Remember a few days ago when you felt personally victimized by RompHims? Well we have some bad news, because there’s a new pastel product in town: lace shorts for men. They come in five different colors, and yes, we were also triggered after “lace.” They were first advertised through an Instagram account named Sparkie Baby Official, which tells you pretty much everything you need to know about how legit and high quality they are, if the built-in belts didn’t already give that away.
Judging by the long white socks on the models, the shorts are clearly intended for bros. The more we think about it, maybe we should have seen this coming. Like, how different really are lace shorts from the bright pink Vineyard Vines shit we’ve been told were “fratty” for years? Is this not just an even better outfit for an entire pledge class to wear while shouting homophobic slurs at each other? They’re wearing the lace as a JOKE, guys. It’s not like they wear it underneath their clothes everyday!
All jokes about repressed sexuality aside, these are extremely concerning from a utility standpoint. The only material is some shitty lace and heinous white…briefs? Are those included with the shorts? There is literally no chance they’re covering ANYTHING, and if any guy is dumb enough to buy these he’s also probably too dumb to realize he’s flashing everyone and the FB tags will not be kind to him.
TBH, I’m pretty sure the only reason anyone is discussing these shorts is because of the guy in green. He is taking bubble butt to a whole new level and if he doesn’t have a modeling agent yet, I would like to step forward and offer my services because I think we could really go places. First stop: remove the tats. Next stop: Calvin Klein.
What will be next in douchebag fashion? We can’t be certain, but the thought is pretty terrifying at this point. We never thought we’d miss the days of Lacoste polos, ugh.