How To Vote Without Spreading Infectious Diseases

Casual reminder that despite the global pandemic, there is still a primary election going on. Last week, elections were held in Arizona, Florida, and Illinois despite warnings from the CDC against gatherings of 50 or more. A number of other states have opted to postpone their elections, like so many #coronabrides, while our government attempts to get a handle on the crisis. 

With another big round of primaries at the end of April, and some coronavirus projections saying social distancing could impact our way of life for 18 months, what are those of us who both want to vote and stop the spread infectious disease to do? Here are some remote voting options that states have instituted, or could institute, to better allow us to vote during a pandemic. 

Your state not offering any of these options? The number for the Capitol switchboard is (202) 224-3121. 


Early Voting

Early voting is kind of exactly what it sounds like. It’s a process that allows voters to start casting ballots before Election Day, allowing voters more time to get to the polls when it’s convenient for them and helping to cut down on long lines and crowding at polling places in general. Thirty eight states have early voting laws on the books, so chances are this rule could apply to you. Rules can vary from state to state, so be sure to check your state’s rules before voting. For example, New York’s early voting law allows voting to begin 10 days before the election, but that number can go up to forty-five. 

If your state is one of the few that doesn’t allow early voting or have vote by mail, (*cough* PA, MS, AL, WY, SC, KY, WV, NH *cough*) here’s that number for the capitol switchboard again: (202) 224-3121.


Vote By Mail and All Mail Voting 

Vote by mail, aka the thing we should all have, is a term for when voting is conducted – say it with me – by mail. Groundbreaking. States with a vote by mail option allow voters to receive a ballot and mail back their vote without ever having to step foot in a polling place. In California, for example, primary voters could request a ballot for any reason from their county elections official either electronically or in print between 29 and 7 days before the election. They were then mailed a ballot with instructions on how to fill it out and a special envelope, which they were allowed to either return via mail or at any polling place on election day. 

According to the National Conference of State Legislatures, Colorado, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, and Utah conduct all-mail elections.

In those states that have instituted all-mail voting, ballots are automatically mailed to every eligible voter. They return them via mail and voilá, voting has occurred. Can you even imagine something that simple?

Given the global pandemic keeping us all in our homes, voting by mail has gotten a bit of a glow-up lately. Last week, Federal Election Commissioner Ellen Weintraub said that coronavirus pandemic has demonstrated how “necessary and urgent” voting by mail has become.

“As Congress and the White House race to save American lives and preserve America’s economy, they must also act swiftly to protect America’s democracy,” she said. “No one should have to risk their life — or the lives of their loved ones — to cast their vote.”

Voting rights advocates and election experts across the country are calling on states to consider implementing an all-mail voting system by the November election. Given that health experts say the coronavirus could impact our way of life for up to 18 months, seems like we should get TF on that.

Meanwhile, a group called RepresentUs is urging states to implement no-excuse absentee vote by mail options en masse in light of the COVID-19 outbreak.

No-Excuse Absentee Voting 

No-Excuse Absentee Voting is vote by mail and early voting’s unnecessarily complicated cousin. Most people vote absentee if they are out of town and unable to get to the polls on election day, but technically anyone is allowed to vote absentee if they are “unwilling or unable” to get to their polling place. Which like, in the case of a global pandemic, is all of us. 

Absentee voting is technically a thing in all 50 states, but some states require you to provide an “excuse” in order to qualify. In 28 states and D.C., however, you’re allowed to request a ballot and vote absentee with no excuse. If you’re in one of those states, check out your state’s absentee ballot rules (Warning: they can get tricky) and request a ballot which you can then send in by mail. 

If you’re in one of the 19 states that require an excuse (AL, AK, CT, DE, IN, KY, LA, MA, MS, MI, NH, NY, PA, RI, SC,TN, TX, VA, WV – what’s good?), now has never been a better time to deploy the fake cough you learned in high school. 


How Do We Support These Options? 

