The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is having its best season in years. The scandal revolving around Erika Jayne and her soon-to-be ex-husband Tom Girardi is salacious, shocking, and downright nasty. I know that thanks to Erika’s scandal, this season is a lot more interesting than most. However, after seeing a few of her social media posts, I felt the need to speak up. Erika, you might have brought the heat, but you refused to play the game that we know as Housewives. Let’s get into why her uncontrollable behavior, her constant lies and deflections, and lack of a moral compass to the victims of her husband’s alleged crimes could’ve been the downfall of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this season. 

Let’s start with the fact that Erika is paid a very cute coin to participate in this show willingly. She knows what her job entails and her behavior is hypocritical considering that she, along with the Fox Force Five, held Denise Richards to the fire last year for running away and lying all the time. While Erika might not run away from a conversation, she has made some of her castmates want to jump out of their skin and run into traffic after having a conversation with her. See, Erika doesn’t know how to be a grown adult and have actual conversations about what’s happening in her life. Instead, she cries and whines and flies off the handle when confronted about an issue. When Sutton confronted Erika at Kathy Hilton’s dinner party about her inaccuracies when recounting Tom’s “accident,” Erika went ballistic. First of all, who screams at someone at a dinner party? Let alone at Kathy Hilton’s house. Second of all, Erika knew she was going to be confronted with this, because this wasn’t her first time having this type of discussion with Sutton. How can you pretend to be surprised when none of your stories add up? Especially when you’re adding allegedly at the end of every story. You mean to tell me that Tom (allegedly) got into an accident (allegedly) and broke his hip (allegedly) and injured his brain (allegedly). Your son (allegedly) found him in a ditch (allegedly) in the middle of the forest? “Allegedly?” Girl, this is The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, not mad libs. 

Let’s also address the fact that none of Erika’s stories make sense. Every time she talks about her situation, she adds new details—a telltale sign someone might be lying. First, she said Tom was found in a ditch in the middle of the forest. She goes on to say that she refused doctors’ orders for him to go into surgery for an “ankle-related injury” because his brain injury could be “affected” by the anesthesia, which was later disproved by fellow Housewife and anesthesiologist Dr. Tiffany Moon. Then, she tells us that Tom’s house was broken into (which was true) but then she says that the robbers attacked him and that her son went over to help and then ended up in a car accident on his way back home, due to snow. Not just any car accident, oh no, it couldn’t just be ANY car accident; she tells us that her son flipped over five times in the snow. Strangely enough, there actually was snow in the LA area at the time, but it seems doubtful that it was really enough to cause a big car accident. See, Erika can’t seem to keep up with her endless stories. She adds the word “allegedly” at the end of every story that she was “there” for. She constantly twists the narrative to make it seem like anyone who raises any eyebrows to her situation is a villain and that she is the victim here. 

Speaking of victims, let’s talk about the actual victims in this case. Tom Girardi is being accused of some downright disgusting shit. Allegedly (I got you, Erika), he took money from burn victims, orphans, and widows (it makes you feel sick) and from just about a good chunk of his clients. Supposedly (we love a synonym), Tom used this money to fund his extravagant lifestyle, which included the lifestyle of Erika Jayne. Now, here is where Erika loses people. Erika refuses to show any sympathy; instead, we get many scenes of her crying about how f*cked up her life is. As Garcelle said in a confessional, “What about these poor victims that have nothing and now have less?” Girl, I promise you if you can afford to live in LA, pay for glam, and pay for extravagant and rather expensive outfits amid these lawsuits, then you’re good. You might not be where you once were, but you’re not the actual victim here. On another note, you’re not the reason why the show is spectacular this season. If it wasn’t for Sutton and Garcelle constantly questioning your lies, we would’ve been stuck watching you push out a narrative that we know isn’t true. If it wasn’t for Kathy Hilton and her quick one-liners, the whole season would’ve revolved around you giving us the same old rehearsed confessional reads that you give us every season. You didn’t bring your A game this season; the success of the season isn’t because of you. 

I wish Erika had shown more sympathy toward the actual victims. I wish she didn’t go out of her way to attack anyone who contested her unbelievable stories inundated with inaccuracies and faulty timelines. You can’t proclaim to be “the people’s champ”, when you can’t even tell “the people” the whole truth. If you couldn’t speak your truth due to legalities, then you shouldn’t have signed up for another season of the show.  But then again, it is “XXPEN$IVE” to be you, especially with all the money you’re going to have to pay back to these poor victims. Allegedly.

Image: Nicole Weingart/Bravo

There’s nothing that brings the internet together like a good old fashioned scandal. Whether that’s Hilaria “how you say cucumber in English” Baldwin, the O.J. trials, or Tom and Erika Girardi vs. everyone they’ve (allegedly) f*cked over. 

