The Official State Of The Union Drinking Game

Tonight marks Trump’s first State of the Union address, and it’s pretty safe to say that the whole country will be watching to see how off the rails he goes from any eloquent, planned script his speechwriters are desperately hoping he reads. Because no one should ever have to tolerate a self-important former reality star delivering any sort of important speech for more than the length of an Instagram story, here’s a drinking game to help you cope. Cheers, betches!

Take A Sip When

·      Trump mentions DACA, Dreamers, or immigrants.

·      Trump uses the words “big,” “huge,” “tremendous,” “excellent,” or “of all time.”

·      Someone in the audience is low-key sleeping. 

·      Trump mentions how many jobs he is going to create – by taxing clean energy sources and increasing infrastructure construction.

·      Trump brags about how he’s doing a great job as president.

·      You remember he is doing the opposite of a great job as president.

·      Paul Ryan’s hair peak is sharper than your winged eyeliner.

·      We cut to one of Trump’s guests in the audience and they look awkward af. 

·      Bernie Sanders (or any Democrat) looks furious. 

·      Trump stops to take a sip of water using both of his hands – you must use both hands with your drink as well.

Take A Shot If

·      Trump is actually wearing a red MAGA hat, or a MAGA hat is seen in the crowd. 

·      You spot Melania giving the two-blink signal to come and save her from this hell smiling and pretending to give a fuck.

·      You remember Obama’s eloquence and mourn the fact that he won’t be giving any more of these speeches.

·      Trump makes any mention of how healthy and fit he is.

·      Trump openly drags Kim Jong Un or threatens North Korea again.

·      Trump stops in the middle of his speech to tweet in real-time.

Chug When

·      Trump mentions the Tax Bill.

·      Trump repeatedly insists on our need for a wall – and take an extra sip if he assures us that Mexico will pay for it.

·      Trump blames China for anything/everything.

·      You hear the pitter-patter of rich, white men clapping.

·      Mike Pence nods along in the background like a porcelain doll bobblehead.

·      Trump tells a blatant lie.

Finish Your Drink When

·      Rep. Joe Kennedy (D-Mass) just throws his hands up in a “does anything matter anymore?” gesture as his response to the address.

·      You remember that we have 3 more years of this and declare it necessary to be blackout for the remainder of his term in office (just remember to fight through the hangover and sober up for Midterm Elections!!!).

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

The Thanksgiving Drinking Game That Will Get You Through Dinner Without Killing Your Family

There’s nothing you’ll crave quite so much at Thanksgiving as alcohol. Between the constant questions from family members about your love life, your social media presence, when you’re going to start ruining your life with kids, and how it looks like you gained weight, you’ll be demanding a shot (or six) by hour two.

Luckily, we’ve found the perfect Thanksgiving drinking games for you—one that’ll ensure you’re blackout (or nearly) by the time dinner is over. You’ll thank us when your blurred vision prevents you from giving a strong bitch face to Aunt May when she asks you about that nice young man you brought last year.

Take A Drink Whenever…

· Someone says the turkey is “moist”


· Someone says the turkey is dry

· Someone unbuttons their pants and discusses it

That 70s Show

·  Gramma says something racist/sexist/homophobic and everyone laughs awkwardly

· Someone says they feel bad for the people working tonight/Black Friday—take two swigs if that’s followed up by someone saying they can’t WAIT to hit the Black Friday sales

Black Friday

· Someone passes out before dessert

· Someone asks you about having kids

· Someone brings a healthy side and is promptly made fun of but you secretly kind of want some

Finish Your Drink When…

· Someone brings up Trump or politics in general and a fight ensues

· Someone asks you what a “meme” is


· Someone asks if you’re “seeing someone special”

· Someone asks about “what you’re doing now,” so you explain your job in detail, and they still don’t get it


· Someone—especially if older—tries to take a selfie at the dinner table

· You’re forced to say what you’re thankful for

· An argument breaks out about whether or not the turkey is done

· You want to literally die

Happy Thanksgiving, betches!

Read: 11 Controversy-Free Topics For Thanksgiving
The Betches Official Super Bowl LI Drinking Game

If there’s anything the Super Bowl is good for, it’s getting fucked up on a random Sunday in February. And while we pretend to give a shit about football strictly for the hot guys in tight pants, this Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons offers a pretty good alternative to get moderately excited about football.

As with all Betch-approved drinking games, this game wasn’t designed to give you a light buzz. You’re going to get fucked up, and you’re going to likely call out of work sick the next day (which some of our fellow Americans—including John Kasich—actually believe should be a federal holiday, but I digress).

So let’s get started.

Football-Related Rules:


Pick a team, either the Tom Brady’s Patriots or the Falcons. Whenever this team scores, you will drink the number of seconds for how many points are scored. So, like, touchdowns will be super exciting (that’s six points, so six seconds of chugging). Sip when your team scores any of the following:

If you have no idea wtf any of those things are, ask the nearest male.

And that’s enough football talk for the year. Bye.

Hot Guy Rules:

Whenever the following happens, take one sip:

Tom Brady

Julio Jones

Take a shot if:

Jimmy Garoppolo

Miscellaneous Drinking:

Take a sip whenever:

Puppy Bowl


Take a shot whenever:

You realize you have to go to work tomorrow. And then don’t stop drinking.

Related: The Hottest Players Of Super Bowl LI

DGAF about football? Us either tbh. That’s why we’re throwing a Super Bowl party, which you should follow on Facebook Live and Instagram Live—we’ll be doing fun shit like games and a Q&A with Jared Freid. Be sure to tune in to our post-halftime show, immediately following the halftime show (whenever that is).