There’s very little in this world that I love more than a good celebrity feud. Our favorite famous people getting messy on social media? It’s delicious. But every feud needs context, and this one is… a lot to take in. Two of the biggest Gen-Z stars, Bhad Bhabie and Skai Jackson, really got into it this week, and if those names don’t even sound like names to you, then you’ve come to the right place. Let me explain.
Okay, so Bhad Bhabie’s real name is Danielle Bregoli, but her real name is Cash me Ousside Girl. You know the one. Since her time on Dr. Phil a few years ago, she’s rebranded as Bhad Bhabie (pronounced “Bad Baby,” don’t get me started), and launched a fairly successful rap career. She’s still only 16 years old, which is objectively terrifying. She’s no stranger to feuds, and my personal favorite was when she got in a literal fist fight with fellow teenage rapper Woah Vicky at a recording studio. She’s a f*cking lady.
In the other corner of this feud, we have Skai Jackson, a 17-year-old Disney Channel star who is already way more accomplished than you ever will be. She’s been acting since she was like, zero years old, and last fall, she released her first book, Reach for the Skai: How to Inspire, Empower, and Clapback. Speaking of clapping back, let’s get into what the f*ck is going on with this feud.
This whole mess started when Bhad Bhabie allegedly found out that Skai was trying to get with her ex through a finsta account. The ex in question is rapper NBA YoungBoy, which sounds like a fake name that came out of an online generator, but alas, he’s real. In an Instagram Live, Bhabie called Skai out, saying “I will literally kill you. She’s moving sneaky; don’t go post on your fake page.” *Checks notes* Yup, that’s a death threat.
On Thursday, Skai Jackson filed a temporary restraining order against Bhad Bhabie, saying that “The harassment has caused me to be fearful of leaving my house by myself, and lack of sleep.” In the filing, she included alleged Instagram DMs between herself and Bhad Bhabie, and they’re even worse than what she said on the Live. First, Bhabie says “I’ll dog you,” and after Skai asks what the problem even is, Bhabie says “Shut your scary ass up… Imma get to you… Hide… That’s all Imma tell you… HIDE.”
Yeah, good call on the restraining order.
As if the girls hadn’t gone wild enough, their moms also got in on the Instagram feud action. First, Bhabie commented on Skai’s mom’s page, saying that she should “get a hold of that finsta she has.” Ah yes, the sage parenting advice of 16-year-old known nightmare Bhad Bhabie, I’m sure that will be taken seriously by a grown-ass adult.
Skai’s mom immediately popped off on Bhad Bhabie, calling her “little girl” (my favorite insult of all time), and saying that she’s “not the one to be played with.” Please put this woman on Real Housewives ASAP. She invited Bhabie to give her her contact information so she so she could have this conversation with her mother, but then… BHABIE’S MOM STARTED COMMENTING TOO.
These women both fully WENT THERE, and I am so thankful. In the second screenshot, Skai’s mom literally says “I will stomp a mud hole in your sloppy ass,” and that was the moment where my soul really left my body. I have no idea what a mud hole is, but I’m here for it. Bhabie’s mom then accuses Skai of f*cking “all them rappers,” which feels like crossing a line, but let’s face it, both of these women are fighting to win. I literally need a glass of water after reading these comments, because I feel like I’m about to die. Let me just say, I did not expect the mothers to bring it this hard.
While Skai has kept quiet about the feud on her social media—I guess the restraining order speaks for itself—Bhad Bhabie addressed it with a post on Thursday. Ever humble, the photo is of her gold and platinum records, and the caption is all about how she won’t apologize for anything. She refuses “to become as fake as Hollywood is” which I already feel like is going to be the name of her next song. At the end, she tells Skai, “Go get your restraining order, Imma go get checks.” Technically speaking, I’m sure Skai Jackson is getting PLENTY of checks, but whatever.
View this post on Instagram
you can try to hate me for responding to bullshit with more bullshit but that’s just who I am and I don’t apologize for none of it. I been in this fake ass hollywood world for 3 1/2 years now and I’ve done ALOT when the whole world said I couldn’t, but I refuse to become as fake as hollywood is. Y’all can play around on your finstas but I’ll always say what’s on my mind as cuz that’s who I am. Go get your restraining order , Imma go get checks. @fashionnova #ad 🤣
But my favorite, favorite, FAVORITE part of this is that she ends the post by tagging FashionNova and hash tagging #ad. I’m sorry, WHAT? I can’t tell if this is a joke, or my new favorite sponsored content of all time. If I ever start doing spon on my Instagram, I’m only doing it in the form of being shady to someone. This is what all Instagram ads should be from now on.
