The more reality TV I watch, the more I notice one, highly specific effect: I become obsessed with the relative lushness of my eyelashes. It doesn’t matter that reality stars openly discuss their extensions, falsies, or long-standing relationships with Latisse. Every time I see a new VPR cast member upload a selfie, then take a quick peek in my own front-facing mirror, I’m left disappointed. SO, I did what any self-obsessed part-time beauty blogger sane person would: sent some emails, booked some appointments, and tested out each lash treatment du jour for myself. In the past year, I’ve tried out lash extensions, lash tints, and lash lifts—here’s what I found out.
Lash Treatment #1: Lash Extensions
Lash extensions were the first treatment I wanted to try, mostly because I didn’t really know lash lifts and tints existed until a few months ago. I’ve gotten lash extensions three or four times now, and the best advice I can give is that the quality really, really varies by location—so do your f*cking research.
Pros: If you’re going to be on camera, or you just really live for a dramatic lash, then extensions are the way to go. If you’re the kind of person who wants to pretend their lashes are totally natural and not have anyone be able to tell: this treatment is not for you. It makes sense that this treatment has the most pronounced effect, since it’s the only one that actually gives you more lashes than you were born with, in addition to making them darker, longer, and thicker.
Cons: First of all, they’re expensive. Not to burst anyone’s bubble, but if you’re paying under $100 for a service, then the service they’re performing is likely very questionable. I also find the process fairly unpleasant, given that it’s up to two hours of someone repeatedly, if softly, jabbing your eyelid. I’ve also had some stinging reactions from the glue they use, but whatever, beauty is pain. The other downside I’d note is that my real lashes do seem distinctly droopier for a few weeks after the extensions come off. It could just be in comparison to how lush the extensions seemed, or it could be that my lashes are not quite as load-bearing as I hoped. Either way—once I started getting extensions, not having them seemed like a real bummer. And financially, constantly having them just isn’t an option.
Please enjoy this heavily filtered picture of me 3 hours post-extension treatment:
Lash Treatment #2: Lash Tint
For those of you who don’t know, a lash tint involves, well, tinting your lashes. Ideally to a darker shade, but I guess you could get weird with it if you wanted. I visited the Benefit Brow Bar back in February for a lash and brow tint, since I was in LA at the time and feeling intimidated by all the women marching out of hot yoga without mascara streaming down their cheeks. I’ll just discuss the lash aspect below, but I’d like to mention here that I also LOVED the brow tint—I usually stuck to a brow pencil that was similar to my natural shade, but I loved the added drama of going darker.
Pros: This is by far the most affordable service: at Benefit, it’s only $21. The process is also very easy and painless—you’re in and out in under 20 minutes. And it definitely works: I had jet-black lashes for the next 3-4 weeks.
Cons: Honestly, it just wasn’t a dramatic enough change for me to want to do it again. (Unlike the brow tint). I can see where this service would be useful if you have super-light lashes (looking at you, my blond and ginger friends), and color would give your eyes more of a pop. But unless your lashes are also naturally as curly and thick as you want them to be, I don’t know that it’ll fully replace your mascara routine. It also only lasts 3-4 weeks—as opposed to extensions and lifts, both of which should last at least 6 weeks.
I couldn’t find a picture of me post-lash tint that looks like anything, so here’s a video of Benefit’s tinted lash primer instead:
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Get ready to watch your lashes transform right before your eyes! They’re real! tinted lash primer is a mink brown shade so you can wear it alone during the daytime for a naturally lush lash look & layer they’re real! mascara on top at night for a bolder look! In stores 12/26! #reallashprimer
Lash Treatment #3: Lash Lift
Okay, admittedly the service I got at Lash Loft is both a lift and a tint—so I can’t really speak to what it would look like if my lashes were only “lifted.” Lash Loft uses a Keratin-based treatment that “turns lashes upwards” as well as tinting. They also offer a service called a “lash perm,” which adds curl but not color, and which is slightly cheaper so I’m considering trying it next time. Anyway!
