Beauty hacks, beauty hacks. I used to love them, until I realized a lot of them are f*cking terrible. Who would have thought that your typical beauty influencer putting deodorant on her face as primer was all for VIEWS and not to help us out?! From making masks with products that we are supposed to digest to whipping up homemade creations and calling it skin care, not all beauty hacks/DIY are good for you! I’ll tell you hacks that are actually worth it another day, but today let me tell you the ones that AIN’T SH*T and are bad for you. Shall we?
1. Tape For Perfect Winged Eyeliner
So many people use this as a beauty hack, because everyone wants a perfect winged liner. This hack used to be the bomb. Sure, it works—but is it good for you? I can’t tell you how many times tape has made my eyes water or smudged my work. On that note, have you ever irritated your eyes because how sharp that f*cking tape is? We put it so close to our eyes!
I also know as humans, we all do our makeup routine differently: I do my face makeup first and the move onto my eyes, but I have seen people do the complete opposite. If you do your eyes first, this might not be an issue, but for me honey, THE TAPE PULLS MY FOUNDATION OFF. Do you know long it takes to become a bad bitch just for this dumb-ass hack to rip it off??
Instead, I figured out that using a business card or an old gift card can give me the same sharp look, without ruining my makeup and making my eyes water. You won’t get my masterpiece snatched away from me! Also, using all that tape is such a waste!
2. Heating Up Your Eyelash Curler With A Blowdryer
We do a lot of things wrong when it comes to our eyes. Heat and your eyes just don’t mix. I know so many people who do this, so maybe I can change someone’s life right now and be an icon. I used to do this, so don’t think I’m just talking sh*t. I have ripped out many an eyelash doing this, and I’ve learned my lesson.
When you heat up a curler with the heat from the blowdryer, you might get a nice curl in the moment, but it’s really just burning your lashes off. Not only is a hot curler bad for your lashes, but it’s also dangerously close to your lids, and your actual eyeballs. Why risk damaging your eyes for lashes that won’t even last? Say you’re sorry to your lashes if you have ever done this, and RIP to the lashes we took for granted and lost along the way.
3. Using Actual Glitter As Eyeshadow
I love sparkles. I love being glittery every time I go out. But do I like using glitter that’s supposed to be used for arts and crafts on my eyelids? No, I don’t, and neither should you. Those little flecks can have incredibly sharp edges, and a piece of non-cosmetic grade glitter can not only scratch your eye, it can possibly damage it or the skin on the underside of the lid.
If you’re putting it anywhere near your face, you should only be using cosmetic-grade glitter. Cosmetic glitter usually has rounded edges, so there’s a much lower risk of problems. I know saving a few bucks seems like a great idea, but it’s better to just invest in a good glitter meant for your eyes instead of possibly damaging them.
4. Using Mouthwash To Remove Dead Skin
Another big trend/beauty hack that went around was using mouthwash to get rid of dead skin. This is so terrible for your skin. I mean, mouthwash literally has alcohol in it! The heavy amount of alcohol in mouthwash can actually cause redness and peeling, and can burn off an entire layer of skin. That in and of itself should prove how terrible it is. There are tons of good ways to get rid of dead skin, but mouthwash is not the answer. Let’s stick to using mouthwash for having good breath and not to damage our skin.
5. The Kylie Jenner Challenge
Now, I’m no doctor, but I can still use common sense to figure out when something isn’t healthy. Remember a few years ago, when the infamous Kylie Challenge was completely viral? Yikes. I never did this challenge, but it’s only because of all of the terrible stories I heard! I saw stories of this hack damaging lips for weeks at a time. By sucking on a bottle to create a vacuum, you could end up with swelling, broken blood vessels, and even cuts on your skin. This challenge/beauty hack was inspired by Kylie, but I don’t fault her for so many people doing it. She even apologized for it becoming viral. Obviously, now we all know that Kylie got lip fillers, and her look had nothing to do with sucking on a Gatorade bottle.
Now I know a lot of people think that this hack went away. Sadly, no. Instead, companies have made specific lip suction cups to do this same hack with. Now, just because it’s not a Gatorade bottle doesn’t mean it’s automatically good for you. It can still damage your lips and skin. Is it worth it? NO!
What’s the bottom line? While some beauty hacks can be helpful, most of the time, you should be using actual beauty products as your beauty products. It’s fun to find other uses for things you have lying around the house, and you might save some money in the short term, but dealing with f*cked up lips, scratched skin, and/or damaged eyes is way less fun.
Images: Malvestida Magazine / Unsplash; Giphy (5)
We’ve already established that Easter is pretty lit as far as holidays go. I mean how can you not love a holiday that’s based around brunch, chocolate appetizers, and talking about the dudes in your life who sacrifice things for you? TBH it’s what I was planning to do on Sunday anyway.
Easter is also the one holiday in which a lonely boy from Brooklyn gets to dress like an Upper East Sider and no one can talk shit about it. Seriously it’s like Easter is low-key sponsored by Lily Pulitzer and the guy who went to formal with me one year who tried to bring back visors.