Knowing Bhad Bhabie’s messy ass, we probably haven’t heard the last of the feud between these two—she’s most likely working on a cringeworthy diss track as we speak. Ugh, look at Gen-Z putting in the hard work and giving us the content we need. Keep it up, ladies, but maybe just cool it with the death threats!
Images: DFree/Shutterstock; theshaderoom, bhadbhabie / Instagram
Do you love Bravo? Of course you do, you’re reading this article. We just launched @bravobybetches, your new favorite account for Bravo memes, gossip, and behind-the-scenes sh*t. Follow @bravobybetches now!
Somebody tell Santa that he can cancel Christmas, because I’ve already gotten the perfect gift. Bravo just announced that Vanderpump Rules season 8 is scheduled to premiere on January 7, 2020 and I can’t imagine a better way to ring in a new decade than with an extra 10 pounds on my waistline and a middle-aged wait staff struggling to remember if they cheated on each other on my TV screen. And Bravo dropped the trailer on Friday! Andy Cohen, you’re too good to me. Based on what we know, it looks like this is going to be (to borrow a phrase from real life angel, Chris Harrison) the most dramatic season EVER. And I’m not basing this solely on the trailer—oh no, there has been sh*t going down during this off-season. We’re talking social media unfollows, vaguely negative comments, and people not showing up at parties. This is LEGIT. So, I’m going to gather up all this evidence, call myself Veronica Mars, and piece this season together for you.
The Witches Of WeHo Break Up
Rumors have been brewing (get it, because they’re witches? Sorry, I hate myself too) that Katie, Kristen, and Stassi have been having problems lately. Back in October, Stassi confirmed those rumors on her podcast by saying, “If taking a break from someone is a b*tch move and makes me nasty, then I don’t give a f*ck.” Wow. Way to sound like a passive-aggressive ex-girlfriend airing her grievances on Facebook, Stassi. Kristen also confirmed that they had a falling out, saying she doesn’t really know why it happened (classic Kristen, she was probably blacked out during the fight). Whatever happened, Kristen, I bet a hundred bucks you were chain smoking and calling someone the c-word when it went down!
In the trailer, we see a very brief snippet of a fight between the women. In it, Katie says that Kristen is being obnoxious. Fair. Kristen says Katie is being a b*tch. Also fair. To be honest, with personalities like that, it’s a miracle any of these people ever have friends.
It looks like some of the cast could be patching things up, though, because Brittany just posted an Insta story of a bunch of them on their way to the People’s Choice Awards, and Kristen was there.
It seems like Stassi may be the last holdout, because she wasn’t with them last night (she was in New York), and she hasn’t posted a picture with Kristen since July.
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And is it just me or does that picture appear coerced for the sake of their wine business? Which leads me to my most important question, WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE WINE? I need answers, Andy. Mediocre Pinot Grigio is at stake!
Jax And Sandoval Are Also Feuding
Back in August, E! News reported that Jax unfollowed a number of his co-stars, including Sandoval, Ariana, Kristen, and Scheana. This must have happened after his wedding to Brittany, because the Toms were co-best men at the event. So what is up between the old (very old, Jax is 40! Don’t think I’d forget to bring that up) friends?
In the trailer, we see a fight between the two men, with Sandoval screaming, asking if Jax even knows him at all. He’s near tears, with nary a dog in sight to dry them. It’s rough.
According to, once again, E! News, the fight was over Lance Bass (!!!!) officiating Jax and Brittany’s wedding. Apparently Tom and Ariana claimed Jax only picked Lance because he is a celebrity, and for some reason are taking issue with that. Well, first of all, who wouldn’t want a celebrity officiating their wedding? Second of all, it’s 2019, not 2001, so I think that the word “celebrity” is a little generous for Lance Bass. And third of all, let’s not act like you all aren’t after fame, mmkay. I say they rip off their chunky cardigans, fight it out in a parking lot, and move on.
