‘Twas a dreary hungover Sunday when I decided I needed a new workout to help drag my ass out of bed. I had seen The Sculpt Society tagged in a bunch of Victoria’s Secret models’ Instagrams (yes, I’m a masochist for following them), which led me to try it myself.
The workout started with a dance cardio routine (have I humble-bragged that I was a dancer yet? I was totally in my element), went into some arm exercises with light hand weights, transitioned into some leg and ab sculpting using sliders, and then finished with a leg/butt routine that absolutely killed me (in the best way possible). Despite my nausea from the 3+ margaritas I’d had the night before, I left the class feeling super accomplished—without that icky sense of “I hate that I just paid to have a psycho in leggings and a bra yell at me.”
Megan Roup, the founder of The Sculpt Society, is fortunately NOT a psycho in leggings and a bra. Working as a professional dancer and fitness instructor for six and a half years, Megan saw a gap in the dance fitness space. “There was so much intimidation around it. I thought, it doesn’t have to be like that!”, explains Roup. “I wanted to create a safe place that feels warm and welcoming and like you’re part of a community.” After a ton of hard work, certification training, and practicing rounds of sequencing on her boyfriend (he must have a great ass at this point), The Sculpt Society was developed. Models, influencers, and celebs like Arielle Charnas (who Megan credits as her “big break”), Elsa Hosk, Devon Windsor, Shanina Shaik, and Morgan Stewart became fans, and the class took off from there.
But don’t let the fact that legit models are taking this class scare you—Roup is constantly reminding everyone that “there are always ways to modify to feel successful.” Any exercise can be made easier, and you can always use lighter hand weights or no weights at all—so it’s completely customizable for whatever level you’re at.
Me: I mean, I’ve never had to modify since I’m a hard-o but I’m sure it’s a great option for other people.
Also me: Can’t remember the last time I used the ankle or hand weights.
Since all the people, models, and influencers I just mentioned are cooler than you kind of intimidating, I had to question if The Sculpt Society was really staying true to its roots of being an approachable workout class for women at all different fitness levels. Roup totally gets this, though, which is why she likes to highlight people of all shapes and sizes on her social media accounts. “I don’t want to perpetuate one way to look,” she explains.
Love that, thank you! Like, do I want to look like the Victoria’s Secret models you train? Yes. Is it going to happen for me? Hahahhah, no. (I like bread too much.) So, I love that Roup features people like Hunter McGrady both on social media and on her new app where you can take The Sculpt Society workouts ANYWHERE. I personally started with the 7-day free trial and am now paying the $19.99/month to continue. It’s the best workout that I can do right in my living room with zero equipment necessary. Lord knows no matter how many New Year’s resolutions I’ve made to go to the gym in the winter, it’s not happening and it’s really time for me to face the music and find a better solution.
You can experience The Sculpt Society for yourself at Energi in NYC, Studio B in LA, and of course on the app. (Sidenote: Megan told me that she filmed all the routines for the app in two days only. Those are 10 hour days. Can you imagine being strong enough to literally workout for 10 hours and not being able to cheat a workout because you’re being filmed? The horror).
No matter how many times I take the class, I still feel my muscles working so hard throughout it and am usually sore the next day. I know what you’re thinking, “this betch (me) is just weak AF,” but calm down, Roup actually relates. She said she is “dying” every class too, and for that, I applaud her because I truly cannot imagine how many times she’s taken/taught her own class since its inception three years ago. I’ve also gotten comments that my butt looks bigger since I’ve started, so there’s no turning back now! Appreciate you, The Sculpt Society.
Images: thesculptsociety (2), meganroup / Instagram
Head Pro will watch the VS Fashion Show this year, just like every year, because he’s a sucker. Follow him as he makes mean jokes on Twitter at @betchesheadpro, and tell him how badly this list sucked at [email protected].
Perhaps more than anything, humans enjoy order. That’s why, as surely as winter brings 2pm sunsets and misery, it also brings the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show: an institution that endures largely unchanged, persisting by only making slightly fewer alterations than Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgeon. The models starve themselves. A safe, bland pop act performs. One of the models has an OMG SO CUTE “improvised” interaction with the musical act if she’s fucking him. Someone stuffs their cans into a $2 million bra. The sun rises on another day.
But that’s not enough! No, we demand even more order, especially when it comes to judging our fellow humans. That’s why, beyond running the same hour-long porno flick for women (that’s also porn for men), we’re compelled to “rank” the models involved. “But Head Pro, didn’t you do this last year?” you might be wondering. “Wait, that link just redirects to this page, this is the same URL, this is all a naked SEO grab, isn’t it,” a reasonable person might conclude. I don’t have answers for that. I definitely voluntarily re-wrote my own list. I’m a Company Man, after all.
