There are certain age-old questions we all must contend with at one point or another: What is the meaning of life? What is my calling? How long should I wait before sleeping with the new person I’m dating? OK, so the third one may not be quite as existential as the others, but it’s one that has boggled the minds of many a lost soul dater in this day and age. Countless books have been written on the subject, and people like Patti Stanger have made careers out of telling people, most often women, that they shouldn’t get into bed before being monogamous with a partner. But *Oprah voice* what is the truth? There’s no hard and fast rule (despite what the Three Dates Truthers tell you), but there are various factors to consider on both sides. I’ve compiled the arguments for and against waiting to have sex with the new person in your life so you can decide for yourself.
The Case For Waiting
The Case For Doing Whatever The F*ck You Want
Of course, we can’t always reduce human behavior to a formula when every relationship and individual in one is so different. Those who eschew rules about waiting for sex have a problem with the fear-based beliefs that allow such rules to be born in the first place, like the idea that men are wild stallions who must be tamed and trained and women who refuse to do so will end up trampled and abandoned. Ideas like these lead us to create rules that provide some semblance of order, but are these fears really warranted? Andrea Syrtash, co-author of It’s Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked, thinks not: “A recent survey of 1,000 18- to 35-year-old women found that over 83 percent felt that men will lose interest and respect if you hook up with them too soon. But 70 percent of men said that’s not true—if they’re interested, it doesn’t matter. Getting naked won’t affect if he calls the next day.”
It’s true that men and women are different, but according to experts like Syrtash, subscribing to the notion that biology equals destiny reinforces antiquated gender roles and potentially keeps us from taking risks in love that might very well pay off. While it seems indisputable may feel like every guy is a f*ckboy, that’s not actually the case.
So when is the appropriate time to have sex? One of the more enduring rules states that you should wait until the third date. However, one recent study found that the average was closer to eight dates. Ultimately, only you can know when you’re ready to sleep with someone new. There are compelling reasons to wait or to dive right in. On the one hand, rules allow us to feel safe and help to create order in what can often be a chaotic dating world. On the other hand, reinforcing old-fashioned stereotypes about sex is… well… not very 2020.
Rules are never one-size-fits-all, and these rules are no different. Being true to yourself and your desires is the most important factor of all. Whatever camp you find yourself in, it comes down to trust, both of yourself and the partner in question, whether that takes one date or one hundred. As long as you’re doing what feels right to you and not in response to pressure or some sense of obligation, there’s no wrong answer. You do you (or him/her/them).
Images: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash; Giphy (2)
Feminism is, at its core, a relatively simple concept. Merriam-Webster defines it as “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.” Unless you’ve been trapped in a bunker since the 1950s or serving in the two highest offices of the United States, you’ll probably concede that this is a good idea. Yet according to a survey by GenForward, less than 20% of participants belonging to any racial or ethnic group self-identify as feminist, with most saying they “don’t identify as a traditional feminist, but support women’s rights and equality.” This cognitive dissonance is even more glaring when we look at celebrities’ interpretations of the term. Given their power and influence, it also makes it that much more disappointing. Below are five famous women who at one point or another have refused to identify as feminist, despite very clearly supporting feminist ideas. Celebrities—they’re just as clueless as like us!
1. Taylor Swift
When asked in a 2012 interview with The Daily Beast whether she considers herself a feminist, Taylor Swift said, “I don’t really think about things as guys versus girls. I never have. I was raised by parents who brought me up to think if you work as hard as guys, you can go far in life.” So adorable. While this is a lovely way to think, it presupposes, incorrectly, that feminism is a movement fueled by the hatred of men. On the contrary, feminism is about uniting men and women and putting them on equal footing. Luckily, Taylor has since changed her tune.