The New People Bring The Cheating Drama
Since a lot of our OGs are pretty solidly coupled up (except Kristen *insert evil laugh*), it’s up to the new cast members to bring the cheating drama. Based on the preview, it looks like Dayna has drama with Max. He says he’s interested in her, but she seems to think he is exclusively dating someone else. Later in the preview, Max accuses Brett of having feelings for Dayna. Am I getting these people right? If I’m mixing them up, my apologies, but also can Bravo apologize for casting two dudes that look identical? It makes me thankful for the days of Sandoval’s Flock of Seagulls hairdo, because at least he couldn’t be confused with anyone except a time traveler from 1982.
I attempted to do some Instagram digging for you all and get some answers, but Brett exclusively posts pictures of himself in varying states of undress, and Dayna and Max appear to have kept their love lives off the platform. Gotta stay tight-lipped about those storylines to get a contract renewal, I guess!
^^Max and Brett together, so I guess they’re not actually the same person
Scheana Continues To Try To Be The Bachelorette
People write in asking Reality Steve if Scheana is going to be the Bachelorette as often as I tell myself “the diet starts tomorrow.” His answer is always a variation on “Hell no, I just snorted Sprite out of my nostrils in response,” but that’s not for lack of trying. Last season we saw Scheana attempt to recreate her Bachelorette fantasy with human Ken doll Robbie Hayes, which had about as much chemistry as a dog on a date with a lamp. And back in September, Bustle reported that she was getting cozy with DeMario Jackson, although they are both claiming they’re just friends.
Stop trying to make The Bachelorette happen, Scheana, it’s never going to happen! What I don’t understand is that she’s on a reality show now that she gets to be on EVERY season. Why does she desperately want to be on a show with an expiration date? Although, she was basically non-existent in this trailer, so perhaps it is time for her to look for another job…
There Are Way Too Many People On This Show
Okay, so this is less of a prediction and more of a fact, but I feel like Vanderpump Rules season 8 is truly a challenge to the show’s video editors, to see how many people they can squeeze into one credit sequence. So many cast members and yet still no Peter. When will he get his due? Justice for Peter!!
And that’s what’s going to happen on Season 8 based on the trailer, social media, and gossip! You’re welcome for my hard work, and I think we can all agree that if there’s one thing we know for SURE about this upcoming season, it’s that Brittany is my spirit animal.
Can’t wait for January!
Images: Giphy (2); issamaximillian, scheana/Instagram; Bravo
Ah, Jameela Jamil. Talented actress, champion of body positivity, and prolific tweeter. Jameela does important work helping to tear down the norms of problematic diet culture and harmful social media wellness practices, but she also has a habit of putting her foot in her mouth on social media. Over the last 24 hours, she’s been in a heated Twitter back-and-forth with Victoria’s Secret model Sara Sampaio, and it’s all one big mess. Tempers are high, things are getting condescending, and I’m not sure anyone is completely in the right, tbh. Let’s try to make sense of this, shall we?
A few days ago, Jameela Jamil reposted a video of a runway show in which several women are walking barefoot, dancing together, and generally just having a good time. No one in the video is super skinny, and Jameela took note. She said the show looked fun, then added “not a long-starved terrified teenager in sight.”
Oh my god 😍😍😍 this looks like the most fun, and not a long-starved terrified teenager in sight. Beautiful. https://t.co/hck5n6e9Xu
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 13, 2019
And in the least shocking turn of events, this offended some people, namely models, namely Sara Sampaio. Sara is a Portuguese model who has worked with Victoria’s Secret since 2013. She criticized Jameela’s description of models as “extremely offensive,” and called her a hypocrite for going against her usual message of body positivity.
How about celebrating someone without bringing other people down? Calling runway models “long-starved terrified teenager” is extremely offensive. From someone that is always preaching for body positivity this just screams hypocrisy. https://t.co/JOBtY0yrui
— Sara Sampaio (@SaraSampaio) October 16, 2019
As we saw last week with the George W. Bush drama, Jameela Jamil isn’t one to back down from criticism on Twitter, and this was no exception. She clarified that she wasn’t referring to all models, and clarified that a “*vast* majority” of young models have issues with drugs and/or eating disorders. She also said that Sampaio should “try to calm down.” *Cringe emoji*
On the one hand, while I understand Sampaio’s argument that Jameela Jamil could have just celebrated the video without bringing anything negative into the narrative, that’s not really Jameela’s style. Her whole thing is calling out issues in beauty standards, and the fashion industry has long played into and profited from these toxic ideals. On the other hand, telling Sara Sampaio to “try to calm down” is extremely condescending, and it doesn’t make Jameela Jamil’s argument any stronger.