Pressure Washington to act! Since the pandemic outbreak, a new bill has been introduced by Senators Ron Wyden of Oregon and Amy Klobuchar (#TBT) of Minnesota that would require all mail-in or drop-off paper ballots if at least 25% of the states in the U.S. have declared a state of emergency. Sounds reasonable. It would also require that requests for ballots be made electronically. Call your representatives in Congress (that number again is 202-224-3121) and let them know you support expanding voting access in all situations, but especially in a global f*cking pandemic. 

To hear more on this topic, check out the end of this episode of the Betches Sup Podcast, where Sup content manager Amanda Duberman interviews the ACLU’s Molly McGrath about voting access in the age of corona. 

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Everything You Need To Know Abut 2020 Candidate Cory Booker

Surprising to no one who has been watching his career, Cory Booker announced last week his official campaign for the 2020 Presidency, along with two of his friends in politics: Kamala Harris and Kristen Gillibrand. As someone from New Jersey who has seen him speak on multiple occasions, he’s like the kid in your high school that got voted for every superlative: he’s funny, personable, and handsome. But, unlike The Bachelor, you can’t just pick your President based on their great smile — so let’s get to know him a little bit better together. And besides, no one’s smile is better than Obama’s.

So, Who Is He?

The first African-American U.S. Senator for New Jersey, Booker has been a long advocate for important civil issues that are being stripped away as we speak in politics. Women’s rights, LGBTQ+ rights and affirmative action are high-up on his ‘socially liberal’ platform. Additionally, he knows that being dramatic can prove a point: back in 1998, when running for mayor, he staged a hunger strike that lasted over a week long and lived in a tent to highlight issues in Newark, New Jersey. Additionally, he’s vegan and an eligible bachelor (for any gays in Brooklyn reading this, I’m also both of those). His first lady may be spoken for already, because he’s rumored to be dating Rosario Dawson — so if he wins, I’m guessing “Out Tonight” will be the new National Anthem? If you’re also a forty-eight year old woman at heart, watch his appearance on The View to get a sense of him.

What Are the Pros?

Cory Booker is a great guy. He’s very much the cool dad of one of your friend’s who, when you’d go back to your house after a sleepover, you’d shout at your dad at saying “WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE CORY?!” He feels that the country has lost faith in the government (no duh) and wants to take America back to the way it was before the Shit Storm of 2016. Plus, his money is where his mouth is: last year, after Michael Cohen’s (yup, him) office was raided, Booker was one of the Senators who introduced the Special Counsel Independence and Integrity Act to limit a President’s executive power.

Because who would ever abuse that?

What Are the Cons?

He’s a very charming, liberal, and progressive guy. But (because there’s always a but), some of his political ties could hurt him from a Democratic standpoint: mainly with Big Pharma. Back in 2017, he actually voted to kill a bill that would lower prescription drug prices — a weird move for someone with his values. It starts to make sense, though, when you see that he actually has received funding from “pharmaceutical and health product” industries in the past.

On the flip side, some may feel he’s too progressive: notably, in regards to marijuana. He wants to encourage states with the incentive of federal funds to make marijuana legal — a move that makes sense, but may hurt him with some older voters or 2016 Republican voters who are looking to jump ship. He also has dabbled in Instagram poetry, which would be a red flag for me on a dating app.


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Where Can I Find Out More?

You’ll definitely want to keep your eyes and ears open for all moves by Booker (either on date night’s with Dawson or during upcoming appearances) because I feel he will be involved in this race til the end. Check out his website here and duh, listen to the Betches Sup podcast for all things about him and more.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

WTF Happened In The 2018 Midterms?

Unfortunately for Democrats, the 2018 midterm election yesterday wasn’t exactly the sweeping “blue wave,” that was desired. While democrats had some serious victories, blue waves were met with equally fierce red walls, reminding everyone that loyalty to President Trump is still alarmingly strong. Is there a magical Kool-aid I’m not drinking here? Is Trump using Jafar from Aladdin’s golden serpent to send half the country into a trance? Or, is it just a money > morals situation? We’ll never know.

