Whoever said millennial pink is the new hot pink was seriously disturbed, because Elle Woods is back in town. That’s right, get your Playboy bunny costume out of the closet, because Legally Blonde 3 is officially happening. We’ve all hoped and prayed for this for literal years, but the time has never felt more right. Ever since Big Little Lies slayed us all last year, Reese Witherspoon has been at the top of her game, so it makes perfect sense to revive her most beloved character now. Major rumors about the movie started circulating earlier this week, but Reese confirmed the news on Thursday morning, with an Instagram of her floating in the pool in the iconic pink sequined bikini. She looks ridiculously good for 42 (or any age, honestly), and she’s giving the people exactly what they want. The world might be ending soon, but at least Elle Woods is alive and well.
So right now, there are absolutely no details on the movie, but let’s be real, that’s never stopped us before. It might be another year or two before we get to see the movie, but who cares. It’s been 15 years since we last saw Elle, Paulette, and the gang (wow I feel old), so let’s wildly speculate on what they’ve been up to.
At the end of Legally Blonde 2, Elle had just married Emmett and gotten that bill passed to release all the dogs from the makeup testing facility. Basically, she was on top of the world. Fast forward 15 years, and she could realistically be a Senator or something by now. In my perfect Legally Blonde 3, we would see Elle as a badass politician who stomps all over her obnoxious male colleagues and looks amazing doing it. Think Elizabeth Warren in stilettos. There have been lots of memes and tweets about Elle Woods coming to save us from Trump, and I feel like that might basically be the plot of the movie. Like, I’m sure they’ll use a different name, but I bet there will be an evil dude with a horrible spray tan and tragic hair that Elle is going to defeat and then give hair advice to, like the good Cosmo girl she is.
As for Emmett, I can see him being a great stay-at-home dad to some perfect children. Or like, he might be a successful lawyer too, but Elle can definitely hold that shit down on her own. Elle is the kind of woman who would already be responding to work emails while in the hospital after giving birth, so Emmett can definitely take the kids to daycare.
The character I’m most worried about is one of the betchiest pups ever, Bruiser Woods. Chihuahuas live a pretty long time, with an average life expectancy of 15-20 years, but it’s already been 17 years since the first Legally Blonde movie came out. Of course I hope they keep Bruiser in the movie even if he’s old AF, but I could totally see a subplot about Elle mourning the loss of her beloved dog. The actual doggy actor, Moonie, sadly passed away back in 2016, so they might not even want to recast the iconic pupper. This one is going to hurt, but I can see it coming a mile away.
I’m also very excited to see what Paulette is up to these days. I have a feeling she’ll be very successful, maybe like the CEO of a haircare empire or something. Let me just be clear: If Paulette is not in this movie, I will set fire to the fucking rain. Idgaf about any of the other supporting characters, but Paulette is not optional.
Speaking of supporting characters, I have a feeling that most of the other past Legally Blonde costars won’t be getting the invite back. Judging from the comment that Selma Blair (Vivian in the first movie) left on Reese’s Instagram, this definitely seems like it was news to her. Sorry everyone, Elle Woods has moved on to bigger and better things.
So yeah, check back in a year or two to see if any of these predictions come true, I guess. We haven’t been blessed with a release date for Legally Blonde 3 yet, but hopefully Reese won’t keep us in the dark for too long. For now, I’ll just be rewatching the first movie approximately twice a week to hype myself up, so please don’t try to contact me, okay? God bless Elle Woods; I need this so much right now.
Images: Giphy; @reesewitherspoon / Instagram
In honor of the glory that was Big Little Lies, we need to just take a moment to appreciate the queen that is Reese Witherspoon. You may be asking, like, wait, is Reese even a betch? She seems kind of nice girl-ish to me. But while Reese may be super nice, she’s no basic nice girl. She gave us Legally Blonde so she’s grandfathered—er grandmothered?—in to the group. Kind of like how Rachel McAdams seems like she is mostly a narc in real life but she played Regina George so she is automatically betchy forever. It’s like, a betchiness lifetime acheivement award or something. Reese’s contributions to the genre just cannot be ignored. So, in honor of all of the acheivements Reese has made to amplify the voices of betches everywhere (not that we really need it but whatever) we’ve conveniently ranked her best work.