I also don’t preach “body positivity.” I talk about moving away from all talk of body, in order to combat our current pervasive issue of eating disorder culture, which is in NO small way perpetuated by the extreme thinness demanded of girls by the high fashion powers that be.
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019
After those first couple tweets, it was basically a free-for-all between Sara and Jameela, with each tweeting and responding with blocks of text every couple minutes. It’s really not important to read every single tweet, or analyze every word, because it’s not that complicated. Sara Sampaio obviously feels strongly about not making disparaging generalizations about models, and Jameela Jamil doesn’t give a sh*t about making the fashion industry look bad.
Sampaio talked about how eating disorders and drug use are a problem in society as a whole, not only in the modeling business, and that these problems don’t actually affect a “vast majority” of models (k, I’m gonna need a citation on that), like Jameela suggested.
You didn’t say all models, sure, but you still chose to attack girls just so you can celebrate others. Eating disorders, drugs and cocaine use aren’t a exclusive problem of models, it’s a huge problem is society as a whole. And when you talk like you know for sure majority of https://t.co/4hAIf379WP
— Sara Sampaio (@SaraSampaio) October 16, 2019
Sara also clarified that the only intention of her original tweet was to call out Jameela Jamil’s negativity: “I never said there wasn’t a problem with the industry, so don’t go around and put words in my mouth.” Honestly, this drama is more intense than 80% of Real Housewives feuds, which is saying something. Jameela Jamil then told Sara not to “police how I choose to celebrate something or call out something problematic,” before adding that her words “aren’t cute, or easy, or inoffensive.”
Okay, so while I agree with Jameela that we don’t have to be polite when trying to affect change in the world, that’s not the same thing as demanding a free pass to offend whoever you want along the way. Sara’s not trying to say that Jameela should stop doing this kind of work, just that this specific tweet could have stayed on a positive note instead of slamming a whole group of people for basically no reason.
Don’t police how I choose to celebrate something or call out something problematic. I was celebrating that it’s a refreshing change, compared to the toxic fashion show norm. I’m an activist. My words aren’t cute, or easy, or inoffensive. Change doesn’t come from being polite. https://t.co/NqvfwTeixP
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019
So all of that (and more that I didn’t embed because it was just too much) happened on Tuesday night, ending at around 1opm. But that’s not the end!! Jameel Jamil fired up her Twitter machine once again this morning, going all the way back to Sara’s original response to her tweet. Girl, at this point, the horse is dead. Stop beating it.
Also @SaraSampaio , you MIDUNDERSTOOD the tweet in the first place… it was Not taking aim at *kids* for being starved and afraid. It’s definitely not *their* fault. Who on EARTH would blame children? it was taking aim at this (unbelievably fucked) industry. Which is RIGHT to do https://t.co/K3DkuRmIG7
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019
After all of what happened on Tuesday night, Jameela claimed that Sara didn’t even understand the intent of her tweet in the first place. After all of that!!!! Jameela, I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life, but if someone misunderstands your point, perhaps try letting them know in the first response, rather than 10 rounds of petty tweets later. She said that her tweet wasn’t taking aim at the starved teenagers, but actually the fashion industry as a whole.
By this point, it doesn’t really matter, but Sara did criticize Jameela for “attacking girls,” so she can correct her if she wants. But Sara also understandably called out Jameela this morning for her “constant condescending tone” when responding to her, and told her to have a nice life. Wowwww, this is so petty, and I love it.
This is the last I’ll say on this. Your constant condescending tone is just unnecessary, and makes it impossible to actual have a conversation. Hope you have a nice life. Wish you all the best.
— Sara Sampaio (@SaraSampaio) October 16, 2019
Despite Sara’s best efforts to shut the feud down, Jameela wasn’t done, and she followed this up with her most personal attack yet. She fully went for the jugular, saying that Sara works “for a transphobic, fat phobic company,” and that she should check herself “before you start policing me for calling out an industry wide epidemic of harm to young girls.”
