Regardless of what you think of the women on The Bachelor, as dumb as some of them are, and as ridiculous as their careers are (still wish I got to be a professional Dog Mom though), one thing we can agree on is that they always look amazing. It’s like a casting call for wannabe models with perfect bodies and eyelashes and hair to all compete against each other. And you know what? The ones I met recently look even better in person. They are all literally fucking tiny—Kristina, for instance, was the skinniest person I’ve ever seen in my life. It made me wonder: what the fuck do all the Bachelor contestants do to look like this?
So, we found out. Here is how to look like a Bachelor contestant while you also have a real job and aren’t selling your soul for love on a TV show.
Diet
All the women keep different diets, but it doesn’t seem like any of them just eat whatever they want and expect to look ripped. This might be why my method hasn’t been working for me, guys. Ashley I., for example, eats what she wants but stays under 1,400 calories a day. She also doesn’t work out (fucking bullshit). She says that most women are just not meant to eat the 2,000 calories a day that all of our nutrition labels claim is average and eating 1,400 calories keeps her on point. I mean, she has abs and doesn’t work out, so she must be doing something right.
Some ladies take it further, like Jennifer Saviano, and when preparing for the show, she cuts out carbs, sugar, and alcohol. Tbh, whenever I hear shit like this, I think I’d rather be fat. Like, I’m sorry, wine makes me happier than having abs ever will. Catherine Lowe eats mostly high-protein, like egg-white omelets or scrambled eggs for breakfast. Exciting.
Emily Maynard thinks cheese is the devil and eats a lot of salads. Olivia Caridi filled her giant mouth hole with whatever she wanted before The Bachelor, but only if it fit her macros on MyFitnessPal. Checking your macros is like the world’s worst puzzle, especially when you make them weird as fuck, like Olivia’s. She set hers to 40 percent protein, 40 percent carbs, and 20 percent fat each day, which I don’t really understand why, but she looked great on her season, so good job. Now please close your mouth, especially on TV.
People who actually have proper discipline, like D-Lo, don’t really change their diet much for the show, because they eat clean on the reg. D-Lo doesn’t eat grain-based carbs, refined sugar, or dairy. Also not down for this.
Exercise
Spoilers: it’s all a lot of cardio and squats. And sweating. I hate sweating.
Kaitlyn Bristowe prepared for The Bachelor by taking spin classes every day. Now she’s fucking a personal trainer and is in the “best shape of her life”, so guys, just follow in her footsteps because trainers are expensive. Other than that, it seems like most the contestants hire trainers before the show, and work out with them 4-5 days a week. Alexis Waters, aka the shark girl who thought she was a dolphin, did kickboxing and squats and the Stairmaster, all with a trainer. They also take a fuckton of classes. D-Lo does Barry’s Bootcamp, SoulCycle, and Bikram yoga; Jen Saviano does HIIT; Becca Tilley does SoulCycle, etc, etc, etc. Basically, move your ass and do it a lot.
If you also want to get in the “best shape of your life”, either start sleeping with a trainer, or you can hire one to force you to workout 4-5 days a week. Their prices range from $30/hr (frat guy trainer that took one class online from 24 Hr Fitness) to $300/hr, if you’re like a Kardashian and want a celebrity trainer. These numbers are typically based on their experience, so get one that actually knows what they are doing.
So basically, the takeaway here is that the girls who go on The Bachelor spend a ton of time, effort, and probs money to be the same size as one of my thighs. Maybe like, we shouldn’t shit on them constantly for selling hair gummies for a living, since obviously the average person (me) would not be able to be skinny or beautiful enough to do it?
Lol nah.
Images: Giphy (2)
It’s been a casual five years since Arie Luyendyk Jr. was Emily Maynard’s season of The Bachelorette, so here’s a math problem for you: First, add up all the contestants that have competed on The Bachelorette since Arie’s season. Take that number and multiply it by the 3 Bachelor franchise shows we have each year. What you get is roughly the number of opportunities Bachelor Nation has had to forget literally anything they knew about Arie Whateverthefuck Jr. In their new season 22 promo, The Bachelor is leaning hard into the “Who TF Is This Guy?” angle (aka the only angle they have to play apart from “Race Car Man”) by literally begging everyone to rewatch his season and relive the glory of your college years fall in love with Arie all over again.
^ ^ Click To Watch ^ ^
The promo literally begins with an announcer saying “Just who is our new Bachelor Arie?” aka the question we’ve all been asking since we found out that it was him and not our beloved Peter. The rest of the promo is spent just kind of sadly begging you to go on ABC.com and reminding you about the whole race car driver thing. The promo, sadly, does not really provide any information other than what we already have, but here are five confirmed things we know about Arie after watching:
1. Arie Luyendyk Jr. Was, In Fact, On The Bachelorette
If you had any doubt about whether or not this guy was actually a contestant, rest assured, he was. There’s even footage of it. In fact, you can watch this footage on ABC.com.
2. He Is A Race Car Driver
Say it louder for the people in the back: Arie is a race car driver. He drives a race car to. He drives a race car fro. He drives it frontwards. He drives it backwards. Race cars. He drives them.
3. He Got Dumped
Like the bottom 99% of Bachelor franchise contestants, Arie walked away without a shred of dignity a soulmate, but now he’s back for a second chance at love. Actually, probably a fourth or fifth chance. He’s definitely dated in the past five years. I mean, we did an interview with his ex.
4. His Hair Used To Be Brown
Knock off Peter Arie’s hair is gray now, but it was once brown. Who knows what else about Arie has changed in the past five years? Has he gained weight? Has he lost weight? Maybe he got a tattoo or some shit? I’m on the edge of my seat.
5. He Was Nicknamed “The Kissing Bandit”
And I’m calling the police.
Arie’s season doesn’t premier until January 2018, so ABC has a ton more time to answer our very pressing questions about the new Bachelor. Most importantly, does he even go here?
