The Best Murder Hornet Tweets That Will Make You Laugh Through The Fear

For nearly two months now, most of us have been bored in the house, just doing our best to make it through the biggest global pandemic in more than a century. Needless to say, it’s been a stressful time, and we still don’t know when things will go back to normal. (Unless you’re one of those people who were day drinking at the park with your friends this weekend, because for you the pandemic is apparently over!) But our girl Mother Nature loves to keep us on our toes, and things with the pandemic were starting to get stale, so now we get to deal with… murder hornets! Sounds fun!

According to a new report in The New York Timesthese giant things, technically known as Asian giant hornets, can reach up to two inches in length, and that’s not the scariest part. Their stingers are “long enough to puncture a beekeeping suit,” and getting stung by one reportedly feels like “hot metal driving into skin.” And as the name suggests, murder hornets are literally deadly! NYT reports that they cause around 50 deaths a year in Japan, and now they’ve spread to the US for the first time. Great, love to hear it.

So while the experts have been focused on tracking the spread of our deadly new friends, and trapping as many as possible, the internet did what it does best: made memes! Over the weekend, murder hornet tweets were blowing up left and right, so here are some of the best ones. Hey, it’s better to laugh than cry, right?

You know what? I’m not even going to try to fight it. If the murder hornets come for me, I should probably just take the hint and give up.

One thing that we know for sure about the murder hornet? She’s a savage, honey. These fancam videos are one of the most bizarre trends on Twitter, but for whatever reason, I can’t look away. Are hornets, like, kind of beautiful? Wow, the quarantine is really getting to me.

Along with the exciting murder hornet news, we also found out that there will be a new Twilight book this summer! This would be super exciting if I was still in eighth grade, but right now, I need Stephenie Meyer to read the f*cking room.

We all have that one friend who takes the champagne vs. sparkling wine thing a little too seriously, and no doubt they’ll soon be correcting everyone in the group text about the facts on murder hornets. Don’t let them kill your vibe.

Seriously, who the f*ck is controlling this sh*t? Have we not been through enough?? Is this karma? I’m really sorry for that one time I stole a cookie from the grocery store back in like, 2003, but this punishment feels a little intense.

Bitch, you thought! Let’s be real, I wasn’t going out in public this month anyway, so I can only be moderately upset. But for all those people who were desperate to get to their hair salon once it reopens, they might just want to rethink that. Is it worth it to risk getting stung by a murder hornet to get your roots touched up? Actually, maybe…

I look forward to the day when this is all over and Netflix and Hulu drop their competing documentaries about how killer bees came from Japan to ruin our lives. Can we just fast forward to that part? I’m kind of not in the mood to actually deal with said killer bees.

You know what? Maybe the murder hornets are just what we need right now. COVID-19 is so played out, and I could only tweet about quarantine so many times. If nothing else, these cute little bugs have given us something new to talk about at our Zoom happy hours, so we should probably be thankful.

How silly were we to think the bugs would just stay away? We are just tiny specks in the giant universe, and these murder hornets are coming, whether we like it or not. Maybe I’ll actually start saying my prayers before I go to bed? Nah, that definitely won’t happen, but I will make sure my windows are shut.

Yeah, if this doesn’t make people want to stay inside, nothing will. Like, if the literal deadly pandemic wasn’t a compelling reason to cancel your plans, you could get MURDERED BY A HORNET. As much as I joke about being ready to die, I’m not like, literally ready to die. I’m gonna stay my ass in the house until coronavirus and the murder hornets go wreak havoc on some other planet, and that’s that on that. See you guys in 2021, if we’re lucky.

Images: Elina Litovkina / Shutterstock; JakeWebber9, mattryanx, rachelmcrady, plethodonick, officialkat, rockytopkeith, NATCpod, bessbell, coleymick, betchesluvthis / Twitter

The Most Savage Tweets From Last Night’s State Of The Union

Last night millions of people tuned in to see if the President of the United States could pull off the incredible task of reading a pre-written script. A warning to all future American presidents: be careful not to trip over the bar set so low before you. As it turns out, Trump can, in fact, read. Am I surprised? Truly. Am I impressed? Are you fucking kidding? A presidenting being literate should not be making headlines.

But just because Trump managed to deliver a speech without referring to entire nations as “shitholes,” doesn’t mean that the State of the Union was…good. I mean, it was essentially a racist, sexist smoked ham standing at a podium and saying a bunch of vague shit that was mostly untrue, and being met with applause breaks from his army of skanks Republicans. The only good part of last night was people taking to twitter to drag Trump’s lumpy ass. We put together a list of the most savage tweets about the #SOTU for your viewing pleasure. Spoiler alert: a lot of them are from our own Twitter account because sometimes you have to put your shame aside and face the fact that you are the best in the mothafuckin game.

@Betches_Sup

When you realize there's no one to blame but yourself #StateOfTheUnion #SOTU pic.twitter.com/5t9rGXNGHh

— The Betches Sup (@Betches_Sup) January 31, 2018

@patwiselive

Can’t wait for the 3 Doors Down concert after this

— pat wise (@patwiselive) January 31, 2018

@HireMeImFunny

#SOTU pic.twitter.com/5o1CBlLaY0

— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) January 31, 2018

@aparnapkin

we got "praise be" and "under his eye" on the 1s and 2s pic.twitter.com/MVIQhEKwZB

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 31, 2018

@Betches_Sup…again

"All I wanted was to take pictures and look pretty. How did I end up here?" #StateoftheUnion #SOTU pic.twitter.com/AjvJFj8h3b

— The Betches Sup (@Betches_Sup) January 31, 2018

@suesmith666

I can’t watch this shit. #sotu pic.twitter.com/mHirAMesRW

— Sue Smith (@suesmith666) January 31, 2018

@KeatonPatti

Wow. #SOTU pic.twitter.com/i5oP2GCqBC

— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) January 31, 2018

@mariskreizman

Beautiful clean Cole. pic.twitter.com/cyUt8AjIbf

— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) January 31, 2018

@NoahGarfinkel

Why would you not just also tan the eye bags?

— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) January 31, 2018

@SarahKSilverman

“I like big round titties. I like em big and round like grapefruits. But they’re not really grapefruits. They’re titties.” -Donald J. Trump, #sotu

— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) January 31, 2018

@samttaggart

A fun state of the union address would be to walk up to the podium and be like "ehhhh….well it aint GOOD" and then leave

— Sam Taggart (@samttaggart) January 30, 2018

@lasteve423

I am not entirely certain, but I think the White House has recast the role of Barron Trump for the second season. #SOTU #StateOfTheUnion pic.twitter.com/J4CIdWPaeT

— S B Hammel (@lasteve423) January 31, 2018

And One More Time for @Betches_Sup

Cory Booker is so pissed off his eyes are going in two different directions. #StateOfTheUnion pic.twitter.com/GNHZHElTuE

— The Betches Sup (@Betches_Sup) January 31, 2018

I guess the moral of the story is that the state of the union is…no bueno, and you should follow @Betches_Sup on Twitter.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!