Labor Day has officially come and gone, my friends, which effectively means summer is over. I know, it’s sad—especially because I don’t think any of us accomplished a single thing we thought we would. Hot Girl Summer is but a distant memory, and F*ckgirl Fall will likely not happen either. But you know what we do get this fall? An amazing new reading list. It’s the little things.
‘Loathe At First Sight’ By Suzanne Park
(August 18, 2020)
Helen Hoang, author of Kiss Quotient, calls Suzanne Park’s rom-com “bursting with humor, heart, and great energy”. Melody Joo lands her dream job as a video game producer, but it’s not all a walk in the park. She deals with an insufferable CEO, sexist coworkers, and the hot intern who got hired because of nepotism. But things get better when a game Melody creates on a lark becomes an overnight sensation, and suddenly she’s the boss. That means Hot Intern works for her—and the more they work together, the more Melody realizes she may have been wrong to write him off so quickly. This fun, flirty novel also tackles tough themes like microaggressions, sexual harassment, and the misogyny in the gaming industry.
‘American Royals II: Majesty’ By Katharine McGee
(September 1, 2020)
If you didn’t read the first book in Katharine McGee’s series, American Royals—set in an America where we never declared independence from England—then you need to catch up. If you’ll recall, prim and proper Beatrice (who’s got a secret of her own) was thrust to the throne at the end of book one. Samantha is busy living up to her “party princess” persona…and maybe adding a party prince by her side. Nina is trying to avoid the palace—and Prince Jefferson—at all costs. And a dangerous secret threatens to undo all of Daphne’s carefully laid “marry Prince Jefferson” plans.
‘His Only Wife’ By Peace Azo Medie
(September 1, 2020)
This book is being hailed as a “Crazy Rich Asians for West Africa, with a healthy splash of feminism”. If that didn’t hook you, His Only Wife features independence, obligations to family, class divides—and a love triangle. Talk about juicy! Afi Tekple, a young seamstress, is arranged to marry Eli, the successful son of her family’s benefactor. Score. Eli’s family agrees to the marriage because they want to get him away from his mistress, and Afi and Eli marry sight unseen (*Love Is Blind voice*), meaning Eli isn’t even at the wedding. Afi moves into his luxury apartment, gets used to her fancy new lifestyle, and finally meets Eli. The problem? Eli doesn’t magically stop caring about his mistress just because he’s married. Uh-oh.
‘Jenna Takes The Fall’ By A.R. Taylor
(September 1, 2020)
This is not a spoiler, because the book opens with protagonist Jenna agreeing to position herself underneath the dead body of Vincent Hull, her insanely powerful boss who’s kind of like a Rupert Murdoch character. Why? That’s the multi-million dollar question. But this book isn’t a thriller—it follows Jenna, a naive Ohio native who moves to New York to become Hull’s assistant and quickly gets swept up by all the money, power, glitz and glamor New York’s publishing industry has to offer.
‘The Last Story Of Mina Lee’ By Nancy Jooyoun Kim
(September 1, 2020)
How well can you really ever know your family or the people you love most? That’s what Nancy Jooyoun Kim attempts to answer in her debut. Margot Lee and her mother Mina have always had a strained relationship, struggling to understand each other. At 26, Margot is surprised when her mom isn’t returning her calls—until she pays a visit and discovers her mother has suspiciously died. This sends Margot digging into the past, learning about her mother’s life as a Korean War orphan and undocumented immigrant. Told through alternating perspectives, The Last Story Of Mina Lee explores the gap between immigrants and their first-generation children, the differences between how we view our parents and how much we really know them, the difficulties of being a working-class immigrant in the U.S., and more.
‘Punching The Air’ By Ibi Zoboi And Dr. Yusef Salaam
(September 1, 2020)
From award-winning, bestselling author Ibi Zoboi and prison reform activist Yusef Salaam of the Exonerated Five comes a powerful YA novel in verse about a boy who is wrongfully incarcerated. Amal Shahid is an artist and a poet, but even at his diverse art school, he feels the effects of a biased system, where he is often seen as disruptive and unmotivated. Then, one night, an altercation in a gentrified neighborhood turns deadly, and Amal is convicted of a crime he didn’t commit and sent to prison.