As of late 2020, Erika Jayne/Girardi officially transcended the reality TV world into mainstream news and pop culture after she filed for divorce from Tom and the couple was sued for allegedly leveraging their breakup to embezzle money. And even though the Housewives franchises are no stranger to legal scandals (Teresa Guidice, Lynne Curtin, Jen Shah, etc.), Tom’s reputation and the sheer gravitas of the situation has catapulted the story into major news outlets like the LA Times and CNN — but most importantly, it’s being featured on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. 

Up until this season, Erika Jayne was the Kourtney Kardashian of RHOBH: boring AF (Kim said it, not me). And sure, unlike Kourtney, Erika has been interesting to look at, but beyond that she’s been cold, reserved, and truly an enigma wrapped in a riddle and (allegedly stolen) cash. 

IMO, getting to feature the divorce/lawsuit this season is the best thing to happen to RHOBH in a looooong time. Over the past few years the franchise has been littered with trivial storylines like PuppyGate that drag out for 10 episodes longer than they should, so bringing in an actual scandal to basically be the eighth cast member this season is bringing much-needed dimension and depth to the show. Otherwise, you just know the entire season was going to be ViolateGate (Sutton vs. Crystal). Yawn. 

And I commend Erika on what she’s given us so far in season 11. She’s basically the Faye Resnick we never got — divulging her perspective on the lawsuit, commenting on Tom’s declining health, and sharing her real feelings about her and Tom’s relationship now that she doesn’t have to protect him. Her storyline this season has seriously resurrected the franchise from the brink of irrelevance, lacing it with a hint of true crime-ish elements combined with a more open and off-the-cuff Erika who’s actually pulling her weight within the cast. 

And that leads me to my hot take: let’s keep The Pretty Mess on RHOBH as long as she’s still being… well, pretty messy. 

If I’m getting too far ahead, there are CliffsNotes below to get you up to speed. But if you already have your PhD in the Erika/Tom scandal like me, feel free to skip the summary and get straight into my open letter to Bravo on why they should keep Erika around for season 12. 

Erika’s Involvement in the Lawsuit(s)

About a month after Erika filed for divorce, Edelson PC filed a class action lawsuit against Erika and Tom, alleging that the couple embezzled settlement funds meant for victims who lost family in the 2018 Boeing plane crash. The lawsuit also claimed that the “‘divorce’ is simply a sham attempt to fraudulently protect Tom’s and Erika’s money…”. 

On the heels of that, Tom’s former business partners filed a separate suit against him, claiming that Tom kept funds over $315,000 that he owed them for his own gain.

And although all this shadiness was allegedly orchestrated by Tom, the scandal is being framed in a way that implies Erika is guilty by association — and not just because of the allegedly opportunistic divorce, but also because her company EJ Global received over $20 million in loans from Tom’s law firm. 

That $20 million was probably spent on her glam squad’s room and board during cast trips alone (kidding) (not really), which makes it all the more sad to know it could have been used to pay victim settlements — and all the more infuriating considering it did not belong to Erika in the first place. And that’s a sentiment the judge agrees with, after ruling that specific victims can go after Erika for up to $11 million to replace the amount Tom never paid them.

Why This Sh*t Is Interesting

What punches up the entire storyline is the juxtaposition between the way the media/lawsuits are framing Erika, and how she’s portraying herself on RHOBH. 

While the lawsuits suggest that Erika had some part in/knowledge of Tom’s shady dealings, the RHOBH version of Erika is acting as if nothing illegal happened. In fact, she’s enraged that people dare speculate that the divorce timing was suspect, saying during the latest episode, “What’s being said is just, I mean, it’s insane. That my divorce is a sham, but nobody cares about the facts.” She also explicitly said the divorce wasn’t a ploy to hide assets while FaceTiming Kyle and Lisa. THE TEAAAA. 

I’m the first to admit that she’s in a sh*tty position, mostly thanks to Tom. But we can’t forget that Erika is a performer by trade with an alter ego that even Danielle Staub couldn’t pull off. We’ve seen her transform from the world’s best poker player to a puss-patting, bodysuit-wearing, loud and bright singer/dancer. All this to say, her time on the stage and those two episodes in The Young and the Restless prove that she has the chops to act the part that her PR recommends. 

And as much as I love to analyze what’s strategy and what’s not, at the end of the day I just want good TV. So Erica sharing those tidbits about the lawsuit hit hard, as did the comments about her and Tom’s pre-divorce relationship. For the past five seasons, we’ve heard nothing but glowing reviews of Tom “styrofoam cup” Girardi. Not a peep of indiscretion or disagreement, and not even Kim Richards piped in threatening that she had dirt. But Erika has finally, finally expressed several iotas of emotion and raw stories about their relationship this season, and whether those are her true feelings or a narrative suggested by her PR team (or Mikey), it makes you wonder, what other dirt is she going to spill, now that she’s not protecting Tom?