Pros: This was my favorite treatment of the three. The application time was shorter than extensions (under 90 minutes), the look is more natural, and I don’t constantly have stray extensions shedding down my face two weeks after getting the treatment. Where extensions felt like a necessary evil for my natural lashes, this treatment actually feels like it’s helping them—the lashes on my face are 100% my own, but they’ve never looked thicker, or framed my eyes so nicely. Simply put, I’m in love.
Cons: Also expensive! It costs $160 for the full lash lift treatment at Lash Loft, and $100 for a lash perm. Like extensions, they’re meant to last 6-8 weeks (I’m in week 3, and will keep you posted), but my lash budget is just not that high. Also, if you’re getting these specifically for a photo op, you’ll want to add mascara on top—it’s not quite the dramatic pop of extensions.
My newly lifted lashes; ignore how dead I look in the eyes:
All in all—and depending on what your natural lashes look like—extensions are likely the only method that will replace mascara for you completely. But if you’re comfortable with a natural look, my personal preference for a no-makeup morning is the lash lift. So until my reality career is in full swing, I’ll be sticking with lifts—and the occasional swipe of my favorite volumizing mascara.
Fans of Gossip Girl and/or The Bling Ring, you are in luck. Over the past few months, the story of the first big “scammin’ for the ‘Gram” con artist has come out, and it is wild. I’m already excited for the movie. Here’s the story. On the surface, Anna Delvey (born Sorokin, age 27) is basically everyone you follow on Instagram. She was rich, she always dressed in designer clothes, and she frequented restaurants whose entrées cost more than your rent. She also happened to be a massive fucking fraud (allegedly), and is currently in jail on charges of alleged grand larceny and theft of services. So, how did this complete rando casually adopt the lifestyle of a Kardashian? (No, this is not a how-to guide. Note the part where she’s in jail.) Let’s take a look. The Cut did an amazing job reporting on it, and you should definitely read the complete story, but if you don’t have time to read it all right now but don’t want to sound stupid at happy hour when literally everyone is talking about it, here’s our shorter breakdown for you to read first.
What Did Anna Delvey Do?
What’s sad/brilliant is how fucking easy it all sounds. Anna shows up with her “ambiguously accented” English, giant Céline sunnies, and a seemingly endless supply of cash. Naturally, people fall all over themselves to befriend this assumed trust fund baby. They spend a few months enjoying extravagant gifts, dinners, and weekend getaways—until Anna’s credit card “stops working,” and someone needs to cover the bill.
In total, Anna allegedly scammed an estimated $275,000, including at least $50,000 in unpaid NYC hotel fees alone. Am I appalled for the individuals Delvey ripped off? Absolutely. Am I the tiniest bit impressed at her innate gift for spending money like a billionaire? Um, yeah. The list of Delvey’s purchases—not including the thousands on airfare, hotels, and decadent vacations—covers a $3,500 private jet rental, multiple Tesla rentals, $4,500 personal training sessions, Gucci sandals, Alexander Wang leggings, Supreme hoodies, $800 highlights, $400 eyelash extensions, cryotherapy, multiple iPhones, and a case of 1975 Dom Perignon. Wait, is this my Pinterest page or someone’s rap sheet? V confusing.
Actual footage of Delvey walking through her hotel lobby:
So, Who TF Was This Girl?
As for the origin story of Anna Delvey, we know she grew up in Russia, went to school in Germany/London, and then got an internship in Paris at Purple magazine. As I assume happens to most people who intern at fashion magazines in Paris, this is where Anna took a turn into becoming a horrible person. The next few years of her life are hazy, but basically she emerges into New York’s social scene. By 2013, she was a Fashion Week regular, attended “all the best parties,” hosted celebrity dinners with random guests like Macaulay Culkin and Martin Shkreli, and was, as one acquaintance put it, part of “the 200 or so people you see everywhere.” Delvey was reportedly not, as you might expect, “superhot…or super-charming; she wasn’t even very nice.” All that mattered was that she was in the right places, wearing the right clothes, and appearing to spend the right amount of money.
Why Did No One Stop Her?