‘The Unraveling of Cassidy Holmes’ By Elissa R. Sloan
(September 1, 2020)
If you liked Daisy Jones & The Six, then you’ll love Elissa R. Sloan’s debut, which is basically that—but with 90s nostalgia. Um, say no more.
JK, I’ll say a little more. The novel follows Gloss, the hottest girl group of the 90s. When Cassidy Holmes, a beloved member of the iconic group, is found dead by apparent suicide 20 years after the group’s heyday, the world is shocked. That includes her former bandmates, who examine what happened, why, and if they played a role.
‘When No One Is Watching’ By Alyssa Cole
(September 1, 2020)
A romance author who is now turning to thrillers, Alyssa Cole is the embodiment of the “get you a girl who can do both” meme. Cole’s first domestic thriller is being called Rear Window meets Get Out, and I don’t know what more you need than that description. Protagonist Sydney Green is born and raised in Brooklyn, a neighborhood she hardly recognizes anymore as a result of the gentrification. She connects with her neighbor Theo, in whom she finds an unlikely ally. The two dive deep into history, where they discover that the push to “revitalize” the community may be more deadly than either of them realized.
‘Modern Madness’ By Terri Cheney
(September 8, 2020)
You may know Terri Cheney from her heartbreaking Modern Love essay that was adapted for Amazon’s miniseries (Terri’s character was played by Anne Hathaway). In her new work of literary nonfiction, the author, former attorney, and mental health advocate presents an unflinching “owner’s manual” that details her battles with bipolar disease, revealing how it touches all aspects of her life from dating to socializing to work and more. It’s gripping, shocking, at times funny, and all-around real.
‘The Night Portrait’ By Laura Morelli
(September 8, 2020)
Ah, 1492: Columbus sailed the ocean blue, and 16-year-old Cecelia, the breathtaking daughter of a disgraced family, wins the Duke of Milan’s affections. Her grand prize? The chance to sit before Leonardo da Vinci (ever heard of him?) for a portrait. Not just any portrait—his famed Portrait of a Lady with an Ermine. The Night Portrait follows the story of da Vinci’s painting and its fictional muse, all the way through World War II Germany when Nazis attempt to seize the painting, and the Allies’ attempt to thwart them.
‘Don’t Look For Me’ By Wendy Walker
(September 15, 2020)
Molly Clarke is not a good mom—or that’s what she’s been telling herself, ever since she killed her daughter Annie in a horrible accident. Grief-stricken, Molly considers just walking away from her life. Which is precisely what everyone thinks she’s done when she mysteriously disappears the night of a horrible storm—everyone, that is, except her daughter Nicole, who’s determined to bring her mother home, even if she doesn’t want to be found.
‘FURIA’ By Yamile Saied Méndez
(September 15, 2020)
In Yamile Saied Méndez’s YA debut, the Argentinian-American writer tackles tough issues like feminism, personal growth, abuse, and more. Camila Hassan lives a double life: at home, she’s an obedient daughter, but on the fútbol field, she is La Furia, a powerhouse with real potential. She dreams of getting an athletic scholarship to a North American university, but her parents, who have no idea of her passion for the sport, would never allow it. At the same time, the guy she loved, Diego, is back in town after becoming an international fútbol star. Camila is forced to choose as her two lives threaten to collide. Although FURIA is not autobiographical, much of it is based on Méndez’s own life—except instead of playing fútbol, Méndez decided to study the sport instead.
‘Grown’ By Tiffany D. Jackson
(September 15, 2020)
Fans of Monday’s Not Coming and Allegedly, Tiffany D. Jackson is BACK with her latest YA mystery! GROWN is a ripped-from-the-headlines mystery that starts with aspiring singer Enchanted Jones waking up with no memory of the night before, and blood on her hands. Literally. Her new friend, legendary R&B star Korey Fields, is dead—and all signs point to Enchanted. Did she do it? As she reflects on Korey’s hidden dark side, Enchanted grapples with her own potential involvement in his death.
‘Legendborn’ By Tracy Deonn
(September 15, 2020)
This new fantasy series by debut author Tracy Deonn is all about Black Girl Magic—literally. It kicks off with 16-year-old Bree running away from home after her mother’s death, to a program for gifted high schoolers at UNC Chapel Hill. But her plan to escape the tragedy of her past doesn’t go so well, when she witnesses a magical attack her first night on campus. Talk about a rough start. A teenage magician (who calls himself a Merlin) tries, and fails, to wipe Bree’s memory, which causes another one to come flooding back: the night of her mother’s death, where Merlin was, too. Armed with some newfound abilities and a powerful ally, Bree resolves to find out the truth about her mother’s death.