However, let’s focus on the good because we’re glass-half-full kind of betches. The turnout to the polls is set to be historic, and it’s not just because of Taylor Swift (Thank you for your effort though, Tay).  Approximately 114 million voters cast their ballots yesterday in the United States compared to 83 million in 2014. And while President Trump has already declared the election a “huge victory” for Republicans, Democrats now have new tools in the resistance and they’re more powerful than ever in his administration.

fight me let's go GIF by Mr. Paradise

1. Democrats Took Over The House 

Hell yeah they did. Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), who is hoping to snag the role of Speaker of the House again, said  in her victory speech that “tomorrow will be a new day in America.” Yes, Nancy. Statewide wins for Democrats in Wisconsin and Michigan are particularly notable as those are considered states that cost Hillary Clinton the 2016 presidential election.

2. Republicans Kept Control Of The Senate 

The senate loss for democrats was, well, a big loss. If house democrats want to impeach Trump, they would be met with a senate who will never go for it. However, democrats weren’t exactly on track to take the senate and there were some truly impressive races, which leads us to…

3. Ted Cruz Beat Beto O’Rourke In Texas, But It Was Close Af

Any candidate who can get Beyoncé to endorse them is alright by me. O’Rourke was adorable and brave, and the race was insanely close. This is huge for Texas, a notoriously red state as O’Rourke got 4,015,082 votes and Cruz landed 4,228,832.

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I’m feeling grateful for everyone before me who fought so hard to give us all the right to have a voice. We can’t voice our frustrations and complain about what’s wrong without voting and exercising our power to make it right. We need you. We all need each other, because when we are truly united we are unstoppable. Sending you all love and positivity on this happy voting day! Every vote counts Every race matters Everywhere.

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4. It Was The Year Of The Woman Pt. 2

Praise be. A total of 115 women won national office so far last night. Four of them are veterans and 42 of them are women of color. This is exciting as hell! We might actually be able to prevent the making of “True Life: America Became the Handmaid’s Tale.”

5. There Was A  “Rainbow Wave”

Here’s some hope for the future! Last night, we elected the first Muslim women in the House of Representatives with two Democrats: Michigan’s Rashida Tlaib, and Minnesota’s Ilhan Omar. Also, Democrats Sharice Davids (member of the LGBT community) of Kansas and Deb Haaland of New Mexico are the first Native American women in the House of Representatives. Veronica Escobar and Sylvia Garcia of Texas will be the first Latinas in the house. Jared Polis, a Democrat from Colorado is the first openly gay governor. Ayanna Pressley will be the first black woman to represent Massachusetts in the house and we got the youngest ever member of congress: 29-year-old millennial treasure, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. All of these people represent a new chapter for the house and for America. Diversity is powerful and hope is on the horizon!

So, while we didn’t wake up to a totally new country, last night was a powerful effort and an overall step in the right direction.

michelle obama hope GIF by Obama

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

5 Progressive Women Who Could Be The Next Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

When progressive Latina and bold-lip-wearer Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won her primary against longtime Democratic Rep Joe Crowley, everybody lost their minds. What could this mean for the 2018 midterms? If a 28-year-old socialist can win her primary, should we be paying attention to other progressive women in their elections? Who is the next Ocasio-Cortez? And also, what lip color she use? The answers to both those questions are yes, and Still “Stay All Day” liquid in beso.

I have been getting many inquiries about my debate lip color in the last two days.


It’s Stila “Stay All Day” Liquid in Beso. ????

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@Ocasio2018) June 17, 2018

So who is the next progressive af lady candidate we should be paying attention to? I mean, probs all of them. But here are 5 we think have the potential to be the next Ocasio-Cortez. There are currently 435 members of the House of Representatives, meaning we have approximately 434 seats left to fill before there are a satisfactory number of progressive women in government. Then we’ll move on to the Senate…and the governorships and…you know…The White House.

Ayanna Pressley for MA’s 7th District

Ayanna Pressley is a 44-year-old Boston city councilor who is currently looking to beat out a well-known white male incumbent in the primary for Massachusetts’ 7th District. Sound familiar? Pressley was the first woman of color elected to Boston’s city council and called Ocasio-Cortez her “sister in change,” which is incidentally what I call any girl who helps me freshen up my makeup in the bathroom.

