The one person who can out rant President Trump just graced us all with his return to Twitter. Kanye West is back and things are the same, but v different. Sometime during his one year hiatus from Twitter, Ye’s political ideology seemed to veer a bit to the right, and by a bit I mean he’s fallen off the deep end. No one should be shocked that these two have a little bromance going though, because they are actually the same, we just don’t know why it took us so long to all realize. Here are the reasons these two fuckboys are one in the same.

1. Twitter Rampages

I thought this weekend when my Twitter feed was going off it would be Trump offending me in numerous ways… thank Yeezus it was just Kanye rejoining social media. Honestly I got lost like, a tweet in and was like “Woah, we are about to get a year’s worth of Kanye’s thoughts in a couple hours and idk if the world can handle that.” But then Kanye decided to make Twitter great again and publicly change his status to #ImWithHim.

2. Way Hotter Wives

Both men have somehow snagged two beautiful wives, like way out of their leagues beautiful. And tbh they both kind of use their wives to further their agenda. Melania got roped into being the First Lady when she thought she was just agreeing to live in NY and never worry about money again. Kim, on the other hand, has no need for a sugar daddy, but her celeb status def helps Kanye. He also has the entire Kardashian fam repping his fashion line, therefore making it instantly popular.

3. Tweets About Fake News

there's been a lot of fake news so I just wanted to give you the facts. Yeezy will become the biggest apparel company in human history by working with the most genius level talents and creating product at an affordable price. I hired the head of supply chain from the Gap.

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

*Not Pictured: The hundreds of Trump tweets about fake news, because real news is fake and fake news is… also fake?? Wait what?

4. The Hair

If a little patch of poorly dyed blond-ish hair is part of Yeezy Season 7, I’m going to have to cite creative differences and explore other fashion options.

5. Fired Lawyers

yes I got rid of my last lawyer why? Because he wouldn't come to work full time. I also asked my last manager to come work full time for Yeezy of course the last lawyer and manager said no. So now I hired a CEO and a CFO and i have two full time lawyers as of now.

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

AND

Many lawyers and top law firms want to represent me in the Russia case…don’t believe the Fake News narrative that it is hard to find a lawyer who wants to take this on. Fame & fortune will NEVER be turned down by a lawyer, though some are conflicted. Problem is that a new……

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 25, 2018

….lawyer or law firm will take months to get up to speed (if for no other reason than they can bill more), which is unfair to our great country – and I am very happy with my existing team. Besides, there was NO COLLUSION with Russia, except by Crooked Hillary and the Dems!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 25, 2018

6. Taking Pics with Hillary

EXHIBIT Ye:

EXHIBIT B:

Pictures are worth a thousand words… but “I’m with her” are not included in the above 2000 words.

7. Running for President in 2020

In an onstage rant back in 2016 said he was planning to run for president in 2020 and Trump said he’d love to run against West. I would truly love to see both Kim and Melania killing it on the campaign trail. However, the world is def not ready for Kanye to be president.

8. Filing Bankruptcy

These dudes weren’t always so rich. Both have made some not great business moves and had to file for bankruptcy. On the note of personal finances… both have been very shady about the amount they actually earn, while always finding time to remind everyone that they have a lot of money. Like a lot, a lot, a lot.

9. Very Stable Geniuses

Need I say more? Also, not saying more because Kim already called everyone TF out for talking about Kanye’s stability and everyone knows Kardashians always win a Twitter war.

10. Dragon Energy

Who knows WTF Kanye meant by this, but Daenerys Targaryen is the only one who has actual dragon power, energy, and…dragons. Last I checked she also isn’t real, just like whatever energy Kanye is claiming to share with his bro Don.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

File this one under: devastating self-owns. This week, during a segment made to talk about the media and “fake news” (sidebar: when can we retire the term “fake news”? Can it be now? Can it be yesterday?) our trusted friends at Fox accidentally showed a graphic live on air that made it seem like Fox News is the least trusted network in news. Wonder what they could have possibly done to earn that distinction.

Lol. This is like posting an Insta pic where your friend looks good and you look bad – a horrible error, to be sure. Once “Media Buzz” host Howard Kurtz realized what the graphic said he ordered it taken down, claiming that the graphic was actually supposed to be used at a later part of the show. You know, the part where the show is over and your TV is off. According to Kurtz, what he meant to show was a Monmouth University poll about whether the media regularly or occasionally posts fake news. Oops! Again, this is like going on Insta to post a cute selfie and then accidentally posting the toe fungus pic you sent to your doctor instead.

(We all send toe fungus pics to our doctors, right?)

Kurtz is now doing what Fox News hosts do best and slamming the media on what he says is “incorrect” reporting on the above graphic. According to him, the graphic is meant to show what percentage of people trust the each network compared to President Trump, and not to each other. Monmouth found that 30% of people trust Fox more than they trust President Trump, 20% say they trust the president more than Fox, and 37% say they trust both equally. Even still, putting up the poll with no context was what we in the media biz call “a bad look.”

The bad news: I heard this on Fox News so like, can you even trust it?

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

If you haven’t logged onto Facebook in the past day you’ve missed a really really important post. No, not from your #2A loving uncle or grandma who is sharing radical Precious Memories figurine memes, but from the man behind the curtain: Zuckerberg. In what looked like an email I’d immediately delete if it were coming from an ex, Zuck apologized for his mishandling of the Cambridge Analytica situation. And by apologized, we mean “released a statement that does not include the word ‘sorry’ once.”