2. Miley Cyrus
Miley Cyrus skirted around the issue in a 2014 interview with Elle by saying, “I’m just about equality, period. It’s not like, ‘I’m a woman, women should be in charge!’ I just want there to be equality for everybody.” Miley’s concept of feminism suffers from a similar flaw in logic as Taylor’s: it assumes that the movement is about uprooting men and taking away their power. However, it’s not an either-or proposition. Both men and women can and should have opportunities to be in power and “in charge”. Crazy, I know.
3. Susan Sarandon
Susan Sarandon, actress and occasional problematic person, had this to say about identifying as a feminist in a 2013 interview with The Guardian: “I think of myself as a humanist because I think it’s less alienating to people who think of feminism as being a load of strident bitches, and because you want everyone to have equal pay, equal rights, education, and health care.” The “humanist” response is a popular one with celebrities and, IMHO, a bit of a cop-out because it doesn’t acknowledge the reality that we live in a world where women are the more disadvantaged sex. Even worse, it perpetuates the false notion that all feminists are militant, combat boot-wearing, bra-burning wenches who want to burn down the world and render men obsolete (though I’ll admit I’m down for the combat boots). Can we be angry sometimes? Sure. But some anger is more than warranted when we continue to live in a world where we’re paid 77% of what men make, account for only 25.4% of board members and 6.6% of CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, are at a greater risk of rape and domestic violence, and have little to no autonomy over our bodies. Instead of being afraid of appearing angry, perhaps we should ask ourselves why we’re so uncomfortable with women being angry in the first place.
4. Sarah Jessica Parker
Ironically, the star of Sex and the City, a show that’s supposed to be all about female empowerment, declined to take up the term despite clearly espousing feminist views in a 2016 interview with Marie Claire: “I am not a feminist. I don’t think I qualify. I believe in women and I believe in equality, but I think there is so much that needs to be done that I don’t even want to separate it anymore. I’m so tired of separation. I just want people to be treated equally.” The problem with SJP’s response is that she’s guilty of the very thing she doesn’t like about the movement. Women can’t begin to achieve the equality she desires if she and other non-feminist feminists refuse to engage and separate themselves from the cause. There’s power and unity in numbers.
5. Beyoncé
It may be hard to believe now, but there once was a time when the woman who closed out the 2014 VMAs by performing in front of a giant “FEMINIST” sign hesitated to accept the label. Just one year earlier in an interview with British Vogue, the one and only Bey said, “That word can be very extreme … But I guess I am a modern-day feminist. I do believe in equality. Why do you have to choose what type of woman you are? Why do you have to label yourself anything? … I do believe in equality and that we have a way to go and it’s something that’s pushed aside and something that we have been conditioned to accept… But I’m happily married. I love my husband.” The reference to her marriage and husband is strange as well as problematic, because it implies that a feminist can’t have a healthy and loving relationship with a man. Her aversion to labels sounds more like the Tuesday night musings of your run-of-the-mill f*ckboy rather than a compelling argument coming from one of the most powerful and innovative performers of our time. Without labels, we can’t identify ourselves and, in turn, effect meaningful change, something Beyoncé later realized and emphasized with her VMA performance.
It’s clear that when it comes to feminism, we can’t look to celebrities for guidance—not just because they often fundamentally misunderstand the term, but also because, like most things celebrity-related, it’s an exercise in distraction. Roxane Gay points out in a piece for The Guardian that, “We run into trouble, though, when we celebrate celebrity feminism while avoiding the actual work of feminism.” Identifying oneself as a feminist is a crucial first step, but it’s just the beginning of the conversation and work that needs to be done.
Images: Allie Smith / Unsplash; Giphy (5)
One of the main complaints I ran into when talking to people about the James Charles/Tati Westrbook feud was simply, “who the f*ck are these people?” As you get older, you get out of touch with who the kids are following. It’s simply a fact of life. So I’m here to tell you who you should be following on social media and why. You’re so welcome.
