Hey friends, long time, no talk (shit about Taylor Swift)! Taylor dropped her the “Delicate” music video on Sunday evening, so naturally I had to fire up the old YouTube and see for myself what our favorite relatable icon has been cooking up. The song itself is one of the least terrible songs on Reputation, but the “Delicate” music video is a fucking doozy. Buckle up betches, because the Taylor Swift Crazy Train is going full speed ahead.
The majority of the video takes place in like, a fancy train station lobby or a hotel or some shit like that. IDK, I wasn’t trying that hard to figure it out. Taylor actually looks good in a blue fringe gown and a slick ponytail with bangs, but everything else she’s doing in the music video is highly questionable. For the first part of the video, Taylor is being ignored by everyone around her, and she’s never looked so needy, which is saying something. In some sort of dressing room (seriously, where is this taking place?), she gets ignored by a group of models who are dressed like extras from Gossip Girl season one, which is extra funny because Taylor Swift literally built an entire friend group of supermodels.
Whilst in the dressing room, we are also subjected to a full 13 seconds of Taylor making funny faces at herself in the mirror, but I can assure you that it feels like a fucking hour and a half. I’m barely getting paid enough for this not to turn it off.
Completely shooketh from her experience in the dressing room, Taylor heads back to the lobby, where she decides, once and for all, that she has zero fucks to give. After getting ignored by some bodyguards, Taylor rips off the bottom two layers of fringe from her dress, which leaves her with only three layers of fringe. Yeah girl, you show ’em!! Nothing says “I’m a badass” like a dress that juuuuust barely breaks the dress code that we had at my middle school. Proud of her.
She starts dancing around while everyone still ignores her, and it’s like a cross between an amateur production of West Side Story and rejected choreography from a Sia video. Taylor is no Maddie Ziegler, that’s for sure. The dancing goes on for a really long time, and I feel like I’m not exaggerating that much when I say that my wheelchair-bound grandma is probably a better dancer than Taylor Swift. Too far? See Taylor, look what you made me do.
Taylor dances some more in a subway station, and I’d just like to point out that she is fully barefoot at this point. I swear to god, if I ever even thought about walking on a subway platform without wearing shoes, I’d catch a million diseases known to man and several known only to rats. After crawling onto a train, Taylor takes this party to the streets. She dances in the rain like this is her audition tape for the La La Land sequel, but Emma Stone could do better in a blindfold and a straitjacket.
The climactic moment of the video is supposed to be the very end when Taylor walks into a bar (which sounds like the beginning of a very bad joke, so I guess it’s fitting) and people finally acknowledge her presence, but I will choose, instead, to focus on the moment when Taylor drops into the splits on the hood of a car. WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? First of all, I’m impressed with her flexibility, considering that she usually gives off more of a robot/cardboard vibe. But also, like, why? Is Taylor just letting her thot side out? Is she really committing to this delusional idea that she’s a ~dancer~ now? I have no clue, but the “Delicate” music video will keep me awake tonight.
Images: Giphy (2)