What, like it’s hard?
10. ‘Hot Pursuit’
You probably forgot that this movie even exists or just had it really confused with another female buddy-cop movie like The Heat or that one with Melissa McCarthy and the guy from Arrested Development. But this is an actual movie starring Reese Witherspoon and Sophia Vergara and it came out in 2015. Let’s just say, the reviews were not great. It scored a whopping 7 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Not your best work, girl.
Tobey Maguire plays Reese’s weird brother who is obsessed with a TV show from the 50s, so much so that he gets them both trapped in the black-and-white world of the show. Tobey’s character was definitely one of those Make America Great Again types who, when actually sent back in time, realized that despite being straight white male, the 1950s fucking sucked. Maybe we can do this for the Trump supporters?? Somebody get to work on this. Anyway, Reese played Tobey’s slutty sister who fucked shit up by opening these 1950s dudes’ eyes to the wonders of sex. But then in some Freaky Friday-esque twist, Tobey ends up realizing modern times are better and Reese realizes she’d rather be stuck in the 50s. Pleasantville was an enjoyable movie and I’ve seen it like six times with my family, so it’s not Reese’s worst movie, but her character actually does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nice girl which I do not appreciate in any way. Ninth place.
Reese stars as the iconic Tracey Flick who, though she was a dork, was kind of a ruthless betch who stopped at nothing to achieve her goal of becoming student body president. It’s basically 90s movie gold. That hot-ish guy from the American Pie movies is in it too. Anyway, Tracey is so driven and empowered that she drives one of her teachers literally insane, a sentence that could also describe my high school experience. Reese might be annoying AF in this movie, but in true betch fashion, she gets her way in the end. Still, I don’t think anybody saw this movie, and I had to Google it to make sure this wasn’t the one where Will Ferrell and Zack Galifinakis are running for political office against each other, which says a lot about the lasting power of the film IMO.
Sure, Wild is a movie about hiking, which I mean, gross, but anyway, it’s still watchable. And it was maybe nominated for an Oscar, unless I’m just making that up? Based on Cheryl Strayed’s book of the same name, we follow Reese on the mission of an independent-woman-who-don’t-need-no-man hiking the Pacific Coast Trail. And now I’m getting Eat, Pray Love PTSD flashbacks, ugh. Where this movie beats out Julia Roberts’ self-indulgent pasta-fest, though, is that Reese’s character swears a lot and ends up throwing a pair of ugly boots off a cliff. I mean, if I was forced to hike for more than three minutes I would do the exact same thing. Don’t put me down for hiking, I’d legit rather be eaten by a bear.
6. ‘This Means War’
Was this her best work? Of course not, but I had to include it on the list because what isn’t betchy about two really fucking hot CIA agents fighting over you? Especially if one of those dudes is Chris Pine. I mean, really. Also, Chelsea Handler played her best friend in this movie. Every betch should have Chelsea Handler as a best friend. Not a great film, but something you could definitely watch on a hungover Sunday morning, meaning it passes the Betchdel test.
5. ‘American Psycho’
Did you forget Reese is in this movie? Yeah, probs. DW about it, Reese probably forgot she was in this movie, too. She has a minor role as one of Patrick Bateman’s posh Manhattanite girlfriends, which we obviously connect with on a personal level. Spoiler alert, she doesn’t get murdered in the movie—another plus. In fact, I think she might be in maybe two scenes. Nonetheless, American Psycho has had kind of a resurgence lately—possibly because of Scott Disick’s physical and mental resemblance to Patrick Bateman, or the fact that the title can also serve as a two-word biography of our current president—so this seems like a good time to mention that Reese was not only in it, but seemed like a pretty decent match for Christian Bale in that role.