One of my recent Instagram obsessions is Ashley Longshore, a painter and entrepreneur with a casual 209K followers on Instagram. That might not seem like a lot (even though you probs have like, 300 followers rn, so who are you to talk?), but Ashley is going to be huge, and trust me, the celeb and fashion-darling pop artist is going to become your new obsession. First, a little backstory. Ashley grew up in Montgomery, Alabama and was a self-described weird kid with a loud personality who did not fit in at the garden club (same). Ashley had no interest in fulfilling her mother’s dreams of attending cotillion, so she got the f*ck out of Dodge, taught herself to paint, and eventually moved to New Orleans. But reality came crashing down on her when local galleries rejected her work (her early paintings depicted masturbating couples—apparently that kind of artwork is frowned upon in the Big Easy… which is not exactly surprising).
After spending her nights “crying snot bubbles,” this entrepreneurial badass took matters into her own hands and opened her own gallery. And just like in a movie, Blake Lively was driving by one day, and upon seeing Ashley’s vibrant artwork, demanded that her driver stop so she could check it out.
View this post on Instagram
Blake Instagrammed about her new discovery, and just like Serena plucking Dan from obscurity, Ashley began her rise to superstardom. Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, and Kelly Ripa snatched up her art. Luxury brands like Gucci, Diane von Furstenberg, and Veuve Clicquot called for collaborations. Bergdorf Goodman selected Ashley to be the first woman in history to have a solo exhibit at their store. Ashley also redesigned their restaurant, which is now an art-filled, Insta-worthy dining destination called “Palette at BG.”
By now Ashley’s aesthetic had evolved to colorful, bedazzled portraits of iconic people like Audrey Hepburn, Anna Wintour, Lil Wayne, and Jesus surrounded by Care Bears, Birkin Bags, Veuve Clicquot, and Louis Vuitton.
Ashley’s art is so cool, but the best part about her might, unsurprisingly, be her Instagram @ashleylongshoreart. A diehard proponent of doing 20 naked jumping jacks in front of the mirror for morning motivation, this chick embraces her crazy and it is infectious.
In addition to featuring her artwork, her posts alternate between amazingly upbeat music/dance videos, girl power inspirations, honest af stories about her overcoming B.S., and elaborate, absurd, and hilarious backstories about random birds such as “Todd” who “sleeps in a nest above TJ MAXX” and after four drinks “can karoke a perfect version of ‘HOW MANY FUCKS DO I GIVE’ by Erika Jayne with choreography.”
Her Instagram is visual caffeine, the perfect hangover cure, and will actually help you channel a positive vibe for the day. If you’re obsessed with Lizzo right now, Ashley is a must-follow, because she brings very similar positive energy. Which is more than I can say about most thirst traps on Instagram. Did I mention that her mantra is “I do not cook. I do not clean. I do not fly commercial”?
View this post on InstagramGoals… i do not cook. I do not clean. I do not fly commercial…. #ashleylongshore #fuckyeah #popart
Spoken like a true betch. You’re welcome!
From one betch to all the betches out there, happy International Women’s Day! May we take no sh*t from men neither today nor any day! According to the UN, “International Women’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world. It is a day when women are recognized for their achievements without regard to divisions, whether national, ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic, or political.” So basically, it is a day that women are actually acknowledged for being badass bosses, regardless of extenuating traits like race or politics. Recognition of women’s existence and achievements seems like it should be an everyday thing, but whatever, I’m not here to complain. On the contrary, I’m about to make y’all really happy with some flashback Friday feminist empowerment from our favorite television shows circa the ’90s and early 2000s.
That’s right, some of our favorite childhood shows made a legit and impactful effort to instill feminism in our young and impressionable minds so that we would be prepared to enter young adulthood with the betchy confidence of Angelica Pickles circa the early years. Let’s get to it.