‘The White Coat Diaries’ By Madi Sinha
(September 15, 2020)
In a time where we all think of doctors and other essential workers as superheroes, physician-turned-novelist Madi Sinha’s debut is all the more important. When, on her first day of residency, Norah Kapadia accidentally pricks herself with a needle used on a sick patient, she suddenly realizes how dangerous her profession can be to her own health. Despite pouring years (and lots of money) into studying to become a doctor, she’s almost ready to quit: in part because of the incident, and in part because of the long hours, rude patients, and pressure from her parents to be the “perfect Indian daughter”. It doesn’t help that her chief resident, Ethan, is everything Norah wishes she was. Soon, their working relationship becomes something more. But when a fatal mistake is made and Norah is asked to participate in a cover-up, she has to decide what’s more important: her relationship or her career?
‘Shine’ By Jessica Jung
(September 29, 2020)
It’s been a big year for K-pop stans, and now that’s even more true with the release of SHINE by Jessica Jung, a former member of one of the most influential K-pop girl groups of all time. And the plot is a little bit meta, which I find fun. 17-year-old Rachel Kim was recruited six years ago by DB Entertainment, one of Seoul’s biggest K-pop labels. In exchange for all her dreams coming true (and, you know, a shot at fame and fortune), she has to give up dating, train all the time, and be perfect. What could go wrong? A lot, it turns out, as the industry’s dark underbelly becomes exposed in the mainstream, and Rachel wonders if she has what it takes to really make it. Add in a love interest who is a K-pop golden boy in his own right, and you’ve got the makings of a juicy debut.
‘Ties That Tether’ By Jane Igharo
(September 29, 2020)
I don’t know about you all, but I need to get lost in a good romance this fall (since cuffing season is a long-lost memory), and Ties That Tether delivers just that, with a perspective that’s much needed in the literary world. Azere Izoduwa promised her dying father she’d preserve their Nigerian culture even after moving to Canada, which ends up being one of those “easier said than done” cases. After yet another disaster date, she meets Rafael Castellano, who is tall, handsome, and decidedly not Nigerian. Azere ends up in his hotel room, but ghosts the next morning… until a month later, when work forces them together again, and Azere has to weigh her family commitments with the possibility of ~true love~.
‘Goodnight Beautiful’ By Aimee Molloy
(October 13, 2020)
The novel starts out with Dr. Sam Statler, a hot therapist, going missing after a storm. But let’s rewind: Annie Potter isn’t super thrilled to leave behind her life in NYC to move with her husband Sam to his hometown upstate. Especially because she has nothing to do while he sees (mostly female) clients all day. Little does Sam know, every word of his sessions can be heard from a room upstairs. Just when you think you’ve got this book figured out, it will throw another curveball at you—even the most avid thriller readers won’t predict these surprises.
‘Three Little Truths’ By Eithne Shortall
(October 13, 2020)
I’m honestly down for pretty much any title that gives me Big Little Lies vibes. Three Little Truths follows three women who are looking for a fresh start on idyllic Pine Road. We have Martha, who used to the cool, calm, collected HBIC until moving her family to Dublin under mysterious circumstances. Now, she’s unraveling. Then there’s Robin, who used to be the cool girl in high school, now living with her parents and a 4-year-old son. Finally, we have Edie, who seems to have it all, except for a baby and friends in the neighborhood. When these three women find an unlikely friendship in one another, it will change all their lives and reveal some deep, dark secrets.
‘Cobble Hill’ By Cecily Von Ziegesar
(October 20, 2020)
If the name Cecily Von Ziegesar doesn’t ring a bell, I’m going to need you to tell me what it’s like being an actual child. The author of Gossip Girl (yes!) is back with a tale of four families living in—you guessed it—Cobble Hill. First, there’s Mandy, new mom and former groupie, who is so unfulfilled by motherhood that she fakes a debilitating disease to get her ex-boyfriend Stuart’s attention. Next up, we have Peaches, the school nurse who marches to the beat of her own drum, and also Stuart (same Stuart)’s crush. A few blocks over lives Roy, a well-known British novelist, whose next novel and marriage are simultaneously slipping away. And finally, Tupper, the introverted industrial designer who casually has a warehouse of prosthetic limbs, struggles to connect with his artist wife Elizabeth. Oh ,yeah, and there’s also two teenagers, a ten-year-old pyro, a drug dealer masquerading as a doctor, a lot of hidden cameras, and one figurative bomb waiting to detonate.
