oh yeah, I have two great guys left and plus his hair repulsed me!” I paraphrase. 

Becca calls Garrett’s name first and Blake looks like he might murder them both in their sleep. I hope his mother is on call to help him through these dark times.

LOL this toast is so effing awkward. Garrett’s like “thanks for giving me that quality one-on-one time this week.”

ALSO GARRETT:

Subtle, G! 

Next week ABC continues to waste our time we have “The Men Tell All” where I’m sure no one will take accountability for their actions or give us any insight into their dumbass decisions this season. Can’t wait!

Images: Giphy (7);  @jason_tartick /Instagram (1); ABC (3)

The Best ‘Bachelorette’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 7

Well, fam, I’m back! Back spending another Monday held hostage by Mike Fleiss and his dynamic storytelling. Imagine that. To put things into perspective for you, last week I was relaxing lakeside with a cocktail and not a care in the world, and this week I’m crying on the phone to Optimum about my shitty internet while they ask, “did you try turning it off and then back on?” Such is life. Anyway, to those of you who missed me last week, I’d like to hear a little more praise in the comments. Thx. For those of you who didn’t, well, you can go shave your back now. Okay, moving on. This week Becca and her boys are off to the vacation a parent uses to win you over in the divorce Bahamas! How romantic.

Okay, Becca is acting like the Bahamas are a goddamn seventh wonder of the world.  She’s like “it’s unlike any place I’ve seen before,” and that makes sense because so far the budget for her season has been about as extravagant and over-the-top as a Sbarro birthday party.

CHRIS: You’ve never been here before? To the Bahamas? Tickets are like $300 round trip though?
BECCA: Nope! Never!
CHRIS:

Back at the hotel lobby of the Atlantis bangin’ accommodations ABC was able to pull off, the men start quietly going to pieces at the notion of having to actually introduce this stranger to their parents in another week. They have watched this show before, yes?

Sidenote: Wills is wearing a cheetah print RompHim, barely enunciating his words, and he’s STILL the best catch on this entire godforsaken show. Brb, just going to start a grassroots campaign for his #Bachelor candidacy right this fucking minute.

Colton’s One-On-One Date

Colton gets the first one-on-one date this episode, because I guess production finally got tired of my weekly irate DMs about when we’re going to see the big virginity reveal. You’re welcome, everyone.

Becca whisks Colton away and Blake looks like he’s three seconds away from popping a blood vessel and telling Becca right then and there that Colton is a virgin with a capital V. 

EVERY MAN IN THAT ROOM’S INNER MONOLOGUE RN:

Becca’s like, “I picked Colton because have you seen his abs?” Which, like, fair, but also BECCA YOU’RE GOING TO MEET HIS FAMILY NEXT WEEK AND THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT HIM?? I fucking quit with this show.

COLTON: I haven’t felt this excited about a girl in a while since Tia rubbed one out on me last summer.

WAIT. Is Colton finally going to tell Becca that he’s a virgin?? Is he?! Oh of fucking course ABC has to interrupt his big reveal by sending in some island man to wreck the moment.

ISLAND MAN: Would you like to dive for conch?
BECCA: Oh I loooove conch. I can’t get enough conch.
ALSO BECCA: Conch sounds like cock, get it?
ISLAND MAN: 

Yeah, that’s good Becca. Mock the accent of the guy who has to make a living off of helping dipshits like you dive for seashells. Nice.

Moving on to the conchtail portion of this evening (lol I crack myself up). Colton’s like, “so I have something to tell you” and you know Becca’s mind immediately goes to Tia rn. She’s got to be wondering if now’s the time when she finally finds out about where Tia and Colton “just kissed” last summer. No worries, B, he’s not into Tia! He just has no idea about the female anatomy! Mazel Tov to you both!

Lololol. Did Colton really just say he’s a virgin because of sports? Am I really to believe that Colton is the first pro athlete in history who couldn’t get any? AM I? Also, why do I feel like Colton is the kind of virgin who’s like, “anal doesn’t count tho” even though he’s a dude? Just me?

Is it just me, or does Becca look pissed? Omg why is she acting this way? Becca storms out of the Atlantis dining hall and leaves Colton and his hymen alone. I can’t believe she’s this pissed about not being able to bang him.

Becca comes back after crying outside about the sex that could have been and this is so fucking uncomfortable. She’s like “I’m not going to judge you except for those 10 minutes immediately after you told me and I flipped out.”

Becca gives Colton a rose anyway, though, because have you seen his abs? Also, who wants to bet three seconds after this dinner ended she sent Tia a picture of him and that rose?