And we’re going in the right direction. So far this season, Erika has detailed his heartless goodbye, admitted she was pissed he didn’t come see her on Broadway, and even expressed her fear about her public perception post-divorce in the last episode when she said, “I don’t want his actions to absolutely kill what I have created.”

And there are logical reasons why Erika is being more real. For one, she needs that Bravo paycheck more than ever, especially after detailing her fears about the attorney fees in the latest episode. Now that she literally needs this job, it’s in her best interest to involve herself in the storyline and bring some actual juiciness — whether that’s Tom related, post-divorce dating stories, etc. 

Another reason to keep her on the show is that despite the accusations, Erika’s still proving it’s expensive to be heeeer-er-er-er by boarding a PJ and sporting a $189k ring. That’s some major BDE when you’re in the middle of an embezzlement lawsuit, and some very Jen Shah-esque energy that makes for ridiculously entertaining TV. 

And while Erika’s attorneys briefly dropped her and then took her back (for reasons we can only speculate), her castmates have continued to show their support and allegiance to Erika, both on the show and on social media. From Kyle and Lisa dancing to “XXPEN$IVE” and most of the ladies wishing her a happy birthday publicly, they clearly don’t feel a need to distance themselves at all. Truly women supporting women, in the words of Ramona Singer. 

Thanks to Tom, Erika’s part of a truly impactful scandal that I’m 100% sure will be turned into a Hollywood blockbuster. With that being said, capturing Erika’s perspective on the RHOBH is a fresh, deep, real storyline that’s captivating AF. And because court cases take forever and Erika can only say so much right now, Bravo can easily milk this content well into next season as well. Not to mention, Erika will definitely be opening up with some new storylines about post-Tom life in an effort to stay relevant (and liquid… with those big lawyer bills). 

Image: Bravo

I don’t watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (or any of the Real Housewives shows, for that matter), but I still consider myself somewhat of an authority on all things LVP. Okay, not all things. Most things. Some things? Whatever. In any case, I know enough to feel like I can write about her with some degree of credibility. (I set a very high bar for myself.) If you read my Vanderpump Rules recaps, you’ll know that in the second part of the season 7 reunion, I came at Lisa for being a fake ally to the LGBTQ community, with an emphasis on the T. The reason? She all but strong-armed Billie Lee into admitting on camera that the Vanderpump Rules gang was supportive of her being trans. Sure, nobody openly made fun of her for being trans, but they did refuse to listen to her when she wanted to talk about her experience. And they still refuse to acknowledge that they have cis privilege. In fact, they’d rather rail about how “damaging” it is to be called transphobic than do some actual listening or understanding to figure out why their actions could be transphobic in the first place!

Me, in my best Killmonger voice: Are these your allies?

Well, adding fuel to the fire is a joke Lisa Vanderpump made on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. For some reason (again, don’t watch the show), Lisa was taking a lie detector test. And everything seemed to be going fine, until the confessional, when she said: “Just don’t ask me if Erika’s tucking or something like that because there are some things I can’t lie about,” and then she proceeded to laugh so hard she almost fell over in her chair. If you don’t believe me, watch the clip for yourself:

Oh come on @lisavanderpump joking about @erikajayne “tucking” Ugly Trans jokes marginalizing our community are not acceptable. Being an ally doesn’t give you a free pass
To make transphobic remarks. Do better pic.twitter.com/bkJoWxNkLO

— Candis Cayne (@candiscayne) May 22, 2019

Ugh, gross! Full disclosure, I’m a straight cis woman, but even I can acknowledge that this is a bad joke. Why? Any way you slice it, she’s basically saying that being trans is funny and/or deserving of ridicule. That’s not something an ally should or would say.

And I’m not the only one who thinks this. Enter, Queen Lisa Rinna, who is dragging LVP for this joke.

Who knew Lvp was transphobic? Well, we know NOW! #LBGTQ

— lisa rinna (@lisarinna) May 22, 2019

Do I think that Lisa Vanderpump hates trans people? No, I wouldn’t go that far. I’m not even necessarily calling her transphobic, but I’m just saying that this is a bad joke that reeks of transphobia. I feel like this is more of a case of “Oh, well I have friends, so I’m totally cool to say this.” When, in reality, you’re not. The thing is, even if your intentions are not to cause harm, it matters who is saying a joke. If it’s a joke within a marginalized community, that’s different than when it comes from someone outside that community, because the former is self-deprecation and the latter is a microaggression. At least, that’s how I see it. Especially when you’re doing something in the public eye—on camera, no less—it’s probably best to err on the side of caution.

