There have been many unfathomable changes in the last month, but out of all of them, who would’ve thought that we’d all come out of quarantine thinking Ellen DeGeneres is a sh*tty person? Well, to be fair, I kind of thought that before, but over the past month, it feels like the floodgates on negative press about Ellen have sprung a major leak.
First, there was the viral Twitter thread, in which dozens of people shared their personal anecdotes of Ellen being a nightmare. Then, last week, Ellen got raked over the online coals for a tone-deaf joke about her quarantine being like jail. But while that joke was in poor taste, even more concerning is a new report about how poorly her TV show crew has been treated during this time.
Speaking to Variety, two sources from within the show shared how the core Ellen crew—around 30 people—were essentially ghosted after production shut down last month. According to the sources, the crew “received no written communication about the status of their working hours, pay, or inquiries about their mental and physical health from producers for over a month.” When pressed for more information, “Higher-ups in production would occasionally answer phone calls but reveal little” about what was actually going on. Considering that I start to freak out if my mom doesn’t respond to my texts within five minutes, I’m not even sure what I would do if my bosses stopped talking to me for a month. Especially now, we should all be communicating more, not less.
Today I learned Ellen makes $50 million a year and the show has been around for 18 years aaaand her crew isn’t being paid adequately. Hmm.
— roxane gay (@rgay) April 17, 2020
As if the lack of communication wasn’t bad enough, things got worse when the Ellen higher-ups did start communicating again. Last week, as the show resumed production from home, the majority of the crew was told to “brace for a 60% reduction in pay.” Normally, the crew works four 10-hour days a week, but after the first couple weeks of the shutdown, those were reduced to eight hours. Now, the crew have been told that their pay will be cut to two eight-hour days a week, which is… just not enough money. Reached for comment, a spokesperson for Warner Bros. Television, which produces Ellen, said that they “have made decisions first and foremost with in mind,” but that seems apparently false.
In the past few weeks, production has ramped back up on Ellen, and DeGeneres is now doing a full five episodes a week from home. But while new episodes of Ellen are airing every day, the sources told Variety that only four of the core crew members are actively working on the at-home version. So it’s understandable that the rest of the crew was reportedly “incensed” when the show hired an “outside, non-union tech company” to handle the production.
While at the moment, it doesn’t sound like any crew members have been fired, hiring an outside company that isn’t unionized with the same skills as your long-time employees is a pretty major slap in the face. But above all this other nonsense, the sources say that the most upsetting part of all this is the “lack of personal outreach from show leadership to check on longtime employees” during this difficult time. I hate to say it, but this sounds pretty in line with some of the other stories we’ve heard about Ellen DeGeneres recently, no?
Obviously, this is a tough time financially for a lot of people, as well as a lot of businesses. Millions of people have been laid off or furloughed, and the entertainment industry is certainly not immune to this. But considering that Ellen DeGeneres makes $50 million a year from her TV deal, it seems like she could be doing a lot more for the people who work for her. When it comes to paying the crew, that obviously involves a lot of other people, but Ellen has the resources to actually do something about it. Variety reports that during Jimmy Kimmel’s initial shutdown, he paid his show’s stagehands with his own money. Obviously, not everyone can afford to do that for their employees, but um, Ellen can.
Or if she’s not going to give them money, you know, maybe a check-in phone call or a text would be nice? Just a thought! Gotta say, the last month has not done any favors for my opinion of Ellen DeGeneres. It’ll be interesting to see whether she cooks up some elaborate damage control PR campaign, but I have a feeling she’ll just go about her business like nothing is happening. The midwestern moms probably still love her, so that’s what really matters.
Images: David Crotty/Getty Images; rgay / Twitter
UPDATE: Back in March, we went through a viral Twitter thread, in which dozens of people shared their negative experiences with Ellen DeGeneres. Some of them were funny, some of them were disturbing, but they all backed up long-simmering rumors that the Kindness Queen might not actually be all that nice. Not long after that thread, Ellen was criticized for how her staff was being treated during the pandemic, and this week, BuzzFeed News published a searing report detailing the “toxic work culture” at Ellen, with numerous current and former employees claiming they “faced racism, fear, and intimidation” during their time at the show.
