In reasons-to-drink-wine news, a new study has confirmed that, once again, drinking a shit ton of red wine is totally great for you! Take that, mom. According to Bravo, our source of D-list celebrity fights, totally real housewives, and million-dollar homes we can’t afford, a new study claims that red wine can actually aid in preventing dementia.
Before you play a personal game of slap the bag, let us explain. According to a UCLA study, a group of people who were already kinda dealing with the whole putting-keys-in-the-refrigerator thing were placed in a study. About half of them were given some red wine. In a Twilight Zone turn of events, those who drank the red wine showed LESS of a decrease in brain function than those who had no red wine. Thus, the fancy scientists determined that red wine is a miracle drug and will help Gramma remember shit a lot better.
Of course, there have to be tons more studies and science and boring shit to TRULY prove this, but it’s definitely hopeful. Because there were only 10 people in the study, it’s kind of hard to say that red wine is 100% responsible for helping. But, on the other hand, red wine is already held up as being healthy af in terms of being an anti-inflammatory and antioxidant rich. Add on the fact that it may help slow “cognitive decline” and we don’t need another excuse to buy six cases of it right now. All that considered, it isn’t too much of a reach to say it can prevent the sad turn of events that made that bitch from The Notebook lose her mind during a totally cute dinner and dance sesh with old Ryan Gosling.
Jim McAleer, president and CEO of Alzheimer’s Orange County, said in an interview with The Feast, “Red wine has been shown … to help the heart, so it is reasonable to think it may help brain health by lowering stress, reducing cholesterol, etc. …” He of course went on to be a total party pooper/Debbie Downer and said to not START drinking just for health benefits. Obviously, that doesn’t apply to any of us since we a) know our wines and b) have been drinking since we learned about alcohol.