If you say Paris Hilton isn’t secretly your idol, you’re lying. Her face is on foreign sparkling wine and plastered on giant portraits throughout her house so she can just look at herself. Her five dogs have their own fucking mansion, for god’s sake. She is the one who made it cute to carry a small dog in your purse. She is the probably one who made you buy (and bedazzle) your RAZR flip phone. She is the reason why you find good lighting to take a selfie. And, she easily makes millions a day just by saying trademarked one liners. I’m not telling you to consider making a viral sex tape, but I’m saying you should consider making a viral sex tape.
In a recent interview with W Magazine, Paris basically says she is the shit and she knows it. She blatantly said she’s the one who apparently “invented the selfie.” She made mini denim skirts happen and she is the reason why Juicy Couture is a thing. It’s obvious what Paris says goes, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the Blackberry or Sidekick made a comeback.
Because Paris loves us so much and wants us all to look cute, here are the best trends the queen of the 2000s says you should still be wearing from “the hottest years in fashion”:
1. Track Suits
The more embellishments, the better. Make sure they’re colorful so that you look more fashionable than workout ready. Looking like you’re actually going to the gym is not acceptable. Kylie Jenner rocked a tracksuit from
<a data-cke-saved-href=”https://www.mytheresa.com/en-us/x-juicy-couture-velour-track-pants-735419.html?catref=category&utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.linkshare.uk&siteID=TnL5HPStwNw-EyLTUzdo8xUzDiZy8i5tgQ&utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.linkshare.uk&siteID=TnL5HPStwNw-UlBTUwMx9NXpib4Mt0v8ew” href=”https://www.mytheresa.com/en-us/x-juicy-couture-velour-track-pants-735419.html?catref=category&utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.linkshare.uk&siteID=TnL5HPStwNw-EyLTUzdo8xUzDiZy8i5tgQ&utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.linkshare.uk&siteID=TnL5HPStwNw-UlBTUwMx9NXpib4Mt0v8ew” font-weight:=”” normal;”=””>Juicy Couture Velour Filagree Crown Original Jacket
2. Graphic Tees
Graphic tees such as this one are great for showing everyone what’s on your mind. Find one that really speaks to you and will show off just how philosophical you can be.
Or this one:
3. Mini Skirt
Guys, it’s really happening. Thanks to the current denim craze that reminds me of the Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears days, denim mini skirts are making a comeback. Embrace the cringe-worthy high school fashion and the days we binge watched Laguna Beach. Sex it up with over the knee boots or low chunky heel sandals. Own that mini skirt, work that mini skirt.
4. Millennial Pink
It’s the color of your favorite blush palette and the Insta-worthy Pink Drink from Starbucks. It’s been around for the past few years and it’s definitely not going away anytime soon. The controversial term (because in this day and age, this is apparently worth arguing over) is not a single color, but a range of light pink shades that include salmon and a pale blush. After
clicking on two Google links extensive research, the shade of pink includes some sort of subliminal political message regarding like, the rules of feminism. True betches wear this color at least once a week so, every Wednesday, don’t forget. Or else.
5. Rhinestones. So. Many. Rhinestones.
According to Princess Paris, there is no such thing as too much bling. Anything with rhinestones is worth wearing. A thick rhinestone choker is the perfect essential to add glam and turn heads because you just really like (and need) attention.
6. Trendy Baseball Cap
Paris says trucker hats are still cool but honestly, a trucker hat reminds me of those assholes who go to raves wearing neon from head to toe, and a lame fucking shirt that says something like, “party with sluts.” I’m going to go ahead and say it’s a no from me on that one. Opt for a cute, light baseball cap instead that has some inspirational quote on it. Wear it on the days you’re too lazy to wash your hair or to buy more dry shampoo.
7. Crop Tops With Low-Rise Jeans
Low-rise jeans bring me back to a time I never want to go back to. I don’t advise anyone wearing this tacky combo tbh, because that’s just really pushing it. If you must, settle for distressed mid-rise skinny jeans so that way, they’re basically not where your thong is. If you’ve always wanted to channel “Dirrty” Christina Aguilera, this would be the perfect time to get away with it.
We all remember Gossip Girl, the show about rich prep school kids in New York City based on a book about rich prep school kids in New York City that made you wish more than anything in the world that you were a rich prep school kid in New York City. For five full years, Gossip Girl was there to teach us witty comebacks and give us unrealistic expectations of what a high school sophomore should look like. Ever since the show went off the air in 2012, we’ve been just waiting for the day when the cast would say “We’re out of money and ready to do a reunion.” And while we haven’t seen Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass) or Chace Crawford (Nate Archibald) since they walked off set for the last day of shooting (if anyone has seen them, btw, please contact the authorities. Their families miss them very much), other GG cast members have like, lives and careers and shit that might preclude them from diving back into the series that made them famous.
Because, let’s face it, without Gossip Girl you’d have literally no idea who Taylor Momsen is, and you’d think Leighton Meester was just some store at the mall.
Blake Lively, on the other hand, has managed to maintain a career and a life post-Gossip Girl. Getting married and having babies and shit. Making her the least likely to return and reprise her role as Serena van der Woodsen, despite the fact that starring in the film The Age Of Adaline hardly counts as a thriving acting career.
Lucky for us Gossip Girl fans, Blake Lively told Variety that she’s at least moderately DTPSVDWA—Down To Play Serena Van Der Woodsen Again—provided that she can work it in with the aforementioned “husband and babies and shit.” I think I speak for literally everyone when I say, “If Blake Lively needs a babysitter, I volunteer as tribute.”
“It sort of all depends,”
Serena Blake said, “Would I do seven years of the show? No, because it’s hard work and I’ve got my babies, and I don’t want to be away from them that much. But I’ve learned in life you never say never. I’m looking to do something I haven’t done yet, not something that I did. But would I do that? Who knows? If it was good, if it made sense. We had so much fun shooting and living and working in New York City.”
This sounds like a pretty soft no until you discover that “I’m looking to do something I haven’t done yet, not something I did” are the exact words you said last weekend before booty calling your ex. So what I’m saying is, there’s hope. Though, who can predict what Blake Lively will do? The woman named her daughters “James” and “Ines,” for Christ sake.