You also proudly work for a transphobic, fat phobic company @SaraSampaio . Victoria’s Secret is a brand that sets out to exclude most women, so I would check yourself on that before you start policing me for calling out an industry wide epidemic of harm to young girls. https://t.co/e8HKFPQ71X
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019
Honestly, this one left me speechless. Up until this point, the argument had stayed pretty squarely focused on the issue at hand. They can debate Jameela’s message on the tweet as much as they want, but Jameela really took it to a new level by attacking the job that has, by far, been the defining part of Sara’s career. And, I mean, she is not wrong…
If you’re speaking out against what your company did then GREAT. I look forward to seeing your activism on that with your big profile. You seem passionate about speaking out. So best of luck to you on helping young girls and trans people in this business. ❤️ https://t.co/UdQNCJrtb6
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019
Despite saying she was done with the feud, Sara couldn’t ignore Jameela’s attack on her career, and came back for one last tweet, in which she acknowledged Victoria’s Secret’s mistakes, and said that they’ve “been working on changing that.” She made one more dig at Jameela, saying that she’s made big mistakes in the “pass” too, but then said that she’s not going to turn to “personal attacks to try to win some stupid twitter feud.”
Oh my god, you guys, I am so tired. Honestly, it’s comical that these two women got so involved over something that started with a dumb tweet about a fashion show that was meant to be positive, but that’s just the world we live in. I now know way more about Sara Sampaio than I ever intended to, and honestly, she’s pretty great at being petty on Twitter, so I kinda like her. Between Jameela’s relentless dedication to her causes and Sara’s unwillingness to back down, this was unknowingly a matchup for the ages.
Images: Shutterstock; jameelajamil (6), sarasampaio (3) / Twitter
I’m about to blow all your minds—I love Taylor Swift. I know! I’m sorry if you’re one of those people that wish something graphically horrible would happen to her, but I’m a card-carrying member of the Taylor fan club (we don’t really have cards). Maybe it’s because “Tim McGraw” reminds me of a simpler time when my only responsibility was to make sure I ordered enough jalapeño poppers from Campus Corner for all the people crammed into a tiny dorm room. Or perhaps it’s because a guy I used to date told me that “Today was a Fairytale” reminded him of us. Sure, that ended with a $75 dollar red light traffic ticket and some lasting mental health issues, but I should have known better than date someone that lived on Staten Island! So yes, it could be my own nostalgia talking, but it also could be because Taylor is the queen of petty and brings it. Every. Single. Time. Her ability to hold a grudge is only rivaled by my stone-cold Italian grandmother.
Why am I confessing my deepest, darkest secrets you ask? Well, Taylor appears on the cover of Elle’s April issue, and she bribed them was allowed to write her own story titled “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30.” Perhaps you’ve heard, Taylor was born in 1989. So 30 is upon her. Now, the only thing I learned before turning 30 was that you shouldn’t spend your rent money on wine and pizza, but sure, I’m willing to entertain the idea that a pop superstar with her own jet learned slightly more than a Jersey girl who likes to sh*t talk. And boy, am I glad I did. Because this essay is a master class in shade. These “lessons” are Taylor’s thinly veiled takedowns of her enemies, and I am here for it because that’s basically what I try to do with all my articles too! So, since Tay isn’t naming names, I’m here to break down who she’s not-so-subtly shading in this article. Author note: these are only guesses, please don’t sue me, Taylor!
In lesson sixteen, Taylor says, “Before you jump in headfirst, maybe, I don’t know…get to know someone! All that glitters isn’t gold, and first impressions actually aren’t everything. It’s impressive when someone can charm people instantly and own the room, but what I know now to be more valuable about a person is not their charming routine upon meeting them (I call it a “solid first 15”), but the layers of a person you discover in time.”
This is obviously referencing Taylor’s brief romance with Tom Hiddleston, who she met at the 2016 Met Gala. They had an incredibly cringey dance-off that made me wish the internet was never invented, then he was invited to #Taymerica where he was spotted donning a tank top that said “I Heart TS,” and I was officially dead of embarrassment by the time they broke up in October. It seems Taylor realized that perhaps just because a white dude that went to Cambridge is game to torture us with a dance routine to “Bring ‘Em Out,” does not mean you should go all in on that immediately. Plus, you know who else gave a solid first 15? Ted Bundy. Just saying.