‘Memorial’ By Bryan Washington
(October 27, 2020)
In this work of literary fiction, National Book Award 5 Under 35 honoree Bryan Washington pens a humorous-yet-poignant portrait of family in its many less-than-functional forms. Benson and Mike are two young adults living in Houston. Benson is a Black day care teacher and Mike is a Japanese-American chef. They’ve been together for a few years, and they love each other, but they can’t help but feel like maybe it’s not enough. Everything changes when Mike finds out his estranged father is dying in Japan, and he drops everything to say goodbye—right as his mother has arrived in Texas for a visit. While Mike uncovers some life-changing family truths in Japan, his mother and Benson become de facto roommates, to some pretty hilarious ends.
‘The Flip Side’ by James Bailey
(November 10, 2020)
Male-authored rom-coms aren’t common, so I had to show this one some love. If you thought you had a crappy year, be glad you’re not Josh, the protagonist of The Flip Side, whose girlfriend turns down his marriage proposal. After this, Josh loses his job and the flat he and his ex shared. In a true “f*ck it” moment, Josh decides that, come New Year’s, he’ll make all his decisions by the flip of a coin. But when he meets the love of his life by chance and tries to track her down through multiple European cities, he realizes that not everything is as easy as a coin toss.
‘Murder in Old Bombay’ By Nev March
(November 10, 2020)
A little bit of mystery, a little bit of history, March’s based-on-a-real-crime novel has a little something for everyone. In the 1890s, two young Parsi women are murdered, leaving Captain Jim Agnihotri to play Sherlock Holmes (his idol) to solve the crime. As he travels across India investigating, he becomes ~involved~ with someone close to one of the victims. Scandalous!
‘Pretending’ By Holly Bourne
(November 17, 2020)
Holly Bourne’s North American debut novel begins: “I hate men. There, I’ve said it. I know you’re not supposed to say it. We all pretend we don’t hate them; we all tell ourselves we don’t hate them. But I’m calling it. I’m standing here on this soapbox and I’m saying it. I. Hate. Men.” and if that just isn’t the most relatable sentiment, then IDK what is. And you’ll probably relate to its main character, April: pretty, nice, fairly normal, but she just can’t get past the fifth date (more like second for me, but sure). April is frustrated, until she devises an alter ego, Gretel. Gretel is basically a Manic Pixie Dream Girl who’s also a Cool Girl: no baggage, no problems. When April becomes Gretel, she finally finds herself in control—until she meets Josh and genuinely falls for him, and isn’t sure how long she can (or should) keep pretending.
Image: Andrew Le / Unsplash
Summer is officially over and I know this because yesterday a girl in Uggs spilled her pumpkin spice latte all over me. We’ve now moved into that weird in-between stage of seasons where summer is dead but none of your favorite shows are back on so you don’t have an actual excuse for why you ignored your BFF’s text about getting your ass down to the bars ASAP. Like, b*tch LET ME LIVE (my best life on the couch). But never fear, because where there’s a will, there’s a way for me to get out of being social, and that way is to binge read myself into a coma. That said, we’ve got some bangin’ book series to educate you with that are legit better than binge watching all seven seasons of Game of Thrones. You’re so welcome.
The ‘A Court of Thorns and Roses’ Series by Sarah J Maas
I’d been hearing about this series for years and never picked it up because I thought it would be another boring YA fantasy series, and also because I’m stupid. But once I started reading, I could not put these books down. It has all the intrigue and action of Game of Thrones but with twentysomethings and hotter people (if that’s possible). The books follow 19-year-old huntress Feyre who accidentally kills something she shouldn’t and ends up having to spend the rest of her life in a faerie realm. If I lost you just there, HEAR ME OUT THOUGH. At first it’s a little like Beauty and The Beast, but it’s so much more than that by the end of the book. Think epic world building, feuding kingdoms, and badass leading ladies who aren’t afraid to scheme the sh*t out of some men. The books are long AF, but, like, so is a Law & Order: SVU marathon and you people never miss that sh*t.
The ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ Series by Kevin Kwan
Would it be a comprehensive reading list if we didn’t include Kevin Kwan and the bougiest family we’ve ever f*cking seen? I think not. The Youngs make your family drama look like child’s play and theirs goes down on private jets. Advanced warning: You might want to settle in with your own order of dumplings, otherwise you’re bound to get very, very hungry while reading. And then go see the movie.
The ‘Addicted To You‘ Series by Krista & Becca Ritchie
Just gonna be real up front and say right now that this is a romance series, so don’t @ me in the comments when you get all hot and bothered on the subway because someone said the word “climax.” Let’s be real, these books are no dirtier than whatever you’re texting your ex after three vodka crans. Just saying. The books follow Lily Calloway and Loren Hale, two members of Philadelphia’s most elite families who both happen to be battling secret addictions while also trying to date each other. If that sounds a little heavy, that’s because it kind of is, but in the immortal words of Kim Kardashian West “it’s the good kind of baggage, like Louis Vuitton.” Seriously, this series is INSANE. Think Kardashian-level family drama meets the lux inner circle of Gossip Girl. Now go forth and binge.
The ‘Thousandth Floor’ Series by Katherine McGee
I know I keep comparing sh*t to Gossip Girl, SO SUE ME. It’s not my fault that show was the voice of a goddamn generation. Anyway, moving on. Set in a futuristic Manhattan, the Thousandth Floor series follows five teens who live at the Palace hotel but on, like, steroids. You’ve got all the Upper East Siders and a Lonely Boy living in the year 3000 where not much has changed but they live underwater. I paraphrase; the book actually takes place in 2118. Whatever. In any case, it’s about a group of rich teenagers who all are hiding dark secrets. Dun dun dunnnn. This book is a fast AF read. It reads like a thriller element because each book opens up with someone dying—and you know we betches love death. Feel blessed, because there’s three books already out so that’s at least four happy hours you can miss in favor of binge reading.
‘The Last Time I Lied’ by Riley Sager
This isn’t technically a series but both of Riley Sager’s books involve campy, Final Destination-like plots that are seriously addictive from page one. We love, love, LOVED The Final Girls and the author’s second book is just as binge-worthy. The book follows Emma Davis who, in a very Pretty Little Liars twist of events, realizes all of her BFFs have disappeared after playing a game of two truths and a lie at summer camp one night. It’s kind of like if all the Liars went missing and only Aria had to find out what happened to them (god help them). I’m telling you right now, once you start this book you won’t be able to put it down.
The ‘To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before’ Series by Jenny Han
Look, I’m not trying to be judgmental, but if you haven’t watched Netflix’s To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. I’m sorry, that was aggressive. But really, I’ve never loved a teenaged boy more and I hate how that sounds coming out of my mouth but it’s the honest goddamn truth. If you watched the movie and have a pulse then you obvi fell in love with Peter Kavinsky. I’m telling you now, the books are even better. Plus there’s already three books out in the series so if you’re looking for some more Peter in your life you’ve got at least 900 pages worth of reading material. You can thank me in the comments.
When’s Happy Hour? By The Betches
Not a series, but you should read it anyways because it’s our third book and we wrote it and it will literally change your life. YOU’RE WELCOME.
Images: Vanessa Serpas / Unsplash; Amazon (7)
The summer is almost over, and to distract myself from this deeply depressing fact, I will be losing myself in a good book and living vicariously through its characters. I already hit you guys with my summer reading list, so now it’s time for a back to school reading list. These are the best books you need to read before Labor Day. Okay, I know that’s kind of a tall order unless you’re a speed reader, so stock up on these for fall.
‘The Cheerleaders’ by Kara Thomas
I loved Kara Thomas’ adult thriller, The Darkest Corners, so I was expecting a lot from her YA thriller, Cheerleaders. It did not disappoint. Cheerleaders is about a small-ish town in which five cheerleaders and friends all end up dead within the span of a few months. Two die in a car crash. Two are murdered. One commits suicide. Or did she? One of the cheerleaders’ younger sisters works to unravel the mystery surrounding these deaths that have plagued her town and her family.
