As much as we like looking bronzed, it’s 2018 and it’s about time we stop roasting in a tanning bed. Like, skin cancer is so not cool and neither is looking like
Selena Gomez at the Met Gala an Oompa Loompa. With summer approaching in a little over a month (praise fucking be), we should probs start thinking about how tf we’re going to live our very best lives as tan goddesses without depending on the sun. Some of us have like, lame-ass jobs and shit, and can’t afford to go to the beach seven days a week. In case you forgot, self-tanners do exist, and not all of them have to make you look like a streaky orange. Here are five amazing self-tanners to use this summer instead of baby oil at the pool.
1. JERGENS Natural Glow Wet Skin Moisturizer
This is like, the best thing to exist since canned rosé. Perfect for those mornings when you’re rushing out the door, use this lotion replacement to give yourself a realistic bronze glow after a quick shower. Don’t rinse off—instead, pat dry before throwing some clothes on. The color of this self-tanner actually stays on your skin (like it’s fucking supposed to) and still makes you look radiant af.
2. James Read Wash Off Tan For Body
First of all, this entire brand is founded and created by a literal tanning god. IDK who he is, tbh, but James Read apparently is like, the inventor of self-tanning, which is way better than fucking toaster strudels. The quick and easy wash-off (literal) glow-up provides a subtle tan just hours after using without transfer of any color, and can also be used gradually to get an even deeper tan. Basically, it’s everything you need before an anticipated night out to look good in your instagrams.
3. TAN-LUXE The Butter Illuminating Tanning Butter
This self-tanner is streakless, gradually drying, skin-tightening, and smells like the inside of Victoria’s Secret. I mean, what more is there to want?
4. Vita Liberata Body Blur Instant HD Finish
Imagine your favorite Snapchat filter that always makes you look like a 11/10 combined with your favorite Insta filter that always make you look about two shades deeper, all inside a bottle. Dreams do come true, betch. The BB cream-like formula smooths out any skin imperfections while also making you look like you just got back from Turks and Caicos. Use on both your face and body, and feel free to use as your next go-to foundation.
5. Tan Towel Self-Tan Towelette Full Body Application For Face And Body
Self-tanning for dummies = towelettes. Rub these all over for an even glow that looks convincingly natural and not at all streaky or orange. After just a few hours, check yourself out in the nearest reflective surface, and you’ll see a glow that looks better than one you could’ve gotten at the beach.
Photo: Ulta (2); Net-a-porter (1); Sephora (2)
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As we head into depression fall, our summer tans we worked so hard on will fade faster than you can say, “PSL.” The idea of a tanning salon sounds great and all, but IDK about you. Absorbing a massive amount of UV radiation into my skin doesn’t sound fabulous after all. And like, did I mention the cost? You have to at least be willing to give up a weekend of ringing up a bar tab in order to afford decent tanning so you don’t look like a cast member of Jersey Shore. Well, it’s a good thing we live in a society where looking racially ambiguous at all times is encouraged (unless you actually are racially ambiguous, in which case you’re SOL). Otherwise, we wouldn’t have a cheaper tanning alternative, bronzer, to rely on for a golden glow. So honestly there’s no reason why you can’t be tan 24/7 in temperatures below 70 degrees. With summer being another nine months away (kill me plz), here are the best bronzers to cover up pasty pale skin since all you’ll do this season is Netflix & thot chill.
1. BECCA Sunlit Bronzer
With five different shades designed for every skin tone, this bronzer will give you the perfect sun-kissed tan without looking like Trump. The powder-based bronzer has a super creamy texture with a shimmery finish so you can apply and blend in easily. That way, your contour won’t look as though you just smeared brown lines across your face and you can stay looking ~lit~ all night long.
2. Marc Jacobs Beauty O!mega Perfect Tan Bronzer
This is like, magic of a bronzer if I’ve seen it. The silky powder immediately sinks into your brush’s bristles for the most seamless application you can imagine. Like, honestly, this is the only bronzer I’d drop more than $35 on, and that’s saying a lot. The matte finish won’t make you look like a walking disco ball and even allows you to apply it for all-over body bronzing. Fucking bless.
3. Guerlain Terracotta Original Bronzing Powder
Have you ever wished you could be tan without using a source of heat? Um, same and so does probs every other normal person, which is why Guerlain created the closest thing to it. This bronzer apparently leaves varying shades of “sun” to make your sunless tan look as realistic as possible. The moisturizing ingredients won’t dry your skin out and they enhance your skin’s natural shine without making it look greasy. Also, this makes you smell like your annual Aruba vacation, so what’s not to like?
4. Laura Mercier Matte Radiance Baked Powder
This godsend of a baked bronzer is for those of you who want something that’s weightless and sheer enough to make you forget it’s even on your face. There’s a wide range of shades created exactly for your skin tone so you truly (and finally) can pull off the “I just rolled out of bed and literally put this on to say I tried” look. Haven’t heard of it? It’s like, slang from England I’m going to make happen. It has bomb buildable coverage so you can reapply as you desire.
5. Bare Minerals A Little Sun Face Color
If you could wear a single makeup product everyday for the rest of your life, it would def be this—no questions about it. It’s a non-comedogenic bronzer, so it won’t clog your pores and cause breakouts if you “accidentally” fall asleep with it on. And that’s not even the best part. It also has rosy pink hues to provide a natural-looking flush and brighten the palest of skin tones so you no longer look like a vampire.