Pressley is running against long time Democratic incumbent Michael Capuano and her primary will take place on September 4th. If you’re a Massachu-betch from the 7th district, check out her website here. Or if you’re not, you can still check out her website, and donate to her campaign.

This morning, I called for the defunding of ICE, see my full statement below. #abolishICE #ChangeCantWait #mapoli

— Ayanna Pressley (@AyannaPressley) June 25, 2018

Julia Salazar for NY State Senate

So we already know NYC can elect one millennial socialist Latina to government, but can they elect…two?!?! We’re gonna find out thanks to Julia Salazar, 27-year-old Democratic Socialist who is taking on Martin Dilan in a primary to represent the State Senate’s 18th district. The news literally can’t stop drawing comparisons between the two very different women (for one, Julia tends to do a nude lip) because they hold similar progressive values and are unafraid of ruining a pair of flats knocking on doors.

Salazar is challenging an eight term incumbent who previously represented her district for ten years on the City Council. According to Salazar, he’s also taken “an enormous amount of money from for-profit real estate developers.” Her primary is Thursday, September 18th and if you’re a NYC betch from NY’s 18th district, take a look at her website here. She literally says “tax the rich to fix the subways,” and after I read that phrase I blacked out and woke up donating to her campaign.

#CuomosMTA is hardly going the way of elderly riders and those with disabilities. A total of 640,000 New Yorkers are locked out of our subway system because their neighborhoods lack a single accessible station.

It’s not right, and we’re going to fix it.

— Julia Salazar for State Senate (@SalazarSenate18) July 24, 2018

Stacey Abrams for Governor of Georgia

Stacey Abrams actually already won her primary well before Ocasio-Cortez, but the big test will be if she can actually win the election to become the next Governor of Georgia. If she does, she will be the first black woman ever elected governor in the whole damn United States. That’s right folks, we’ve had more governors that were former professional wrestlers, than we’ve had governors who are black women. Sit with that for a sec.

Abrams is the first black woman to lead either party in Georgia and she will face off against Trump BFF Brian Kemp in the midterms on November 6th, 2018. Georgia betches, you can check out Stacey’s website here, and register to vote here.

Georgia’s next governor must support small businesses across our state—including Amya’s Lemonade Stand in Decatur! Happy to invest in her #smallbiz with a “micro loan” and foster her entrepreneurial spirit. Go Amya! ????

— Stacey Abrams (@staceyabrams) July 20, 2018

Miranda Hobbes Cynthia Nixon for Governor

Let’s bring it back to Sex And The New York City for a sec to talk about the one and muhfuckin’ only Cynthia Nixon. She has been running a progressive challenge to NY’s Governor Andrew Cuomo that’s been gaining major steam, especially since Ocasio-Cortez (who she endorsed)’s upset. Cynthia is running on a platform of legalizing marijuana (gr8), ending mass incarceration (gr8er) and fixing the goddamn subway (gr8est).

The biggest test for Cynthia will be if she can actually beat out Cuomo in the primary on September 13th, 2018. Then there’s the pesky business of actually winning the general election, but if there’s any one we know can do it, it’s Miranda.

I believe health care is a fundamental human right. Yet many New Yorkers face skyrocketing costs and families continue to be uninsured.

Every New Yorker can have good health care, with no copays and no deductibles. That’s why I’ll create a single payer, Medicare For All system.

— Cynthia Nixon (@CynthiaNixon) July 24, 2018

Cori Bush for Missouri’s 1st District

If you’ve been following Ocasio-Cortez on all social media (and I have) you’ll notice she popped over to St. Louis last week to Stan for another young progressive looking to unseat a Democratic incumbent in her area. Cori Bush is an activist and organizer who has also been a pastor and a nurse. (Meanwhile I can’t find time to both go to the gym and watch The Bachelor.) She’s looking to unseat Rep William Lacy Clay who has held the House seat for Missouri’s 1st district for seventeen years, and whose father had previous held it from 1969 – 2001.

Cori Bush’s primary is Tuesday, August 7th and she’s running on a platform of “jobs, justice, and medicare for all.” You can find out more about her campaign (and donate to it) here.

