We’ve already established that Easter is pretty lit as far as holidays go. I mean how can you not love a holiday that’s based around brunch, chocolate appetizers, and talking about the dudes in your life who sacrifice things for you? TBH it’s what I was planning to do on Sunday anyway.
Easter is also the one holiday in which a lonely boy from Brooklyn gets to dress like an Upper East Sider and no one can talk shit about it. Seriously it’s like Easter is low-key sponsored by Lily Pulitzer and the guy who went to formal with me one year who tried to bring back visors.
And because people think they can live above their station and embrace their inner Gossip Girl, they try and get bold with their beauty looks. Whether it’s to personally offend their grandmothers at church or to show their ex-boyfriend from high school that they’re still hot AF (I’m going with the latter) the extras of the world will be doing the most this Sunday so brace yourselves. If you’re reading this right now and questioning if you too are a little extra then you probably are and I will be judging you. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Here are some dos and don’ts for looking extra on Easter:
DO: Go For The Subtle, Natural Face Makeup
The goal of Easter is to look virginal and innocent and not like the orange juice in your hand rn is 90% Champagne. This is so Jesus and your mother can rest easy knowing that they didn’t sacrifice everything for the type of person who likes to black out on Thursdays and only uses the term “Jesus Christ” when they wake up in a hideous stranger’s bed. And nothing says “I didn’t give it up my first week of college” than a fresh-faced look. Stick to concealer and a light foundation for your face makeup and use cream blushes in warm peaches or pinks to give your skin that subtly flushed look. Top off the look with neutral eye shadows to give off some I-woke-up-like-this vibes.
DON’T: Show Up With A Full-On Contoured Face
The last thing I want to fucking see at 9am mass is your contoured face while I’m trying not to look hungover AF in front of my grandmother. It’s not what I want and it’s not what Jesus would have wanted either. Keep that shit for your Instagram story where it belongs.
DO: Make A Statement With Your Sunglasses
If there was ever a time to have an Olsen twins moment it’s Easter fucking Sunday. Not only do statement sunglasses hide your disdain for your ex’s new girlfriend and her tacky-ass floral dress, but they’ll also make you look chic and put together.
DON’T: Show Up In A Floppy Fucking Hat
Outside of the beach or your travel Instagram account, floppy hats are not fucking okay to wear. First of all, it’s impractical. Unlike your sunnies, which will block out the sun and all the haters, floppy hats don’t block shit and only accentuate your RBF. Which is great for intimidating new members at the sisterhood beach retreat, but on Easter will probs have your mom threatening to take away your extra data plan.
Secondly, wearing a floppy hat is just fucking rude. As someone who barely gets above five feet wearing four-inch heels I already can’t see shit in a group sitting setting. Throw in a floppy hat and you’re just telling me to go fuck myself because I’m now going to spend the next 60 minutes staring at the back of your fucking hat instead of making eyes with the cute guy in the pew a few rows over. It’s sabotage and it’s going in my personal burn book.
DO: Wear A Bold Lip
If you’re feeling the urge to piss off your mother be bold with your look then my advice is to channel your inner Blair Waldorf and get bold with your lip game. While the dark, vampy lip color we know and love is usually our go-to, stick to the pinks and reds for Easter. It’s classic and because it’s on the pink/red color wheel your mom can’t say shit about it. Blessings.
DON’T: Get Bold With Your Eye Makeup
Now is not the time to try out a makeup trend that will have your priest questioning if you have conjunctivitis. This just screams “I’m an attention whore” and not in a cute way. Seriously, mass is only 60 minutes long. I need that time to thank Jesus for his sacrifices and also get his thoughts on this guy I’ve been seeing who “doesn’t like labels.” I don’t need to spend those precious moments trying not to go into a rage blackout.
Honestly, spring is the absolute worst season to dress for. For some reason, everyone expects you to wear gross stuff like colors and floral prints, despite the fact that black is, and always will be, the only acceptable color. Plus, the weather is as unpredictable as the answer you’ll give your roommate when she invites you to drink on a Tuesday (you never know whether or not your desire to sleep or your desire to drink will be stronger on any given day). Because none of us are meteorologists or Karen Smith, we have no idea what the weather will be like during all of the spring holidays. Like, yeah sure there’s literally an app on your phone that tells you the weather every day, but who remembers to check it? In case it’s freezing, or you end up at the home of a menopausal relative who cranks the AC no matter what season it is, here’s what to wear in spring so you dont have to be that one person who is always complaining about how cold they are.
1. A Non-Wintery Sweater
Obviously, when it’s cold, all you want to do is wear a giant sweater and avoid talking to people. Unfortunately, you can probably only get away with one of those things on Easter and Passover. To avoid looking the exact same as you did in all of your drunk winter holiday Snapchats, go for a sweater that’s definitely warm and cozy, but with a spring-ish silhouette, like this off-the-shoulder sweater from Aritzia.
2. A Jumpsuit
Jumpsuits are like, the ultimate power betch outfit because they show that you’re the kind of person who is confident enough to get completely naked everytime you have to go to the bathroom. A velvet jumpsuit is the ideal thing to wear for one of the last cold occasions of the season because it’s not like, so wintery that you’ll look like you shouldn’t be allowed to dress yourself, but it’ll probably be one of the last times you can wear it. Think of it like you’re hooking up with your college boyfriend during alumni weekend. Like, he’s not the worst, but you’re pretty much a grown-up now and this is the last acceptable time to do it, so you’re kind of obliged to.
3. Printed Pants
I know I literally just said floral prints are disgusting, but every rule (besides thou shalt not Instagram two selfies in a row) has a few exceptions. These black cigarette pants won’t make it look like the Lilly Pulitzer agenda you bought but never wrote anything down in came back to haunt you. You can pair the right printed pant with plenty of warm layers, like a black turtleneck, and still look like you’re vaguely aware of the fact that it’s April.