One former employee, a Black woman, told BuzzFeed that she repeatedly “experienced racist comments, actions, and ‘microaggressions'” during her time at the show. Once, a “senior-level producer” told her and another Black employee with a similar hairstyle, “I hope we don’t get you confused.” At one point, she was labeled the “PC police” by the show’s writing staff for asking that they avoid using certain problematic phrases in segments. She says that she wasn’t taken seriously when she brought these and other issues to her boss, and eventually she was reprimanded for “looking resentful and angry” by raising concerns. After that day, she chose not to return to the show, and hasn’t worked in entertainment since.
Multiple employees quoted in the new report have stories about being fired after taking necessary medical leave. One employee recalled that during their time at the show, they took a month-long medical leave after a suicide attempt. Upon returning to work, they were informed their role was “being eliminated.” The employee told BuzzFeed News, “You’d think that if someone just tried to kill themselves, you don’t want to add any more stress to their lives.” Another former employee said they were fired suddenly after, in a one-year period, they needed to take a three-week medical leave after a car accident, and a few days off to attend funerals. They added that “Each request was a battle with supervisors and HR.” Both of these specific cases were corroborated by medical records and other employees.
In a statement, the show’s executive producers (Ellen not included), said “Over the course of nearly two decades, 3,000 episodes, and employing over 1,000 staff members, we have strived to create an open, safe, and inclusive work environment. We are truly heartbroken and sorry to learn that even one person in our production family has had a negative experience. It’s not who we are and not who we strive to be, and not the mission Ellen has set for us.” They said that responsibility for these things falls completely on them, and vowed to action moving forward to correct problems in the workplace.
Ellen DeGeneres is also an executive producer on her show, but she has not made any statement about the allegations in the BuzzFeed News report.
Original Article: Right now, a lot of us are spending a lot of time on Twitter, and it can be a scary place. Between people posting their nudes out of sheer boredom and threads from doctors about how we’re probably all going to die, we all need a bright spot. Thankfully, this weekend brought us a viral Twitter thread that has absolutely nothing to do with coronavirus, and everything to do with Ellen DeGeneres maybe being evil.
If that sentence was jarring for you, I’m sorry, but it’s time that you know. While Ellen’s public persona is relentlessly joyful, stories about her tyrannical behavior have been bubbling under the surface for a while. I’ve alluded to this before, but on Friday, comedian Kevin T. Porter invited people to share “the most insane stories you’ve heard about Ellen being mean” in exchange for donations to the LA Food Bank. Ooh, we love a charitable moment that also gives us good gossip. Buckle up, because illusions will be shattered.
Right now we all need a little kindness. You know, like Ellen Degeneres always talks about! 😊❤️
She’s also notoriously one of the meanest people alive
Respond to this with the most insane stories you’ve heard about Ellen being mean & I’ll match every one w/ $2 to @LAFoodBank
— Kevin T. Porter (@KevinTPorter) March 20, 2020
Kevin’s original tweet has over 1,000 responses, and while some of them are people complaining that this whole exercise is mean-spirited, many of the tweets make it seem like Ellen is the mean-spirited one here. (Also, we’re raising money for charity, so stop complaining.) Obviously, it’s difficult to know if each story is 100% true, but you know, where there’s smoke there’s fire, and this is a lot of f*cking smoke.
One of the most disturbing stories was about a woman returning from maternity leave. After working for Ellen for “over 5 years,” this woman claims she found a different job with more benefits after having her baby, but went back to Ellen after she “BEGGED” her to return. Then what happened? Ellen fired her after a week. Who knows what exactly went down here, but it definitely seems shady.