Breaking News: Conservative goes to our @CoriBush rally in St. Louis and… gets inspired? And then… gets uncomfortable… about being inspired by a Democrat? ????

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@Ocasio2018) July 24, 2018

BONUS PROGRESSIVE: Zephyr Treachout for NY Attorney General

Okay okay New York we get it, you’re liberal. Treachout’s primary is the same day as Cynthia Nixon’s (say it loud for the New Yorkers in the back: September 13th), and she’s looking to become New York’s Attorney General. Treachout is no stranger to campaigns. She ran for NY’s 19th district in 2016 (but lost to Republican John Faso) and ran for governor in 2014, but lost to Cuomo in the primary.

Trechout is a law professor and constitutional law expert (so she’s like, really smart) who says her priorities as AG will be 1) leading the legal resistance against Trump, 2) cleaning up Albany corruption, 3) battling financial fraud and corporate scams and 4) making the argument against mass incarceration.

I am running to be the next Attorney General of New York. I accept no corporate PAC money, and no LLC money.

This is not complicated: No Attorney General should take money from corporations she is charged with overseeing & investigating & whose lawbreaking she may prosecute.

— Zephyr Teachout (@ZephyrTeachout) June 28, 2018

Once again, New Yorkers, that primary is on September 13th and everyone who is anyone will be voting in it. And that goes double for November 6th.

Feeling Inspired?

Well then it’s time to get your inspired (and gorgeous) ass to the polls. Betches is partnering with Rock The Vote to do just that.

>>Click Here To Get Registered<<


The link above will take you to the Rock The Vote website where you can get registered and sign up for text message alerts about upcoming elections in your area. Never miss an election – or an opportunity to Instagram your “I Voted” sticker – ever again.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

The Best And Worst Midterm Campaign Ads So Far

In case you didn’t know, the midterms are coming up (And if you didn’t know, rectify that situation by registering to vote ASAP) and that can only mean one thing: campaign ads. More specifically, low-budget campaign ads made by first time candidates vying for one of the many, many flippable seats in the House of Representatives. While some candidates have risen to the occasion and put together ads that give you what the kids are calling “all the feels,” others…aren’t doing as well. Here are some of the most inspiriting and the most cringeworthy campaign ads of 2018 so far. Now get out there and vote!

Inspiring: MJ Hegar for Texas

Before yesterday, most people would have thought a door-themed campaign ad wouldn’t really resonate with voters. Now we know that doors are actually very, very meaningful thanks to MJ Hegar, a Purple Heart recipient and combat veteran who is running in Texas’ 31st District. The ad (titled “Doors”, because duh) gives you door-themed look at Hegar’s life story, starting with her experience witnessing domestic abuse, to her time in Afghanistan, to the helicopter crash that almost killed her and her lawsuit that pushed the Pentagon to allow female soldiers in combat roles. Yeah. She did all that.

Why am I running for Congress against a Tea Party Republican in Texas? It all started with a door:

— MJ Hegar for Texas (@mjhegar) June 20, 2018

Hegar waits a full two minutes before finally coming for her opponent John R. Carter, stating that when she was fighting to get women an equal place in the Armed Forces, he wouldn’t even take a meeting with her. “Apparently being a consituent and a veteran wasn’t enough to get a meeting — apparently I also had to be donor.” Damn, MJ. Tell us how you really feel.

She then ends the ad by saying he’s never faced a tough race in his life, but “we’ll show him tough, then we’ll show him the door.”

Brb. Moving to Texas’ 31st District so I can vote for this woman.

Cringeworthy: Levi Tilleman – The Man Who Pepper Sprayed Himself


Levi Tilleman is a Democrat running for Colorado’s 6th Congressional District and he wants you to know that he is serious about gun reform. How serious, you ask? Well, he’s so serious that he pepper sprayed himself in his own campaign ad to prove a point.

Yes. You read that right. This man — who wants us to all believe he has the sound decision making skills necessary to represent his district in Congress — pepper sprayed himself in the face during his own campaign ad.

Why, you ask? He was trying to make a point about how instead of arming teachers, we could give them all pepper spray.