The big question, obviously, is how she kept the alleged scam up so long. At the rate she was burning money, the fact that she didn’t have the capital to back it up definitely should have come up sooner. And the reason it didn’t is definitely not because she had an airtight story or was particularly good at lying. To begin with, this girl was claiming to be a German heiress without really speaking German. As this Independent article points out (a little too gleefully IMO—we get it, Americans are dumb), “a quick quiz in German could have cleared it all up very speedily.” But honestly, no one who was around Delvey had any interest in finding out if her story was fake—people just wanted her to keep buying shit, trusting that the payment would eventually come through.
As for how she covered it when payment didn’t come through—which was often—Delvey allegedly claimed unsuccessful wire transfers from a (nonexistent) trust fund in Germany. She also reportedly fabricated a financial adviser named Peter W. Hennecke who corresponded on her behalf when she attempted to get a loan of $25 to $35 million from various banks. The phone number associated with Hennecke was found to be a burner from a supermarket, his email was an AOL account, and when people started asking questions, Delvey literally pretended Hennecke had died. I cannot make this up. Ultimately, her debts caught up to her, and she was arrested outside rehab facility Passages in Malibu. How very Lohan of her.
What’s She Doing Now?
As mentioned, Delvey is currently in jail, a turn of events she’s taken surprisingly well. “People seem to think it’s horrible,” Delvey says about literal prison, “but I see it as like, this sociological experiment.” Many quotes from Delvey’s time in jail give me pause, like when she marvels over her cellmates’ accounts of identity theft (“I didn’t realize it was so easy”), and the tidbit that “the murderers were the most interesting to her.”
Essentially, this girl is troubled—a fact equally on display in her still-existing Instagram account, which features terrible selfies interspersed with pictures of literally blank white space. Also, most of the comments on these pictures are from clearly fake accounts, with 5-10 posting the same comment verbatim within minutes. This is not the Instagram account of someone who is okay.
If there’s a lesson to learn here, it’s that owning designer athleisure and keeping a stack of $100 bills handy is a great way to convince people you have a trust fund. Seriously though, it’s an extreme example of how the Instagram existence we crave is more often than not an illusion, specifically designed to blind people with displays of money while obscuring the reality underneath. Maybe if we were less desperate to make our lives LOOK wealthy and fabulous, we wouldn’t be so eager to believe someone like Delvey, who displayed more than a few red flags. And maybe we could stop breeding criminals whose primary goal is to spend more money on bottle service and sweatpants from Supreme. Just a thought.
Images: Giphy (5)
For the past few years weeks, I’ve been getting increasingly restless. (I’d call it spring fever but given the weather, that seems cruel.) Specifically, “restless” meaning I want to replace my entire wardrobe, dye my hair, and suddenly burst out of a winter cocoon into Spring Self 2.0. And since eyelash extensions have been slowly creeping into the mainstream, this naturally means I’ll need a set of those. To be clear, this is not suddenly an “expected” thing. I only have one other friend who’s ever gotten them, and many more who have never even heard of it. But since I’m kind of obsessed with myself anthropologically curious about the beauty industry, I couldn’t resist the idea of having Bachelor contestant lashes for six whole weeks,* no makeup required. Here are my thoughts on eyelash extensions: the good, the bad, the money etc.
*Duration absolutely varies. More below.
First of all, if you live somewhere hot and/or water-adjacent, I cannot recommend eyelash extensions enough. I mostly got them while living in LA, because I was physically incapable of not sweating off my makeup. When done well (more on this later), eyelash extensions are nothing short of magical. The lashes are thick enough that they add definition to your eyes, creating the illusion of effort and/or being awake. But, they’re not so thick that it looks like you forgot to take off your falsies from the night before.
Overall, they slightly enhance your face like a good haircut—people notice you look better, but they won’t immediately zero in on why. And when you do go full makeup on top, it finally looks like the Instagram you’re using for inspiration. (You know why? Because they ALL HAVE EXTENSIONS. THEY HAVE TO.) If you’re using a reputable place where you know you’ll be happy with results, I absolutely recommend the summer splurge.
