Today we’re talking about Sun-In aka the product you begged your mom to buy you and the one friend you were allowed to bring on your 7th grade family vacation trip. Being super tan and super blonde was the ultimate in the early 00s and every true betch knew that the only way to look like an extra on The O.C. was to spend your allowance Daddy’s money on some Sun-In. It was the ultimate beach accessory along with your Juicy Couture cover up and RAZR flip phone, obviously.
Surprisingly, Sun-In is still a legitimate business and did not stop existing after middle school. Though the branding does still appear to target people who were born before 1985. #TheMoreYouKnow.
But let’s take a closer look at the ingredients, shall we? A huge selling point I made to my mother was that this was a “natural” product so I wasn’t actually dyeing my hair or otherwise permanently fucking it up. Lol. Sun-In is about as natural for your hair as, say, the #nofilter caption is on Ariel Winter’s Instagram photos. Which is to say, that it’s really not fucking natural. Though there are a ton of ingredients in it that sound natural (re: Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, lemon juice, flower extract, etc.) that’s only to hide the fact that this product has more hydrogen peroxide in it than Kim Kardashian had to restock in Paris Hilton’s bathroom.
But my favorite part about this product was that it was low-key sabotage to any of my brunette betches. As someone whose genes are 95% German and 5% more pale AF European ancestry, I receive nothing but sympathetic looks from people when I bare my skin at the beach. But Sun-In gave me blonde AF hair in the summer, which seemed to balance out the fact that I was slowly morphing into the red power ranger.
But with great
power hair comes great responsibility and I definitely used this product for evil to fuck with my friends. Because while Sun-In was responsible for giving me #beachgoals hair, it was also responsible for my brunette BFF starting high school with orange hair. Oops. Like what was I supposed to do, read the WARNING label that said “DO NOT USE IF YOU’RE A BRUNETTE”? Please, I’m on fucking vacation. Duh.
Nothing about today’s high schoolers is natural, so you’d think Sun-In would be v popular with the kids these days but sadly nah. Sun-In is living on the same sad Walgreen’s shelf as hair crimpers and chunky highlighter kits. RIP. Can we blame the cool moms of America for this? The ones who DGAF about letting their kids dye their hair straight out of the womb? Lucky bitches. But I mean kids these days are also, like, getting entirely new faces *cough, cough—Kylie Jenner—cough* so what’s a little hair dye added to the mix?
While I guess I’m glad beauty products have evolved from this ratchet of a standard, I am sad that there won’t be any more orange mistakes walking around in this world. You know, other than the one who runs our country. *bangs head against keyboard*
I have had it up to here *gestures to practically empty wine bottle* with high schoolers and beauty bloggers on Instagram trying to trend-set the weirdest shit they can Google. I mean, tattooing fake freckles on your face? Lisa Frank makeup? Super long hair extensions? Fine, I get that one. Celebs are doing it and celebs are really just 14-year-olds with massive bank accounts. But this latest one, rainbow hair roots? I’m all about switching up your look but I draw a firm line at hair that rivals a preschooler’s artwork.
Rainbow roots are apparently the latest in spring hair trends and I would bet my unnecessarily complicated Starbucks drink order that mermaid- and unicorn-obsessed hipsters are at the forefront of this trend. This is what it looks like (brace yourselves):
And the worst part is the internet actually seems to be into this look. DON’T FALL FOR THE HIPSTER PROPAGANDA, PEOPLE. I mean, can you imagine if someone you know and love showed up to brunch with hair like this? Shudders.
For once America isn’t the one
fucking up starting an asinine hair trend. Instead we have the Aussies to blame for this, specifically the blondies of Melbourne Salon. It seems impossible that the same country that brought us the Hemsworth brothers could also be responsible for starting this hair monstrosity, but since they’ve literally started nothing else it kind of makes sense (stop trying to make Vegemite happen).
In what I can only assume was some sort of Regina George Plastics hazing ritual gone awry, the Blondies of Melbourne managed to convince some poor lower-level client (I assume) to play guinea pig for them while they presented to the world the modern day Ronald McDonald look (FYI that’s the only name I’ll refer to this hair trend by from here on out). In an Instagram hair tutorial that went viral, the Aussie’s took their
victim client from pixie cut to hair that says “my employer definitely thinks I’m on acid.”
Hidden Rainbow Roots: The Latest Hair Color Trend to Lose Your Mind Over https://t.co/4T6P2oQzPf pic.twitter.com/kwf9xXTk4d
— Cosmopolitan (@Cosmopolitan) March 28, 2017
If you’re attempting this look because A) you’re having a quarter life crisis and want to fit in with the youths or B) you want to start shit with me on Instagram, then for the love of god do not attempt this look at home. You will fuck it up and I will not hesitate to anonymously blast you for it online from the safety of my home.
You should consult your stylist—and also maybe your therapist—immediately before considering this look. The look itself is a pretty easy process. Stylists bleach just the roots of your hair and then apply a variety of colors in a
fuck me up fam “rainbow-like” manner, leaving the top layers untouched. The result being subtle on the outside, batshit on the inside. A description taken directly from my Bumble profile. Something to keep in mind before taking on this look is that growing out the dye will be a bitch. But something tells me that the type of person who takes on this hair trend is also the type of person who takes on other time-consuming projects like clean eating and turning fuckboys into boyfriend material. LOL.
Beauty experts are calling this the “perfect look” for Bonnaroo or Coachella this summer, but I’m calling it perfect fodder for your future children to mercilessly mock you with. Better get on this trend quick because I have a feeling it’s going to fade faster than your vacation Instagram story.