@bkoof & @coltonunderwood spending a fun day on the water. She’s in a @beccaswim orange 2 piece & earrings by @brooklyndesigns Makeup: @ginamo11 @bacheloretteabc @bachelor_nation

A post shared by Cary Fetman (@caryfetman) on

Garrett’s One-On-One Date

Garrett gets the second one-on-one date of the week, because apparently Becca is into abs and bigotry. I swear her taste in men is less sophisticated than her taste in evening wear. And I’ve seen a lot of fucking low-rent sparkles this season.

A water plane picks the couple up for the day and the plane literally has Tia’s name written on it. Did anyone else just see that? Like, did ABC drain their entire budget trying to get Wayne fucking Newton on the show that they couldn’t get enough cash to fix the plane they booked when Tia was still going to be The Bachelorette?? Also, I’m happy that Tia has at least one petty camera person still on her side who’s willing to undermine Becca one subtle panoramic shot at a time. I hope that helps her sleep at night.

BECCA: This is so romantic. There’s no one else around us.

Yeah, except a camera crew and all of America mocking you. Because in that bathing suit, they absolutely will be.

God this date is so boring. Becca thinks Garrett might be a good guy and so she tries to pick him apart bit by bit until she finds something to hate about him. This is literally a technique I use after a second date when a guy calls me back, pays for the bill, and treats me with respect. So, like, I get it.

Becca’s like “he’s so happy and carefree all the time and I don’t trust it.” Smart girl. Clearly there are no intimacy issues here. Nope, not at all.

Their date ends with Garrett getting the rose and Becca taking off her clothes because she’s been sending mixed signals to him all night so why not throw a little nudity into the mix too?

Blake’s One-On-One Date

Blake and Becca’s date starts off with a special performance from the Baja Men! Tbh I’m not sure what I find more disturbing here: Blake’s dance moves or the fact that ABC paid ACTUAL MONEY to get the people who sang “Who Let The Dogs Out” on their show. Like, are they just lighting money on fire at this point?

The Baha Men, Becca, and Blake! #TheBachelorette

A post shared by The Bachelorette (@bacheloretteabc) on

Lord, Jesus, fix it. 

Okay, Blake is barely holding it together on this date. His emotional state might be less stable than Selena Gomez after she saw Justin Bieber’s engagement announcement last night. So, like, not well bitch!

Ah, so Blake has a sob story. I mean, it’s about divorce, but he does have that nice small town spin on it. But was nobody else disturbed and intrigued by how quickly Blake snitched on his mom?? I’d disown my children for far less than outing my affair on national television, I’m just saying. Tbh Becca loves a good sob story so this might actually work in Blake’s favor.

Blake keeps talking about how hard it is for him to open up with people, but I’m not buying it. The boy has had more emotional breakdowns in this one episode than I’ve had since realizing I forgot my headphones as the subway doors close. Please.

BECCA: I find it so attractive that you constantly talk about how into me you are.

Jesus. Her bar is similar to mine so low.

The Group Date

We’re 2.5 seconds into this group date, and I can already tell that this is going to end in heartbreak—and obviously I’m referring to my heartbreak here, because I have a feeling Wills isn’t going to make it. Blake got a rose on his one-on-one, which means Leo, Jason, and Wills are all competing for the same rose on this date. I have a feeling that this is where Becca cuts any guy who doesn’t shop at the Gap from her “journey of love”. Mark my fucking words.

The first part of the date involves a game of beach volleyball. Because nothing says romance like team sports. Okay, there are so many different personalities on this date rn. We’ve got Wills, who is too pure for this world. Then there’s Jason, who is the physical and emotional embodiment of my grandfather whose biggest life accomplishment is his timeshare in Florida. And finally, Leo, who would never have even made it this far without his hair. 

Just saying.

You guys I’m so uncomfortable rn. Leo keeps giving Becca butterfly kisses while she tries to have an adult conversation about his family and personal life. Also, now that I know he’s done porn, I’m wondering if he wouldn’t stop the kissing because no one said cut?

Oh shit! Leo and his forehead kisses get sent home. See you in Paradise, buddy!

We get to the cocktail portion of this evening and it’s Wills vs. Jason. Everything’s fine, but I am breathing into a paper bag. Just fyi.

Becca pulls Jason aside first and immediately starts bitching about how he hasn’t declared his undying love for her yet. She’s like “the other guys have lied to me about the extent of their feelings already and you haven’t so I’m considering sending you home. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

JASON, TELL HER YOU DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS. Like what is this? She shouldn’t punish him for needing more time to figure out his feelings for her. Like, has he even had a one-on-one date yet? Or is he just like, the one she always makes out with in a corner every group date?