Hmmm…couple things here…

1) giving teachers pepper spray does nothing to address the underlying issue of guns and mental health in America, and I also doubt a lunatic with an assault rifle will be deterred by the idea that one of the teachers might pepper spray them, especially considering they can shoot from farther away than pepper spray can spray.

2) Omfg did he really have to do that much? And at such a close a range? When would you ever pepper spray anyone for such a prolonged period and from such a close range?

3) Why???? Would????? You??? Do????? This????

The Colorado Congressional primary will take place on Tuesday, June 26th, and voters in the 6th will have to ask themselves this crucial question: Who would you rather vote for, a guy who has never pepper sprayed himself in the face, or a guy who totally did pepper spray himself in the face?

Inspiring: Randy Bryce

Remember when the Republicans in Congress couldn’t stop trying to take our healthcare away? (They’re still totally doing that BTW.) Well it was right around then that Randy Bryce (and a casual 48% of a Americans) decided that Speaker Paul Ryan should fire up the old LinkedIn and start searching for another job.

.@IronStache ( Randy Bryce ) is running against Paul Ryan. Here’s his campaign ad. #healthcare

— will county news (@willcountynews) June 20, 2017

Honestly this ad gives me chills every time, and you have to watch it keeping in mind that it was released before we knew whether or not “repeal and replace” would fail. Randy is a Wisconsin steel worker who uses the nickname/Twitter handle “The Iron Stache” and he ends his ad by saying “Paul Ryan, you can come work the iron, and I’ll go to DC.” TBH I’d love to see the Paul Ryan steel worker’s fitness pics that would come out of that job switch.

Cringeworthy: Don Blankenship

Sadly, this last contender already lost his primary (wonder why), but we’ll always have this amazing shit show of a campaign ad to remember him by. Is it racist? Yes. Is it confusing? Of course. Is it literally just him, with completely dead eyes, speaking in a monotone directly to camera? Yaaaaassss queeeeen.

*Sigh* Goodbye, Don Blankenship. Considering you were convicted of “conspiring to violate federal mining standards” after one of the mines you ran exploded and killed 29 people, it’s pretty impressive that this ad might be the worst thing you’ve ever done.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Updated: Everything You Need To Know About The California Primaries

California was buzzing on Tuesday and not just because Sofia Richie disappointed us all by staying with Scott Disick. The state’s primary elections were held and since there are so many seats in Cali, 53 to be exact, Dems wanted to sweep the election and increase their odds of taking over the world House of Reps.

WTF Does It Matter

Not only does California get a monopoly on celebrities, but the state also has a huge amount of influence in Congress because of its 53 House seats. Due to the laid back and often liberal reputation, the state is considered a big blue block on the map, and Hilz won the state back in 2016 to no one’s surprise. However, if you haven’t already picked up on it, 2018 is a big fucking deal and people are super invested in the outcome of midterms. Like probably the first time people have paid this much attention to primaries in a while, thank you Trump for being so horrible that people now care about elections! Currently Republicans have control of the House, Senate, and no control over Trump even though he claims to be one of them, so Dems want to end that ASAP.

Welcome To The Jungle

California just has to be unique, so they have a “jungle primary.” Yes… that is actually what it’s called and tbh its v. Darwinian with the strongest going to the general, so very Survivor of them. It works by advancing the top two vote-getters in each of the state’s 53 congressional districts, 10 of which are up for grabs. And here’s the kicker, party doesn’t matter. *GASP* This is a BFD because it means that, in some districts, the number of Democratic candidates could mean that two Republicans move on to the general. Cali really should just be it’s own little kingdom where Queen Bey and Jay rule, I bet the annual ball would be lit.

TF Does Primaries Mean

Primaries are like the first night on the Bachelor(ette). Pretty much anyone can get to this round, and sometimes it’s such a cluster fuck that there is no way you can remember everyone’s name. This is where we weed out the boring duds from the Chads and Ben Higgins of the world. Primaries take place in the spring/summer before the final rose general election. In the primary someone does get a first-impression rose and comes out as the fav for the election, but a lot can happen between then and November. In a majority of states the party plays a large role and you run against other people in your party to be the lead dem or republican to advance on to the next round. Again not in Cali, because they are different.

