Top 5 Vodka & Food Pairings For When Wine Just Doesn’t Cut It

Bikini season is coming. And while going sober is believed to be one of the best ways possible to lose three pounds, giving up alcohol isn’t really an option for us, for obvious reasons. In order to maintain both your bikini body and your drinking habits, you’re going to need to pick the lowest calorie drink possible and, subsequently, pair it with some delicious AND low-cal treats to avoid the alcohol-fueled pizza fest that often accompanies a night out at the bar. That brings us to vodka. Occupying its own space on the betch pyramid of much beloved foods (alongside avocado toast, hummus, and grapefruit), vodka is one of the lowest calorie liquors you can chug drink, and it pairs well with seltzer, so you don’t get (as) fat. So, naturally, we paired our beloved liquor, vodka, with the best snacks to keep you fit until summer. TLDR; anything smoked, pickled, or otherwise “preserved” works super well.

Read: Research Shows You Don’t Have To Give Up Drinking To Lose Weight

1. Vodka and Caviar

Vodka is Russian AF, as is caviar, so this is a natural pairing. Caviar is also super chic, low in calories, and can be served plain (no work for you) or on a tiny and adorable piece of toast. Serve up your vodka super chilled with a little bowl of caviar and toasts, and you’ll be the richest-looking bitch around. As for advice on how to earn enough money to afford caviar, when you figure it out, please let us know.

Help Me I'm Poor

2. Pickles and Vodka

I mean, if you have pickles skewered in your Bloody Mary, are you that surprised that they go well with an ice cold shot of vodka? The sour and salty notes pair well with super smooth Polish or Russian vodka—just make sure they’re super cold, like your heart, or else you’ll get a strange aftertaste. And nobody likes that shit. If you DO decide to pair vodka with pickles, however, be aware that there is a 100% chance you will feel like Snooki. 

Snooki Pickles

3.  Smoked Salmon

Praise Adonai, smoked salmon makes the list. Is there a betchier hors d’oeuvre than smoked and thinly sliced smoked salmon—king of fish—served with a bit of sour cream and capers? Um, no. If you’re one of the Chosen people (or if you live in NYC) you’ve been eating lox on your bagels with shmear every morning for years. What a fabulous surprise to know that a shot of vodka would be a perfect pairing with your breakfast of champions.

Bagels

4. Steak

As we’ve learned from Queen Anna Wintour, steak is betchy AND not horrible for you (hello—no carbs and ALL the protein). Lucky for us, it also pairs perfectly with ice cold vodka. So grab an 8 oz., sear it, and serve rare for a dinner, lunch, or snack all of your man friends will be proud of.

Steak

5. Ricotta, Goat Cheese, or Dill Cheeses

Lucky for you, some cheeses do pair well with vodka. But beware, betch—cheeses are NOT bikini bod friendly. So, nibble your cheese and take your shot for an afternoon snack, but don’t fucking overdo it. 

Cheese

Read: The Best Wine To Pair With Your Cheeses
 
The Best Booze To Pair With Your Soup

Pairing booze with food is tricky. It’s especially a pain in the ass when the goal is to drop ten pounds before beach season. No one wants to see a whale in a polka dot bikini—sorry.

We’re here to help, so here are our top five fav pairings for soup plus liquor, the lowest-calorie alcohol there is.

1. Pho And Moscow Mule

Pho

If you wanna be fancy, make pho and pair it with a super trendy drink. Making your own pho is relatively easy—just combine cooked rice noodles with a boiled-together concoction of chicken stock, fish sauce, lime juice, garlic, ginger, lemon grass, and green onions. Remove the lemon grass before serving, add in some shredded rotisserie chicken and throw in the noodles. Boom—not totally authentic but still really good pho. Because of the lime juice factor in the pho, a Moscow Mule will complement the dish. Combine vodka, ginger beer, lime juice and ice—only add in simple syrup if you want the extra calories.

2. Green Pea Soup And A Shot Of Aquavit

Split Pea Soup

Nothing makes us feel healthier than knocking back a bowl of bright green soup. Melt a little butter in a saucepan and throw in the white parts of a few leeks, thyme, salt, pepper, two cups of frozen peas, and chopped and trimmed fresh asparagus. Cook for a few minutes before throwing it all in a blender with a little vinegar and a bit of chicken broth. Now you have soup. If you’ve never heard of Aquavit, a Scandinavian liquor, get acquainted with it. Its notes of caraway seeds, coriander, and dill pair perfectly with this green concoction. You’ll feel mighty, like a fucking Viking.

3. Butternut Squash Soup And A Cosmo

Butternut Squash Soup

Hear us out on this one—the creamy and borderline sweetness of butternut squash soup is healthy IF you don’t add a bunch of shit to it. We’ve already covered how to make it, but, if you forgot: roast a bunch of cubed butternut squash; throw it in your Vitamix with salt, pepper, and reduced sodium chicken broth; blend super hard; and eat. Now, pair that with a NOT totally fattening and calorie-ridden Cosmo. Make one by combining raspberry flavored vodka with a splash of cranberry juice, a squeeze of lime, and a bit of seltzer. Plus, what could be more goddamn wintry than a butternut squash soup with a cranberry cocktail?! I mean, really.

4. Spicy Tomato Soup and Tequila Mixer

Tomato Soup

Obviously, tequila is made for Mexican food (like nachos). Because nachos aren’t exactly on our liquid diet, make a spicy tomato soup (use this one from Cooking Light as a guide) by roasting tomatoes, garlic, fresh oregano, and jalapeños in the oven then blending together with chicken stock and a bit of Parmesan. Throw a little cilantro on top and pair with a draaaank that’s a combo of silver tequila, lime, agave nectar, and a little seltzer. Bam. So liquidy.

5. Borsht And A Vodka Soda

Borsht

It’s time for you to embrace this bright red poor people soup of Russia. It’s got tons of beets, onions, and spices to warm you up. We used this recipe from Eating Well, but basically, all you need to do is boil some beets and potatoes, sauté some onions, add in some broth, and like, bam. Soup. We paired it with a vodka seltzer with a twist of lime, because you’re not going to NOT have vodka with a Russian dish. Combine a shot or six of good quality Russian vodka with a bit of seltzer and a little fresh lime juice. The fizz and flavor will cut through the rich beet soup, giving you strength and making you feel like you could wrestle Putin and/or a bear in a match to the death.