She seems to have a good conversation with Wills, but that means nothing. This bitch is more fickle than I am with my diets.

JASON GETS THE ROSE. OH MY FUCKING GOD. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL. On the one hand, I’m devastated for Wills. On the other hand I’d like to slide into his DMs he deserves happiness too, you know? All I’m saying is his Bachelor 2019 Campaign starts right fucking now.

Oh god he’s crying! Becca doesn’t even pretend like this was a hard decision for her. She keeps awkwardly patting Wills’ knee and looking at her nonexistent watch and it’s like REMEMBER WHEN HE TOLD YOU YOU MADE HIM BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN.

REMEMBER!!

Okay, Wills is acting classy AF. He won’t even break down in front of the cameras for Instagram followers ABC’s sick pleasure. Meanwhile, the camera keeps panning to Becca dry humping Jason on a pool chair. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD.

Okay, well, I’m out, betches. Oh, and ABC, congratulations, I’m emotionally ruined. YOU GOT ME. Anyway, can’t wait to tune in next week to watch Tia make one last play at sabotaging Becca’s happiness. Should be lit!

Images: Giphy (6; ABC (3); @bacheloretteabc /Instagram (1); @caryfetman /Instagram (1)

Garrett Yrigoyen’s Divorce May Not Have Gone Down The Way He Claims

On last night’s episode of The Bachelorette, frontrunner-turned-bigot Garrett Yrigoyen dropped a major bombshell by revealing that he’s divorced. The horror! Literally, like, everyone gets divorced these days, so it’s not so shocking, but the questionable part is that his marriage only lasted a couple months. Yikes. In case you haven’t noticed, Becca is 1,000% only here for true commitment, so a two-month marriage is a clear red flag. Garrett, charmer that he is, did a great job explaining that his wife quickly became emotionally abusive, and that he went through with the marriage because he was super committed to making it work. Blah blah blah. Becca was basically drooling by the end of his story, and he was swiftly given a rose. Good job Garrett, thrilled for your success (ugh). Still not over the transphobic memes, but what can you do?

So obviously Garrett is competing on a reality show, and he seems more than happy to throw his ex-wife under the bus, but is the story actually true? Or did he just bullshit an excuse that makes him sound like the committed fighter, just trying valiantly to save his relationship with a dragon lady? I had a feeling there was a little more to the story, and thankfully some very interesting sources have chimed in on what allegedly really happened in Garrett Yrigoyen’s divorce.

First of all, the professional detectives known as Redditors and The Daily Mail got all the facts about the marriage that we needed, just to know the general timeline. Garrett Yrigoyen married Kayla Cunningham on September 19, 2015 (which we know from a now-deleted online registry), and their divorce was finalized in March, 2016. Obviously that’s longer than two months, but these things take time to finalize. Either way, it’s a short marriage, considering that the planned end of your marital contract is literally death.

On the show, Garrett claimed that his wife changed after the wedding and was emotionally abusive. But a source who claims to be friends with Kayla called bullshit on that story. She said that soon after the wedding, he started acting “cold and disrespectful” to Kayla and her family, and then one day he just packed up all his shit and moved out, without saying anything to Kayla. If that’s true, I’m actually impressed, because every time I move it takes me like seven weeks to pack up all my stuff, and most of that time is just complaining while I avoid packing. The source says that a week later, Garrett came back and said he wanted half of everything. After a lengthy court battle, “she had to give him some money.” Hmm.

LIVE FOOTAGE OF GARRETT RETURNING AFTER A WEEK:

So Kayla’s friend basically feels like Garrett used Kayla to get a fancy wedding, and then left six months later with half of her shit. Not good. If that’s how it actually went down, then I’m even more done with Garrett than I was before. Another source claiming to know Garrett said that Becca should “watch out” for him, which sounds ominous AF. I don’t trust this dude as far as I could throw him, but Becca seems all-in on him.

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This is just another reason why it’s ridiculous that The Bachelorette is filmed way in advance, in secrecy, with no contact to the outside world. Becca’s six months behind in her little Chris Harrison-hosted bubble, while week after week, people are out here in the world finding numerous reasons why half the guys on her season are basically garbage humans. What if Becca is engaged to Garrett right now, and she has no idea that he’s secretly packing up all his stuff while she’s not home? He did it once, so who’s to say it won’t happen again?? Becca, you in danger girl.

Images: ABC; Giphy