If there’s anything the selfie kid at the Super Bowl taught us it’s that we, as a culture, are
slowly turning into an episode of Black Mirror obsessed with our selfies. God, I want to set myself on fire just writing that sentence. According to a recent review by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS), 2017 was a huuuuge, very big year for plastic surgery and 2018 is about to be even more lit. Last year, plastic surgeons saw an 80 percent increase of cosmetic non-surgical procedures, like injectables, that are v popular with the Kylie Jenner wannabe crowd twentysomethings. And apparently we can thank “selfie culture” for that. No, seriously. This is the world we live in. According to the AARPS survey, 55 percent of facial plastic surgeons saw patients who wanted to PHYSICALLY ALTER their appearances, I assume so they could look better in their Instagram stories. And that number is only predicted to grow in the new year. Welcome to 2018, fam. I guess it’s time to lean the fuck in. And you know what I always say: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em rank the shit out of every procedure so at least people will be able to make a smart, educated decision about the surgical Insta filter they’re about to put in their face. And my parents thought I wouldn’t be able to use my journalism degree after college! So here is a definitive list of the best and worst plastic surgery trends of 2018:
Plastic Surgery Trends That Are Worth It
The Non-Surgical Nose Job: If you thought we left nose jobs back in the early 00’s with Ashlee Simpson, you’d be wrong. Now, instead of doing traditional rhinoplasty, people are using injectables to change the shapes of their noses in a procedure that takes less than 15 minutes, or the time it takes for me to start and end a relationship on Hinge. Plastic surgeons inject a hyaluronic acid filler to smooth out imperfections and help contour the nose shape. The cool thing is the procedure isn’t permanent. The injections won’t last longer than two years, so like, about as long as it will take you to work out your quarter life crisis and learn to love your nose again.
PRP Injections: Platelet-Rich Plasma, or PRP injections have been slowly gaining a cult following for a while now thanks to Kim Kardashian and
the thousands of dollars she was paid to promote it for 30 seconds her Instagram account. Remember vampire facials? This is basically the same thing. Surgeons take a patient’s own blood and spin it to extract platelets and growth factors. They then separate out the plasma and incubate it for hours to multiply its healing agents before injecting it back into the patient’s skin or hair follicles to rejuvenate skin and regenerate hair growth. So basically, some fucking sorcery is at play here, but your skin will look good AF by the end of it. Blessings.
Plastic Surgery Trends To Skip
Eyelid Procedures: Yeah, you heard me right. People are fucking with their eyelids now, because nothing is sacred anymore, goddamnit. Fifty-seven percent of plastic surgeons are saying their patients are not only obsessed with selfies, but also gaining a competitive edge in their careers, which is why kids these days are injecting shit into their eyelids to minimize dark circles and under eye bags. Fucking genius. And while normally I’m in full support of any and everything that will hide the evidence of my hangovers, the fillers they inject into your eyelids only last a year at the most and then you turn back into
a pumpkin your ratchet-ass self. Pass. I’d rather just live my truth from the beginning.
Botox: If you’re under 30 and regularly subjecting yourself to this shit, then you need to take a serious fucking look inward. First of all, there’s so many anti-aging treatments out there that cost a fraction of what botox does, so save your money for where it really should be spent: the bar. Secondly, YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF FUCKING 30. Fucking chill. Just because your mother has low-key been sending you mommy memes and YouTube videos of babies since the day you graduated college does not mean you’re actually old and should start injecting shit into your skin.
Fillers: Fillers are, like, so
2015 Kylie Jenner last year. Not to mention, this is the year that plastic surgeons are, like, realizing stuff, and that stuff is that your body can actually build up an immunity to fillers, meaning fillers might actually be useless. Whatttt. That’s right, it’s 2018 people, and by 2019 Kylie might look more unrecognizable than her first driver’s permit photo. And we thought motherhood was going to be the craziest transformation we’d see of her. Bottom line: unless you’re looking for a v v short-term solution, don’t waste your time (and money) on fillers anymore.
Images: Giphy (5)
If there’s one thing I strive for in this life, it’s the pursuit of
happiness the perfect selfie. Whether that pursuit is a means to trap a man or to make my sorority sisters from college jealous or just because I think I’m, like, really pretty, sometimes the pursuit of the perfect selfie isn’t always as easy as people think it is. First, it involves my face, which 9 times out of 10 is working against me for reasons that are unclear to me. Then there’s the fact that half the time my foundation is blackmail causes me to look like Casper in all my Insta stories. Thankfully, not all foundations are sabotage (just the ones I got conned into buying at Sephora). Anyway, here’s a list of all the foundations that are better than Instagram filters and will give you fire selfies.
1. HUDA BEAUTY #FAUXFILTER FOUNDATION
There’s a reason this foundation has a 5,000+ wait list, and that’s because it
is motherfucking sorcery makes you look better than your Facetune app can. The #FauxFilter foundation is the brain-child of Huda Kattan aka person who looks eerily similar to Kim K one of the best beauty bloggers in the game. The foundation itself is highly pigmented but instead of feeling mask-like and weighted down, it actually goes on creamy AF. It blurs out pores, blemishes, and redness for an airbrushed finish that’s practically guaranteed to have your ex sliding back into your DMs (I paraphrase). Beware because this shit is long lasting AF, as in will outlast you and the six vodka crans you “accidentally” downed at the bar last night watching the Super Bowl, and you will be scrubbing off after work later along with the remnants of your dignity. Plus, it has serious range with over 30 different shades that cater to literally any skin type. Blessings.