After working for Ellen for over 5 years, close friend left to have baby, & found different job on a union network show (benefits etc), Ellen BEGGED her to return then fired her after 1 week, no reason given, and friend struggled for long time w new baby and no benefits etc.
— Cassandra Tells You So (@MissAbsinthe) March 21, 2020
That’s not the only story about her allegedly screwing over a long-time employee. Someone pointed out that Karen Kilgariff, best known as the cohost of My Favorite Murder, was the head writer on Ellen’s show for years—until the historic writer’s strike of 2007. Allegedly, Ellen wanted Karen to cross the picket line and come back to work, but she refused. In response, this tweet claims that Ellen fired her, and the two have never spoken since. Ouch.
Karen Kilgariff was her head writer for 5 years until the writers' strike. When Karen wouldn't cross the picket line she was fired and Ellen never spoke to her again.
— J. Fisher (@elpez3) March 20, 2020
Another account came from someone who says she served Ellen and her wife Portia at brunch. According to the tweet, Ellen “wrote a letter to the owner & complained about chipped nail polish.” She says that she almost got fired because of this, which is just insane. I’m glad she also tagged the restaurant, because if she actually almost got fired for some chipped nails, that’s not okay. Just because Ellen is (allegedly) psycho doesn’t mean we all have to just live in her fantasy world.
I worked @RealFoodDaily, served her & Porsha at brunch. She wrote a letter to the owner & complained about my chipped nail polish (not that it was on her plate but just that it was on my hand). I had worked till closing the night before & this was next morn, almost got me fired.
— Chris Farah (@ChrisLFarah) March 20, 2020
One of my personal favorite Ellen stories that came out of this, though, is about her “sensitive nose.” According to this tweet, she’s super sensitive to smell, “so everyone must chew gum from a bowl outside her office before talking to her.” Okay, what? Maybe I don’t understand the sensitive nose life, but how close is Ellen standing when she’s having conversations with these people? I’ll never turn down a free piece of gum, but this sounds like a personal problem.
A) She has a "sensitive nose" so everyone must chew gum from a bowl outside her office before talking to her and if she thinks you smell that day you have to go home and shower.
— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) March 20, 2020
Writer and comedian Benjamin Siemon came armed with several bits of Ellen tea, also claiming that she likes to pick “someone different to really hate” every day. Reportedly, she always has a different target of choice, and then the next day she’ll move on to someone else. At the very least, this is textbook toxic boss behavior, and it’s easy to see why working for her could be a nightmare if this stuff is true.
B) A new staff member was told "every day she picks someone different to really hate. It's not your fault, just suck it up for the day and she'll be mean to someone else the next day. They didn't believe it but it ended up being entirely true.
— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) March 20, 2020
There are many more entertaining responses, so you should check out the full thread if you have some time to kill while you’re “working from home” today. Again, they may or may not be true, but I’ve laughed a lot either way.
On Sunday, Kevin T. Porter circled back with an update. While he said it’s tough to tell exactly which stories are true, he rounded for a final donation of $600 to the LA Food Bank. Great work, Kevin, and great work to everyone who shared these stories. Call me messed up, but this is the sh*t that warms my cold, dead heart.
Well this got out of hand! It’s now hard to tell which stories are real or not, so I’ve rounded up to 300 and donated $600! pic.twitter.com/dX08ybhdos
— Kevin T. Porter (@KevinTPorter) March 22, 2020
So yeah, thinking about all the people Ellen DeGeneres may (allegedly) have yelled at is what’s getting me through this day of social distancing. If you have any personal stories about Ellen being a monster, feel free to comment or slide into my DMs, because I really need something to smile about. Until then, I’ll be watching old clips of Wendy Williams, my daytime talk show queen. Wendy is messy, but at least she owns it!
