If you live in a place that isn’t perpetually overcast (I don’t), chances are you got a glimpse of the eclipse on Sunday night. Or, more likely, you saw 100 grainy stories on Instagram this morning from your friends who don’t understand how cameras work. This wasn’t just any old regular eclipse my friends. Oh no, it was the Super Blood Wolf Moon. What does that mean? It varies by sign, of course, but the general trend is this: change is coming. Good? Bad? Entirely unwarranted? Find out below in your betchy weekly horscopes.
Been feeling a bit restless lately, Aries? Don’t worry, it’s to be expected. However, just because the eclipse is surfacing these feelings out of the blue doesn’t mean you have to ignore them. What’s important now is to listen to your gut. Does the idea of change have you feeling more relieved than you expected? Well then, go with it! Are you full of dread at the very thought of shifting a single aspect of your current life? Well then, maybe take a step back. The eclipse is here to make you think about these things, but what you decide to do about it is 100% up to you.
After a few recent setbacks, the idea of overhauling your entire life on the whim of the moon sounds kind of appealing, doesn’t it, Taurus? Well…don’t. Changes made in your life right now should be done through the lens of positive change, not because you’re spiraling. Like, if you wake up tomorrow and think “wow I should get bangs,” please lock yourself in your home for at least 24 hours as you clearly aren’t in the state of mind to be making a single decision. Spend this week laying low and taking stock of your life, and if you still feel like Marie Kondo-ing every aspect of it after that, then by all means, get those bangs.
Things are good for you right now, Gemini. Like, really good. And that would be great and dandy except for the fact that you are going to spend the rest of the week convincing yourself that that’s not the case. The eclipse is going to have you feeling slightly uneasy, which means you’re about to overanalyze every aspect of your life in the hopes you find a flaw. Well guess what? If you go looking for flaws, you will probably find them. Instead, try sitting back and focusing on the many positives that you have going right now. While your raging anxiety is likely to stick around, take solace in the fact that this will pass.
You didn’t need the eclipse to start contemplating change, Cancer. Let’s face it, you’ve been looking for an out for a while now, and this super blood wolf moon showed up right in the nick of time. But no one else needs to know that, right? Feel free to use this astrological event as the push you needed. Tired of your job? Get a new one. Feeling stuck in your relationship? End it. Want bangs? Don’t do that. Please. But everything else is fair game.
The last few weeks (or let’s be real…months) have had you feeling off your game, Leo. That lack of control, that feeling of disconnect, is your kryptonite, but this blood moon just might be the remedy you’ve been searching for. Your mojo is back, and you only needed an eclipse to find it. Crazy, right? Use this window of unwieldy change to right size your life, whatever that means for you. Just be sure to navigate around the feelings of those closest to you. They may have been blissfully unaware of your state of mind recently, and a sudden disruption will seem entirely out of the blue to them.
This is a good news, bad news situation. The bad news? It’s time to finally address those pesky problems you’ve been shoving under the metaphorical rug for quite some time now. The good news? The blood moon will give you the clarity to do that in a way that won’t destroy your entire life. Exciting, right? Confronting your issues is difficult for even the most aggressive of signs, but for you, gentle Virgo, it feels truly impossible. Take solace in the fact that, in fact, it is not. Be extra kind to yourself this week while you navigate these choppy waters, and focus on how good you’ll feel after it’s all done.
It’s time to get back on that horse, Libra. Or the wagon. Whatever mode of transportation you prefer in this metaphor, hop on it. Recent losses had you thinking you’re never going to get back in the swing of things, but the blood moon brings with it a new perspective. You’ve proved time and time again that anything is possible when you put your mind to it, and this instance is no different. Dust yourself off, hold your head high, maybe take a swig of something alcoholic, and get out there.
You’ve made some changes in your life recently, Scorpio, so this eclipse shouldn’t bring any drastic updates your way. Instead, the blood moon should be offering you clarity on where your path leads next. Deep down you know what it is you want, but maybe you haven’t yet had the resolve to commit to it. Well guess what, bitch? It’s time to commit. Half the battle is in making the choice to actually do something. But once you’ve done that, you’ll be ready to put in the work to make it happen.
This week you may find yourself thinking about people you haven’t spoken to in a while, for better or for worse. Annoying, I know. Blame the blood moon. If it’s someone who you’ve cut ties with for very real and reasonable reasons, don’t feel like you need to reach out. The eclipse may have you feeling nostalgic, but that doesn’t mean it’s something you have to pursue. However, if you find yourself thinking about people you miss and just fell out of contact with, don’t hesitate to shoot them a text. For all you know, they’re thinking about you too. Word of warning: even when it’s positive, reconciliation can be awkward, so if you feel the urge to start mending some bridges, make sure you prepare yourself for the possibility that it gets weird.