Unfortunately, all services are not created equal. Last time I got extensions, I was living in DC (mistake #1) and suddenly decided I had to have eyelash extensions within 12 hours (mistake #2). This led to me paying someone $45 via Venmo, walking up three flights of stairs, and then submitting to three hours of torture, after which my eyes burned until 2am. My eyelashes have still not fully recovered, and the lashes were clumped onto my eyelids in a way that made me look half-asleep/stoned at work for the next month. So, don’t make my mistake. Only go to a place that’s been vetted (preferably by someone you know), do not pay under $80 for a full set, and if you feel something burning your eyes during the treatment, SPEAK UP.
Footage of me post-treatment:
Like I said above, I really don’t think you can get a good set of extensions for under $80. Be prepared to shell out $100-120 if you want it done well. The thing about cheap extensions is that they don’t just look bad, they can seriously damage your lashes if you try to remove them yourself. (And you will definitely try to remove them yourself.) Then there’s the question of how long they last. Most lash places will tell you up to 6 weeks with proper care, and recommend a touch-up after three weeks. They will also tell you that “proper care” is basically living in a dry windowless room for six weeks, so you definitely will fuck up some of those rules.
All in all, I’ve found that 3-4 weeks is a safe bet for the full effect. But by the end of week four, you’ll be missing lashes in certain patches and in order not to look weird, you’ll probably want to go in for that touch-up. Touch-ups are usually about half of whatever the original set cost you. So no, I can’t really justify spending roughly $150 every six weeks to keep these year-round. (I wish I could, but that’s $1,200 a year. So no.) But I’ll go for it for summer vacations/when my paycheck hits special occasions.
Me, before and after payday:
Choosing Your Style
When it comes to lash type, style, and length, you’ll want to choose carefully. Do a little research beforehand and figure out your eye shape (some places will group styles by shape). Anything that calls itself “diva,” “dramatic,” etc. is going to be obvious AF, and look more like a party style. My favorite type of lash is faux mink—anything overly synthetic will look like one-night falsies. And the longest I’ve ever gotten is 13 mm, but make sure your technician measures your natural lash length and gives you a sense of how much longer you’ll be going. You obviously want it to be noticeable, but unless you regularly go full-glam, dramatic lashes will be way too intense for everyday.
(This is mostly an unrelated GIF but was anyone else traumatized by this as a kid??)
Overall, the idea of eyelash extensions appealed to me for the same reason laser hair removal did. It seemed like an at least semi-permanent solution to a daily (or at least bi-weekly) annoyance. While I’ve been pleased with the quality of my eyelashes more than my laser results so far, I can’t say it offers comparable longevity. Then again, it’s also a fraction of the cost. Go book your appointments and then Instagram yourself looking down while sipping iced coffee for the next four weeks. Thank me later.
Images: Giphy (4); Wesley Quinn / Unsplash
Another season of The Bachelorette premiered last night, and I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Rachel left those fugly-ass mustard colored shorts at home. Though I would bet my brunch reservations that we have not seen the last of those monstrosities. My guess is she brings those out right before hometown dates as a test to see which of the men will break their ABC contracts to avoid being seen with a grown woman wearing yellow cut-offs. Smart, Rachel. V smart.
I will say that Rachel looked flawless last night. Like, if my life were as put together as those barrel curls then I would not be anonymously roasting people on the internet rn. Sighs. I guess we all have our crosses to bear. But back to Rachel looking fine AF. She chose to go the traditional Bachelorette route with classic barrel curls, glossy lips, and a dress that shines brighter than Nick’s dancing career. Which is really a relief because Nick’s season of The Bachelor was ratchet AF and I was low-key nervous that Christen might have DM’d Rachel on Instagram trying to make cheetah patterned headbands happen.
Stop trying to make animal print happen, CHRISTEN. It’s never going to happen. Now please go back to the suburban mall you crawled out of.
Thank GOD Rachel wasn’t led astray by
Nick’s rejects trolling for more Instagram followers any members of her squad. And because I’m literally obsessed with her look from last night I’ve detailed all the ways to steal her look so you too can be courted by tickle monsters and psychos who only speak to people through a doll. Blessings.