Images: David Crotty/Getty Images; kevintporter, missabsinthe, elpez3, chrislfarah, benjaminjs / Twitter
Welcome to the 2020 Golden Globes! While us normos are actively avoiding any human interaction after three weeks of non-stop partying and soul-crushing fights with our family members, Hollywood is getting together for yet another rager. Well, technically it’s an award show, but what would you call a night filled with 1,500 bottles of champagne, rambling monologues, awkward run-ins with exes, that all ends with a trip to a fast food joint? That’s what I thought.
This year, the Golden Globes were hosted by Ricky Gervais, marking the fifth time he’s held the honor, and his first time hosting since 2016. Now, I’m a fan of Ricky because at his best he is scathing, and at his worst he makes everyone so uncomfortable you can actually physically feel the hatred emanating off of them, and that’s a reaction I’m very used to. What can I say, you like what you know. But I can understand if he’s not your cup of tea. Well, I can’t, but one of my New Year’s resolutions was to be more understanding and it’s only January 6th, so I’m being magnanimous. You’re welcome. Anyway, this year he was better than I could have even imagined. Ricky immediately came for the people who hired him, called everyone in the room dumb perverts, and made a “Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself” joke. If that wasn’t 90% of you after three cocktails at your office holiday party, then you’re lying.
Ricky Gervais 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/z4LxMWj9ev
— Jack McGuire (@JackMacCFB) January 6, 2020
Ricky started the show off super strong, and it only got more preachy bonkers from there. So instead of a full recap, which none of us have time for unless you were fired after said office holiday party, I’ve broken the show into highs and lows. Let’s get to it!
☆ I know I already talked about the monologue, but bear with me while I just say that Ricky throwing out the line, “It’s the last time, who cares” after every insult he slung at the HFPA is a level of who gives a sh*t that we should all aspire to. (Also, special shout-out to Ricky for calling out Leo DiCaprio’s refusal to date age-appropriate women.)
☆ In toasting the three nominations for Knives Out, Ricky Gervais took an easy shot at Cats, everyone’s least favorite movie of the year: “See what happens when you don’t dress people up as cats?” Boom. Roasted. Honestly, that’s gonna be my philosophy whenever I accomplish anything from now on.
☆ Ramy Youssef admitting during his acceptance speech for “Best Performance by an Actor – Comedy or Musical,” that no one knows who he is. Fine, I’m mostly including this because he’s from Jersey, HOW DO YOU ALL SEE THROUGH ME? Hooray, New Jersey! We will take over the world like we’ve been secretly plotting! Soon everyone will be referring to their hometown by their exit on the parkway mwahahaahahahhahah!
☆ Celebrities raising awareness for the bush fires in Australia. I legit think that’s the only reason they gave Russell Crowe an award, because no one I know even saw The Loudest Voice. If they wanted to watch Roger Ailes prey on women they just waited to see Charlize Theron in Megyn Kelly cosplay in Bombshell. But really, those fires are BAD. Please help if you can!
☆ Bill Hader and Rachel Bilson showing up on the red carpet together for the first time. If you’re not watching Barry, you’re missing out on one of the best dark comedies on TV, plus you’ve yet to realize that Bill Hader is stealthily hot. And Summer Roberts deserves her happy ending. I stan.
☆ Just like at the Emmys, Fleabag won the Best Comedy Series, and Phoebe Waller-Bridge won Best Actress for her performance. These were some of the least surprising wins of the night, but sometimes the best show wins for a reason. Now that Fleabag is over, I can’t wait to see what Phoebe does next, because the world is truly her oyster. When will the world be my oyster?
☆ Succession wins! Succession won best drama and Brian Cox aka Logan Roy aka possibly the most mentally abusive father in America won Best Actor. Damn, that show is good. I actually screamed at the end of the second season when something insane happens that I won’t mention here, because I don’t want to get lit up in the comments over spoiling something that ended months ago. So I won’t spoil it, but WATCH IT ALREADY. And we were BLESSED that Brian Cox won because it allowed us the absolute best moment of the night, a Jason Momoa in a tank top sighting. It’s like someone knew we needed to start 2020 out that way.