Don’t know what the Cambridge Analytica situation is? Well, don’t worry because it knows alllll about you. Basically, a dude named Alex Kogan created a Facebook app called “thisisyourdigitallife” that 270,000 aunts and high school classmates downloaded. In the fine print they agreed to let the app get all up in their biz and know intimate details about them like their private messages and what terrible bands they like.  Where it gets shady is that they also agreed to let the app access information about all of their friends, even if those friends didn’t have the app. So those 270,000 people who were tempted to download an app called “thisisyourdigitallife” ruined, like many old high school classmates typically do, your life, too.

This app now had the intimate info of almost 5 million users and breached Facebook law (which includes commenting on a post without liking) by selling all this data to a third party, Cambridge Analytica.  Cambridge Analytica then used the data the collected to create extremely targeted personal ads, with the hope of swaying people’s political opinions. TBH, Cambridge Analytica is like an evil corporation in a Bond film and long story short used that data to put Trump in the White House.

So now we get to Zuck’s “apology”, which, like most Facebook posts, is 10,000 words too long and barely says anything. In his 10x too long post, Zuck barely acknowledges Facebook’s role, while also reminding us how hard it is to run a website. First of all, I know how hard it is to run a website. I had a hugely popular Xanga at one point in my life. Second of all, there’s no mention in his note that is like, “we’re sorry the world has to suffer through a man who thinks teachers should have guns to shoot bad students because we couldn’t keep good enough check on personality quizzes that were mining your opinions on abortions.”

At one point, Facebook did approach Kogan and be like, uhm we saw that you secretly looped Cambridge Analytica into all this info, like some sort of bitchy three way call scenario, and that is illegal, make sure they delete all the data. And Cambridge Analytica was like “we deleted the data, we swear!” But never trust a shady ho! They did not, I repeat, did not delete the data! Like your friend who is continually cheated on by the same guy, aound fifteen paragraphs into Zuckerberg’s fake apology he’s like, “can you believe they lied to me?” Like, yes of course we believe it, these people are associated with Kellyanne Conway. Her blood is just liquid lies!

Ultimately, Zuckerberg admits he is responsible for what happens on Facebook and takes full responsibility, which is nice. But if that is the case then he is fully responsible for how few likes my recent profile picture received because that is a scandal all in itself. Figure out this whole robbing the election mess and I’d love to talk to him about that once he’s done.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

After news broke of Facebook low-key giving data on over 50 million users to Cambridge Analytica, a firm that was casually used by the Trump campaign in 2016, we at the Betches Sup couldn’t help but think, “why are we fucking with Facebook in the first place?” Like, do I really need to be connected with every person from my high school, my college ex, and every cousin I barely talk to that badly?

And let’s not forget all the fake news that was spread on Facebook during the election, and following the events in Parkland, where articles claiming the student victims were actually paid political protesters ran rampant. TBH, much like your ex, Facebook has been getting away with shady behavior for way too long, and it’s time we did something about it.

That’s why Betches Sup is proud to announce our #BlackOutWithUs campaign, where we’ll be standing in protest of Facebook’s abusive policies, as well as supporting the students of Parkland, by turning our Facebook black for one day.

Omg How Can I Participate?

It’s literally so easy. All you have to do is log in to Facebook on 4/20/18 (the day of the next national school walkout), change your Facebook profile picture to a black box, and then log the f out and live your life. (It’s also 4/20 so like…you know what we mean when we say “live your life”.)

Here are some images you can use. Because who has time to be creative?

WTF Will This Do To Help?

Well I mean, it’s a symbolic gesture. The point is to show Facebook that if they’re going to feed us fake news and shadily pass our data off without our consent, then they’re not going to get our clicks anymore. No more clicks, no more Facebook. It’s as simple as that. Will this fix Facebook’s problem in one day? Nah, but we want to show them that we’re watching their shady asses, and toootally could leave if we wanted.

What About 4/21?

The Betches Sup will no longer post on our Facebook page after the black out. But like, you do you.

So join us 4/20/18 to let Facebook know we’re over their shady nonsense, and stay tuned here and in The Betches Sup newsletter for more info on how you can participate.

And yes, we do know that Instagram is owned by Facebook.

#BlackOutWithUs

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Talking shit about people’s fashion choices is a bold move that is typically only politically correct during awards seasons and Bachelor rose ceremonies. But since the term “politically correct” has literally lost all meaning and we’re still petty betches who will call out an ugly effing skirt when we see one, it is mandatory that we discuss the latest piece of batshit ridiculous couture released by Topshop.

According to Topshop’s website, their latest “trending product” is this pair of jeans with a red strip down the seam declaring FAKE NEWS in all caps. The pants cost a whopping $90, which is a crime against humanity and more than I currently have in my bank account (help me, I’m poor).

Are we for real, Topshop? I’d say you’re better than this – you do make a killer bodysuit – but you also allegedly refused to let a trans person use your fitting rooms and you actively sell shit like this, so consider my faith in you officially gone, girl. 

These jeans are a fashion statement that scream: “I share those Russian sponsored anti-Hillary Facebook memes and loudly argue about how I’m right for not vaccinating my future child.” They’re a straight leg cut with a frayed hem, because even when you’re openly admitting you get all of your information from Fox News and a lunatic who won’t read important memos if they don’t mention his name, it’s still important to stay ~trendy~.

I have no idea what sane human woman would voluntarily put these jeans on their body, yet according to the Topshop website they are “selling fast.” I can only hope an army of topless witchy feminists are planning on buying out the entire stock and starting a ritual bonfire in the Chappaqua woods to summon the spirit of the Almighty Pantsuit.

Or maybe the White House seamstresses are working overtime to deconstruct multiple pairs and stitch them together into a 3XL with an elastic waistband to fit the hips of America’s mushiest-bodied leader for his upcoming “Fake News Awards.” Can we revive Fashion Police just for that day? A hologram of the late queen Joan Rivers roasting the shit out of her former boss is all I ask to start this year off right. Okay, I am officially in on this theory.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!