Of all the friends in Taylor Swift’s 1989-era girl squad, Karlie Kloss was queen bee of them all. Taylor and Karlie even posed for a Vogue cover together, with the article titled “On the Road with Best Friends Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss.” If Vogue says you’re best friends, then you just are. And then Karlie just kind of disappeared from Taylor’s life. Psycho fans people even believed they were a couple that had a bad breakup. Seriously. Karlie recently got married, and Taylor wasn’t there. So what happened? I think we have our answer in lesson twenty:
“Learning the difference between lifelong friendships and situationships. Something about “we’re in our young twenties!” hurls people together into groups that can feel like your chosen family. And maybe they will be for the rest of your life. Or maybe they’ll just be your comrades for an important phase, but not forever.”
So clearly they were both really tall, really famous, really blonde girls that were the same age and so they became friends. I can obviously totally relate. And so they just eventually went their separate ways, with Karlie marrying into the Kushner family and Taylor busy tending to her grudges like little pets.
The good old days
If you come at the Queen you best not miss, and I think Taylor misses on this one. In lesson twenty-one she writes:
“Fashion is all about playful experimentation. If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Bleachella.”
I’m so sorry that Anna insisted you make your look a little more edgy to be in her high fashion magazine, Taylor. God forbid you give up the burnt straw hair color you cling to like it’s your first born. Anna was right, and Bleachella was your best look. And I’m not just saying that because I myself spent one glorious year as a platinum blonde. Sure, my hair is falling out now, but that’s beside the point.
Oh, did you think Taylor was going to write an article and not call out public enemy #1? I’m sorry I couldn’t even say that with a straight face. Of course Taylor claims she would like to be excluded from this narrative, but that’s only when other people are talking about it, duh. She says in lesson twenty-seven:
I learned that disarming someone’s petty bullying can be as simple as learning to laugh. In my experience, I’ve come to see that bullies want to be feared and taken seriously. A few years ago, someone started an online hate campaign by calling me a snake on the internet. The fact that so many people jumped on board with it led me to feeling lower than I’ve ever felt in my life, but I can’t tell you how hard I had to keep from laughing every time my 63-foot inflatable cobra named Karyn appeared onstage in front of 60,000 screaming fans. It’s the Stadium Tour equivalent of responding to a troll’s hateful Instagram comment with “lol.”
KARYN!! She named the cobra KARYN! I’d like to know more about this choice. Why Karyn with a y and not an e? What an unconventional spelling. So many unanswered questions, I will be on the edge of my seat studying her secret IG clues until I get an answer for this one. Obviously Taylor is not over the whole Kimye feud, and that’s fine with me. Feuds are to me as unicorn blood is to Voldemort. They give me life. I hope Taylor takes this one to the grave, and that Karyn is etched on her tombstone.
My Cocktail Making Skills
Despite the entire thesis of my article, Taylor does talk about other things in her essay. Here’s lesson nine:
“I learned how to make some easy cocktails like Pimm’s cups, Aperol spritzes, Old-Fashioneds, and Mojitos because…2016.”
Lol, wait. I take it back, that’s some more shade at Kimye. If you’ll recall, 2016 was the year that the feud of all feuds went down, and Taylor clearly still hasn’t gotten over it. Anyways, in this lesson she’s also coming for my cocktail making skills. Who the f*ck knows how to make an Old-Fashioned? I’m still mastering the vodka soda. Except I don’t have club soda. Or ice. If you come to my apartment, you get a lukewarm vodka and you WILL LIKE IT.
And that’s all! Did I miss any other shade Taylor was throwing? Let me know!
Images: Giphy (1); hiddlove,karliekloss,voguemagazine/Instagram
We are currently living the most dramatic Bachelor season of all time. Not only do we have a virgin Bachelor and women over the age of 30 (gasp!), but we also have a good old fashioned vague fight between acquaintances. We are not WORTHY of this drama. That’s right, on Monday night’s interminable episode, it was revealed that our two toddlers in tiaras, Hannah B and Caelynn, have an ongoing feud. About what, we don’t know. I swear, this fight was harder for me to understand than Richard Madden’s accent in Bodyguard. So what really went down between Hannah B and Caelynn? Lucky for all of you, I have an insatiable appetite for Instagram stalking coupled with a touch of insomnia. So shall we dive in?