It’s not especially cool to “rank” human women based on their “hotness” or “how nice their boobs look.” I would never do that anyway because I respect women so much that you wouldn’t have to ask me if I respect women, because I would come out and tell you I respect women before you even asked. Instead, I will rank them based on their biography responses on the VS website, from least amusing to most.
14. Jasmine Tookes
Victoria’s Secret asked all of the Angels what spice they would be, and 90% of them said “cinnamon.” That includes Jasmine, who had literally nothing interesting to say. Being pretty but boring is a shitty stereotype, but living up to it gets you on the bottom of the list.
13. Stella Maxwell
Most people pretty clearly identify as a morning or night person, but Stella? Oh, she’s a midday person. Her profile is full of contrarian bullshit like that. Righty or lefty? “I’m actually ambidextrous.” Pink or red? “I prefer blue, but I guess red if I have to choose.” Unlike Jasmine, who is boring, Stella tries WAY too hard to seem cool and different.
12. Lily Aldridge
Literally every model loves shooting in beautiful locations, but they all hate flying on planes. But really, that’s the LEAST glamorous part of the job, not starving yourself or strutting around in your underwear in front of leering strangers? Get some fucking perspective, Lily.
11. Josephine Skriver
Josephine can’t live without her phone, friends, family, sleep and food. Well, yeah. You’ll die after not eating for about 30 days, and a lot sooner without sleep. Jeez, why do you always have to take things so literally, Josephine?
10. Taylor Hill
Taylor is extremely not here for this shit, and I appreciate it. The most glamorous part of working for Victoria’s Secret? “Working for Victoria’s Secret.” She also wants to jump out of a helicopter with her snowboard, which is pretty fucking metal.
9. Candice Swanepoel
Oh sweet, sweet Candice—such an unrequited life. While most of the models wish they could see the Great Wall of China or some trivial shit, Candice casually drops that her greatest regret is that she hasn’t started her “own shelter for abused animals or an environmental protection organization.” Extremely same. Also like, you know you probably can start an animal shelter, right?
8. Romee Strijd
One thing Romee wishes she could do? Travel stateside with her family. Uhhh you might want to rethink that, girlfriend. I mean have you ever seen an episode of Cops? The U.S. is a trash fire that absolutely deserves everything we’ve brought upon ourselves.
7. Martha Hunt
Unlike Josephine, who sagely acknowledges that she can’t live without the very essences of life, Martha is a little more… metaphorical. She can’t live without her dog, purse, family, diamond earrings and favorite watch. She literally listed “dog” and “purse” ahead of family. The honesty is refreshing.
6. Sara Sampaio
Sara is a cool girl who’s just like one of the guys. Wanna know how I know? Because she had pancakes for breakfast the morning of her interview, and in fact eats pancakes “all day every day.” I call bullshit. She has never so much as smelled a pancake.
5. Adriana Lima
O.G. Adriana Lima is a simple gal. While other girls want to see the Northern Lights or start entire government agencies, all she wants to do is star in a Quentin Tarantino film. As long as she’s down with having her toes sucked, I think that can happen.
4. Elsa Hosk
Does Elsa prefer chocolate or vanilla? “Neither.” Goddammit, now I wanna know her deal! What’s this woman’s hangup with conventional ice cream flavors? Does she only eat sorbet? Is she lactose intolerant? There’s nothing sexier in a woman than dessert intrigue, I always say.
3. Lais Ribeiro
What’s one thing that Lais would like to accomplish? Literally nothing, because becoming a VS Angel was her only dream, and she’s achieved that. Laugh all you want, but when was the last time you accomplished something with such laser focus, Mrs. I’ve-Been-Thinking-Of-Going-To-Law School-For-Almost-A-Decade?
2. Alessandra Ambrosio
Pink, or red? Lilac! WILDCARD, MOTHERFUCKERS!
1. Behati Prinsloo
Hey did you know that African native Behati Prinsloo is from Africa, which is where Behati Prinsloo’s from? Well, unlike most girls, who picked “cinnamon” as their spice, she grew up on an African seasoning called aromat, so that’s what she would be. Because she’s from Africa. Which, if true, why is she white?
Head Pro will watch the VS Fashion Show this year, just like every year, because he’s a sucker. Follow him as he makes mean jokes on twitter at @betchesheadpro, and tell him how badly this list sucked at [email protected].