TF Happened?

In case you blacked out LN, or just didn’t watch the California primaries, here’s a recap. In the Senate primary Dianne Feinstein took the lead and looks like the 84 year old will keep the seat she’s had since 1992, which may be before some of you were even born. (Rude.) The Gov race is still between Newsom (D) and Cox (R). This is one to watch because Newsom took a slight lead, but not enough to safely say that a Republican governor is a no. The 53 House seat elections only had one upset in District 31 where incumbent Rep. Pete Aguilar (D) lost by .1% to his challenger Sean Flynn (R). The Dems avoided being locked out of any of the major House races (TG), and Republicans were locked out of the California Senate race (too bad, so sad), where we’ll be getting some Dem-on-Dem action as Dianne Feinstein takes on fellow Dem Kevin De Leon.

The twist? There was actually a major issue on the night of the election, when a casual 110,00 voters were left off the rosters and forced to vote via provisional ballot. This “printing error” affected a third of LA counties, and is why you should always make sure to restock the fucking ink, Karen!

If you want to see what the outcome of the 52 other districts are, The Washington Post has more time on their hands and outlined the whole thing.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

These Are The Elections You Need To Pay Attention To In 2018

As Americans, exercising our right to vote is literally the least we can do to make sure that the people who represent us are at least somewhat supported by a majority of citizens. Whether you’re voting on “who wore it best,” picking the winning bracket in the Betchelor Challenge, or choosing actual political representatives, this is the one time you are fully allowed to  blatantly choose favorites based on personal (preferably educated) opinion. America: Land of the Free, Home of the Petty.

If the 2016 presidential election had you pounding tequila shots until you forgot how to spell “democracy,” then you’re probably itching for another chance to flex those Scantron-bubble-filling muscles. Well, you’re in luck, my woke friends – no need to wait until 2020 for the next presidential election when there are tons of primaries, special elections, and midterms to vote in this year. Here are just a few of the ones that might stand a real chance at stopping the big orange wrecking ball from destroying everything causing some major shifts in the Senate and the House.

May 8 – Indiana, Ohio, & West Virginia Primaries

The Democratic Senator in each of these three states is running for re-election on a pretty unstable footing. In Indiana, Republicans have raised over $1 million to challenge current Dem. Senator Joe Donnelly. Meanwhile, West Virginia’s Dem. Senator faces a Republican opponent who spent a year in federal prison for a workplace safety violation that killed 29 people in a mining accident. You know, totally equal opponents.

June 5 – California & New Jersey Primaries

5 out of 12 races in New Jersey have the potential to shake things up, while two Republicans in California have already announced they are not seeking re-election, which opens the door for a possible blue flip for those districts. TBH, I feel them – if I was already part of the House or Senate when the past year and a half of insanity tornadoed through, you couldn’t have paid me to peace outta that mess fast enough.

August 2 – Tennessee Primary

With Bob Corker also calling it quits, the Tennessee Primary is totally up in the air and Democrats are hoping to pull an upset and snatch that wig from the winner of the Republican primary.


August 14 – Minnesota Primaries

Tina Smith is looking to serve out the rest of the term that she took over for Al Franken after he joined the ranks of creepy men in power who like to grope women as a joke. Cute. Republicans are looking for the steal but like, ya girl had to come in at a tough time and pick up a lot of pieces when Franken let everyone down so why don’t we just let her have this one, yeah?

Other Elections To Watch This Summer:

June 26 – New York, Maryland, & Utah Primaries

August 7 – Michigan & Missouri Primaries, Ohio Special House General Election

August 28 – Arizona & Florida Primaries

Save these dates to your iCal because each of these races could be the key to flipping the House or the Senate. Also, watching election results is fun. Especially if you turn it into a drinking game.


November 6 – The G-D Midterm Elections

This is it. The big one. The primaries are just pregames getting you nice and sauced up for the main event. While the White House will remain under Republican control for the next 2 years, midterms could flip enough seats in the House and/or the Senate to edge Democrats closer to closing the gap or even taking the majority.