‘Mr. Nice Guy’ by Jennifer Miller and Jason Feifer
If you read my summer reading list, you’d know I’m not really a big romance novel person but I loved Mr. Nice Guy. The book is about Lucas Callahan, a nice Southern gentleman from North Carolina, who moves to New York to pursue his dream of working at Empire magazine. There he meets Carmen Kelly, Empire’s notorious sex columnist… and has sex with her. Only, he doesn’t realize it’s her until she writes a not-so-favorable column about his performance, prompting Lucas to start a column of his own. It’s fun, it’s cute, and holy sh*t it is so refreshing to read a book about the publishing industry that ACTUALLY gets it totally right for once. (*Glares at The Bold Type which I know is not a book, but still*).
‘Sadie’ by Courtney Summers
Sadie is one of the most anticipated YA thrillers of the year, and for damn good reason. Sadie follows a young girl who goes missing following her sister’s murder. But here’s the good part: it alternates between Sadie’s first-person narrative and the transcripts of a podcast that’s working to find Sadie. If you’ve ever wished Serial was a book, this is the next best thing—maybe even better.
‘When’s Happy Hour?’ by The Betches
F*cking duhhhh we’re putting our book on here. When’s Happy Hour? is the third Betches book, and as you may have guessed, it’s going to be about career advice. From crafting a resume to deliberating hooking up with the office hottie, we’re covering it all. Of course, with heavy doses of our signature snark. It doesn’t come out until October 23, so before you @ me in the comments, you should know this thing called preorder exists.
‘The Dinner List’ by Rebecca Serle
You know that quintessential icebreaker: if you could have dinner with five people, living or dead, who would you pick? That’s the central conceit to The Dinner List. Protagonist Sabrina invites her ex-boyfriend, estranged father, beloved professor, best friend, and oh yeah, Audrey Hepburn, to dinner. The result is a fun meandering through time that also touches profoundly on the many different types of love we feel for others.
‘Neverworld Wake’ by Marisha Pessl
I know this list is kind of heavy on the Young Adult thrillers, but you’re just going to have to deal. Young adults are the only ones actually going back to school right now, anyway. And in any case, this one is so good that you’re just going to have to read it. In this novel that combines mystery with the paranormal, five friends end up stuck in the “neverworld wake,” the place in between life and death, where they keep reliving the same day over and over until they can reach a unanimous vote on which one of them should live. Dun dun dunnnnn.
‘Where The Crawdads Sing’ by Delia Owens
We’re moving out of the Young Adult genre into a book that is decidedly adult. I loved this book. Full stop. The writing was gorgeous—almost like prose poetry. I still think about some of the imagery Delia Owens used. The plot was equally interesting. Set in a North Carolina town, it follows Kya, the town’s “marsh girl” who’s raised herself in poverty in the swamps. Then, a prominent young man in the town is murdered, and there are many twists as the cops try to nail down a suspect. That’s all I’m gonna say.
‘The Bucket List’ by Georgia Clark
Getting a little meta with the titles over here, but I promise it’s not on purpose. The Bucket List is about 25-year-old New York transplant Lacey Whitman, who learns that she has the BRCA-1 mutation. For those of you uninformed, it’s what Angelina Jolie had that led her to get a preventative double mastectomy. Lacey decides to do the same thing, but before she gets rid of her boobs, she makes a boob bucket list and tries to cross off everything. It’s sexy, it’s fun, it’s flirty—The Bucket List is overall a breezy read with a little bit more heart than your typical beach read.
We’re in full-swing August now, which means it’s too hot to breathe, let alone like, leave my apartment to do shit. But August is also the month where all my shows and my will to live goes on sabbatical until October. It’s like the TV executives who make these v important decisions don’t realize people are counting on them? It’s fucking rude. So in the meantime what am I supposed to do here? Converse with my peers? Date people? EXERCISE?? Nope. Not into it. I’m going to continue doing what I do best, which is to
live my best life sit on my ass and avoid reality. And if it can’t be done through watching 5-6 hours of Olivia Benson doing far too much detective work for a police sergeant and tracking down perps, then it will be through the literary equivalent. I’m sort of a book slut so I know my shit when it comes to books that don’t suck. So buckle up, betches, here are 7 books to binge read until your fave fall TV shows come back on:
1. If You Watch Broad City…
Read Animals by Emma Jane Unsworth
Just reading about this shit show of a dynamic female duo will make you feel drunk. Laura and Tyler are long-time besties and the girls in your friend group whose livers you are secretly praying for. They’ve been getting into some rowdy shit for years until Laura gets engaged and is suddenly pulled between marriage (ew) and her BFF’s hard partying ways. If you consider yourself more Broad City than Girls (i.e. more ratchet than spoiled and narcissistic) then this is definitely the book for you. Even though I can’t imagine a world where Abbi or Ilana would give up their lifestyles in the name of settling down, Unsworth knows her shit and portrays this ride-or-die friendship in a way that will hold you over until your favorite fictional besties come back on TV at the end of August.