Rachel’s hair was on point last night and it was all because she brought out the classic barrel curls, a staple among the Bachelor Nation community. Barrel curls is a look that screams “I’m ready for love” or, more accurately, “I’m ready to spend the next 3-5 years swapping STD’s with failed cast members of a network reality show.” *cough* NICK *cough* If that’s what you want your hair to say about you too, then you should definitely invest in Hot Tools 1″ Flipperless Gold Curling Wand. It’s great for faking salon style hair (though no one tell my stylist Susi this, I’m worried she might tell the powers that be to make me wait another 3 months to book an appointment at that godforsaken place) and it’s got a ton of temperature settings so you won’t sabotage your hair.
If there’s one thing Bachelor Nation has taught me, it’s that you will never get any screen time with your own eyelashes. Nope, not gonna happen. If you want to make 31 men
embarrass themselves on national television fall in love with you after 3.5 seconds of meeting you, then you’re gonna need eyelash extensions. It’s the only way. Getting eyelash extensions is a process and there’s tons of shit that goes into choosing the best ones for you personally, but if you’re feeling the need to treat yourself waste your paycheck then you should def waste it on One Two Cosmetics magnetic lash extensions. They’re relatively cheap as far as eyelash extensions go and SUPER easy to use. Like, easy enough that even The Twins could figure it out, so there’s really no excuse not to buy this shit.
Night one every Bachelorette tries to play it safe with their makeup lest they scare any potential suitors off with a bold lip. It’s boring and safe but Chad would have murdered Jordan Rodgers and his whole family night one had he seen Jordan walking around with red lipstick all over his face. Your go-to is going to be L’ORÉAL Paris Infallible Never Fail Lipgloss. It’s not super pricey and its staying power is longer than that grotesque kiss Bryan, 37, Chiropractor gave Rachel.
THANK GOD someone gave this girl a stylist, because I was super nervous Rachel would fuck up her dress choice if left to her own devices. For a smart girl with a law degree she sure knows how to pick the cheapest dress in a department store clearance section. Case in point:
Is it a romper? A dress? A tribal printed garbage bag to match her suitors’ personalities? It’s really hard to tell. That being said, she chose a gorgeous—albeit basic—sparkly floor length gown that did not, shockingly, show off her cleavage but did show off the fact that she is classy AF. And because we don’t all have giant-ass mansions to test 31 men’s affection in, I’ve chosen a more casual version for you to use for your own purposes. This ASOS ‘90s inspired cami dress is perfect for a fancier date night or a Saturday DTF night, depending on what you’re into. Either way you’re going to look and feel like you’re better than everyone else and that’s really all you should strive for in an outfit.
And there you have it. You’re now ready for your own season of The Bachelorette, unless you don’t have enough of an Instagram following or you have more of a personality than a lightly salted cracker, in which case you’re just ready for Bumble. Similar to The Bachelorette, but with less dates that end in contractually obligated engagements and more dates ending in “would you like to split the bill?” May the odds be ever in your favor, ladies.
Nick’s contract has finally run out with ABC The Bachelor is finally over we can all properly prepare ourselves for the shitshow of the summer aka Bachelor in Paradise. And when I think Bachelor in Paradise I think of eyelash extensions that could last through a nuclear fucking bomb. But, like, are eyelash extensions really for you? Or are they more for the desperate fame whores types who like to get wasted on a Mexican beaches? Hmmm it’s a tough call but let’s investigate this, shall we?
After a great deal of
wine research I’ve developed a list of pros and cons of eyelash extensions so you can figure out for yourself how desperate you want your Instagram photos to look. And I couldn’t think of a better person to tell this pro/con story then my favorite crying virgin, and the sole reason a bus boy restaurant manager with zero personality thinks he can be a reality television star, Ashley Iaconetti.
PRO: They’ll Make You Feel Fancy AF
Eyelash extensions are not for the cheap of heart and therefore will make you feel fancy AF. Good ones can cost upwards of $100. However, you can technically get ones for $10 the same way you can technically buy a pregnancy test at the dollar store. Both are shady and will probably fuck you over.