My sexual orientation is Jason Momoa in a tank top at the Golden Globes pic.twitter.com/h0wwCl47Oa
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) January 6, 2020
☆ Kate McKinnon presenting the Carol Burnett award to Ellen. It was heartfelt, inspiring, and also funny. However, I was confused when Ellen said that people tell her that her show inspires them to go out every day and help people, and that’s what TV should do. The TV I watch inspires me to go out there and mercilessly mock Florida. Am I watching the wrong things?
☆ Brad Pitt’s face. Whoever is keeping Brad looking this refreshed is doing a fantastic job. It looks natural even though I know it’s not, and he could get it over Leo ANY. DAY. Fight me.
☆ While introducing Jojo Rabbit, Sacha Baron Cohen joked that Mark Zuckerberg is a “naive, misguided child who spreads Nazi propaganda.” LMAO. Where is the lie? Why do I feel like Sacha wrote that one himself? This definitely made some people in the room uncomfortable, but none of the other presenters had material that good.
Sacha Baron Cohen just roasted Mark Zuckerberg. #GoldenGlobes pic.twitter.com/lc4m9WiTgc
— Lights, Camera, Pod (@LightsCameraPod) January 6, 2020
☆ Tom Hanks. Man, has that guy been in a lot of great movies. And THE EMOTION. Over his family. And he has a kid who is a white rapper and goes by the name Chet Haze! And he still loves them! For that alone he deserves an award.
☆ The cameraman who was smart enough to cutaway to Jennifer Aniston during Brad Pitt’s acceptance speech. I know some of you might be over this love triangle, but I didn’t invent it, and the media has made me invested in it for over half my life, so thank you, sir, for rewarding all the time and dedication I have put into this relationship. Now, if only her reaction had been more scandalous. We’ll have to work on that for next year, Jen.
☆ Also, Brad Pitt for acknowledging what we all know to be true, Leo COULD HAVE FIT ON THE DOOR and that Kate Winslet is a cold-blooded murderer. I also liked what he said about being kind to someone tomorrow. And I will, tomorrow! Today I have to write this recap.
☆ Awkwafina won Best Actress for her heartbreaking performance in The Farewell, and her acceptance speech was as funny as you’d expect. When she said “I told you I’d get a job, dad,” I really felt that. Way to stick it to dads everywhere that begged us to just be accountants.
☆ So I was about to put Joaquin Phoenix’s win on the “lows” list because I find him exhausting, pompous, and a little crazy behind the eyes, but then he called out everyone in the room for being hypocrites and I shrieked. Stop preaching about climate change and then hopping on your private jets, assholes! I loved it. Good luck at the after parties, Joaquin. Leo is not going to be happy.
Joaquin Phoenix did seem quite drunk BUT telling a room full of famous people to stop taking private jets to Palm Springs….you DO love to see it #GoldenGlobes
— Tyler McCall (@eiffeltyler) January 6, 2020
☆ Michelle Williams won for her performance in Fosse/Verdon, and she used her speech as an opportunity to speak out on the importance of women’s rights, especially when it comes to abortion. She’s known for keeping her personal life very private, so to hear her speak so passionately was truly a special moment.
☆ WHERE WAS LITTLE WOMEN?!! This movie was beautiful. I laughed, I cried, I remembered how much this story meant to someone like me, who fancies herself a writer. And the HFPA couldn’t give a sh*t about this movie. Couldn’t fathom how it would be important. Barely nominated it. It makes me believe everything Ricky Gervais said about them. Oscars, your move. Are you going to make me call you sexist trash bags, too?
☆ WTF was J.Lo wearing? Girl, we already know you’re a gift, you didn’t have to dress like the Christmas wrapping paper my mom bought at Paper Source on January 1st for 60% off.