‘Rugrats’
I’m going to start with Rugrats because it is the freshest in my memory. A few weeks ago, my roommate and I were watching that Friends episode guest starring Elizabeth Daily, AKA the voice of Tommy Pickles. (For those of you who are wondering, her actual real life voice is the literal same as that of Tommy Pickles.) So, like any sober 25-year-olds, we got nostalgic and wanted to relive the joy of a Rugrats episode, but because cartoon quality has gotten significantly more legit since the ’90s, Rugrats no longer graces our television screens via cable. It is, however, on available for purchase. So without hesitation, we threw our hard-earned dolla dolla bills at the entire first season of this show, and literally watched the entire thing within a week. I am not impressed with us, but I am impressed with the astute level of feminism in this gift to humanity.
For those of you who may have forgotten, Angelica is low-key the star of the show because she was bossy as hell, and I am here for it! How could she not be when her boss bitch mom actually uttered the words, “Angelica will make it in a male-dominated power structure.” Um, YES. Let’s not forget about DiDi Pickles, who was the glue that held her weird little fam together. Let’s face it, her hubs was a toy inventor with the mental capacity of a stale cracker, and Tommy is a textbook case of ADHD’s early symptoms. She was progressive af and we aren’t mad about it. Betty Deville is another top contender for most feminist queen of Rugrats. She was always donning her athleisure because she gotta #werk, raise a family, and crush souls of judgmental trolls all day everyday. Last but not least, Charlotte Pickles, who was gloriously terrifying and got whatever the f*ck she wanted. This human form of a power stance knew how to command a room and didn’t have time to deal with your sh*t. Claps for you, Charlotte.
‘The Amanda Show’
The Amanda Show was SNL for ’90s babies. She was Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Maya Rudolph, Leslie Jones and Tina Fey all rolled into one sassy betch. Because Amanda played upwards of 800 different characters in countless sketches on this blessing of a television show (#MoodysPoint), I just don’t have the time to go into all of them, and I refuse to focus on only a few because they all deserve recognition. So instead, I’m going to focus on the show in general. The Amanda Show made humor accessible. I know what you’re thinking, “What?” But think about it, The Amanda Show was just an endless sea of hilarious jokes from a group of really attractive kids who were not afraid to don heinously ugly wigs, outfits, or fake teeth for a laugh. I feel pretty confident in myself, but idk if I could have thrown on a pair of fugly overalls, a bucket hat and dentures in front of a 1) live studio audience and 2) millions of viewers at home. Kudos to you, Amanda. We love you!
‘The Powerpuff Girls’
I watched this show a looong time ago, so I’m going to keep this brief. If there is another definition of girl power that isn’t “Sugar, spice, and everything nice,” I don’t want to hear it. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls, but Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: chemical X. Thus, the Powerpuff Girls were born using their ultra-superpowers. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil, and I’m impressed. These sister were like, what, seven years old and fighting crime? I can’t even find a dude who washes his hair, and these girls were out here making the world a safer place. Good for them.
‘The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air’
Each of the three main women in this amazing show were absolute queens in their own right, but I am just going to focus on one, the matriarch and feminist icon, the OG Vivian Banks. (Not her replacement who looked literally nothing like her in any way, and I need an explanation from the producers for this abomination). Anyway, Vivian 1.0 showed all of us plebeians how to rock a mint green power suit and raise a family, both of which are impressive. So in like, basically every episode, Aunt Viv stood up to sexism, ageism, racism and a slew of other -isms, because she’s a hero who’s too stylish to wear a cape. Her education about cultural references was truly unparalleled. Let’s not forget her absolutely schooling Will when he acted like he was an expert in black history because he read Malcolm X’s autobiography. The exact quote was: “You can read that book, you can wear the t-shirt, you can put the posters up and shout the slogans, but unless you know all of the history behind it, you’re trivializing the entire struggle.” YAS, AUNT VIV, YAS. The bottom line is Vivian was a woman who was unabashed to speak her mind, especially when dealing with her moronic male counterparts. Sorry, Carlton, we love your mom and her dance moves more.