Let’s start at the beginning. Hannah B and Caelynn were roommates during the Miss USA pageant in May 2018. Hannah B was Miss Alabama because she’s a pretty blonde girl who could only speak the words “roll tide!” up until the age of 22 (the doctors were very concerned), and Caelynn was Miss North Carolina because she clearly couldn’t win in Virginia she is very into the history of aviation! At that time they seemed to like each other, since they both popped up on the other’s Instagrams.
If I had to make my decision right now on who is the bitch in the situation, I would say it’s Hannah B. Because look at that lovely photo Caelynn posted of them. Everyone is wearing a crown, and they’re fresh out the spray tan booth, glowing like the queens they are. Then take a look at the one Hannah posted.
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Y’all, I’m still not over this DC trip @rpmproductions took last week! Just one of the opportunities I am so thankful for from this experience as @missalusa. A lot of times I take for granted the value of “the crown”. I just see Hannah as a struggling hot mess that seems to make it work (praise with Jesus’ help) , but I have been given the coolest position of influence to spread joy, peace, and grace! This trip amplified to me how incredible this opportunity is and to always remember *whether wearing a crown or not* that I have a responsibility and a calling to be light. always. so let’s shine bright like diamonds. or rhinestones.✨????????????♀️#missalusa #alabamahannah #brownforthecrown #missusa #roadtomissusa #belight
She and the other girls in the picture have their extensions freshly blown out, and are wearing their sluttiest boss bitch pumps. And then Caelynn’s got her hair pulled up like she’s just coming from her third spin class of the day and is wearing my grandmother’s orthopedic loafers. If this isn’t low-key sabotage, then I don’t know what is.
Caelynn after seeing the Insta Hannah posted:
Unfortunately, I could only find friendly posts between the two of them on Instagram. It would have made my life so much easier if they just called each other fugly sluts in a screenshotted Notes App post like us normal people do, but I guess I’ll just have to keep digging. SUCH a burden.
At some point after Miss USA, the girls had a falling out. They both called each other manipulative and deceitful and whatever other words they found listed under “synonyms for bitch” on Google. Neither one had a shred of evidence or an example of what the other did to them. Huh. This sounds strangely like every grudge I’ve been holding for the last 15 years. Whatever, I’m sure the people I hate deserve it. Yes, yes, Michelle is DEFINITELY the worst. I’m sure of it.
Okay so obviously I’m thinking one slept with the other’s boyfriend, right? And they just don’t want to say this to the Virgin Mary Colton? Without confirmation, I went to the source of all Bachelor gossip, Reality Steve. And even he doesn’t know! In his post about the episode, he says that he has heard that Caelynn is the bad guy, and he’s heard that Hannah is the bad guy. Well that solves that!! Thanks so much sweetie!! He did say one interesting thing though, which is that Hannah was cast first on the show, and then when they heard that she had this drama with Caelynn, Caelynn was cast. Hold. The. Phone. So you mean to tell me that the producers don’t care about love they care about drama?! I won’t believe it.
In a last-ditch effort for answers, I headed over to Reddit, since those gossip-loving superstars know everything—like, they could legit tell you who the Zodiac killer is. It’s bonkers. Yesterday on r/thebachelor subreddit someone doing the lord’s work gathered all the info about the feud into one thread. Unfortunately, no one can really say what happened between the two girls, but fortunately everyone did seem to have evidence that Caelynn is a mean girl who ditches events she got paid to do to go bar hopping instead. Sorry, is that a bad thing? Because that’s like, my dream profession. How old is too old to start doing pageants?
And so I guess we’ll never know what really happened with Hannah B and Caelynn until they sell the story to People magazine, ever. But what I do know for sure is that this feud will go down in history. Like Taylor and Kanye, and Donald and Nancy, we will never forget that blonde pageant girl and that brunette pageant girl.
Images: ABC; @caelynnmillerkeyes, @itsalabamahannah/Instagram; Giphy
Dear, sweet Raquel Leviss. When James Kennedy’s pageant girlfriend officially joined the Vanderpump Rules cast this year, no one was sure what to expect. We knew her as soft-spoken, college-aged, and possibly delusional about James’ alleged cheating. This season, as the rest of the cast turns against James, Raquel has decided to show her personality. This is happening both on-camera and off, as Raquel has decided to talk sh*t online about James’ former friends. This is the kind of drama I live for.