☆ Laura Dern’s acceptance speech. I mean, she was funny, and charming, and she looked gorgeous, but the whole thing was hijacked by Gwyneth Paltrow’s ass. Come on, cameraman. We know she looked hot, but this is about Laura! Maybe film the winner’s acceptance speech from the front next time, and Google pictures of Gwyneth’s body at home later on your free time. This is your job, cameraman!
☆ Pairing Amy Poehler and Taylor Swift as presenters was BRILLIANT, because as you will remember, one of the years that Tina and Amy hosted the show they made a joke about Taylor Swift dating younger guys, and she responded later saying “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women.” Which is something I still laugh about to this day because it was such an overreaction. But this presentation was a missed opportunity. They didn’t even address it! I couldn’t even tell you what they presented, that was how boring it was. The fact that they didn’t take advantage of this pairing just made it pointless. I know you had something to say Amy, YOU SHOULD HAVE.
☆ Jason Momoa put his jacket back on to present.
☆ I find it unbelievable that Unbelievable didn’t win anything. As a true crime junkie, I can honestly say that that series was a cut above the rest of the genre, and Kaitlyn, Merritt, and Toni each gave heart-wrenching performances. And seriously, WHO IS WATCHING CHERNOBYL?!
☆ Another year where the best actor in a musical/comedy was from a musical biopic. I love Taron Egerton, but if he was going to win for anything it obviously should have been Kingsman. It takes great talent to play a character named Eggsy without laughing.
☆ The presenters. As I mentioned earlier, they were all kind of nothing-burgers. Was Tom Hanks passing around his cold medicine at the pre-show?
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood winning multiple awards, proving once again that Hollywood loves nothing more than to jerk itself off.
That Pierce Brosnan’s sons, this year’s Golden Globe Ambassadors, were nowhere near as hot as Pierce Brosnan.
The length. Over 3 hours?!?! Did I spend 11 hours binging the entire season of Spinning Out just yesterday? Yes, but what’s your point?
At that’s all folks! Have a good day! As Ricky says, get drunk, take your drugs! Happy New Year!
Images: Jackmacdfb ,sbstryker, lightscamerapod, eiffeltyler/Twitter; enews, betches/Instagram; Giphy
Remember approximately one week ago, when Bachelor in Paradise ended, and we didn’t know what to do with ourselves until January? Never mind! There’s no sleep in Bachelor Nation, and the press cycle for Colton’s season of The Bachelor has officially started. This week, Colton went on Ellen to talk about life, love, and how he’s *still* a virgin. I’m already sick of the virgin storyline. I mean, I didn’t even think this much about losing my own virginity. I digress. Because no appearance on Ellen is complete without a cringe-inducing surprise, we got to meet three of Colton’s upcoming bachelorettes.
Okay, so I fully hate that they do this early introduction thing now, because it really ruins the fun of seeing 28 complete randos step out of the limos on night one. But the ABC publicity team knows what they’re doing, so we have five solid minutes of content to dissect. Sydney, Annie, and Katie got to make their first impressions on Colton, and I have some thoughts too.
The three ladies had to play Ellen’s game “Know or Go,” where they stand on a platform and get dropped through the floor if they don’t know the answer to a question. This means that Colton was standing like 20 feet away from these three women that Ellen reminded him he might end up marrying. And he actually gets to hug the last woman standing! Should I make a joke about that being the most physical contact Colton has had with a woman in a while? Nah, it’s low-hanging fruit and I’m better than that.
Our first eligible bachelorette is Sydney. Sydney kinda looks like a generic brand Olivia Munn, but like, in a nice way? Her outfit is a little concerning, consisting of black booty shorts and some kind of yellow drapey top. Are these girls already using Becca’s stylist? For her first question, she’s asked to use her best pickup line on Colton. It, um, doesn’t go great.
SYDNEY: Did you just fall from heaven, or are you an angel?