Believe it or not, Capricorn, but this blood moon will have you contemplating the idea that you may work too much. Sounds familiar, right? Probably because every single person in your life has been telling you the same thing for the last infinity years. The fact that you’re even recognizing it is a huge step forward, so follow this feeling and see where it takes you. You won’t believe the number of things that can fill your day when you stop working yourself to death, be it hobbies, relationships, or some goddamn peace and quiet.
In the single most Aquarius move of all time, you kicked off your season on a Super Wolf Blood Moon. We get it, you live for the drama. Well lucky for you, there’s more on the way. You’ve spent the last few weeks wrestling with a decision that you know is going to make waves, and the eclipse will finally bring the clarity you need to make your move. It will go against every fiber of your being, but don’t fight it. Deep down you know that big moves are coming your way, and it’s time to accept it. Sit back, relax, enjoy what Aquarius season brings you, and let the change roll through. You may not believe it, but you’ll feel better for it.
It’s time to stop letting your life be governed by the whims of those around you, Pisces. Why not let it be governed by the whims of the moon instead? At least that way you don’t have to deal with the unpredictable decisions of others, who seem to have little to no regard for your way of life. This week the blood moon will bring you the resolve to make the changes you’ve known you needed to make for a while. It may be hard, but it’s time to put yourself first for a change. Those who fight you were never on your side to begin with.
Images: Giphy (5)
If you’re currently living in the United States, then you know that people have been collectively losing their shit and jizzing themselves over this fucking eclipse. Like yah, okay, we get it—the moon dances in front of the sun for 2 minutes and potentially the Mayans’ predictions calling for the end times comes true. But the world didn’t end, Donald Trump didn’t resign, and I’m not being worshipped as some sort of god yet, so, altogether, this eclipse was a bust.
If you did miss it and will have to wait until August 2024, eat these booze-spiked moon pies in honor of the solar deities that obviously rule our lives.
For the cookies:
· 2 cups unsalted butter, softened
· ¾ cup packed light brown sugar
· 3 tsp pure vanilla extract
· 1 large egg
· 2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour
· ½ tsp salt
For the filling:
· 4 oz semisweet chocolate, melted
· 1 cup butter
· 3-4 cups powdered sugar
· 1/3 cup Bailey’s Irish Crème
Grab your handy-dandy KitchenAid mixer and beat the butter until it’s creamy. Add the brown sugar and beat until fluffy, then throw in the vanilla and the whole egg and beat that shit too. Add in the flour and salt and beat until you have a soft dough. Divide it into two mounds and transfer each to a sheet of plastic wrap. Pat until it’s a square, about 1/3 inch thick, then wrap and chill until firm—which will take about 20 mins.
Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 350F and line two baking sheets with parchment. Grab one of your chilled cookie dough square and roll it out to about 1/8 inch thickness. Use a biscuit cutter to stamp out some rounds, then arrange them on one of the baking sheets. Repeat with your other dough square. Refrigerate the punched out cookies on the sheets until firm—about 10 mins.
Bake the cookies for like, 15 mins until they’re lightly browned. Let cool slightly then put that shit on racks so they cool even harder.
Once your cookies are cool, spread the melted chocolate on the underside of each one. Allow that shit to set and harden. While it does, beat the butter for the filling until it’s light and fluffy. Add in the powdered sugar and then gradually add the Bailey’s until you get the consistency you want. Pipe that shit into the center of the cooled ganache, spread, then top with another cookie. Fuck, inhale that shit, and exhale negativity. Namaste.
The Total Solar Eclipse is basically a New Moon on steroids. If the zodiac was The Bachelorette, the solar eclipse is Chad eating a bunch of lunch meat and intimidating the fuck out of everyone even though he’s probs not actually that scary. The New Moon is just a kickoff to a new era in your life, so like, the eclipse will signal a big change for you. Also, Mercury is still retrograding so there’s that to deal with.
In the next month, you’re feeling, like, super ambitious. You’re setting some lofty goals for yourself as you head into fall. Kicking things off like a new diet or study regimen will be shitty and unnecessarily hard at first thanks to Mercury in Retrograde. It’ll be like cupcakes and parties will be around everywhere you turn, which normally, would be awesome as shit, but, with your new lifestyle goals of not being fat and/or lazy, those will be hurdles you need to cross and, ultimately, say no to.
