As per my usual morning routine, at roughly 8:54am today I finally got out of my apartment while picking up my Uber’s third “where the fuck are you” call. But unlike my usual totally chill 9:15 Starbucks-in-hand appearance, today got a little more in the “maybe I should buy my boss a present so she doesn’t fire me” range. Why? Halfway to my apartment lobby, I realized I forgot to put on perfume—so I turned around, ran up five flights of stairs (one week of cardio, woo), and fixed that shit. For those of you who would dare question my priorities, I can guarantee you just haven’t found a perfume as good as mine yet. Trust me, once you start hearing “whoa, you smell really good” 3-4 times a day, you won’t leave the house without it either. If you haven’t found your perfect fit yet (and no, I’ll never tell you mine), here are the hottest new fall fragrances you can try out.
The Classic: Gucci Bloom Eau de Parfum
Unlike Like people, you usually shouldn’t judge a perfume by how it looks—but in this case, the packaging is pretty on-brand for what to expect. Basically, if you got into the millennial pink trend this past summer and executed it half as well as whoever designed this perfume bottle, you’ll probably like the way this smells. Like you, this light and floral perfume is classy, sweet, but not overbearing (looking at you, Vera Wang Princess), and has just enough edge to show you’re not boring. (Read: it contains a little jasmine, the quintessential “I am worldly and interesting” note of every fragrance ever.)
The Bold: Hermès Twilly d’Hermès Eau de Parfum
A few warnings about this one: 1) several sources have described it as “spicy,” which is typically not great, and 2) it’s specifically and emphatically designed for “free, bold, and irreverent” young women. So this ginger-heavy floral is probably what you’d smell on a college freshman who’s really into traveling “for the culture,” and pisses you off by pulling off the best orange-red lip you’ve ever seen. If you’re not afraid to
smell kind of like a teabag be a little different and you’re confident in your style, this one might be for you.
The Woody: Diptyque Vetyverio Eau de Parfum
casually browsing an article about what smells men find attractive doing serious journalism research, I discovered that men tend to be attracted to scents that could be worn by either gender or are woodsy. Beyond furthering my theory that men just secretly hate all women don’t like anything that could be described as “feminine,” this article also confirms that men will probably dig Diptyque’s new scent. (This is not about needing men’s approval, it’s about liking men’s attention. Calm down.) It’s fruity and floral enough to not just smell like aftershave, but the woody/earthy tones are actually really clean, yummy, and not what you typically imagine when people make the unfortunate choice of using the word “musk” to describe their fragrance. This is a great scent for making people think you’re “down-to-earth” and “up for a hike” while maintaining a 10-step skincare routine and spending hundreds on Diptyque candles.
The Custom: After Hours Eau de Parfum
If you’re just looking for a perfume that will show people you’re better than them (which you should be), look no further: Azzi Glasser, creator of bespoke fragrances for Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter (which I guess is a fancy way of saying she threw spiderwebs, whiskey, and broken dreams into a fancy bottle) has a series of fragrances that you can match to your “Character and Style.” Ranging from “Provocative/Confident/Fun” to “Feminine/Loyal/Soulful,” there’s a very expensive perfume to match just about any Bumble bio you can come up with. The newest scent, “After Hours,” is described as “Glamorous/Magnetic/Sensual,” is exclusively available at Harrod’s, and contains Serena Van der Woodsen’s signature patchouli. If you pride yourself on catching trends early and being meticulously put-together, this fragrance is the perfect top-off for your look.