2. MILK MAKEUP LUMINOUS BLUR STICK
Okay, so technically this is a primer, not a foundation but, whatever, I’m still including it because it’s fucking magic. Last year Milk Makeup launched their Blur Stick and people lost their goddamn minds over it. Mostly because it does more work hiding facial imperfections than Kim Kardashian before she posts a nude on Instagram. Like its predecessor, the new Luminous Blur Stick still absorbs excess oil, smoothing over pores and fine lines, but now it also leaves skin with a v healthy glow. Plus you can use this product in lieu of an actual foundation for that “I just woke up like this, I don’t know makeup” look.
3. FENTY BEAUTY’S PRO FILT’R FOUNDATION
We reviewed Rihanna’s Fenty beauty line when it first dropped last fall, and, while normally all Rihanna has to do is breathe in the same vicinity as a product and I’ll buy it, I wasn’t super impressed with her foundation. That said, it gets an honorable mention here because it’s inclusive AF with over 40 different shades available. If you have oily skin then this foundation is about to change your whole damn life. Seriously. Think Kardashian Fam 2008 to 2018 transformation goals, but, you know, minus all the plastic surgery that went into that transformation. Plus, if you buy this product then you’re, like, one step closer to being a part of Rihanna’s inner circle. Or at least that’s what I whisper to myself every time I use a Fenty beauty product.
4. REVLON PHOTOREADY AIRBRUSH EFFECT MAKEUP
For all my betches on a budget, you’ll want to try Revlon’s Photoready Airbrush Effect Makeup foundation. It’s a light, buildable foundation with a natural-looking matte finish that costs less than the bottle of wine you just bought. Plus it holds up better than my Hinge dates when I ask them “what we’re doing” after 10 dates. But beware because this foundation does have a sparkly finish to it. From far away (and, most importantly, in all your selfies) you’ll look fucking fabulous but up close you might resemble Bella Thorne after a
rave chill night in. That said, I’m just going to point out once more that IT COSTS LESS THAN A BOTTLE OF WINE. You’re welcome.
Images: Ayo Ogunseinde / Unsplash (1) @shophudabeauty / Instagram (1); @fentybeauty / Instagram (1); @milkmakeup / Instagram (1); @revlon / Instagram (1)
Snapchat filters have come a long way since the days of the rainbow barf, and at this point we all have our personal favorites that we use on the regs. We love Snapchat filters so much, that they’re basically the only thing keeping Snapchat afloat now that Insta stories got into the game. And much like perfumes, lipsticks, and literally every other customizable things on the planet, the filters you use most say a lot about you, which is why we’re here to let you know what all your followers are already thinking. Read on for what your favorite Snapchat filter says about you.
The Puppy: You’re Very Loyal
Because dogs are loyal, right? Wrong. Loving the puppy filter means you respect the things in life that don’t let you down, and looking like a cute animal next to your bestie is one of them. You can count on this filter to improve any situation because you’ve personally tested it out in all of them. Whether you’re sitting on the couch or full-on blackout out at the club, once you layer on some puppy ears you’re morally obligated to send that image to every contact in your phone.
The Pretty One: You’re Great At Gaming the System
Any betch that defaults to the pretty filter is both vain and highly resourceful, basically two of the best qualities to have. This filter instantly makes everyone look hotter, even if you’re not wearing makeup, which means you can be extremely lazy about your appearance and still send thirsty pics to your crush. If this one’s your favorite it means you’re not above using special effects on your face instead of getting ready which is basically the definition of winning at life.
The Flower Crown: We Get It, You Went To Coachella
Honestly, enough already. If you’re sporting the flower crown more than once every six months then you’ve made it abundantly clear that you’re a festival betch. Even though it gives you a facelift and lash extensions, you can easily overdo this filter so you may want to chill out for a bit and pretend to be a hippie elsewhere.
The Face Distorting Ones: You Give Zero Fucks
If you’re just sending these to friends that’s one thing, but if you’re proudly displaying your busted face for all to see then you’ve clearly given up on life in a very public way. On the bright side, your normal selfies probably look amaze in comparison.
The Sunglasses/ Partying Ones: You Stay In a Lot
No one uses the party filter while actually at a party, so if you’ve memorized the lyrics to those catchy songs by now then it might be time to leave the house. At the very least don’t send these out multiple Saturday nights in a row because that’s just depressing AF for everyone receiving them.
The Bunny: You’re Having A Life Crisis.
No offense, but if your favorite filter is the dancing bunny then you def want to rethink your choices. This is a one-and-done kind of Snapchat that’s best used for posting an embarrassing vid of someone else. If you’re repeatedly sending Snaps of you with a scary bunny face, or God forbid, Storying it, then you’re likely in the midst of a mental breakdown.
No Filter: You’re Really Brave, Or Really Old
If you prefer to never use a filter then you either have the strongest selfie game on the planet or just don’t understand how to use Snapchat. While we all enjoy sending pics with #nofilter, it’s not something we would choose to do all the time because it’s a) kind of boring and b) the pretty filter exists. Time to get with the CGI programming, betch.