The sun is shifting signs this week, and although Mercury is in retrograde, it’s bringing many blessings your way. Like, what? This basically never happens so just enjoy it while it’s here. The next month is all about parties, romance, good vibes and fun for you. During this window, it’s best you put your creative talents to work since you’ll be super inspired and motivated. Don’t fucking waste this opportunity. Some other signs in the zodiac are having a super rough time so just gloat quietly to yourself/humble-brag on Twitter.
Mercury in retrograde is making you focus on your family. So make sure things are all copacetic with your parents and siblings. Try not to step on any toes. You really don’t need a group chat family text fight while mercury is retrograding. Also, some weird cousin or distant relatives might be popping up in your future, so be careful who you make out with at your back-to-school sorority mixers. Gross. Hey, at least right now you’re pretty motivated. It’s a good time to finish projects, or like, fold the laundry that’s been sitting on a chair in your room for a month.
It legit feels like time is speeding up around you. Like, wasn’t it just the Fourth of July and now Labor Day is right around the corner? Fuck that noise. The bad news is your pace will continue to be sped up as we barrel toward fall. Are your pumpkin spice senses tingling yet? Beware this week, Mercury in retrograde is fucking up your travel plans. Expect delays, mix-ups, flat tires, car troubles—all of the horrible crap that comes with getting yourself where you need to go.
The solar eclipse is taking place in your sign and while you might be like, “WTF is this a big deal or something?” your subconscious is pretty stoked on it the fact this new moon occurs in Leo. Since Venus is in your sign, you’re more charming, attractive, and fun. Mercury is also hanging around, making you energetic and exciting. So, even though there’s a lot of hype over the eclipse which will last legit two minutes, excitement in your life will continue throughout the rest of the week and into the next month.
The Sun moves into your sign this week and will buddy up with Mercury in retrograde. So that means retrograde won’t be that bad. Er, won’t continue to be that bad for you. The Sun brings you more energy and recharges you for your year ahead. It’s like a Red Bull vodka for your life, but without the calories or sugar. Mercury in retrograde might affect you in little ways when it comes to communication. You’ll basically feel like it’s 2007 again as your text and emails just aren’t going through or something like that.
To quote Anchorman: “You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.” OK, you may or may not be wanted for murder for killing a guy with a trident, but it’s best that you keep a low profile for the next four weeks because the sun is hidden in your chart. It’s best you use this time to put your head down and grind out some projects or work you’ve been putting off. You can return to the social world next month when the sun returns to your sign.
Woah, you’re like, really popular. That is, at least for the next four weeks. It’s an excellent time to work with others or force yourself to be on a team. It might just be that all the summer fun and travel is winding down, but a lot of friends you haven’t seen much of lately will be reappearing in your life. Keep an eye out for people you just drifted away from for no reason and those who you actually don’t want to be around anymore. Don’t waste your time on fake friends, especially when Mercury is in retrograde and you need all the good vibes you can get.
The Sun is at the highest point in your chart, you know what that means: spotlight time. Everything you do will be on display and can sometimes feel like you’re under a fucking microscope. Everyone will feel like replying to your Snapchat or IG story because they want you to give them attention and value their feedback. Whatever. Use the increased positive attention to your advantage at work by pitching your new ideas or asking for that promotion.
Did you just see Dunkirk and are like, mmm I feel like I need a trip to Europe? Just me? Okay. Well, anyway, your desires to travel and explore are heightened over the next four weeks. If a trip is out of the question, a new subject will spark your interest as you’ll be motivated to learn more about it. The stars are basically aligned perfectly to make you adventurous. That means your desire to try new things in the bedroom is also at an all-time high. Don’t watch 50 Shades, if you can help it. Or do. IDC.
The next few weeks are super intense for you. Like, everything around you seems to be operating at a higher level of intensity. Relationships are dramatic. Shit at work seems to be high-priority and always on a deadline. There’s a decent chance something comes up that you thought was already handled. Make like Olivia Pope and handle that shit again. Fortunately, fair, loving Venus is returning to your sign so things are starting to look up after this week.
Is your name Cleopatra? Because you’re the Queen of Denial starting this week and lasting through the next month. Resist the urge to text your ex to “give things another chance” because you feel like the reason you broke up wasn’t that important. It was. He’s shitty. You’re in denial about the past and it’s important you keep moving forward over the next four weeks and not take steps back. The good news for you is that Venus and Mercury are starting to work together in your favor, making you motivated to work hard-ish and reap the benefits of your efforts.