And because people think they can live above their station and embrace their inner Gossip Girl, they try and get bold with their beauty looks. Whether it’s to personally offend their grandmothers at church or to show their ex-boyfriend from high school that they’re still hot AF (I’m going with the latter) the extras of the world will be doing the most this Sunday so brace yourselves. If you’re reading this right now and questioning if you too are a little extra then you probably are and I will be judging you. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Here are some dos and don’ts for looking extra on Easter:
DO: Go For The Subtle, Natural Face Makeup
The goal of Easter is to look virginal and innocent and not like the orange juice in your hand rn is 90% Champagne. This is so Jesus and your mother can rest easy knowing that they didn’t sacrifice everything for the type of person who likes to black out on Thursdays and only uses the term “Jesus Christ” when they wake up in a hideous stranger’s bed. And nothing says “I didn’t give it up my first week of college” than a fresh-faced look. Stick to concealer and a light foundation for your face makeup and use cream blushes in warm peaches or pinks to give your skin that subtly flushed look. Top off the look with neutral eye shadows to give off some I-woke-up-like-this vibes.
DON’T: Show Up With A Full-On Contoured Face
The last thing I want to fucking see at 9am mass is your contoured face while I’m trying not to look hungover AF in front of my grandmother. It’s not what I want and it’s not what Jesus would have wanted either. Keep that shit for your Instagram story where it belongs.
DO: Make A Statement With Your Sunglasses
If there was ever a time to have an Olsen twins moment it’s Easter fucking Sunday. Not only do statement sunglasses hide your disdain for your ex’s new girlfriend and her tacky-ass floral dress, but they’ll also make you look chic and put together.
DON’T: Show Up In A Floppy Fucking Hat
Outside of the beach or your travel Instagram account, floppy hats are not fucking okay to wear. First of all, it’s impractical. Unlike your sunnies, which will block out the sun and all the haters, floppy hats don’t block shit and only accentuate your RBF. Which is great for intimidating new members at the sisterhood beach retreat, but on Easter will probs have your mom threatening to take away your extra data plan.
Secondly, wearing a floppy hat is just fucking rude. As someone who barely gets above five feet wearing four-inch heels I already can’t see shit in a group sitting setting. Throw in a floppy hat and you’re just telling me to go fuck myself because I’m now going to spend the next 60 minutes staring at the back of your fucking hat instead of making eyes with the cute guy in the pew a few rows over. It’s sabotage and it’s going in my personal burn book.
DO: Wear A Bold Lip
If you’re feeling the urge to piss off your mother be bold with your look then my advice is to channel your inner Blair Waldorf and get bold with your lip game. While the dark, vampy lip color we know and love is usually our go-to, stick to the pinks and reds for Easter. It’s classic and because it’s on the pink/red color wheel your mom can’t say shit about it. Blessings.
DON’T: Get Bold With Your Eye Makeup
Now is not the time to try out a makeup trend that will have your priest questioning if you have conjunctivitis. This just screams “I’m an attention whore” and not in a cute way. Seriously, mass is only 60 minutes long. I need that time to thank Jesus for his sacrifices and also get his thoughts on this guy I’ve been seeing who “doesn’t like labels.” I don’t need to spend those precious moments trying not to go into a rage blackout.
Are you bummed about everything happening in the world right now? Is it cold? Are Trump’s alternative facts weighing you down? No worries. Since the great US of A is built on the foundations of consumerism, maybe it’s time you buy yourself some shit. But not just any shit. Shit to make yourself look pretty. And therefore feel better. Kind of? I guess?
Here are some spring beauty launches to get you through the cold of winter and the nightmare that lays ahead. Some of them are already available for purchase, some are coming out soon. Godpseed!
1. Stila Heaven Hue Highlighter in Kitten
The cult eyeshadow color, Kitten, is finally available as a highlighter. It only took them like 10 fucking years, but w/e.
2. Urban Decay’s Urban Defense Complexion Primer
As part of their Spring 2017 launch, Urban Decay put out a bunch of new products that help your skin. Not only will this primer make your pores look almost nonexistent (I mean, almost. No one’s perfect except maybe me.) It also has SPF which you need so you don’t get wrinkly and disgusting.
3. Julep Love Your Bare Face Detoxifying Cleansing Stick
If you don’t want to put face wash on your hands, here’s a stick. Congrats. (Read: this is great to use when drunk and/or hungover because during both of those times, washing your face in the sink is the hardest task you’ll ever fail to do.)
4. Murad MattEffect Blotting Perfector
A “liquid” blotting compact might sound backwards (like, why would I want to put more moisture on my already oily face LOL?) but WRONG. One swipe of this and your face is instantly matte again.
5. OUAI Dry Shampoo Foam
Again, putting more liquid into your already greasy hair sounds like a bad idea right? Well, not according to the experts at OUAI. Apparently this stuff, which was released earlier this month, is like regular dry shampoo on crack. Say crack again.
6. Glamglow Firming Treatment Sonic Blue Mask
A limited edition mask inspired by Sonic the Hedgehog (TBT, but nerdy). It does definitely make you look like you’re part of the Blue Man Group, though, so I suggest doing it in a locked room. Alone.
7. Benefit GALifornia Blush
Benefit’s anticipated new Box o’ Blush won’t be here until March, but with its warm golden hues and vanilla/grapefruit scent, p sure it’ll be worth the wait. P sure.