Not only do eyelash extensions make you look like
a Kardashian one of those super rich people from The Hunger Games, but the process itself is fancy AF. You get to lie down in a bed and close your eyes for an hour and a half while calming music plays in the background and a paid technician makes you look beautiful. It’s like taking a nap but instead of waking up with crusty contacts and drool on your face, you get look like a fucking queen. Blessings.
CON: They Will NOT Make The Boy You’re Crying Over Look Fancy AF
Even though you’ll l look like a goddamn goddess with your new eyelashes, it doesn’t change the fact that that the boy you’re crying over is wearing a muscle tee and has tiny, shifty eyes.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Really, Ashley? THIS GUY??
PRO: They Last Forever
If you actually take care of your lashes you can make these bad boys last, like, a month and a half. But most places recommend you come back every 2-3 weeks for a touch-up. Which, coincidentally, is also what I tell the woman at mwho works the front desk at my gym who’s constantly harassing me about fitness classes. See you in two weeks, Judy.
CON: You Have To Get Them Professionally Removed
Getting the extensions removed is actually super easy and relatively quick, but you do have to see a professional. Usually every salon will have this service available but at a cost. Technically, extensions do fall out with the natural shedding of your lashes, but it’s a much slower process and your lashes might start to look more ratchet than Lace’s hair extensions last summer.
PRO: You Can Customize Your Eyelashes
That’s right, your Seamless order and your Bumble profile settings aren’t the only things you can customize these days. First, you can choose the length of your lashes. Most salons carry extension lengths from 9 to 15mm (aka from natural to Kylie Jenner length). But if you want to look like a normal fucking human the sweet spot is 10-12. After you pick your length you get to pick your curl. A “J” curl is for a more natural, awake look, while a “C” curl is a more dramatic, “I spend more time on my eyelashes than NASA spends preparing someone to travel through space” look.
And, as if there weren’t enough choices here, you also get to choose the material of your lash. Usually your choices consist of: faux mink, faux fox, silk, real mink, and last but not least, real human hair (eek). Tbh there’s not much differences between these looks so opt for the faux mink since it’s v affordable and then you won’t have a Scheana moment:
Ya I know we deviated from our Ashley I/Bachelor in Paradise theme but it was for educational purposes, therefore, it was necessary.
CON: You Cannot Customize Your BiP Experience
Ashley, if you can’t work with a tropical locale, enough alcohol to kill make a grown man shit himself on national TV (hi, Chad), and a bartender who pours heavier drinks than my winter weight, then I do not know how to help you. Those are legitimately the circumstances in which I lost my virginity. And for god’s sake, enough with the fucking chokers. You’re not about to take a middle school group shot with your besties on the class trip to DC, you’re trying to
get laid find love on national television. Get it together, girl.
^Yes, well it’s the way your choker is making it go.
PRO: You Can Wear Makeup With Them
I know, I know, this sort of defeats the whole purpose of getting these things but we all have that one girl in our friend group who always has to do the fucking most so I thought I’d address it now before Cassandra gets uppity. You’re welcome, bitch. So here’s the deal: You can wear eye makeup but liquid-based eye products can be damaging to the extensions. But if you can’t fucking help yourself then you can get away with a tiny wing of liquid liner as long as you’re not dragging it along the lash line. Make sure to carefully remove the shadow or liner with oil-free makeup remover. And whatever you do, do NOT use mascara unless you want your extensions to look crusty and damaged AF.
CON: They Could Ruin Your Lashes
And your chances at true love. Kidding! Ashley doesn’t need to blame her extensions—she does that all on her own. Ah, God love her. Seriously though, don’t get cocky and try and pull the extensions out yourself because not only is it v painful but it could also leave you with few to no natural eyelashes left. Which would be funny if it happened to the try-hard in my friend group, but would be devastating and par for the fucking course if it happened to me.
These GIFs are making me realize how much I fucking hate Ashley I, but also how on point her eyelashes are. Sighs. If they can withstand that much crying, a Mexican vacation, and all of Jared’s bullshit then, like, sign me up. I’m sold.