‘Sex and the City’
Ok, before everyone judges my mom for letting me watch this show, she didn’t know I binged harder on SATC than I did on Halloween candy. Skip your eye rolls and scoffs for calling this show feminist, but what would you call a squad of women who subconsciously discussed the bs behind the coveted fairytale ending and openly shut down slut-shaming? This group of revolutionary women (I’m a total Carrie) made it okay to engage in sex with guys you aren’t Facebook official with, to have fun without worrying about the haters and, of course, to prioritize Manolos over all else. Idk if this was intentional or not, but these four women make up one perfect betch: Charlotte is romantic, Miranda is brilliant, Carrie is funny, and Samantha is Samantha. Of course, no one woman is actually perfect, which is why all of these traits are separated into four individual women, but they are all great and I love them. On a side note: it truly breaks my heart that SJP and Kim Cattrall aren’t actually friends IRL, because their characters were the most likable on the show. Truly, no one could pull off jewel tones and feathered accessories like they could. I’m hoping that somewhere in lower Manhattan, Carrie and Samantha are getting afternoon cocktails rn.
‘Lizzie McGuire’
This show was my life, and I have no shame in my game. Lizzie was a cultural icon who struggled between staying true to herself and wanting to fit in, but then she realized how much the popular kids sucked and got over it. Snaps. Lizzie’s main feminist feat is that she was not afraid to go through all of the same struggles all teenage girls go through: heartbreak, annoying siblings, eating issues, and, most iconically, bra shopping with your mom. Lizzie facing all of these preteen issues made all of us realize that these are just normal parts of life, and we shouldn’t feel embarrassed to be experiencing them. Lizzie came into her true feminist self in the final scene of the movie, though, when she chose herself and her hair extensions over a guy. Nevermind that he lied, cheated, and tried to pass Lizzie off as Brunette Lizzie Isabella, but he tried to play her for a fool, which just isn’t how you save your career, sweetie. Lizzie’s too smart for that sh*t, you Italian meatball!
Images: Nickelodeon; @stephdelucaaa, @freshprince.ig; @wearemitu / Instagram; Giphy (3)
Happy International Women’s Day, betches! On this, most badass of holidays, it’s important to take time to recognize the strong, empowering women who paved the way for a new generation of women to keep fighting for change and equality (so, like, call your mom and tell her you love her). To help get you started, here’s a list of 10 of the best feminist Netflix documentaries you can stream right now if you too want to feel the passion of rallying at the Women’s March without leaving the comfort of your bed.
1. She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry
When discussing the women’s movement, it’s v important to start at the inception of what we know as popular feminism today. This documentary focuses on the leaders and history of the feminist movements of the 1960s-70s. Just because they hadn’t come up with the Pussy Hat yet, doesn’t mean these women didn’t know how to host a solid protest.
2. The Hunting Ground
The Hunting Ground delves deep into the all too disturbing reality of campus sexual assault. This documentary sheds a light on the corruption of many universities trying to protect their image and favoring money over justice for their students, while also highlighting the brave students who spoke up, took a stand, and fought for their stories to be heard. Also, this is the documentary that brought us that STUNNING Lady Gaga song, “Til’ It Happens To You,” so like, get ready to shed a tear or two.
3. Gaga: Five Foot Two
Speaking of the Queen, Lady Gaga’s documentary, Gaga: Five Foot Two, is a super intimate and vulnerable look into Gaga’s life. It follows her through the heartbreak of breaking up with her fiancé, writing her Joanne album, dealing with chronic pain, and eventually slaying the fucking Super Bowl. If you’re looking for a fierce and resilient role model, look no further than Stefani Germanotta. YAAAAS GAGA!
