Fall is literally the best excuse to do anything. Drinking a 600 calorie pumpkin flavored coffee? Uh, it’s fall. Who cares? Eating Halloween candy even though you’re twentysomething years old and have no business slamming down mini Twix bars? ‘Tis the season. Blacking out at an apple cider tasting during a Sunday afternoon? It’s autumn. That’s practically a basic human right. Fall is seriously the best thing to blame all of your terrible decision making on. Here are a bunch of beauty products you can blow your rent money on in the sake of the betchiest season.
1. Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment
Not to be dramatic, but I have personally witnessed this lip product perform like, three different miracles. First of all, I received this as a sample and actually liked it enough to use it and then buy the full size. Anyone who has ever received a sample knows that this is rare AF. The second miracle is that this is a tube of lip treatment that I’ve actually reached the bottom of. Normally, Chapsticks and glosses get lost in the train wreck that is my daily life, but this thing somehow always makes it home with me at the end of a night, even if my debit card, ID, and dignity weren’t as lucky. And lastly, this is a tinted lip product that doesn’t make your lips look super crusty and creepy. It comes in some v fall-ish colors and even has SPF protection, so it’s totally perf for those autumn days when you’re sweating your ass off trying to get an Instagram in an apple orchard even though chilly weather isn’t even here yet.
2. Bobbi Brown Hydrating Eye Cream
Perhaps the biggest difference between summer and fall is that it’s more difficult to discretely disguise a hangover in the chillier months. You can’t necessarily fly under the radar with sunglasses on at brunch when it’s cloudy and cold in November. It’s probably time to start using a night eye cream so you look less like you’re on the verge of death next time you go too hard at happy hour.
3. LUSH Sparkly Pumpkin Bubble Bar
If Cinderella was written in 2017, turning into a pumpkin at midnight would never be considered a bad thing, because that’s clearly what we’re all trying to achieve these days. If anything, she would have turned into like, gluten or something. Anyway, this bubble bar is a glittery-ass pumpkin, which is probably enough reason for half of you to want to buy 100 of them. It will make your skin sparkle and smell like cinnamon, and you’ll probably get a pretty decent, albeit basic, Boomerang out of it. Win, win, win.
4. Kylie Cosmetics Autumn Lip Kit
Would a list of basic fall beauty products be complete without one of Kylie’s seasonal lip kits? Is the Pope Jewish? Is tequila on an empty stomach going to lead to a night filled with fond memories you’ll someday share with your future grandchildren? The answer to all of these questions, of course, is abso-fucking-lutely not. If you’ve ever tried Kylie’s matte lip kits, there’s a pretty solid chance you’ve ended up looking like you have dried food on your face, but that’s not the point. At most, they’re good for one selfie before the lipstick starts cracking and exposing the true shape of your lips. But like, this one comes in a cool new box, soo…
5. AG Hair Remedy Spray
Remember when you spent the entire summer drunk at the beach, not giving a shit that your hair was dripping salt water because you’re one of those people who thinks you’re “secretly a mermaid”? Well, sorry to ruin your life, but plot spoiler: you’re a human and all that sand, sun, and saltwater made your hair dry as shit. Fall is the season to apologize to your hair for the crap you put it through all summer long. This spray uses apple cider vinegar (which is fall AF) to restore your hair’s strength. Now, whoever you’re forcing to play with your hair through cuffing season won’t have to deal with your gross, tangled ends. You’re welcome.
Say goodbye to bare eyelids, pale pink lips, and tirelessly trying to perfect the bare minimum I-just-woke-up-like-this look. It’s almost fall, which means it’s time to start darkening our beauty routine, just like we do for our wardrobe. Now, the true me will emerge from hibernation this summer so I can wear my lack of heart on my sleeve again. Although it’s still a learning process for many, we’re prepared to hide our hangover lack of sleep with a good ol’ smokey eye. We’ve already got our first fall manicure picked out, so now it’s time for our guilty pleasure: lipstick. We all get weak in the knees for a lipstick that’s yet another nude you’ll insist is different (it’s not), or a really intense vampy red. The darker, the better—fucking duh. Even if you’re the type to settle with your fucked up coffee order rather than complain for the barista to make it again, it’s at least fun to pretend you’re intimidating af with the right shade of lipstick. Whether you’re a true lipstick guru or recently turned Kylie fanatic, you’ve come to the right place for the best lipstick shades to get you psyched for next season.
1. MAC Lipstick Matte in Diva
Cherry red lips are always a basic look for fall since we’re turning away from true reds and looking for something deeper in color. MAC’s best-selling lipsticks are v creamy, highly pigmented, and dry matte. The wine lip goes hand-in-hand with dark eyeshadow for that trending vampy look you’ll soon be seeing everywhere. Why this Twilight thing is a fad next season, I couldn’t fucking tell you.
2. Charlotte Tilbury K.I.S.S.I.N.G Lipstick in Nude Kate
A classy elegant nude never goes out of style which is why I’ve saved my nude pics from back when I was skinny in college and with all the dull colors you’ll be dressing head to toe in, you’ll need a simple nude to go with them. This shade is the most ideal and won’t wash you out or make your lips look pasty or diseased. Like, summer is just finishing, we need to make some of your racial ambiguity lasts, damn it. The modern collection is full of pinks and reds made for every skin tone. Each lipstick protects against cancer-causing rays, leaves them hella moisturized, and contains brightening pigments so both you and your lips stay looking ~lit~ all night long.
3. Smashbox Be Legendary Lipstick in Femme Fatale Matte
NGL, any dark lip color makes me think you’re channeling my spirit animal an inner homicidal Wednesday Addams, but in girl world, the fighting has to be sneaky this silky-smooth plum shade is considered a v trendy twist. Bruised/borderline hypothermia-looking lips look cool as temps begin to drop because like, fashion, and the color def pops in all your Instas. If you’re too hungover to do any other makeup, just swipe on a bold lip and no one will ever question it. It’s literally the best last-minute accessory.
4. Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Interrogate
Since pale pink is already sooo last season, swap the basic betch shade for a slightly darker replacement like a peachy rose. It’s not too pink or too light, so go for a shade that’s more on the orangey side for a luscious combo that looks something like peach and rosé. Yeah, I’m also going to need that in a bottle like, pronto. When your lipstick matches the color of your drink, you know it’s going to be a good fucking night.
5. Anastasia Beverly Hills Matte Lipstick in Cool Brown
Finding a brown for every skin tone can be tricky because we’re not trying to walk around with something that resembles shit on our lips, so be sure to go for one that’s on the warm beige-y side like this warm tan shade… even though it’s called Cold Brown. IDK, I don’t make the rules here. The color cools down your look for an effortlessly chic style that doesn’t have a totally nude lip but gives a subtle enough pop where you’re not getting stared at on the street. This lipstick literally has the most smooth application ever, so it’s def non-drying and is guaranteed to stay on for multiple rounds of shots.
6. NARS Lipstick in Heat Wave
Fall is all about going darker (fucking obviously if you haven’t caught on by now) so if you can’t let go of a bright red, at least don’t go for the firetruck red. Try not to be basic for like, two seconds and find a color that’s more on the orange-red side. The orange pigment will really warm up the rest of your face, regardless of skin tone. Pair with a deep pink blush to make yourself look so much tanner, even if your equivalent of spending time in the sun this summer was walking to work. This lipstick is only semi-matte so if mummy lips aren’t your thing, no stress. It still glides on super soft and leaves a sheer finish for a duckface-worthy Snapchat to your Bumble boy. Priorities.
