Is it just me or is bathing suit shopping more stressful than wedding dress shopping? At least the dressing rooms at bridal boutiques don’t deploy meth lab lighting or mirrors that convince me I’m a chubby ghost who should just lead with my personality when I meet people. Look, when it comes to donning a bathing suit, I think every woman should wear whatever makes her feel her sexiest, but for me, that’s def not a string bikini that exposes a casual 97% of my translucently pale body. Don’t get me wrong, I like my body, but that doesn’t mean I want to focus all of my beach/pool time silently praying that my SoulCycle ass doesn’t swallow my bikini bottoms. Enter: high-waisted bathing suits!
Do you guys know about high-waisted bathing suits? I’ve always ignored these because they can look very diaper-esque if worn incorrectly. But there are some people out there who demonstrate the beautiful magic of high-waisted bathing suits, and I am here for them! There are so many flattering, non-diaper, high-waisted bikini bottoms out there, and if you don’t have the energy (or time) to sift through them all, I got you. Whether you’re thin, curvy, tall, or short (or any of the other 102 body types out there), accentuating your waist is always a good idea. These high-waisted bathing suits don’t look like diapers, I promise you.
J.Crew Seamless High-Waisted Bikini Bottom In Seersucker With Trim, $58
J.Crew slays bathing suits. This blue-and-white striped number is no exception. How cute is this thing, people? I always like to incorporate pale colors and/or white into my suits because lighter shades—especially white—make you look tanner than you are. As someone who actually wears a foundation shade called “Ivory,” I can confirm that I don’t look like a corpse in light-colored swimwear. No matter what skin tone you are, this color combo will def flatter your complexion and figure. Plus, this subtle red moment is giving me all the life I’ll ever need. Yes, J.Crew, yes.
Beach Riot Highway Ribbed Bikini Bottom, $92
While trying on thousands of bikinis, I noticed that aggressive patterns weren’t working for me. This could just be because my look already has a lot going on so patterns aren’t really my vibe, but like a wedding dress, bathing suits shouldn’t have too many elements because said elements take away from the shape. This Beach Riot bikini has the right idea, though. It has enough going on with the stripes, bold colors, and sexy shape, but doesn’t overpower anyone wearing it. Most important to note, it’s ribbed
for her pleasure. Contrary to my summer internships at fashion houses, which, on a scale of Arya Stark’s Faceless Men of Braavos apprenticeship to loving life, was a solid three, I’m not a fashion expert. However, I can confidently say that any simple shape or bright colors should be complemented by a ribbed material, otherwise it kind of looks like a sports bra.
Dolce Vita Stella High Waist Bottom in Black, $68
Concerning facial expression aside, this model looks absolutely fierce in this studded ensemble. I am living for the subtle sparkle and overall simple vibe here. Idk about y’all, but I will def be purchasing. The straps are removable (bless), so you can wear this as a tube top until you get sick of pulling it up every time you move, like, at all. I stan. Secondly, these bottoms are simple and chill enough that you can wear pretty much any top with them and not look like a complete idiot. I’ll take it in all the colors, please!
Zaful Banana Striped Lace Up Tankini Swimsuit, $20.99
If you don’t want to spend more on a bikini than you would on dinner, Zaful has your back. As its prices imply, the bathing suits and other clothing it sells aren’t exactly couture, but they get the job done and look cute in pics. The patterns are as trendy as trendy can get (just take a look at their Instagram if you don’t believe me) and this mix-and-match situation is no exception. I never thought I could rock flowers and stripes in one look, but here we are and I’m not mad about it. I bought one of these saucy numbers last year for a beach trip and it def did not last the entire summer (do not machine wash, people!), but if you just want to boost your swimsuit collection for trips to the Hamptons, Rehoboth Beach if you’re poor (hi), or Mexican bach parties, Zaful is the move. It may not be a huge financial investment, but it’s an investment in your Instagram, and what’s more important than that?
Aerie High Waisted Bikini Bottom in Black, $12.47
I love AE’s mission statement to be inclusive, chic and fun. Like, I want to be those things, please! Teach me your ways, AE. Anyway, a simple black bikini is such a good call because black is slimming, which we could all use as we prance around the pool without any clothes, amiright? IMHO, what makes this look non-diaper-like is the fact that it is has seams along the sides and is slightly ruched. Otherwise, these bottoms would just be like black Spanx without Spanx’s magical powers to hold all your sh*t in. So the ruched aspect is v important here. It’s also on 50% off rn, so make it rain on these sales.
Images: Unsplash; Aerie; Zaful; Bloomingdales; Dolce Vita; J.Crew
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