4. Paris Is Burning
Ahem…*picks up megaphone*…Feminism isn’t feminism unless it’s intersectional, y’all! If Ru Paul’s Drag Race is your favorite reality competition (if it’s not, it should be), then Paris Is Burning is a must-watch. This 1990 documentary explores the elaborate and extravagant “drag ball” competitions, focusing on the African-American, Latino, gay, and transgender performers who used drag as an expression of personality and gender identity in a celebratory and inclusive space. Brush up on the origins of vital drag vocabulary, such as “mother,” “realness,” reading,” and “voguing” before your next 2am romp through the Hell’s Kitchen bar scene.
5. Seeing Allred
Gloria Allred is one of the most famous attorneys in America, and a certified HBIC of leading the crusade against the war on women. This documentary features interviews with Allred, as well as many of her loyal supporters and harshest critics, and focuses on how her own personal trauma led her to turn her survivor status into a beacon of hope and action for other women in sexual violence cases. Come for the icon, stay for the conversations about Bill Cosby and Donald Trump. Let’s just say ya girl doesn’t hold back.
6. Hot Girls Wanted
Hot Girls Wanted takes a look inside the exploitation of young women in the world of amateur internet porn. It’s a startling look into how easy it is for teens and young women who are already so plugged into social media and technology to get lured in by the appeal of using their bodies to make a little extra cash. Also, this documentary was produced by Rashida Jones – aka poetic and noble land-mermaid Ann Perkins – so you already know it’s going to be good.
7. A Ballerina’s Tale
If you don’t already know who Misty Copeland is, your homework is to watch this doc ASAP. As the first black principal dancer in the American Ballet Theater, Copeland is a serious inspiration to girls everywhere. She’s proof that you can follow your dreams, regardless of race, and has come to represent a new, elegant, gorgeous addition to the world of professional dance. I do have to subtract some points, though, because not once did this movie feature a psychotic Natalie Portman Black Swan ballerina breakdown. Lame. (Just kidding).
8. Gender Revolution: A Journey With Katie Couric
One of the most respected and noteworthy anchorwomen of all time, Katie Couric, takes a fascinating in-depth look at the way gender expression has changed overtime and the ways society is learning to adjust to a broader perspective. Gender Revolution touches upon transgenderism, pronouns, gender performance, and the ongoing civil rights debates surrounding equality and equal representation. Katie’s soothing, extremely likable tone is the perfect vehicle to bring emotional and inspiring interviews together and teach us all a little more about the impact of gender in our world.
9. Queen Mimi
OMG is this woman a fucking trip. Mimi Haist is a homeless woman living in a laundromat in Santa Monica, who garnered a sort of local celebrity status thanks to her firecracker personality, positive attitude, and passion for living an independent life with no regrets – and also the color pink. Some of Mimi’s friends include A-list celebrities like Renée Zellweger and Zach Galifianakis, who actually brought her as his date to the red carpet premiere of The Hangover III. I can only hope to be half the hilarious badass queen Mimi is when I’m in my 80s, but also I can’t even bring myself to leave my apartment to go to the laundromat when my clothes are overflowing out of my hamper so I don’t think I’m cut out to live in one.
10. Miss Representation
Rounding out the list is a recent classic (seriously, this documentary was assigned viewing in at least three of my Women’s & Gender Studies classes in college). This 2011 film peels back the curtain on how mainstream media represents women, often undermining their influence, or reducing them to spectacles to be looked at rather than listened to. For example: those commercials where Kate Upton has to shove a whole hamburger in her face while her boobs are practically escaping from her shirt. This documentary will enrage you, empower you, and make you want to call every advertising company and TV writer and help crack down on unfair representation in every form of media. It’s the least we can do.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
Thanksgiving is over, you’ve hopefully recovered from your food- and wine-induced hangover, the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales are over, and it’s time to take what little money you have left to give back. That’s right, betches. It’s Giving Tuesday. If you’ve never taken a moment to stop thinking about yourself (admirable tbh), today’s the day to do it. And we’re making it super easy for you to do so, by shopping at Shop Betches. Is that like, kind of cheating because you can give back while shopping for yourself or your friends? You say cheating, we say genius.
