Yes, We Have To Accept Joe Biden

I have been mad at Joe Biden for forever.

I’m the kind of person who remembers that he called Obama “articulate and clean” for a Black candidate, that he let Clarence Thomas escape during confirmation hearings, and that Biden bragged as recently as 2019 that white supremacists really liked him as a Senate colleague. In short: I am not now and have never been impressed.

But as the President launches his reelection campaign, I am here to tell you that we have to let him win.

We shouldn’t try to get fellow Democrats to rally for separate candidacies, or throw their weight behind token opposition. We shouldn’t call for debates or feel shortchanged by the political goliath that is incumbency. I don’t say that because I care about Joe Biden. It’s because I care about the Democratic Party.

Many of us youngins came to politics of our own volition. We were pulled into self-governance by the lure of a candidate or campaign that really spoke to us. We live and die on that candidate; we learn the nuances of campaigns from their survival or collapse; we figure out our own political priorities through following or volunteering or connecting with their candidacy. But we don’t learn any history.

So as someone raised in politics, let me throw some out at you. Because my support for Joe Biden’s campaign has nothing to do with Joe himself and everything to do with Ronald Reagan.

To start at the beginning: It is 1974 and Gerald Ford has just taken over as POTUS because Richard Nixon resigned. Ronald Reagan is the popular conservative governor of California (yeah), who has been encouraged to run for president before. He passed because, well, Nixon was an obvious winner. But in 1976, he takes his shot against incumbent Gerry Ford.

It’s a brutal primary. Even though Ford prevails, he’s badly damaged heading into November, especially with the unpopular Nixon pardon hanging around his neck. He loses to Jimmy Carter.

Four years later — after stagflation, an oil embargo, and a hostage crisis — Carter is the incumbent under fire. Ted Kennedy (yup) takes a shot at unseating him. There are a lot of problems with Ted Kennedy’s run (not least that he couldn’t answer why he was running), but the biggest might be how he hurt Carter in his ultimate race against the easily triumphant Ronald Reagan. 

While the final results in 1980 look like an obvious blowout, it’s not entirely that simple. Reagan won just over half of the popular vote (50.7 percent), while Carter’s support fell out at 41 percent. It turns out that getting attacked from both sides is a super terrible way to rally voters. And while Reagan’s win might have been inevitable – what with the illegal coordination with foreign nationals to influence domestic politics (ahem) – Carter’s loss is still a textbook example of why you don’t attack incumbents.

So no, I don’t like Joe Biden and probably never will. I didn’t vote for him last primary season and definitely prefer the idea of an alternative. But I’m behind his reelection campaign 100%, no holds barred. Because I have learned from American political history, and I have no interest in repeating it.

The Democratic Party Tried To Make A ‘Mean Girls’ Reference And It Was Embarrassing Af

Ugh, we’re so sorry to have to tell you this, but the Democratic Party attempted to make a Mean Girls reference and they didn’t even ask for our help. Rude.

I think we can all agree that Mean Girls quotes in reference to the bomb cyclone that is our current government are only okay when The Betches Sup say it.

The Democrats took a shot at Photoshop, and it turned out just like every time your mom tries to use emojis — literally nothing made sense and you were reminded anyone over the age of 30 should not be allowed near technology.

The Democratic Party tweeted out an edited copy of the Mean Girls DVD cover starring Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, and Mitch McConnell on their present meeting at Camp David. Sorry in advance for what you are about to see.

Dems, we get that you’re trying to get on our level, but next time maybe consult with us before embarrassing yourselves and bringing dishonor to the Mean Girls dynasty. Dishonor on your whole family, dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow (peppered in a Mulan quote to showcase our range).

Casual reminder to the Democratic Party that we are avail for taking down the GOP one Mean Girls reference at a time — it’s literally what we are here for.

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