ELLEN/COLTON/ALL OF AMERICA:
For some reason, she doesn’t get eliminated from the game for this horrendous answer. For her second question, she correctly identifies Madonna as the singer of “Like a Virgin,” because we have to make sure everyone knows COLTON IS A VIRGIN. Sadly, Sydney gets eliminated on question three, when she thinks the human heart only has three chambers. Well, no one said these women were scientists.
Katie is very pretty, and her face is giving me major Dionne in Clueless vibes. Unfortunately, her outfit erases any positive feelings I had about her. It looks like she took a silk sheet and had 20 minutes to make it into a romper, using only safety pins and a glue stick. The result is very “eliminated week 1 on Project Runway.” She says her ideal first date with Colton would be having a picnic in Malibu, which is fine, I guess? Unfortunately for her, she gets kicked off after question two, when she reveals that she doesn’t know how to f*cking rhyme. I don’t see Katie making it to hometowns with disappointing results like this, that’s for sure.
Annie is by far the most promising of these three ladies, and she wins this dumb competition. She’s wearing a standard Bachelor contestant outfit of a tube top tucked into some giant high-waisted striped pants. Her first question is her favorite thing about Colton, and she says his dogs. She reveals that she has SEVEN dogs (red flag), but it’s okay because they live on her mom’s horse farm (big red flag). Your mom having a horse farm can either mean you’re extremely rich, or you’re a total horse girl. I guess we’ll find out in a few months.
Annie successfully answers how many points a touchdown is worth, which is enough to come out on top against these other two psychos. She wins a quick hug and an awkward hello with Colton. No doubt this quality alone time will make the other girls extremely jealous when the season actually starts. Until then, we’ll do all the Instagram stalking we can, and report back when we have more info.
Watch the full video from Ellen below:
Images: Giphy (2)
It’s been almost seven months since Kim Kardashian got robbed in Paris, and she’s finally talking about it. Well, she’s been talking about it for a while, including the entire episode of Keeping Up about it, but she’s finally ready to do TV interviews about it. Our girl Ellen DeGeneres got the first interview, and honestly it was pretty interesting.
Ellen is the master of getting people to talk about things they might not want to—*makes mental note to invite Ellen over next time I confront my boyfriend for doing something shady*—but Kim clearly came prepared to tell the whole story so Ellen barely had to do anything. Kim talked about how the robbery has made her way less materialistic, and that she “knows it was meant to happen” to her. I’m happy Kim is alive and well, but come on, that has got to be the epitome of “shit rich people say.” Like, when I had a string of armed robberies in my apartment complex (#Atlanta), it didn’t make me “less materialistic,” but it did make me pay more attention to my surroundings at all times, never walk around with headphones, and always carry my keys wedged between my index and middle finger in case I needed to do a quick stabbing. Were those good life lessons to learn? Definitely. Would I have much preferred to learn those things without living in fear I’d get a gun shoved in my face in my parking deck? You fucking bet!
Don’t get me wrong, we’re glad Kim learned a lesson from that horrific experience—which we wouldn’t wish on anyone BTW—and we’re not mad that her Instagram has transitioned from flashy jewelry pics to grainy 1970s-style photographs. But like, Kim thinking she was “meant to” get robbed because she was materialistic is a whole Pandora’s box of victim self-blaming, which I’m not even gonna open right now. But whatever, I guess we all deal with tragedy in our own way.
In the interview, Kim talked about how she doesn’t really wear jewelry anymore, which makes sense tbh. She says she’s now a better role model for her kids—her sharp decline in thirst trap photos supports this statement—and that she views her whole life in a different way. She started to cry right on cue, and we can just imagine Kris watching gleefully as the crowd ate it all up. Behind every well-orchestrated TV interview, there’s a high power Momager pulling the strings.
We can’t believe we’re saying this, but at this point Kim might be the most down-to-earth member of her family. (If you’re wondering, it used to be Rob before he made it clear that Eggos were more important to him than his own daughter.) Kim seems happy and the most normal she’s been in basically…ever. How long will it last? Probably until the next time E! needs a ratings boost, so approximately seven months from now.