So here’s the deal. You may not know this, but nearly every single product from Shop Betches is fulfilled by Spectrum Designs Foundation, an amazing nonprofit that provides employment for young adults with autism and related developmental disabilities in hopes to provide them with a more enriched life. That means when you place an order with Shop Betches, you’re helping someone with autism be employed and lead a more independent life. You can read more about Spectrum Designs here.
But wait, there’s more. We also partnered with the National Organization for Women for our Rules Of Feminism tee.
Shop the Rules Of Feminism tee today, and 20% of all proceeds will be donated to the National Organization for Women, the largest grassroots organization of feminist activists in the United States (who run the world?). They’re a nonprofit “devoted to achieving full equality for women through education and litigation,” according to their website. Basically, they do a little bit of everything, from the Love Your Body campaign aimed at promoting better body image among young women to voter mobilization efforts to preparing and submitting reports to the UN about global feminist issues, and much more.
Happy Giving Tuesday. Do people say that? What’s the protocol here? Have a generous Giving Tuesday? Well, whatever the proper greeting is, do that.
It’s a pretty bad week/month/year for women. Trump and Republicans in Congress want to hike up the price of our birth control and outlaw abortions. One of the most powerful men in Hollywood has been assaulting and harassing women for YEARS and nobody did anything about it. Your favorite Hollywood hottie, Ben Affleck, gropes women on the regular (allegedly…). Oh, and women are still earning less than men even when performing the same jobs *screams into the void*.
When women’s rights are under attack, you gotta step up and help. That’s just like, the rules of feminism. We’re partnering with the National Organization For Women on a new “Rules Of Feminism” T-shirt. 20% of the proceeds from this shirt will be donated to the NOW Foundation, and 100% of you will look both amazing and very woke wearing it.
What is the NOW Foundation? They’re a nonprofit “devoted to achieving full equality for women through education and litigation,” according to their website. Basically, they do a little bit of everything, from the Love Your Body campaign aimed at promoting better body image among young women to voter mobilization efforts to preparing and submitting reports to the UN about global feminist issues, and much more. They are also affiliated with the National Organization for Women, the biggest feminist grassroots campaign in the United States. Buy this tee for yourself, for your friends, for your woke bae—whoever. It’s for a great cause.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 3x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain everything that’s going on in terms you can understand. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
When I mention your body’s biggest enemy, you probably have something that came immediately to mind: your thighs, your arms, the pimple you got from dropping kettle corn into your mouth/all over your face so you could eat without sitting up for normal adult reasons. Or maybe you thought of the parade of fuckboys last few bros you banged who confirmed for you that some people just weren’t built to interact with the female body. This second guess is closer to what I’m actually talking about, because it similarly concerns a group of largely white men (if you’d like to fight me on your sexual history, feel free, I’m just taking a guess) who have no business with women’s bodies, and yet can’t leave them the fuck alone. Those people are called YOUR GOVERNMENT. (Mic drop, I am political.)
In all honesty, I probably don’t have a single friend who would describe me as political; I don’t even feel like I ignore the news on purpose, it just kind of floats past me, like everything that was ever said in a high school history class. But because I’m a selfish bitch I care about my readers very much, when I hear about bullshit new measures that will negatively affect my body both on a daily basis and in times of need, I am going to listen the fuck up and urge you all to do the same. Here’s a rundown of the three scariest pieces of legislation aimed to limit women’s choices right now—and for those of you with any remaining doubts that I really do not usually care/write about politics, please know that I literally just Googled the word “legislation” to make sure I was using it correctly. Feels good.