Oof. Making transphobic jokes is soooo not cool, even if you are someone who does a lot for the LGBTQ+ community. Know better. Be better. #RHOBH

— Dave Quinn (@NineDaves) May 22, 2019

Lisa Vanderpump hasn’t responded to the controversy, and I kind of doubt she will, because as much as people are coming for her over this, there are just as many LVP stans who are defending her. (And also, because Lisa Vanderpump seems to almost exclusively post about Vanderpump Dogs on her Twitter account, and also because she barely knows how to use Twitter in the first place.) We’ll just have to see how and if this plays out on camera. If Lisa comes back. Is she coming back??

Images: Bravo Media; lisarinna, NineDaves, candiscayne / Twitter

Everyone knows the best part of a new season of Real Housewives is hearing all of their ridiculous taglines. Some of them are actually really good, (ahem, all of Lisa Vanderpump’s) but most of them are cringeworthy, the same sort of thing over and over, or straight-up embarrassing. Like, how many of them say something along the lines of “I live in this city, it is my city” (I mean, no sh*t) or, “I have a family that is important”? However, the bland ones cancel each other out, and I went on a mission to find some of the worst taglines of all time. Please add ones you despise in the comments. There were so many good/bad ones that it was tough to choose!

Erika Girardi, Beverly Hills, Season 6

What the actual f*ck is this? It means literally nothing. I think she’s supposed to be referencing this World War II speech from Winston Churchill, saying Russia’s actions are “a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma”. First of all, that is wordy, but it at least makes sense. But for a Housewives tagline, this is a weird thing to draw inspo from, to put it mildly. I will give Erika this: she is definitely an enigma. But in more of a what-drugs-is-this-woman-taking way. (Honestly, the same could be said of many of the Housewives.)

Jo De La Rosa, Orange County, Season 1

Oh my God, does Orange County have some of the worst Housewives taglines, especially from Season 1! I almost did Kimberly Bryant’s, where she says “85% of women in OC have breast implants”, but I’m from there, and that is unfortunately true. I call it the OC Special to get the same boobs and nose as everyone else, because they all go to the same three surgeons, so it’s like attack of the clones. It’s a creepy place. Anyway, speaking of creepy, I went with Jo’s, because this tagline is so creepy, with or without context. Considering Slimeball Slade was holding Jo hostage during their relationship, all I can think is, he’s keeping you where, his basement? Thankfully, Jo peaced the f*ck out of that one, and in a fun karmic twist, Slade is now broke and is Gretchen Rossi’s bitch.

Melissa Gorga, New Jersey, Season 8

Okay, so this is supposed to be a pun because her clothing store is named Envy. But like, Mel, do you know the meaning of the word envy? That’s just… not how it works. You cannot envy yourself. The fact that I even have to explain this to you tells me that you did not have a clear grasp on the definition of this word when you decided to dedicate your professional life to it. I find this VERY ANNOYING.

Alexis Bellino, Orange County, Season 6

Oh, Jesus Jugs herself. All of her taglines were creepy, but this one is the worst by far. Like, first of all, your body is plastic. Also, your “king” was a creep who left you. Also, it is soooooooooooooo creepy to use God and a sexual innuendo in the same breath. Please stop. I also really hate super religious people who are like, “God can do no wrong, but let me cut up my whole body and fill it with silicone bags because it wasn’t good enough.” (Again, I bring you Orange County.)

Joyce Giraud, Beverly Hills, Season 4

This one is just f*cking yikes all around. Has Joyce heard of eating disorders? It doesn’t help that I already hated, *HATED* her, but how asinine can you be? Especially in LA, where people are always trying to get thinner in unhealthy ways (disorders, surgery, drugs), like maybe have a teeny bit of social awareness? I feel like the producers would definitely not let this one slide in 2019. Also, “you can never be too young”? Like yes, you can, just ask R. Kelly.

Kristen Taekman, New York City, Season 6

Why are so many of the worst Housewives taglines from season 6? It’s just a dark time if you make that far in a show, I guess? (CC: Vanderpump Rules.) This is actually what I would consider THE WORST TAGLINE OF ALL TIME. I mean, wow, what a time for feminism with this moron walking around. Even more concerning, she has a daughter. I could not believe when I heard this. Especially because Kristen says it in like a whiny, weird way. Like, “but I’m PREEEEEEEETTTTYYYY”, like she’s talking to a small child who has had part of their brain removed. Or maybe like she is the small child with part of her brain removed. But she’s preeeeeeettttty.

Images: NBCU; Giphy (6)