Sadly, this season of The Bachelorette is coming to a close. We all learned a lot, mostly about implicit racial biases and what cheek implants look like, but that’s still a lot. Soon, we’ll know who Rachel has chosen *cough* BRYAN *cough* and we’ll be ready to move onto the next phase of The Bachelor franchise aka Bachelor In Paradise aka the best of all Bachelor Nation shows. Now that the scandal is behind them (is it??? idk), BiP will finally be able to focus on the beloved personalities that make them shitloads of money America has grown to love. Anyone who is a long time Bachelor fan knows the general categories that every person who agrees to fall in love on television and propose to a relative stranger falls into. There are the openly crazy ones, the subtly crazy ones, the ones who you really don’t feel like are crazy but then again they’re on The Bachelor so something must be wrong with them, and the dental hygienists. Season after season we inevitably are tricked into caring about these gorgeous idiots and their love lives, so much so that suddenly it’s the “Men Tell All” and you’re literally crying over Dean and his adorable camo suit jacket, a phrase you’d never thought you’d say.

Lucky for us, we here at Betches got a sneak peek at some of the incredible personalities we’re likely to see on the forthcoming season of The Bachelor, and we’re ready to share them with you. Check out our video below. 

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It’s summer. You wake up in the morning and smoke weed immediately check your weather app to see it’s going to be a very casual 95 degrees. Dope. You put on your shortest lil booty shorts and your cutest tank and head off to work – the office manager can deal with your violations of the dress code later. On your way in you snag the iciest ice coffee, snap a few selfies in the amazing natural light of summer, and wonder if your walk from the train to the office constitutes tanning. Then, disaster strikes. As soon as you step foot into your office building, you suddenly feel like you’ve gone from desert Sahara to Arctic tundra, and you have literally nothing to keep you warm except to heat off your laptop. You run upstairs to your office and immediately dig through your stash of coats, scarves, hats, and mittens. In a matter of seconds, you’ve gone from summer chic to full Eskimo, and you’ll remain that way for the next 6 hours. When it’s time for lunch, you’ll have to take off your many, many layers just to make the trek to your favorite salad bar, and be ready to see your breath again as soon as you step back into the office. Why is every office building like this? Who keeps turning the AC to frozen? Is that permafrost on your desk?

We DK. But if you’re familiar with this feeling, we do know that you’re going to love our latest video. Check it out below:

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Ah, salad. You know it’s good for you. You understand it’s life changing benefits. In theory, it is food. But in practice? Hard pass. Any time you order a salad for lunch, you go through four stages. The first is wondering how the fuck something made entirely out of things you can grow in your windowsill costs fifteen dollars. Like, excuse me but don’t mushrooms grow on shit? No bueno. The second, which lasts for about 30 seconds until you actually sit down to eat the thing, is immense personal pride in your good life choices. Are you a health and fitness guru now? Probs. Third is regret. Why did you do this to yourself? Is there anyone on Earth who actually enjoys eating this way? What could have possibly possessed you to get a salad, when a wrap would have been totally acceptable. Never again. Never forget. The final and most critical stage of salad eating usually comes once you realized you ate all of the croutons and there’s nothing left in your shiny plastic bowl but regret. This is the stage where you throw the entire thing in the trash and end up going to Chipotle. At least that shit is worth the $15.

Watch our video, “Internal Thoughts While Eating A Salad,” below!

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The roommate relationship is extremely sacred. (Unless it began on Craigslist, in which case it’s just a miracle you weren’t killed.) You guys literally spend all day breathing the same air, sharing the same shower, and pretending to not hear each other fart cry. It’s like, more intimate than what you have with your favorite fuckboy. So, when your roommate goes and does something legit insane like getting into a relationship, the transition can be hard. Who is going to watch Netflix with me so that I can feel like I’m being social even though I haven’t left my bed in three days?!? And sure, you’re like “happy for her” or whatever, but you can’t help but notice there’s been a serious lack of companionship every since she wifed up. And don’t even get me started on having a new guy in your space all the time. Like, when did we agree it was okay for a man to start using our shower? I’m confused. Before you know it, they’ll be trying to set you up with one of his friends who is desperately single cool enough, and your entire relationship will be reduced to table texting about his B.O. while he’s in the bathroom. Honestly, the entire process of dealing with your roommate’s new boyfriend is an emotional rollercoaster, with many stages.

Check out this video to see exactly what we mean:

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We all know the feeling: you want to work out, but you also want to be looking at your phone every second of every day. Sigh. This is what we get for living in a modern society, I suppose. It’s like, how is one supposed to concentrate on getting their bikini body when there are potentially Bachelorette-related comment threads they could be missing? What if while I’m trying to get a thigh gap, someone tags me in a crucial and time-sensitive meme? Or, worse yet, what if you’re getting zen in savasana and end up missing a text? Nightmare. Luckily, we here at Betches are dedicated to you living your best life which means never, ever missing a notification. Sure, being both physically fit and up on all the latest trending hashtags may seem like a lot, but we believe in you. You can do it. In fact, we’ve proven it with a new video that is scientifically designed to burn maximum calories and gain maximum likes. All you have to do is follow our fitness model’s moves exactly and you’ll be on your way to having your own successful Fitstagram. That’s what we all really want, isn’t it?

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It’s the middle of May and finally the weather has decided to fucking act like it aka reach temperatures above 50 degrees. About time. I only just stopped wearing boots like, last week. The weather finally getting nice means many things: day drinking. Walking (slightly) more than usual. The air conditioning in your building being at full blast and nearly giving you frostbite. But with warmer weather brings two kinds of people. You’ve got the Disney Princess betch who like, frolics through meadows and shit. Like, chill out, Pocahontas. Didn’t anybody tell you that pink lace dress makes you look like a baby prostitute? Reign it in.

As for the other type of person, well, we’ll let you draw your own conclusions by watching our video. But let’s just say, if you’re anything like us, then you’re definitely the second type of person. I mean, just because the weather is sunny doesn’t mean your personality needs to be. I’m not a mood ring—I’m not going to change my demeanor according to my body temperature. And don’t they always say that consistency is key? I think that’s what they say. Anyway, check out the video below and feel free to comment like “OMG this is soooo me!!” Because we know it is.