Exhibit A: Today, Raquel posted this tweet sharing an article discussing the feud between Lala and Billie Lee. Her caption? “Lala Kent Joins The Mean Girls Club And Never Looks Back.”
Lala Kent Joins the Mean Girls Club and Never Looks Back https://t.co/FOZaoOtenQ
— Raquel Leviss (@RaquelLeviss) January 22, 2019
Okay Raquel! Given your interactions with Lala last year, in which you asked her to please stop sitting on your boyfriend’s lap quite so much, I guess it’s not totally shocking that you’re going after her now. But if you’re hating on her for hanging out less with your boyfriend, that does seem a little counter-intuitive to me! (Yeah, I will not for a second pretend Raquel’s real stake in this is somehow about Billie Lee.)
In Exhibit B of Raquel’s (admittedly pretty tame) shade, we have her comment on this Instagram from Tom Sandoval. He’s announcing a “Spicy Tequila Tuesday” that he’s hosting at SUR (guess Girl’s Night In was not a huge success after all).
Raquel responds to this news (screenshotted below) with the following comment: “You’ve got me thinking about what I would call my Tuesday night.” Innocent enough, but in my opinion, this is a dig that pretty much anyone can have their own Tuesday night now that James’ super-successful event is out of the mix.
Lest you think that Raquel Leviss is taking over James Kennedy’s title as Queen of Internet Shade, James was quick to get in on the action here too. On Tom’s Tuesday night post, he responded to a comment saying, “We Want C YOU NEXT TUESDAY!” by tagging Lisa Vanderpump herself and Guillermo Zapata, the other owner of SUR whose last name you probably never knew. (Did anyone else read that comment in a “Pump-ti-ni!!” voice btw?)
Honestly, James and Lisa better be on good enough terms that this reads as something of a joke. Otherwise he is literally just sad at home tagging his ex-boss on Instagram to say “SEE YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE FIRED ME!” If possible, it is even sadder than drunk-tagging an ex.
Honestly, I’m always up for a new girl stirring the pot. Raquel, I may find your home decor Instagram stories insufferable, bur I am here for any and all petty fights you’d like to start.
Images: Twitter; Instagram
For those of you who have been living under a rock, spent your Sunday hungover, or just came out of a coma, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian are in a huge fight. Kim and Kourtney’s fight is convoluted and figuring out WTF was going on honestly killed some of my brain cells. Luckily you have me to fill you in so you don’t have to do all the research yourself.
To recap, in last night’s season premiere of KUWTK, Kim and Kourtney had a major disagreement over the scheduling of their family’s Christmas Card photoshoot (this episode was shot in November, before you start @ing me in the comments). While Kim was putting a lot of effort to avoid conflicts with the whole family’s schedules, Kourtney didn’t seem to GAF. Kim then called Kourtney the “least exciting” to look at, which tbh is kinda true but super harsh and not really material to the scheduling issue at hand. Understandably Kourtney stormed out, and to make matters worse, it appears no one ran after her.
Khloé then called Kourtney on speaker to try and make peace, but Kim made like Trump on Twitter and basically blew up any chance for a productive resolution. Kourtney called Kim an “evil, distraught” human being and announced that she will “move to another state at some point, or another country.” She then later said that she “cannot wait for that day and hopefully just won’t have to have these fake relationships.” Wait, hold up, Kourtney said WHAAAT? These relationships are FAKE????!!!! What else has Hollywood been lying to me about??
While some viewers believe Kris Jenner orchestrated the whole feud to generate more ratings (probable), others are convinced their feud was genuine as Kourtney refused to attend Kim’s baby shower for Chicago. Kim hoped that Kourtney would put the feud behind her for the family event, but when she didn’t, Kim said, “So, I don’t think she’s big on family because if she was, she would be at my shower.”
Kourtney upon hearing this, probably:
Even though this feud happened months ago, it seems feelings are still raw, as the sisters went at each other last night on Twitter while reliving the fight on TV with the rest of us. We would be shocked to learn that this was just a PR stunt to get KUWTK ratings up and prefer to believe that Kourtney is, in fact, the sole Kardashian that slightly resembles a normal human, even if it makes her the most boring.
At the end of the day, we can’t feel that bad for any of the Kardashians as they’re making millions of dollars to fight with their siblings. The rest of us just do that for free.