2. If You Watch The Handmaid’s Tale…
Read Sex Object by Jessica Valenti
It’s similar to The Handmaid’s Tale in that it’ll make you want to set the next male you come into contact with on fire, but different in that it’s not a work of fiction it’s real fucking life. *Takes slow, calming breath* Sex Object is a memoir about growing up as a woman in this dumpster fire of a world. Any betch living in NYC dealing with subway trolls—or just
men trolls in general—will fucking love this book. And though the narrative may feel more real for us city betches, literally any person with a womb should read it. It’s v humorous and also way too fucking real. My only advice is to maybe not read this book if you suffer from rage blackouts or before swiping on Bumble.
3. If You Watch Law & Order SVU…
Read Find Her by Lisa Gardner
Betchy co-ed, Flora, gets kidnapped by a psychopathic pervert during a ratchet night out on spring break and the next 472 days of her life is literally every bad thing our mothers ever warned us about. Seven years after she escapes from captivity, Flora is out for fucking blood and is taking down scummy club bros and potential roofie rapists in between vodka sodas at the bar. But then another college coed goes missing and Flora is suspect number one for the crime. Told through alternating perspectives, Flora’s and
wannabe Olivia Benson Detective D.D. Warren’s, the story is real AF, and just as addictive as spending an entire Sunday hungover binge-watching Law & Order: SVU episodes.
4. If You Watch Riverdale…
Read Addicted To You by Krista & Becca Ritchie
If you like watching TV shows with ridiculously pretty people and an even more ridiculous plot lines (Hi) then you have to read Addicted To You. It’s about a bunch of rich hedonistic college kids living their best lives. Think all of the Bughead angsty love but if, like, Veronica was a sex addict and Jughead was an alcoholic. Tell me you don’t want to read that shit. TELL ME.
5. If You Watch Drunk History…
Read It Ended Badly by Jennifer Wright
If you don’t watch Drunk History then I don’t know what you’re doing with your life. There’s nothing that brings me more joy than watching average to semi-famous people get shit-faced and try and teach you a history lesson. Literally nothing. Jesus, I need better hobbies. It Ended Badly is the literary equivalent of the show, minus all the alcohol (though I 100 percent recommend drinking and reading, fucking duh). The book is a collection of nonfiction essays about the worst breakups throughout history and let me just tell you that shit is juicy. You thought Rob and Chyna’s breakup was crazy? Wait until you read about Rome’s Emperor Nero and his breakup with one of his wives. There’s castration, a slave boy, and drag involved—shit is crazy.
6. If You Watch Scream Queens…
Read Final Girls by Riley Sager
I’ve never felt more personally victimized than when I found out Scream Queens would not be coming back for a third season. My responses in my group texts are about to get a whole lot less savage let me just tell you. THANKS, FOX. Thank god there’s Final Girls by Riley Sagar, aka Scream Queens’ campy, horror book equivalent. The book is all about Quincy Carpenter, lone survivor of a horror movie–scale massacre and newest club member of the world’s saddest sorority: the Final Girls. Honestly, I dare you not to read Quincey’s lines in Chanel Oberlin’s voice. Dare you. Anyways, the Final Girls are made up of similar real-life horror movie survivors until each member starts to get murdered. Now Quincy has to annoying shit like relive her past lest she end up next on the killer’s list.
7. If You Watch Are You The One?…
Read I Had A Nice Time & Other Lies by The Betches
Honestly you should read this book if you don’t want to end up on the trashiest island MTV could buy, hooking up with human garbage for potential Instagram likes. Save yourself now and read this book. We’ll give you advice on anything from which dating app will help you meet your husband and which one will likely result in your date wearing your skin as a suit to how to trick your Bumble hookup into being FB official. You’re welcome.