4. ‘Walk The Line’
The role of June Carter earned Reese an Oscar. That’s right, her portrayal of Elle Woods wasn’t the role that won her the hardware. Shame. Anyway, props to her for winning an award and getting to hang out with Joaquin Phoenix before he got all weird. Even as a brunette, we can still get behind her being the apple of a fake Johnny Cash’s eye. Like, also, of course she can sing. Because Reese Witherspoon is basically perfect, and why would you think otherwise?
3. ‘Cruel Intentions’
This was probably one of the first rated R movies you wanted to see. Sure, you could watch an edited version on TV, but it really leaves out some of the good stuff, including the insane amount of swearing these supposed high schoolers do. If you didn’t think Ryan Phillipe was hot as shit in this movie, who even are you? He was the king of fuckboys, but still hot. Aparently Reese thought he was alright too because they ended up getting married. Also, that kiss between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair was iconic. So yeah, even though Reese is kind of the designated “nice girl” of this movie, Reese had to selflessly assume that role so that all of SMG’s betchiness could be truly appreciated. It’s like how only once you know darkness can you truly appreciate the light, or some shit.
2. ‘Sweet Home Alabama’
Once again, Reese finds herself in a love triangle between two really hot dudes, one of which is McDreamy himself. I recently watched this movie because it was on, and let me just tell you, the plot holes are pretty glaring—but, for some reason, it’s still good. Reese plays an up-and-coming fashion designer in New York City (because that’s an easy enough job to get) who gets engaged and is forced to go back to her hometown in Alabama to finalize a divorce with her high school BF and explain to her family why she hasn’t been answering any of their calls for a decade. But, plot twist, her family still loves her and her ex husband has become both hot and wealthy. Then Reese is faced with the classic dilemma: Can a woman be hot, rich, and southern all at once? (SPOILER ALERT: she can).
1. ‘Legally Blonde’
This is in the betch cannon of classic films so is it even any fucking surprise that this is Reese’s best work? Let’s pretend like all of those shitty sequels didn’t exist so we can just focus on the real story of Bruiser and Elle Woods. In case you forgot, they’re both gemini vegetarians and probably the two betchiest to ever attend Harvard. Who among us hasn’t been motivated to do something crazy after a breakup? Given, going to law school isn’t necessarily as self-destructive as chopping all your hair off, but still. This movie is responsible for so many amazing lines that can be quoted in almost all curcumstances that it’s difficult to even pick just one, and there is no way Elle wasn’t directly responsible for Harvard being flooded with scented resume and poolside video applications. Like I said, it’s hard to nail down just one moment from this movie to leave you with. The bend and snap? The
playboy bunny Gloria Steinem costume? The moment when she saves Paulette’s dog using legal jargon? No. Instead i’ll leave you with one of the film’s most iconic lines, which will be used as an example of rock solid logic for years to come:
Read: A Definitive Ranking Of The ‘Big Little Lies’ Charactershttp://www.betches.com/big-little-lies-characters-ranked
Start working on your bend and snap technique, because Reese Witherspoon is totally down for a third Legally Blonde movie. It’s been 14 years since we last saw Elle Woods, but Reese said this week that she’d love to make another movie. She just needs someone to come up with a good idea, so like, get to work ladies.
And because Reese is basically a perfect person, she doesn’t want to do it just for the money. She said that women need that kind of positivity in the world right now, and we really couldn’t agree more. It’s been a tough few months, and things probably aren’t getting better anytime soon. We also just need to know that it’s okay to wear pink in public, and that Bruiser will truly live forever because otherwise what’s the point?
So basically there’s no concrete information yet, but we’re holding out hope that it’ll happen sooner rather than later. At least this definitely seems more likely to get made than Lindsay Lohan’s idea for a Mean Girls sequel. Someone please write Reese a screenplay ASAP, because we need Elle now more than ever.