It’s fucking December, guys. As much as I wonder where the hell this year went (since I must’ve been blacked out for most of it), I’m beyond glad it’s almost over. 2017 was pretty shitty, tbh, so here’s to hoping 2018 is slightly better—only because I don’t think it can get any worse. On the bright side, soon enough, we’ll be bundled up for freezing temperatures, yet happily living as recluses for the next three months. With the holiday and winter season approaching, it brings with it a bunch of TV shows and movies we’ll gladly binge on the couch instead of tending to our social lives. Whether you’re using your boyfriend’s, ex-roommate’s, or you actually have your own account, log into Netflix, grab cheap wine from Target, and get comfy. Here are eight shows and movies to binge while you eat shitty takeout and live your best life in hibernation.
‘V For Vendetta’
After a batshit crazy war occurs in London, the city is overtaken by a controlling psychotic government. The hero in the film, who goes by V (…couldn’t tell you why), tries to fight back in order to get the world back to some sort of normalcy. Along the way, he crosses paths with Natalie Portman, who plays Evey. Together, they probably fall in love, bring world peace, and live happily ever after. I haven’t seen this tbh, so whether or not that’s actually the ending, this movie is supposedly v good and worth the watch.
This all-time classic is one you’ve most likely seen only because it randomly plays during the weekends on E!. Either way, it totally sets the mood for a much-needed girls night rom-com. Will Smith is a “date doctor” in this film, aka that friend who helps you come up with your Hinge messages before there was even Hinge. He helps mentor people with like, corny pickup lines in order to score them a date with someone clearly out of their league. When Smith meets a girl for himself, his cliché tricks fail to work on his journalist girlfriend as she slowly learns his true identity. Moral of the story: You can’t ever lie to us girls. We will find out. And we will kill you.
Netflix is taking us back to remind us why we fell in love with Eminem to begin with. Not only is he totally hot, protective, and like, family-oriented, but he’s also a humble rapper (who may or may not dream about killing his ex-wife). The late 90’s film is based on Eminem’s actual tough upbringing, his struggles on becoming a famed musician, and most definitely, the only reason you know every word to “Lose Yourself.”
‘The Santa Clause’
It’s obvs December, so be prepared for holiday classics and annoying Hallmark movies coming everywhere to a screen near you. Netflix has a ton lined up for this month, including all three parts of The Santa Clause. In this classic, Tim Allen “accidentally” kills a man dressed as Santa (um, I thought this was a family movie?) and is immediately transported to the North Pole. He’s forced to take Santa’s place on Christmas, and suddenly, he begins to gain weight like crazy and grow a long white beard. After he realizes he’s neither dreaming nor really fucking high, he decides to take on the job and all of the obstacles that come with it.
‘Dark’ Season 1
This new German series circles around a small town and its shitty, corrupt past when two children go missing. When families go searching for them, they’re introduced to shady af people who apparently are the reason why their town sucks to begin with. Supposedly full of twists, time travel, and supernatural stuff, this is being hailed as the next Stranger Things. The first season is going to be extremely binge-worthy when it’s too cold to function outside.
‘The Crown’ Season 2
It has already been awarded the Golden Globe Award for Best Television Drama Series, so with its second season premiere around the corner, we can only hope it exceeds our expectations. The Netflix original is based on the life of Queen Elizabeth II and all those who were a part of it, from the 1940s to modern era. This may sound like your average history lesson, but I assure you, the royal Gossip Girl-like show is much juicier and more interesting than that.
‘Fuller House’ Season 3
Season 3 of Fuller House comes back this month (again) without the Olsen twins, because quite frankly, they obvs have better things to do than to pretend to be Bob Saget’s teen daughters. Um, same. The new season brings more cheesy storylines, annoying af Kimmy Gibbler, and new (hopefully attractive) love interests.
‘The Ranch’ Part 4
In case you haven’t watched a single minute of this, because same, Ashton Kutcher plays a true fuckboy-wannabe in this series. After his football career failed, he decides to run a ranch with family he hasn’t seen in over a decade. Talk about awkward. Yet, in typical Ashton Kutcher fashion, he also eventually finds himself torn between choosing his current girlfriend or his high school booty call. See? Absolute fuckboy. However, this shit is apparently pretty funny, so it could be worth watching purely for procrastination.