1. Remember When Obama Made Your Boss Pay for Your Birth Control? Yeah, That’s Over.
In a continued bid to out-evil Satan, Trump made a fun little announcement last Friday: He’s shut down the Obama-era law requiring most employers to cover co-pay-free birth control, an amazing measure we definitely all took completely for granted. Now, in the nation of Gilead Trump’s America, employers will be able to cite “religious or moral objection” to covering birth control, and BAM: You can no longer afford brunch, because that budget has been re-allocated to your “not getting pregnant” fund. Oh, and regardless of your birth control type, this shit is not cheap: My employer insurance had a fun two-week blackout last month and I was charged $200 for a 30-day supply of my GENERIC birth control pill. So don’t even try to come at me with that “just pay out of pocket, mer mer mer, women want everything for free” shit, TYLER.
Proposed Solution: If there is a guy you are regularly having sex with, and your birth control coverage is affected, ask him to pay for half. I know this doesn’t effect change on a policy level, but as a group, can women please stop accepting sole financial responsibility for preventing pregnancy? If the guy you’re fucking starts whining about the cost, just tell him there’s a 100% free alternative: You can stop having sex with him, forever.
2. 20 Weeks Pregnant? Cool, You’re Having a Baby Now.
Though this isn’t yet in immediate effect like the above measure, a bill recently passed through the House of Representatives criminalizing abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Never mind the fact that if our government hates abortions so much, they probably shouldn’t have repealed the access to free birth control, which conveniently yielded lower abortion rates than we had in 1973, when abortion was made legal nation-wide. Never mind the disgustingly insulting title for this bill of “Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act,” which would perhaps have been more aptly titled “Pain-Capable and Very Much Born Adult Woman Punishment Act.” In this case, let’s focus on the fact that one of the bill’s co-sponsors, Tim Murphy of Pennsylvania, was literally texting his mistress to GET AN ABORTION while passing this bill through the House. Everything about this bill (and its relation to less-available birth control) is so alarmingly nonsensical that I’m almost ready to start buying into lizard-person theories. Given the one season I watched of House of Cards, I feel like “handling” a mistress’ pregnancy is basically a rite of passage for most politicians—so why are they so fucking intent on making sure those abortions need to be illegal and unsafe? It’s definitely not a conspiracy to have more women die during the procedure, rendering them unable to talk about the affair, right? Wait…right?
3. A Special-Edition Coverage Slash For Pre-Pregnant, Pregnant, And Post-Pregnant Women
This bad boy, otherwise known as the Graham-Cassidy bill, is luckily having a lot of trouble getting passed, so there’s chance you won’t actually have to deal with this specifically. Which is good because I JUST spent two hours of my Monday at a Planned Parenthood phone bank defeating this nightmare of a bill that keeps popping back up like a zombie Whack-A-Mole, can I live for one week?? But honestly, every proposed healthcare reform bill this garbage-monster administration has spewed out has been pretty similarly shitty, so expect comparable measures if they manage to get anything through. This particular bill has gone ahead and banned women on Medicaid from visiting Planned Parenthood (straight up, I do not know what Medicaid is, but oh my god just allow women access to appropriate healthcare, our bodies are more complicated than yours and we fucking need it). Also, it’s restricted abortion coverage and maternity care in the same bill, so really (unless you’re a politician’s mistress!), these people would like to ensure that you get pregnant, stay pregnant, and bear the emotional, physical, and financial burden of that pregnancy all on your own. Just like how you got pregnant all on your own, without the help of any second party. Right.
Basically, the only common thread of these new measures is that our government doesn’t give a shit about you or your body. There’s no ideological or economic background that makes any sense, much like when Dean started motorboating D-Lo in the pool, thus jeopardizing his supposed “deep emotional connection” with Kristina, and the lucrative fandom love that could have launched a thousand Instagram sponsorships. So, I encourage you to start thinking about our government the way you think about the fuckboys we deal with on a daily basis: Until they shape the fuck up, we’ll be heavily looking into alternative options. You don’t let fuckboys tell you what to do with your body, so let’s get them out of these government positions where they can literally charge you for going against their dumbass ideas on what your body has access to.
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