If there’s anything that The Betches know for sure, it’s that Murphy’s law—anything bad that can happen will happen—is nowhere more applicable than the times you run into your ex. NYC may feel like a big city, but eventually, you’re gonna see him with his new girlfriend in line at the cafe that was once “your place” when you guys were still together. You know, the one that you’ve been avoiding like the plague for this very reason until this fateful day where you wrongly convince yourself you’re being paranoid.
Even if the breakup has inspired you to finally start attending the SoulCycle classes you signed up for when you were feeling bloated and you’ve revamped your wardrobe and makeup game in a futile attempt to “make yourself over” after becoming newly ~single and ready to mingle~, the day you run into your ex inevitably coincides with the day you’re on your period, cheating on your diet, and everything except your college hoodie is in the laundry. Also, the bitch girl he’s with has great hair and is holding a purse that’s definitely three times as expensive as yours. Oh well—you’re still a bad bitch, and this just gives you another thing to complain about at happy hour (we know how you love that). Check out our “When You Try To Run Into Your Ex Vs. When You Actually Run Into Your Ex” video below and subscribe if you can tooootallllyyyyyy relate.
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For many of us, the walk of shame is known as the embarrassing 10-block trudge home the morning after an unplanned, regrettable romp in some fuckboy’s sheets. Only a whisper of the winged eyeliner you’d perfected in your friend’s bathroom last night remains smudged under your eyes, the plunging bodysuit that seemed perfectly apropos at the club is screaming “thot” in the light of day, and you’re holding your stilettos just in case anyone who sees you still isn’t sure where you’re heading home from. But hey, we don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of—you had sex last night! And any judgmental jogger taking their dog on a run at 8am on a Sunday morning definitely didn’t.
Even if you can find the silver lining of your post-coital stride of pride, though, the real walk of shame is sadly something much more common. We’ve all done the hurried—but not too hurried, or you’ll drop that plate of congealed pizza cheese—shuffle to the kitchen, holding a stack of dirty dishes and cups you’ve accumulated after a week of eating dinner in front of your laptop and falling asleep while catching up on all The Bachelorette drama. Sadly, this walk of shame does nothing to prove you’ve got game (kind of the opposite, actually). Watch our take on “The Ultimate Walk of Shame” below and subscribe to our Youtube channel for more content like this!
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We all know by now that the number one thing you can do in life to fuck up your skin is fail to take off your makeup properly. That and like, not drink so much alcohol, but only one of those options is truly feasible for the average betch’s modern lifestyle. Unfortunately for those of us who usually come home some combination of tired/drunk and are generally lazy, there are a lot of steps to actually taking your makeup off that go way beyond soap and water. Like, apparently Q-Tips should be involved? I’m honestly shocked. Also I continually fail to understand the presence of cucumbers in our beauty regimens. I mean, I don’t hate it, I just don’t understand it. Which is most things in life, I guess.
While we all hope to come home after work and completely remove every trace of dirt from our pores and thoroughly exfoliate our post-workday skin, we all know that this dream is basically bullshit. In reality you will most likely stumble home at the end of the night, splash water on your face, and walk out of the bathroom with the day’s mascara still fully applied to your lashes.
In order to illustrate this phenomenon, check out Betches Video’s latest “How To Take Off Your Makeup Expectations Vs. Reality” video and be like, “omg this is me.” Subscribe to our Youtube channel for more funny videos just like this one.
It’s the middle of May and finally the weather has decided to fucking act like it aka reach temperatures above 50 degrees. About time. I only just stopped wearing boots like, last week. The weather finally getting nice means many things: day drinking. Walking (slightly) more than usual. The air conditioning in your building being at full blast and nearly giving you frostbite. But with warmer weather brings two kinds of people. You’ve got the Disney Princess betch who like, frolics through meadows and shit. Like, chill out, Pocahontas. Didn’t anybody tell you that pink lace dress makes you look like a baby prostitute? Reign it in.
As for the other type of person, well, we’ll let you draw your own conclusions by watching our video. But let’s just say, if you’re anything like us, then you’re definitely the second type of person. I mean, just because the weather is sunny doesn’t mean your personality needs to be. I’m not a mood ring—I’m not going to change my demeanor according to my body temperature. And don’t they always say that consistency is key? I think that’s what they say. Anyway, check out the video below and feel free to comment like “OMG this is soooo me!!” Because we know it is.