This is a massively BFD, considering the point of the other branches is to check and balance the president and each other. They’re basically there to ensure that one party doesn’t run wild passing legislation that only serves to benefit their point of view. I’d like to take a moment to thank Schoolhouse Rock! for my unofficial degree in political science and the ability to sound like I have even the slightest fucking clue what I’m talking about.

For a complete list of elections in 2018, check out this handy guide by The New York Times, and make sure to register to vote in your state. For real, if you can tweet a vote for The Voice because you think Adam Levine is a wet dream on two legs, then you definitely have enough time to do your civic duty and get your ass to your local polling place because this shit matters. Be the change you wish to see in the world, or whatever. I’m pretty sure a bumper sticker taught me that.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

All The Drama Over The Pennsylvania Special Election, Explained

The outcome of the Pennsylvania special election says a lot about who has the upper hand going into the November 2018 midterms. That’s right, the middle of nowhere southwestern corner of Pennsylvania has a big say in which party is stepping into the 2018 midterms with the most momentum. You may remember PA deciding the fate of your life back in 2016, but thanks to everyone leaving the White House people losing confidence in Trump, the GOP has spent $10 million trying to keep a district that Trump won by 20 points just two years ago.

WTF is a Special Election?

A special election occurs when the elected official cannot fulfill their full term, and therefore an election is held to fill that seat for the remainder of the term. In the case of PA-18, that is until the 2018 midterm election. You may be wondering what happened to the elected official that originally held the seat, well #metoo! Turns out, pro-life Rep. Tim Murphy encouraged his mistress to get an abortion resigned amid a scandal, resulting in this contentious race. Very cool, Rep. Murphy

Now, please get ready for the most dramatic season of the Bachelor special election in history and remember only one of these men will take home the final rose become Congressman for PA-18.

Who TF Is Rick Saccone?


The heavily GOP and Trump-backed Saccone is a four time state legislator, and what you would expect from a party guy. (And by that I mean political parties, not party-parties.) He supports the GOP Tax bill, wants to repeal Obamacare, is anti-abortion, besties with the NRA, and supports Trump’s new tariff. He also claimed to be “Trump before Trump was Trump,” which I still have no idea how to even comprehend, honestly all I picture is a mini-me version of Trump. Scary.


Who TF Is Conor Lamb?

This is where things get interesting, and I’m not just talking about how this 33 year-old isn’t hard on the eyes. Lamb has broken with the traditional ideology of the Democratic party and said he “would not blindly follow Leader Pelosi.” He also believes life begins at conception, but stands by the Supreme Court decision to legalize abortion. He is pro-Trump tariff and only wants stronger background checks for gun buyers, not more restrictions on guns themselves. Are we sure this guy isn’t a Republican in sheep’s clothing? On the other hand, he wants to stabilize Obamacare and thinks the GOP Tax bill was a money gun pointed directly at the rich and famous, so he’s like, Democrat light, which is low-key a good strategy for someone running in bumfuck nowhere Pennsylvania. Did I mention Joe Biden and him seem to be besties?!

So Who The F Won?


This one was a nail biter fosho. The candidates were 50/50 towards the end, however Lamb claimed victory with a speech late Tuesday night after being a few hundred votes ahead. Rick Saccone is said to not have accepted defeat because he talked to Roy Moore there are still absentee and provisional ballots being counted. TBH, it doesn’t matter who wins at this point, because the Democratic party has shown that it can narrow the gap in what was previously considered a safely Republican district. Going into 2018 midterms Dems think they have a shot at taking back a lot of seats from the GOP, and potentially winning a majority in the House. I’m not holding my breathe, but I will say a quick prayer!

Why TF Does Any Of This Matter?

Sooo…in a way it kind of doesn’t. This election is mostly symbolic for a few reasons. The first, is that  whoever wins will still have to run in a regular election after the midterms. The second fun little plot twist is that the congressional district maps may be redrawn in PA (because gerrymandering) meaning this district literally will not exist next election cycle.

Hopefully, by the end of today all the ballots will be counted and PA-18 will have a legit Congressman-elect. But if not, I’ll be here for the continued drama.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!